These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
I had always believed that there is a scientific explanation for any "odd" experiences people have. I always knew it was just people's beliefs making these things happen. I had always considered myself sensible enough to know that there is a reasonable explanation for anything until I went into the hospital for a routine operation and had an out-of-body experience. It was the most frightening, perplexing and amazing thing that has ever happened to me.
By Anonymous on Friday, December 5, 2003 - 08:22 am:
My experience came to me in a dream at the age of 12. I am now 35. Writing about this has been difficult over the years. Mainly because my experience was so "out of this world" extraordinary. I've always said that there are not enough words to describe the feeling of pure unconditional love and knowledge. And although my experience was not a result of a clinical death or trauma, I clearly identify with those who have traveled to the World of Light and Love, a place I like to call "HOME".
My dream begins in a Department Store. I am walking with school friends when suddenly I become dizzy and disoriented. I fall to the floor. The next thing I remember is looking down upon my body. I clearly see my face, then glance over to see and hear a sales clerk scream "call an ambulance!" As I slowly ascend towards the ceiling, I see people rushing over from the rows of clothing to observe the commotion. Then a bright flash of white light takes me instantly to my bedroom closet at home.
I am in my bedroom closet, looking out into my room. My parents are sitting on my bed, packing my things, when my Mom begins to cry. I wanted so desperately to reach out to her and tell that I am okay. I knew I was in my spirit body because they didn't know I was there. After watching them for a while I decided to say goodbye.
Another flash of light instantly takes me to my school. I am sitting on the bleachers of my gymnasium watching my class play battleball :o). As I sat there I remember wanting to share this with them and to tell them that I was okay.
Another flash of light comes, only this time it felt like the Light consumed me. Here I was, surrounded by the most magnificent white light. A light that radiated beauty and everything good. Unlike sunlight, this light was comforting and soothing. It was the most profound plane of existence known only to those who have witnessed it themselves. I was then greeted by a group of spiritual beings with whom I instantly recognized as those I had known in other lifetimes, or from HOME. Probably because nobody close to me had died in my 12 years of life. I was overjoyed to be reunited with them and a little surprised. Like giving a puppy to a child, I was happy, relieved and never felt so loved.
At this point, my experience becomes a little vague. I feel like a part of my memory was blocked. But the next thing I knew I was being taken by my group to meet someone very important. I remember an enormous rush of energy and suddenly I was in the presence of The Divine One. To describe it in a physical sense, I remember falling to one knee and bowing my head. This being of Light spoke to me and explained that it was not yet my time and that I must go back. A feather soft motion of love passed through me as he gently touched the top of my head, waking me, back in my bed.
I must have laid there for what seemed to be hours, basking in the feeling of the love and light. I'll never forget how beautiful it was. Today, in deep meditation, I can still partially feel it, although it has faded over the years. Being adopted and never knowing my biological family, I am relieved to know that I have an extended spiritual family who await my return HOME.
Since this experience, I have had a number of bizarre coincidences and an out of body experience while in the recovery room after minor surgery. But nothing in my life thus far compares to the gift I was given at the age of 12. It has carried me through some difficult times and blessed me with the knowledge that life does exist after death. Unlike other stories I have read, my experience was not in any way religious in context. The love I have seen knows no boundary or separation in belief or culture. We are all descendants of the One Great Love.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:33 pm:
Well I'm not sure. Leading up to it people kept coming back into my life. Friends from 20 years ago, friends I'd lost touch with 10 years ago, an ex-fiancée from a few years ago. I told friends (caring for pets while I was away, and others) that I might die soon. I seriously thought, if this guy or this guy contact me soon, that's it the circle will be complete and I'll know for sure my time is up. So I started leaving ad hoc wills whenever I went away to ensure my pets would be cared for. I seriously thought I may not come home again every time I left. Plane accident just seemed like the likeliest event to take me out. I wasn't nervous, just prepared.
I got sick prior to a trip, but I wasn't aware of it. On the two day trip, the second day I was very ill, a Tuesday, flew home because I didn't think it was contagious: no respiratory distress. The next few days were horrible, to the point of minor delirium, but I always just thought I'd get better tomorrow, so just wait and see. I saw very ugly images whenever I closed my eyes; I hardly slept. I now attribute this to dehydration, but I'm not sure. Images were, pulsing naked chicken carcasses, backs, all connected. My heart? Yellow eyed creatures. My liver?
After I blacked out on the fourth day, Friday, I called emergency from the floor where I lay after crawling to the phone, I called my friends to care for my pets. I was very sick and concerned about what was happening to me, but never afraid. I felt in very good hands with the medics, I remember clearly up until I was intubated, although I was in and out of consciousness. They gave a drug that inhibits memory, so I am foggy about the time up until I was feeling better. Well, at least until I "came to" myself. I was conscious but have little memory of most of the really rough spots. My family and best friends all gathered as I was not supposed to live. I was joking wit them in the emergency room, by writing notes. Dyslexia comes out more under stress! I was medi-vaced to Ottawa and apparently flat-lined on the plane while I was being loaded. They wanted to give me a heart pump to prepare me for a transplant, but my liver was too distressed. I told one friend I did not want a transplant. On Tuesday, when I "came to", I rapidly made progress. I could feel the support coming into me from all over! I felt very safe. I kept getting better, my friends taking time massaging me certainly helped. I flew home the following Monday, then stayed in a hospital for an additional 4 days. Weak but high spirited.
At the time I couldn't really process everything, and allowed myself to not think about it at all. Sometimes I was a little overwhelmed.
Reading some of your aftereffects listed, I have almost all of them. Did I have a near death experience, I'm not sure? Can you tell me if there is a way to go back and try and recall the time I was under the influence of the drug that inhibited my memory? I'd like to know what happened, if anything significant. I feel more in touch with everything now. I already possessed this trait, nurtured through years of hard experience. I also started to feel directed. I was continually being given clues by seemingly coincidental methods. I did have a question in my head. "Ok, now I'm still here, but I need to know what direction to go in. I have SOOO many interests and desires. Which should I concentrate on?” And these coincidences seemed to make things much clearer. If it were happening to a complete skeptic, they would have to stop and take notice; this is how clear the episodes were. I have no idea what to attribute it to. Am I more psychic? I'm not sure. I am certainly more in tune with my dyslexia and learned more about it. What was once an after thought of “maybe I am,” is now a “you absolutely are but you've worked through most problems it's caused.” My IQ tests are very positive, although they are just web based ones. I feel like writing more, drawing more, my interest in art has tripled at least. I am seeking changes in my employment to be more fulfilled and use my natural talents more. I am exercising regularly and plan on continuing to do so. I certainly am more positive and more complete than I have in years. So was it something that came out of a NDE, or simply a maturing effect of trauma? I sure know I'm loved and cared about by more people than I ever realized. Anyway... that's my story so far....
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:31 pm:
I guess because I'm so rock steady in my self esteem (thanks to 7 years of hard, hard work) it only took me a couple of days to start talking about my NDE and I haven't shut up since <smile>. I read someone else's post about being embarrassed and worried that they would be thought crazy. I can relate to the feeling embarrassed. I felt like maybe I was creating it, but I trust my gut and my gut says no. It was real. More real than a lot of day to day stuff.
So, I'm here to talk and to look at other's experiences. The weird thing is my experience is nothing like I've read about. Not that I was any kind of aficionado of NDEs. I didn't much think about it - death or what it would be like. I've had a couple of spiritual experiences in my life so I thought I was unafraid of death. I was wrong, it turns out.
Anyway, my story. It's very recent. I can't even believe it was just last Friday AM (middle of the night). It feels like a lifetime ago. That's one of the reasons I want to talk about it so much. It feels like it's slipping away, the feeling I mean. So, I got the flu that has been hitting Texas this month. No biggie. Well, miserable, but no biggie. But then I got pneumonia, diffuse interstitial pneumonia to be exact. I also have asthma, though well controlled. Usually. I got really scared. I'm not a scared type person. I'm very independent. But I was terrified and especially of going to sleep (not that it was easy anyway, struggling for each breath as I was), so my partner would hold my hand and watch over me. That was the only way I could quell my fear enough to drift off to sleep (a little here and there). So Friday sometime between 3am and 6am I may have been sleeping or just drifting in and out of consciousness. I'm really still not sure. It didn't feel like sleep but neither was I really awake. I started to feel like I was being drawn into a vortex. I couldn't see it. I only felt the pull and the feeling was of ecstasy that was more intense than I could ever describe. For a moment or two (or who knows how long), it got more and more intense, and then I got so scared. I couldn't see my partner, but I could feel his spirit, and this part is funny, I could see his name spelled out in all capital letters. And I pulled myself toward his name and toward him. It happened twice. I don't know how far apart. In the morning, I had him take me to the hospital which is a whole other story, an awful story, and not about NDEs, but about escaping from a terrible hospital and doctor.
The story wasn't over though. The next night, sometime before 3:30AM, I drifted off to sleep (sitting straight up because I couldn't breathe), and when I woke up, it was over. I still had/have the cough and profound tiredness, but my breathing had become fine. Just like that. Poof. I had this same kind of pneumonia 7 years ago and it did not happen that way last time. I struggled for each step of recovery. I feel like these two things are related.
I've read that people come back from these experiences with a peace and no longer afraid of death. I'm afraid now. I wasn't before. I'm not sure what this is about. And it's funny, too, because the feeling, oh my, the feeling was beyond wonderful, beyond what I can describe. I know now, even as I knew before that death is magnificent, but I don't want to go. I don't know if this is a now thing or an always thing, but right now, I don't want to go. That almost needs to be in all capital letters - I DON"T WANT TO GO!!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 4, 2003 - 03:30 pm:
My first experience began when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I was attending a Catholic Church. After the service, I remember going up to light a candle for the Virgin Mary. After I light the candle, I was praying and that was when I heard her talking to me. I heard a very soft beautiful voice in my head and I remember being mesmerized by it. It was telling me that I was going to be called upon and that I needed to be patient. I wish I could remember more but I can’t. I remember when she was talking to me, it felt like time had stopped and that it was just her and me in the church. I even saw her statue wink at me! Needless to say, even for a 6 year old, I did not tell anyone because I knew that statues are not supposed to talk to you, let alone wink at you. I had repressed this memory until my next experience.
When I was 27 years old, I had another experience. I had just had my second child and I remembering sitting in my rocking chair watching the selection for the first teacher in space. When Christa McCulla's name was called to accept the position, I felt a feeling of pure doom spread from my head into every cell of my body. It felt like someone had placed their hand on my head and let this ooze of doom invade my body. I could not move; I was frozen as this feeling went through me. I couldn’t believe this! I knew that if she got on the space shuttle she was going to die. I remember I kept saying, “This can’t be happening¨ over and over again. When I was released, I didn’t know what to do! Should I call NASA and tell them? If I did, would they even believe me. Who am I but a simple housewife with two small children?
I was so afraid that if I called NASA they would send the police out and I would be in trouble so I didn’t tell anyone. Little did I know that others were also receiving these kinds of feelings and calling NASA. On the morning of the lift off, I did not catch the initial showing of the shuttle blasting off. When I did find out what happened, I remember sinking to the floor and I made a promise to GOD that the next time he made contact with me I would listen. It was at this point that I realized that we are not alone and that there is something else going on, but I just did not understand. It was then that I remembered about the conversation with the Virgin Mary. I believe this experience was my awakening.
When I was 33 years old, I had another experience that was even more dramatic. I remember waking up one morning, and as I started to get out of bed, I saw a brilliant white light in the corner of my room. At first I thought that this was just sunshine, although I remember thinking that I never saw sunlight like that before, so I glanced at my door and saw that it was almost shut. How could all that light get in my room? Then I thought that this light must be the ghost of a girlfriend of mine that had pasted away when she was 19. As I looked at the light I remember how utterly beautiful it was. This light was really bright but it did not hurt my eyes to look at. I was mesmerized by it. When I closed my eyes, I could still see it. It was then that I fell back on the bed and realized that I could not move. It was like I was being held down. Then I saw images of a man and I heard a voice again talking to me in my head. This voice was talking about this man, and who he was, and that we were going to meet. This voice told me about his temperament, what he looked like, his heritage, and what he would say to me when we do meet. This voice said that this man needed to be shown the right path in life and he would give me the passion that I needed in my life. I remember tossing my head from side to side “NO I would never have anything to do with someone like this NO WAY!¨ When I was released, I thought “Is this really happening?¨ Things like this don’t happen. I was too afraid to tell anyone because I was afraid they would think I was crazy. I pushed this event back and did not think about it until 6 month later when I met this man. He was exactly like I saw him and he even said what the voice told me he would say to me word for word. I was in complete amazement. I remember making the promise to GOD to follow through and I did so. I tried very hard over the course of 6 years to help this man. He had a lot of problems and we were in out of relationship, and the last time we got together was when I had the NDE-like experience.
My NDE-like experience happened when I was 40 years old. I was back together with this man (Joe). I remember that I was at a low point, because no matter what I did Joe kept going back to his old ways even though he told me that he had found GOD (yeah right!). Things kept happening to him that I am sure GOD created to show him that he need to spend time with me; but instead Joe kept hanging out with his friends. I remember nights just crying myself to sleep, asking GOD to please take me home because I could no longer take this anymore. One night when I was at my deepest despair as I prayed to GOD to take me home. I suddenly fell asleep and the next thing I knew I was in a place surrounded in white light. I looked around and realized that this light was like the light in my bedroom years ago. It was at this point I realized that I knew this place -- I was HOME. I also realized that I no longer had a body - and the feeling of pure JOY was so wonderful because I was able to feel joy without being bound in a body. I can’t explain it in words how this feeling felt! When you are free of the body, feelings are felt in the fullest.
It was at this point I realize that this place was “THE REALITY!¨ I kept saying to myself “they must being showing me this because I am going to die and they did not want me to be afraid!¨ Well, I am still here so I know that wasn’t it! I started to look around and saw beings of different colors huddled in a group talking amongst themselves. They were nether male or female. One of them I remember was a soft olive green color and this being was holding a staff. I thought to myself that these being don’t have eyes, ears, mouths or hands and they are conversing; how can this be. I decided to see what color I was so I stretched a part of me out and saw that I was a very vibrant plasmic hot pink. I remember laughing because this was a color I would not be comfortable wearing here on Earth. The next thing I knew I was being pulled into the light and gosh what an utterly wonderful experience. This light went into me and bathed me in PURE PURE PURE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. I became part of it and it showed me that we needed to look not with our eyes but with our hearts. We need to love selflessly and to do it often. To be compassionate and understanding and to look beyond what we see, to see with our hearts. We are all connected! We know each other. When we do good for one, we do good for all of us. When we do bad against one, we do bad against all of us. We (All things) are all of this LOVING light.
It was so beautiful and wonderful; I did not want to leave. I felt myself being pulled toward the group of beings that I saw earlier. I was being pulled into an area that was like an opening of some kind! When I was above the opening, I was scared that I was going to fall down through it. I was just floating there when I saw another being rushing up toward me. I was being pulled toward this being that was the color of royal purple. I heard a name of this being (“Steve¨) and I heard the olive green being say to me telepathically, “This is the one you will be with next!¨ I thought to myself “you want me to be with my ex-brother-in-law! That was the only “Steve¨ that I knew at that time. As this being drew closer, I realized that this was a different person. When we embraced, it was so wonderful. It felt like 10 billion fireworks of love energy exploding all around and in me. Pure ecstasy. It was Love unbounded. That is the best way that I can describe it. Nothing that we can experience on earth even comes close to this feeling. I did not want to let go of this being. (When I get back “home,¨ I can’t wait to embrace everyone).
The next thing I knew I was in long hall where one end went on forever. I saw a throne and a being sitting on it. I could not look up to see its face because I knew not to. I was bouncing all over the place because I knew that I was in the presence of GOD. I kept saying to myself “OH MY GOD, ITS GOD!¨ over and over again. As I started to calm down, I heard the voice of GOD. I can’t describe it other than that it was alive. I knew that God could end everything on Earth with just one word. This voice was powerful and you knew it. I was so humbled I felt so small, so insignificant, yet so loved. This voice came from up above me! It was like God showed me a body on a throne so that I would have something to grasp as all this was happening. He asked me how I thought things were going with Joe and I said he was doing good (yeah right). God then said “Tell me how he is really doing!¨ Like I could fool God so I told him that things were not good at all. God then asked me what I think would would happen if God took me away from him. At this point, I am thinking that God intends to have me come “Home,¨ and I said that if I was to die Joe would lose it completely. God then said “Well I think I know my son better than that!¨ He went on to say that what was important was that Joe needed to have him in heart 100 percent and that he will have to take things over. He asked me if that would be OK. I agreed. God then asked me “what do you want?¨ I couldn’t believe it! Here I have been given the greatest gift off all to know of heaven and to understand that we don’t die, and God wants to know what I want. All I could think of was that I wanted to have my kids here also.
Once I told him this, the next thing I know awoke with a sudden start in bed. I wanted to run and yell to everyone that I had gone to heaven and WE DON’T DIE. Reality sunk in that if I did this everyone would think I was crazy. I have to tell you that I was on cloud 9 for months and I had the biggest smile on my face. I knew. I eventually told my three kids, I have told parts of my story to a few people, but never the whole story for fear that other would think that I was crazy. Being in the light has changed me in that I have become even more compassionate, understanding and loving then I was before this happened. I have not become a religious person, but I have become very spiritual one. I have begun discovering the Buddhist philosophy. Being joined with another soul showed me to believe in LOVE again for you see I had lost all hope that we can love each other. This experience showed me that there are others out there that have a deep capacity to love. I just need to find them, and now I know how to look for them “with my heart”!!!
The relationship with Joe ended, and I saw events unfold that showed me where I needed to be next. I got laid off and I got a job opportunity to work in Kentucky. I knew that I had to come here. What I didn’t know was that I had a cousin here. I saw how God had arranged me to move down here and he made sure that I had a relative here to help me. I told my cousin when I got down here that I knew that I was going to meet someone here and that someone was Steve.
I had another spiritual experience two or three weeks before I meet Steve. I knew I was back in heaven but in a place surrounded in snowcapped mountains like in Switzerland. I remember playing in the snow with a man in his mid to late twenties. I was not able to see what he looked like, but I knew his age range and that he loved Switzerland. When I awoke, I was again on cloud 9 for days. A few weeks later I then received an email from a man named Steve. He told me his age, which was 28, and as we conversed, I learned that he loved Switzerland. Anyway as our friendship developed I asked him this question “If our souls were different colors what color would mine be?¨ He answered “That’s easy Hot Pink!¨ I have not shared these experiences with him so he didn’t have a clue, yet he knew. How amazing how this whole thing works. Steve and I will always be friends even though we don’t see each much since he moved to a different state. I kept seeing a word in my head “Maytra,¨ and when I asked him what this word meant he said that it was Sanskrit and that it meant “Male Friend.¨ I am assuming that God wants me to be his friend, and I will surely be this for him as long as he needs me, and that he does know. Being friends with Steve has taught me how to love for love sakes, unconditionally, without judgments, without attachments.
Well that’s all - oh yeah, since I saw the light of GOD in my bedroom, I haven’t aged like most people! I age more slowly, more gracefully. It is so cool to look at people and to know that we are so much more than the sum of our parts, and that we know each other, and we are here to learn to love ourselves and one another on our human journey.
By reviewer on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 10:36 am:
I am not entirely certain how to put it into words, or, that is even in fact a "near death" experience actually, since I was not dying, injured or sick.
I had decided while laying on my bed one night that there was no purpose to my life. I am not sure how to describe that feeling, because I don't really think it was derived from any real despair. More of a decision based on fact. Almost more of a conclusion than despondency. I wasn't drifting of to sleep, rather I had been reading a bit, and just lay there on bed. And, as a person does, had been lost in thoughts that brought me to this conclusion. A review, of sorts, of my personal relationships, my success (or lack thereof) in my professional life, as well as my personal. I wanted sorely to be an artist, a musician, a writer, so many many things, none of which ever came to fruition in my life. I had failed to grab my life by the proverbial horns and take charge. And, at that time, felt the opportunities to do so were not only long gone, but no longer exist ahead of me in life as second chances either.
The bizarre thought entered my head that if there was such a thing as re-incarnation, well, this life was without much hope to gain karmic ground, so I may as well give this one up and start another. Let go. Not a desire to die, mind you, not at all. More of an acceptance. There was nothing more to do. Let go of the attachments. Let it happen. Don't hold on so tightly to something gone so wrong. It's okay, just let go.
And then the strangest thing I have EVER experienced.
It was as though, well, my legs were falling through themselves. I was aware of the position in which my legs were, and yet, it felt as though my legs were slowly moving down as to put me in an upright position. As though I were in space, in a vacuum without gravity, and slowly rotating on axis from a horizontal to a vertical position. Which, in itself was an odd enough sensation, but stranger still was the way my body FELT. You know the feeling you get when a part of your body falls asleep? Like you have been sitting on your foot too long and it begins to tingle. Now imagine that tingle was more of a vibration, but warm, alive with energy. As though some small current were running through your body. But instead of being a damaging electrical current, it was in fact some kind of nourishing wave of love manifested. Insane, I know. But that's what it FELT like.
And the world sort of disappeared. At first, it was like being in the densest fog imaginable. It was dark, but not black. But at no point was I scared or apprehensive. Quite the opposite. I spent what seemed like an eternal moment, feeling the sensation of well, being me, but not really me. Not in the sense I had spent 27 years learning to know. Again, I have no words to accurately describe it, but it was like I existed everywhere, within everything. Like my molecules spanned the entirety of existence, but in one place they became more dense. They accumulated in higher concentration, and I existed in this spot separately as well. Visually I'd liken it to an accretion disk of a newly forming planet. Small matter spread all over, but coming together in a centralized spot. The "planet to be” can be said to exist in all those particles as well as the center of the accretion disk, both separately but the same. Star would be more appropriate though, as the energy in the dense spot seems more noticeable. Anyways, like I said, I don't know how to describe it.
But the feeling was incredible. I can only say that it was like being unbound. The closest approximation that I had ever experienced before is that incredible sensation you have when you stretch in the morning. That release. That unwinding feeling. Like being freed from the forces that so minutely but ever so constantly drag you down. Being unbound. Freed. What astronauts must feel upon first entry into microgravity.
And then, the fog turned lighter. And lighter. And brighter. Which, it actually took me a few seconds to realize, was odd because I didn't squint. By day I am hypersensitive to light. But, this was in no way uncomfortable.
And, I experienced something I guess is similar to what I have heard explained as a life review. But not as I have ever heard described to me. Everything I had ever hear about such a thing was that is was like watching your life in fast forward or something. Well, this wasn't really like that. It was like remembering an event, not only as myself, but as all people involved. All the emotions and reactions. Mine, and theirs.
And it was by no means a comprehensive look at my life. But it was interesting in that it included several instances in my life I had never thought twice about. And far fewer of the negative experiences than I would have guessed. In fact, I would say most were experiences which I had given very little if any thought, but which seemed to greatly affect someone else's life positively.
And then, and admittedly this is even stranger (and probably why I have never spoken about it with anyone) I had a kind of conversation, I guess. Not in any conventional sense. And with whom, I am not entirely certain. But it happened nonetheless. It was bizarre, because my recollection of it, is well, hopelessly and incredibly strange. It was like there was my "voice" (though I don't really think I was speaking), and the other "voice” seemed to be at once my voice, and that of every other voice in existence. It wasn't at all overpowering or too much sensory input. Actually it was only afterwards that I even really noticed or reflected upon how bizarre it was. And it wasn't like "hearing” a conversation. Which is to say that in normal daily life, to have a conversation with someone is to hear ones own voice in that delicate balance of inside and out, and to hear the other persons voice definitely outside the body, and being able to distinguish the others location. But this, this was completely different. It was like both voices really had no location. I was certainly aware of my side of the conversation (and it still feels weird to call it that), but it was like the other participant had that same delicate balance of in and out side of my body. Only, it wasn't a body. Now, the conversation itself I am not really going to talk about, I believe that was meant for me and of no real value here. But what that conversation gave to me is something I hope I never forget, and to this day continues to change who I am and how I perceive the world.
Suffice it to say, I was given a choice. Asked in the most meaningful way, what I really wanted. And I don't know if it was the experience itself, the way it was asked, or some other unknown mechanism, but I had the chance to really understand the question, and the impact of the answer I would give. In one instant, I realized all the things I wanted to experience, and not menial things either. The true experiences of life. The affirmations of life. What it is to be here. To be human. To be alive (which is very much different from existing). I saw the woman I most loved and adored. Realized how I yearned to experience that love. To move through life with her. To experience everything I could with her. I instantly knew how and why I wanted to impact the world. What part I wanted to play in giving to the world. Making my contribution. Leaving my mark. And the true motivations behind them. How I could. And why only I could in the way I could. Why those things are unique to me. And not for any of the reasons I might have guessed. I realized that within me there are reasons, and emotions, and motivations I had never before given myself credit for. And I was "told" something else, too. Something that I believe was a direct answer to a question I had, but was designed to answer so many more questions than I could have asked. Would have thought to ask. A biggie. But not an answer I can just give to any one else who has the same question, but an answer each person has to give themselves I guess. As if someone were to ask me what color the sky is, and I answered assuredly and resoundingly "blue", they would just look at me like I am nuts. As though they have to "see" the blue for themselves.
I know, I know. This all sounds so hokey, and so incredibly "metaphysical" mumbo jumbo feel good crap- like. But, if it was, than I guess it was what I needed. Because it has changed so much. It's changed everything, I guess.
But, the strangest part was also the last part.
When I had decided I wanted to return, well, the return itself was both startling and insightful. As I, for lack of better term, re-entered my body, I came to the total realization that it is actually very uncomfortable to "live" in a body. A side effect of experiencing this kind of life. I immediately experience a kind of ache. As though my I was being encased in a shell that was just the tiniest amount too small. Not painful, but, definitely noticeable. And definitely caused a kind of ache. But, immediately after feeling the "ache" and letting go of the shock that came with it, came the realization that it is just an acceptable, albeit uncomfortable, part of this existence. And it tells you in an odd sort of way, that all the aches and pains in life truly are nothing compared to what great and unimaginable joy and warmth you can draw from life. That those aches and pains are a small price to pay.
That it is, in the end, all worth it. The aches and pains fade away, but the joy and happiness and love you will always feel. But, you have to let it happen, without fear. And to really enjoy it, you have to know why you want it, why you put yourself here. Like trusting in that you decided you wanted this life, even if you can't remember why, but trust that you did, and find out why all over again. As if that's half of the joy. In finding out. The experience.
And ever since that day. Well, so many things are different. I still have to work on consciously remember certain things, but, it's almost like having a different life. Before, mostly in my youth, I had experienced a kind of despair from time to time. But I was always aware on some level that I wasn't happy with my life. Ever since that day, well, I have never felt that way again. And that one small change seems to have changed everything else. I was forced to consciously decide if I wanted this life, and when I decided I do, well, there is nothing to feel bad about I guess. I don't really know how to explain that either. Maybe just that before that day I thought I was put here without my input, so I was maybe resentful. Now, I want to be here, and that makes all the difference in the world.
So, that is an abbreviated version of my experience. I apologize if it does not fall within the parameters of what you are looking for, but, well, I had to choose between letting go and coming back, so I thought it may apply.
By Anonymous on Friday, November 28, 2003 - 10:22 am:
I was at dental surgeon's office for a fairly simple procedure. The procedure required that I be put to sleep using, what I seem to recall as, sodium pentothal. The last conscious thing I remember was counting as I went under. Suddenly, I found myself hovering above myself and the doctor. I clearly recall watching every thing he did As I was in the chair.
The strange part was that all I could do was laugh hysterically at what I was watching. It seemed as though the entire procedure, from my strange vantage point, was ridiculous. I felt no attachment to myself or anything else on a worldly level.
When I awoke and told the doctor what I had experienced, he was incredulous, at the least.
Please note that this experience occurred some thirty years ago, yet it has never, nor will probably ever, leave my memory.
I have told this story to many people. Some say "WOW" others respond as the doctor did.
I only discovered your organization this morning through an article on the "Raiders News" site. I am hoping you may be able to shed some light on what has been a long time mystery to me. This is especially true since I have never read about anything of the sort except when connected to a "near death" experience
By Anonymous on Saturday, November 22, 2003 - 05:48 pm:
This is not a NDE or an OBE but I would rather say mystical experiences. It took me a long time to decide if I am going to share this, but after drawing the lot and hearing the song “God’s own fool” from Michael Card, I decided to write to you.
Well it started when I was 9-10 years old. One night I decided to accept God and Jesus as true. A love and pace feeling came over me which I can only describe as the same as what people experience during NDE. I remember lifting my arms up to God. The next one was when I was 17. At that time I was preaching Christianity at school. I was sleeping and had a dream. I saw myself lying in bed and then became aware of an entity coming from the left through the wall. A great fear and panic fall over me and the entity went away. I told my self in my dream that the next time it comes I should not be afraid but just ask for the help of Jesus. So it came again from the left through the wall and I wanted to say “In the name of Jesus go away” but I could not speak. So still in my dream I decided that I should just try and say “Jesus” but I could not speak. So I put all my will power and concentration just to say Jesus. It is then that I woke up and said “Jesus” aloud. I fell asleep again immediately only to remember the dream the next morning.
The next one was when I was 21. I have been living a worldly life when one night I felt the love and forgiveness of God again. Few months later I felt a calling from God to do his work and made big changes in my life. The next one was when I was 24. I was having a dream for a while when I dreamt that a lion jumped on me. I then woke up. I saw a man standing at the foot end of my bed. It was not a physical man but just the outline of one. I knew he was the one that woke me up by jumping on me or something like that. He was very surprised that I woke up and that I am able to see him. He then left. It took me some time to get my wits about me back. I jumped out of bed and checked the whole house but there was no one awake and no burglar. I also asked my family the next morning if anybody was walking around last night and nobody did.
Two years ago I was with my girlfriend at her home. We had taken some ecstasy. We were doing some breathing exercise together. At some point I felt what I can only describe as arrows shooting from my spine up and out of my head. I could not feel my body and it felt as if I was lifting up. I only later learned about kundalini effect. After this we where sitting and having a casual conversation when I saw, with my physical eyes three screens, TV screens with out any border, coming towards me and slamming into my forehead. There were some pictures on the screens but I could not make out any of it. The only information that came to me was that I am one of the witnesses in Revelation 11.
At this point in my life I have not heard of NDE experiences. I have also later read about all the people who claim that they are one of the witnesses or the reincarnation of Elijah. Now I will be the first one to say that I might be wrong. I am just a normal human with all my mistakes. Neither do I have to power to do miracles nor do I want to kill anybody or bring about pests. As you can understand I seriously started to question my own sanity. A friend of mind also had a powerful dream about me. A few months later I was deeply distressed about this and crying to God and Jesus. When in my mind’s eye I saw Jesus and he said “Just relax and take it easy”. The first vision made a big change in my life and I started to read any books I could find about mystical, occult and religion. It was then that I discovered NDE stories. I then read on the www.near-death.com website that Jesus is supposedly born in 1998. This caused me some distress because of my Christian upbringing. I thought that Jesus will come on the clouds again. So I asked Jesus where he is. I felt his powerful love and the information I got was not in my mind’s eye but rather feelings with information in it. Jesus was holding the earth in his arms and loving it and there were lots of angels. I was singing with them and they said that they did not like the killing in Iraq. At this moment I think that the second coming of Christ means that the Christ within us will awake.
In the beginning of this year my brother was in a motorcycle accident and was in a coma for 3 days. I was praying to God when I felt his/her love and I saw in my mind’s eye light shining down on me from a source high above and there were angels all around this beam of light. All of them where loving me for who I am. It was a very powerful experience.
A few weeks ago I had an experience where I embraced darkness and only found light within. But I will leave that story for another day.
I will also be the first to say the all these experiences is a fabrication of my subconscious but I can not deny the Love even if I tried.
By Anonymous on Sunday, November 16, 2003 - 11:12 am:
I was very ill leading up to the birth of my daughter and the doctors thought that I would only have a slim chance of survival. During the caesarean, I died and left my body. I was met by a deceased person (his name is Ali), who is related to someone very close to me. Everything around me was white and I felt as though I was amongst the clouds. Ali held my hand and we sat down on a cloud. I was not afraid and felt very safe and loved. Then he told me that it was not my time and that I had to return to my body. He told me to go and hold my baby.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, November 12, 2003 - 11:51 am:
When I was six I went to water park in Florida. Trying to prove my courage, I jumped off the 50 ft high dive. When I hit the water it took a second to orient myself. I started to swim towards what I thought was the top, but realized the pressure was increasing not decreasing. I realized I was seeing the reflection of the top on the bottom of the pool. I remember my lungs hurting as I tried to swim up. I faded into darkness.
The place I went to was completely dark and empty. I knew I was completely alone and started to panic, wondering if I would be left there all alone forever. It was a loneliness beyond description. I slowly started to hear whispering and eventually they became voices and I started to see distorted images which slowly became people. I never realized till afterward I was back at the poolside. I watched the people as they seemed to crowd around something, curious as all children I went to look at the cause of the crowd. I moved through the people until I saw a man kneeled over a small body and watched as he performed CPR. He moved and I saw the small body lying there was me. A moment later I felt myself pulled down a tunnel I could only describe as a kaleidoscope of rainbow colors swirling around me as I fell. A minute later I was coughing up water and gasping for air.
I believe the place I went to was before creation, even before light, and that the loneliness I felt was not only mine but God's as well. I know that God created us, like his angels, for companionship and fellowship, much the way that we desire children to share our lives and love.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:56 pm:
This is not a NDE but what I experienced was something phenomenal.
I was about 15 years old. I had a dentist appointment. I have an abnormal phobia/fear of needles. I got all worked up, scared like crazy, and extremely nervous thinking about the fact that the dentist was going to give me a needle. I was so nervous that I had my younger brother come with me for moral support. As it happens, I didn't need any freezing and I had a perfect check-up. Well, I was immensely relieved to say the least. We left the office and we were waiting for the elevator to go to the ground floor, when I got very dizzy, hit my head on the outside of the elevator door, and fainted.
While I was briefly out, I experienced something so wonderful that words cannot describe it. I believe I was in a "place" that was beautifully green, lots of grass, and meadows as far as the eye could see. There weren't any flowers, birds, animals or other people. It was just me, sort of "hovering" above this beautiful grass meadow. I didn't have a body. It was just my spirit.
I had an extreme sense of peace, nothing like we have on earth. I cannot compare it to anything in my mind. I felt totally peaceful, and light, and I knew that I didn't want to come back! There are really no words to explain how this utopia felt. It was beyond anything "peaceful" that we know in this life. Then after a very short time, I came to and I was fine except for a little headache from the knock on my head.
Even though it's been 30 years, I remember the images and the feelings as though it happened yesterday. If this is where we go when we pass over, then I can hardly wait!!
I've always been very spiritual. I believe I see spirits, they talk to me, and very strange things happen to me that are not logically explainable. I am trying to connect with the other side, by reading "how to" books. I am trying to develop my "psychic" abilities as much as possible. I've heard that artistic people are more intuitive. I've always been an artist all my life and I knew at the age of 5 that I was interested in art. Art is my life.
I would love to know what you think about this experience and I look forward to hearing from you. I have many other experiences, if you're interested in knowing about them. However this was the only time I had "traveled" to another realm. (I used to have my spirit lift slightly out of my body but I was too scared and I can't do it anymore.)
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:53 pm:
My first experience was during delivery of twin girls at the age of 18. Something very unusual was going on with the doctors and nurses because they had me strapped down and a nurse threw her body across my stomach to push the babies out. The pain was so intense I wanted to kill her but couldn't move. I heard the baby cry but they quickly took it away. That same woman threw her body across me again and the next baby came. I heard her cry and they rushed her out of the delivery room. I never got to see them. I was bleeding a lot. The doctors all left the room and left me with just one nurse. She was cleaning up. I felt faint. I told her that and she ran out yelling for the doctors to come back. Next I remember them being there and taking my pulse and there was none, no respiration. I was watching the doctors working on me, giving me epinephrine and trying their best to bring me back. I could hear them all talking. I felt more peaceful than I had ever felt in my life. It was OK not to breathe. I could talk to them telepathically. Shortly thereafter the medication took hold and I started coming back into my body. I began feeling all the pain again and the torment. But I’ll never forget the peace I felt. There was no pain. Everything was fine.
I never got to see my little girls. A short time later a doctor who I had never seen before came in and told me they had both died and they were giving them to science to relieve me burial costs. I was young and weak and in shock. I was so saddened that they would never let me see them. Not even once. I was too weak to try to walk and could not fight them and was all alone. I'll never really know the real story.
No more room for story 2. It was completely different and cause physically changes. I looked 15 years younger.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 09:44 pm:
I miscarried. I became very ill and was rushed to the hospital after a flood of blood while sitting on the toilet. I was 19 or 20. I don't remember much after that except waking up in a hospital room with the sensation of my legs leaving my legs, like my SPIRIT legs were leaving my legs and the sensation traveled up my body until I was floating above myself over the bed. It felt SOOOOOOOOOOO good. The most amazing feeling. I don't know if it was LOVE or what, but it just felt wonderful to float like that. I remember smiling and saying that to myself... then I felt like I was floating slowly towards the window. It was winter in Illinois (where I grew up) and when I turned my head I could see outside the hospital parking lot, it was night and someone was parking their car, but it was too bright outside for just the one street light that I saw, so I looked upwards or outwards (I can't remember which) and saw a bright light like the sun in the distance, and I felt I was picking up speed towards this light but it wasn't warm on my skin like the sun, just there... it was then that I noticed I was half out the window and half in the window and that I did not feel the cold of outside or the warmth of this "SUN or LIGHT"... I felt NO BODILY sensation at all, just in my mind yet I still had a body or felt like I had one... Then I looked back and saw myself still lying in the bed... and realized this couldn't be happening. It was then that I panicked and started clawing my way back to my body, begging, saying over and over... "NOT YET... NOT YET..." Then all of a sudden I sat up in my body and felt my legs going back into my legs... my heart was racing and yet no nurses came into my room. I don't know if the monitors requested anything as I was hooked up to all types of monitors in a room by myself. The next morning the doctor told me I almost died and I said to myself, "I Know already."....
Over the years, as I came into contact with more and more people who use others, lie to others until now I have become somewhat of a recluse due to not wanting these types of people in my life. I am DEEPLY religious yet I no longer go to any church. However, I have a wide list of e-mail friends whom I send out "WORDS OF WISDOM" based on God's word weekly. It is very gratifying to me when others e-mail back to say how I've helped them, encouraged them, etc. I won't say this is my "CALLING"... but I began to withdraw from people since that time and with each hurt from others, I'd withdraw more. I guess most of the things I talk about in my e-mails are about how woman and men in life use one another and how it causes more harm than good ... from a spiritual point of view... I believe this experience may have been to cause me to see the TRUTH of what is important in life and usury of one another is not it, nor wealth, nor the pursuit of it. I felt so strongly about this that even Corporate America disgusted me so badly that I remained unemployed for 2 years to create a job were I could stay at home and work... at-home Medical Transcriptionist.
I also believe that this experience has expanded my mind in that I see things a lot clearer than a lot of people I know. I've had people in On-Line Boards ask if I have a PhD, but I have only a few hours of college.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 05:03 pm:
Well, I don't really know where to start, what I remember is choppy and disjointed. I don't really remember how I got there or what started it. It seemed to happen very suddenly, because suddenly I was running through this very very dark forest, and I could hear and occasionally see several large black dogs with extremely large teeth and salivating... I was running and running through this forest, extremely terrified talking under my breath and saying things like I'm sorry ...I'm sorry god, I am soo sorry... I felt like I was being hunted and that they were going to form a circle around me and eat me. Before this could happen, I came to this cliff it was kind of pointed out over a chasm (this is gonna sound corny, but think of Pride Rock in The Lion King...) and at the tip of this cliff, I fell down and I was desperate the dogs were advancing on me I could see them they were getting closer, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, OH GOD HELP ME I AM SO SORRY!! And then I fell off the cliff...It seemed like I fell for 3 or 4 days...
There were other things that happened, I saw my husband and I get married. (I got married in 1998). I was in a room with skeletons hanging from the ceiling but I am unsure whether these things happened before or after my experience in the forest. I would really like to be hypnotized or something so that I can remember everything.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 05:02 pm:
Apparently whilst giving birth to my Son there were complications and I was anaesthetized. As I described it to my Doctor at the time... "I remember just suddenly sort of floating up in the corner of the room and that there was a very bright light. I only remember that I was there, but not in my body! I was looking down at myself and saw the Matron literally lifting my ex-husband (slipped her arms under his armpits and heaved him bodily; she was a large woman, my husband was over 6 foot), out of the room. He was asking what's happening, and that he'll just sit in the corner out of the way, the Matron said no, you must leave.
Then I noticed that there was a 'stranger' working on me along with my Doctor, I didn't know who he was, or where he had come from, or for that matter, when he had entered the room? It seemed to me then and also now that I didn't perceive 'time' the way one does normally.
This 'stranger' had a bald spot on the crown of his head and wore black, squarish glasses! I do remember thinking who is he? What's he doing? Where did he come from? Is my baby all right? Whilst all this was going through my mind I have to admit that I wasn't scared at all, just a little confused and also, what I am still a little perplexed about, I was extremely calm and nonplussed by everything that was going on below me?? Then I suddenly heard a voice saying it's not my time, I'm needed, and to go back, that everything will be fine. I remember agreeing, wanting to be there for my Son.
When I finally 'woke up' on the Ward, some 2-3 hours later, I started yelling for the Matron saying that I wanted to see my Son! She finally came in, then she asked me how I knew that I had had a boy? I said that I had seen him whilst she was cleaning him after his birth. She gave me the strangest look and walked out!
Later when my Doctor came to see me, I asked him who the 'stranger' was that was with him whilst I was 'out to it'? He asked how I knew about him, had the Matron told me about him, I said no, that I had seen him leaning over the top of me (whilst I was laying on the table/bed). I then described him (as above) and also that he was much shorter than him (my Doctor being taller that is). He was quite stunned that I knew so many details about this 'stranger' who turned out to be a 'Specialist' that he (my Doctor), had had flown in by Helicopter (whilst I was 'knocked out'), as this happened in a small town and there wasn't too many Doctors available at this Hospital. I have never met this other Doctor either before this all happened nor after. My Doctor believed me, cause as he said, how could I have seen the 'bald spot' on the 'top' of this other Doctor's head?? He did tell me NOT TO TELL ANYONE OR THEY'D PROBABLY LOCK ME AWAY!! He reiterated that he believed me and found it fascinating but not to speak about it to anyone else!
Apart from this letter, I've only told 3 people about this occurrence. One was my younger Sister... she had rung me late one evening, not long after giving birth to her first daughter, my Son was about 5years old at the time. She was most distraught, she had had the same experience during childbirth as I had, as in watching from up in the corner of the room etc., and said she didn't understand and hadn't told anyone cause she thought she was going mad. I then explained what happened to me and it seemed to help her a lot. We never discussed it again after that night!
The second person is my current husband, and not so long ago at that either. I also told him how strange it was that I seem to know what is 'Medically' wrong, most of the time, when someone close to me is not well, and after going to the Doctor and getting a diagnosis, I find that I had said that that was the problem I had come up with! I seem to instinctively 'know', and in most cases, I also know what to do, though I always recommend the Doctor??
The third person was someone at work only a few weeks ago, I don't know how it came up... ah yes, she was describing something 'weird' as she put it that had recently happened to her. I found myself just 'blurting' it all out, then I felt like a 'weight' had been lifted from my shoulders. Thank goodness she received it well, we've never discussed it since.
Anyway, when my Son was about 8 months old, I'd gone back to have the last of my stitches out (had quite a few), and my Doctor got called out of the Examination Room whilst we were talking and I realized that I could read my File (that was open in front of me), and I read that I had 'died' for 3 minutes whilst having my Son and that the recommendation was for me not to have anymore children. I haven't!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:57 pm:
I was in the hospital again due to a motorcycle accident I'd had in 1971. I had been hospitalized for about eight months at the time of the experience, in three different hospitals. After having gangrene in my foot for the first four months or so, they had finally stopped the infection and I was having a series of experimental skin/tissue grafting operations done to restore the front half and bottom of my foot. My great toe had been amputated. They had begun what was called a "Petacle-Flap" transfer procedure from my right calf, which was being prepared over a series of days to transplant to my left foot. This entailed making a three-sided rectangular incision through the skin and about 1/2" of tissue on the back of my right calf, while leaving the fourth side connected to allow blood flow to the "flap" until it was ready to transplant. After several days of this "preparation", it was to be sewn onto the bottom of my left foot and I would be casted in a "figure-four" position until it had taken hold and was growing. Then the flap would be severed completely from my right leg and they would cover the hole in my right calf with skin taken from my hip. I awoke in the middle of the night in excruciating pain and discovered my right leg (suspended in a sling) swollen. A huge amount of blood had pooled in the flap (I believe today that it was due to an orderly improperly positioning my leg in the sling and blocking the return flow of venous blood) and when the doctor arrived he dropped the flap and about a quart of black, clotted blood fell onto the sheet.
They rushed me into emergency surgery where I recall "waking up" while I was in surgery. I was suddenly against the ceiling, looking down at everyone wearing green, in the operating room (I don't recall actually seeing myself, but I knew it was me there) and could see everything quite clearly. I remember thinking, "This is sure weird. I don't belong up here". As soon as I thought that, I "woke up" again and was gagging and choking. The anesthesiologist said, "you need to go back to sleep now", and I saw him turn a valve on a tube and I was unconscious again. When I awoke in recovery later, my favorite nurse was there and she said I'd "given them all quite a scare". I asked her why I'd been choking when I woke up and she said it was because of the artificial airway down my throat. I never told anyone about my waking up on the ceiling, and never asked if I'd died on the table. I spent the next week or so receiving anti-coagulants to dissolve the remaining blood clots before they reached my heart, not knowing if I would survive or not. To shorten a long story, I spent about another six weeks in the hospital (I underwent a total of thirteen surgeries in almost ten months) before they let me out "for thirty days to regain strength" so they could begin the petacle-flap procedure again (another series of 6 more operations). I got out and never went back, feeling lucky to be alive.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:54 pm:
This was the first of many experiences and, as such, may have prepared me to be receptive to others. I was drowning in the ocean, experienced an incredibly fast life review complete with full understanding of the reason for each event and how it fit into the larger scheme of social occurrences, and then the experience abruptly ended as I was pulled from the water. As a child, I found this experience interesting and was back swimming in the ocean in about 30 minutes.
I later experienced an OBE while being treated with alpha-wave biofeedback for neck pain. I left my body and was floating with my back against the ceiling looking down at myself. When the therapist entered, I returned to my body and was looking up at him. He wanted me to return, but I was upset that he had not cautioned me that this could happen. He apologized and said that it normally does not occur the first time a client uses alpha-wave. At the time I was 26. I am confident that, given the same alpha-wave feedback device, that the OBE would recur. I looked for a device to try it again, but they were too expensive.
I am fascinated what research will finally show about the origins of these experiences. I lean toward a version of Sagan's theories coupled with neurotransmitter action based on oxygen deprivation or wave stimulation.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:51 pm:
I had a vein stripping on my right leg. It was an outpatient surgery that went fine. The next day I was resting and I got up to comb my hair and go to the bathroom. When I came back to the couch, everything went black and I almost fainted, had chest pains and was very close to passing out. My husband was there and he called the doctor. I had been taking yoga before the procedure and I calmed my self with yoga breathing. I laid on the couch while my husband was on the phone with the doctor. As I lay there, I closed my eyes and I was in a long dark tunnel, but at the end I could see my grandmothers. They were smiling at me and I felt so happy to see them. There were others there too, but I don't remember who they were. I just remember my grandmothers. Then I focused on my husband, who is the light of my life, and I did not want to leave him alone. I remember thinking that dying is okay. I felt very peaceful about it.
I think a lot about almost dying and what my purpose in life is. I've told others who have lost loved ones from PE's that it wasn't so bad and if I had died right then, it would have been okay. It wasn't so painful and it was quick..
I have begun going to ALANON. I love ALANON. It has given me a purpose and the tools to change my life to become a better person. I am more open-minded about everything and try to enjoy life more.
I thank my higher power everyday for my life and am grateful to see the simple things. I often feel like I'm living on borrowed time and sometimes worry that I will have another embolism. The scary thing is that every doctor who sees my X-rays or my charts say that I am very lucky to be alive. I think it's the reactions of health care professionals that scare me. I never told anyone about seeing my grandmothers. I thought they would think that I was crazy and I just didn't feel that anyone else could possibly understand what I had been through. But just now, going back to that moment and there faces gives me such peace.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:49 pm:
Actually, this was my second experience. The first was in 1982 when I was 13. I was involved in a head on car accident and woke up on a backboard in the garage of a gas station. There were fire trucks and paramedics and I wondered what had happened. I started calling for my brother who had been driving. When he came over I saw blood on his shirt and asked what happened. When he told me we had been in an accident I remembered (the accident) and became hysterical. I walked out of the hospital several hours later with two stitches over my eye. A couple of weeks later two police investigators came to interview me and asked what I remembered. The last thing I remembered was looking out my window and seeing a white car, then my brother coming over to my door, prying it open and I was lying on the seat. He picked me up and began to carry me away. That's when I noticed the officer had quit writing and asked who told me those things. When I said I saw them, he said I couldn't have because I was unconscious. That's when I started remembering: I was above watching but I couldn't hear or speak. I felt weightless and peaceful - unimaginable and indescribable. There was no pain, no fear, no worry. Watching it all was more of a matter-of-fact, I felt no relationship to the person I saw in the car. I don't recall leaving or re-entering my body.
In 2001, I was rear-ended and my Explorer rolled (they really do!) and I was ejected between the second and third roll. As I was lying on the side of the road I knew this was it, I was going to die and I had complete peace, even relief about it. I lost consciousness after that and suffered cardiac arrest on the way to the hospital and again in surgery; my heart had stopped for a total of about ten minutes. After surgery I spent a couple of weeks in a coma. 3 months after the accident my sister asked if I'd had an out-of-body experience and I told her no but then I started remembering. I was standing on a mountain top looking over to another mountaintop, both lush green and that was all I could see. I was with celestial beings and they told me things but I don't know what. Like the first experience there was the feeling of weightlessness but this time I wasn't floating. There was the indescribable peacefulness! No emotional or physical pain, no thought (remembrance?) of this world or the people here. I believe the purpose was for revelations, but I don't know what they are which is frustrating. Although, when I came out of the coma I was hooked up to a heart monitor, a respirator, a feeding tube, etc., etc. and I wasn't afraid or even concerned. I was told what all had happened to me: severe internal injuries, heart and lung injuries, a handful of miscellaneous problems and a spinal cord injury. I took a moment and responded, "At least we'll get a good parking spot at Wal-Mart!" I was not surprised! As a matter-of-fact I HAD to tell people what God had done for me, how I should have been dead but I was alive!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:46 pm:
The incident occurred July 4, 1940. My mother would very often talk about the incident as "miraculous" as I was growing up. I never told my parents what I experienced. I grew up in a town near Pittsburgh. That day, my mom and dad told me that something I would enjoy was about to happen that evening, but wouldn't tell me what; it was to be a surprise. The topography of the area is all hills and valleys. It was the local custom that the city put on a fireworks show on July 4. They would set up the fireworks in a valley, or "hollow" as it was locally called, and folks would watch from the hilltops. My folks walked me down to the end of a dead-end alley, ending on a steep drop of several hundred feet into the hollow. I didn't know it, but the fireworks were set up directly below our hill. I can remember my dad sitting on the ground with me standing on his lap, one foot on each thigh and jigging around in anticipation. It was dark now, and without warning came a bright flash and tremendous explosion just slightly above my eye level. It scared the hell put of me. It was immediately followed by more tremendous explosions and I tried to escape and run up the alley, but my dad held me tightly. The next thing I remember was my mother grabbing me and running up the alley.
Then everything went black. The next thing I knew, I was looking down at a little boy lying on a kitchen table, and an old woman bending over me. I recognized the old woman; she was Mrs. S (I later learned the S's were Russians who escaped Stalin). I recognized the clothes the boy had on, the same clothes I had on. Blue denim overalls with a yellow duck sewn on the bib; blue socks, white shoes, and a red and white striped T-shirt under the overalls. Then I noticed my mother crying hysterically, and my dad was standing back silently. The old lady said, "His heart is not working". She said, “I'll try to breathe life into him". Then I somehow turned on my back and began to ascend, I went right through the roof of the kitchen and up above the roof. Although it was night, I could see everything, neighbor's houses, etc. I felt wonderful, light, peaceful. I wanted to keep floating upward forever! That's when I encountered two "beings of Light". There was no form to them, just ovals radiating a soft peaceful white light. The spirit on the left said, "You can't go any farther, you have to go back." I told the spirit "No, I don't want to go back. It's not what it was supposed to be." The spirit, even though speaking in a soft female voice strongly repeated, "No, you have to go back." I again argued that I didn't want to go back. Then the spirit on the right, in an even gentler tone said, " No Joe, you have to go back. There's something you have to do. It's going to be all right, you're in a different place now." That's when I started floating back downward and re-entered my body, opened my eyes, and started to breath again. My mother grabbed me to her, sobbing and crying. I wasn't crying, all I said was "Mommy, am I in a different place now?" She looked at me funny, and finally said, "Yes Joe, we're at Mrs. S's".
I've never told anyone about this for years; except a few years ago I finally told my wife when I judged that she was at a point of spiritual development that she could accept it; she has! This experience and the spiritual insights it has given me caused me much anguish in my life as they conflicted with a lot of the Catholic dogma shoved down my throat during 12 years in Catholic school, but I won't go there. This is the phenomenon I experienced. It has affected my whole life from age 2 on. Following this experience, I went from being a healthy little kid to the opposite. I experienced a very sickly childhood: Scarlet fever, asthma, chronic boils and swollen skin condition that the doctor only diagnosed as "hives" that caused incapacitation of my joints and limbs. Having said that, it turned around (to me, miraculously), in high school and I became a healthy enough person to successfully be accepted for, and graduate from pilot training. But I had a very successful career as a rescue pilot, and believe that was part of what the spirit told me: "There's something you have to do."
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:45 pm:
I was two or three months old only when my heart stopped beating. All went calm, soft and dark and I felt more than fine. I felt at peace. Then suddenly the doctors or staff started giving me a heart massage and it hurt so much. I wanted them to stop. And then I was back and I didn’t feel fine anymore.
By reviewer on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:39 pm:
My experience with "the Other Side" was initiated by an auto accident on the night of January 28th 1982. I was 20 years old. I was following my friend back to his house. It was late and rain was misting down onto my windshield. We had just left my fraternity house after a successful rush party. As we approached a large intersection near campus, my friend Joe pulled his car into one of two left-hand turn lanes. As I approached the intersection, I saw that the light was red for us, and the light for cross traffic was yellow. I thought I would time the light and pulled into the turn lane to the right of Joe’s car. As soon as the light turned green, I entered the intersection rolling about 5 MPH. I did not see the speeding car to the left of me; Joe’s car and the rain on my side window obstructed my view. As soon as I cleared the front end of Joe’s car, I was smashed into by the car running the now red light. The other driver was intoxicated above the legal limit.
The next thing I knew I was gasping for air. My ribs had broken, my diaphragm was ruptured, my left lung collapsed, most of my internal organs were lacerated and bleeding, my head had shattered the drivers side window. I was fading into a state of shock. The last thing I remembered was grabbing the paramedic working on me by the front of his coat. I said in a gasping whisper, "Help me, I can't breath."
There was something wrong I remember telling myself, for a moment I couldn't realize what it was that seemed wrong. Then it hit me: “I just died, I just died,” I said to myself. “Oh no I just died!” I had a feeling of despair, but that feeling of despair lasted only a brief moment. The feeling of despair was replaced with a feeling of knowing that my death was exactly what should be happening right then. I thought to myself, "I am supposed to be dead right this very instant." And as I said that to myself I felt as if I was looking down to my left, in my minds eye that is, I had no tangible body that I could see. I was looking down to the left at what I would call a representation of Earthly life. Not exactly a vision of the Earth from space, but a very similar kind of vantage point. I acknowledged this view for a moment, then turned my gaze up and to the right.
As I was gazing up and to the right, my orientation felt like I was now facing forward, going up and forward. I remember feeling happy and comforted by the thought of going this way. On the way up and forward I began to see little movie clips appear in front of my gaze. The little clips were scenes I had forgotten about from childhood, like me and brother Dale in the backyard talking and laughing. These clips went very quickly, and they made me feel happy. The next sensation I had was leveling off from my up and forward movement. I felt a presence next to me now, I could not see anyone but somehow I knew someone was there. I felt as if I was now standing at an entrance to a dark room.
The room that I was looking into was black and dark, yet I could make out subtle distinct shapes in the middle of the room. I could still feel the presence of someone next to me, almost as if they were mentally telling me where to look next. I found myself compelled by this guide to look at the figures that were now becoming more clearly seen in the middle of the room. I could now see that they looked like a choir of black robed beings, seated on tiers like a choir stands on when they perform. These beings were not looking back at me, instead they seemed to all be looking the other way. Just as I thought to myself " I wonder who they are?" They all turned toward me at the same time, a powerful light beamed out from where their eyes and mouth would be. They had no faces, just bright beaming light streaming at me, through me, into me. At that very instance I felt a powerful exchange take place between me and the beings of light. I felt as if all the answers to all the questions I had ever had wanted answered, were answered simultaneously. It wasn't like I knew any one specific answer, more like I just knew everything there was to know, ever. I also had the feeling that as I received this knowledge from the beings of light, I in turn gave to them all the unique experiences that I had accumulated from my time alive on earth. They gave me what they had, and I gave them what I had to contribute. It was very pleasing to do this exchange. I felt completely free and content.
After the exchange with the beings of light, I felt myself float up and over the room. I now felt like I was warm and very loved and very happy to be there. I felt my sense of self begin to expand, like I was dissolving into the warmth of this reality, becoming a piece of a very wonderful whole. I wanted for nothing, except to feel like this forever. And just as soon as I felt like this, I found myself back at the entrance to the room of the beings of light.
Something felt wrong; I wondered what had happened. I felt a presence of my former guide meeting another entity in front of the beings of lights choir stand. They seemed to be having a disagreement about something; I had hoped that it was not about my being here. I couldn't tell exactly what the problem was but I sensed there was a very serious one. I had the sense that I was being brought back to life back on the earthly plane, and that this entity talking to my guide was not happy about this turn of events. I was beginning to get a bad feeling about the whole scene taking place in front of me. I was indeed being brought back to life on the earthly plane, and I was to leave this wonderful place. I felt that this entity was not happy at all with the doctors who were saving my life, and neither was I. I wanted to stay, but I knew I would be going back. And back I went. The next thing I am aware of is the beeping of my heart monitor, awakening out of a three-day coma in my hospital bed. I'm back and I begin to feel some pains inside my guts, I cannot move, I cannot speak, all I can do is think about how beautiful it was to be on the other side of this life.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, November 11, 2003 - 04:35 pm:
I was having a hysterectomy. I was Mormon at the time. My 10 y/o son, Troy, called me and told me that he had dreamed for 7 nights in a row that I was going to die. He begged me to call the Elders for a "healing blessings", which I did. On the second incision, I went into cardiac arrest and was technically "dead" for 5 min. 52 sec. I was suddenly above the operating theatre <teaching> screaming, "Don't do it!! Don't bring me back, please!!"
Allow me to divert for a moment: I was born a "totally awake" psychic. I saw and spoke with supposedly "dead people", including the being known as Jesus, all of my life. I meditated regularly, and prayed regularly. I was accustomed to being out of my body frequently while doing this. I think this is why there was no "tunnel/white light" in my experience. I was already familiar with and comfortable on the "other side".
Suddenly I was in a round Greek style temple that was not roofed. Jesus was before me and I was aware that there were 70 other people there to work with me. There was a mist that hid their faces from me, though I could see Jesus quite clearly. I was aware that each of them was working with me in my soul's growth and various karmic matters I had elected to work on during this body's sojourn.
Jesus informed me that I had completed the work I had come in to do, and had "channeled" the 3 souls who would affect the future <my>. I could now stay with these beings, or I could take on another assignment and return to the earth plane.
I don't usually make hasty decisions, and "he" knew that. I told him that was ridiculous. I would need time to consider the pros and cons of both scenarios, and that earthly body wasn't going to last for long. He laughed, snapped his fingers and my 3 children were standing before. I instantly knew that I had the "keys" that would unlock their memories when it was time for them to awaken, but that their father did not. If I opted to stay, they would have to come into the body again in another life to fulfill their destinies.
I look at Jesus and said, "That's really unfair!! You know I can't leave them to come back again. This is emotional blackmail!" At which he cocked and eyebrow at me and laughed again. Then he responded, "But you do want them to succeed this time, don't you?" I replied, "Yes, you know I do. But I have a condition. If I go back, I want to be allowed to heal people. Not just their bodies, but their souls too. I want to awaken them to their soul's potential and Truth." Jesus smiled and answered, "As you desire, so shall it be."
I awakened to my anesthesiologist cursing up a storm. He told me that I scared him to death and that I had been technically dead. They were leaving the operating room when my heart started again. I had been in coma for two days and was in ICU. I didn't remember the experience immediately. That came over the next six months in bits and pieces. My healing from the surgery was unprecedented. The next day I was up doing ballet bar exercises with a chair. The next day I was having wheelchair races with the interns. My doctor discharged me at that point. He had never had anyone heal as quickly as I had.
I had always been an extremely hyper person. It was impossible for me to be still. My behavior could have been diagnosed as ADDHD, though it wasn't that. I was highly impatient and excitable. After this experience, I would sit calmly for hours doing needlework. I was patient with everyone, and attentive. I would be quiet for hours, which was just the opposite of my behavior prior to this experience. After my mother watched me do this for a month, she looked at me one day and said, "You look like my daughter. You even sound like my daughter, but you are *not* my daughter. I don't know who you are, but you are not my daughter." She meant it too. She didn't recognize me; didn't know how to relate to me. Our relationship changed drastically and we were more distanced with each other after this. She never changed her mind that I wasn't "her daughter".
Over the next 3 years I finished my theology training and was ordained; lived and worked as a "live-in therapist" at a teenaged drug rehab environment <they>, had an overwhelming epiphany which opened my eyes to who and what I truly am; changed my name, divorced my husband, stumbled through discovering who I really was and that I didn't have to accept the judgments of other people about myself. I went through intensive therapy and had a near death motorcycle accident. Met and married my husband, and during his bout with cancer, prior to his death, discovered that I could heal people with my voice as well as my hands.
At this point, I stopped being a victim and became an empowered human being. I took charge of my life, made adjustments as I discovered new things about myself, changed my parenting modality, stopped dating for quite a while, opened a healing clinic and taught health care professionals how to do auric healing, laying on of hands, psychic diagnosis, and auric surgery. I had a direction, a purpose, and an identity. I have never wavered from that.
My chalice is always 3/4's full. I can find my joy in any situation. Like others, I am very accepting and strive not to be judgmental, though I failed more than I would like. I see and speak with dragons and faeries, communicate with flowers, herbs, vegetables, birds, and animals. I am less and less social as I age. I prefer the company of animals to humans in most instances. All of these things led me into "women's studies", then paganism, then witchcraft. Witches are the "Medicine People" of the Pagans. I'm very good at what I do.
One of my youngest grandsons told me this spring, "Grandma, you are the most patient human being I have ever met! I would never put up with what you do, but you always know how it will come out." My grandchildren are in awe of me. My children are still not sure how to take me. That is to be expected.
Now I teach the craft of the wise, healing, self love, etc. I have been named one of the leaders in American paganism because of my ability and my clear-sightedness. I keep as low a profile as possible for one who is internationally known through the internet. I believe there are no "accidents". All things happen in right order and right time. I am a catalyst in the lives of others, and I am complete within myself.
Christianity connected me to the divine. Buddhism grounded me and gave me permission to own my life and all my choices. Paganism fulfilled me and gave me a venue to work from in healing souls. I understand the meanings of so many things now that I didn't before. I enjoy sharing this with others. I have no problem sharing my experiences at any time.
In 1989 I became disabled with Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, and Fibromyalgia. I took an early retirement [after being] declared totally and permanently disabled in 1990. I believe this was to remove me from the "fast lane" and place me in a calm, peaceful, rural setting that would be more conducive to my heightened sensitivities to sound, light, color, smell, and nature. I don't believe I could have survived much longer in a city. The energy of cities batters me psychically. I have improved each year since then. I continue to serve where I am needed. My goal is to teach therapists and doctors my healing knowledge so that they can use it in their practices, or they can allow me to work with them on their patients.
By Anonymous on Thursday, October 2, 2003 - 04:16 pm:
What I remember,
some of this story is what my sister related to me months after the incident. The reason for this is I remember nothing. Most of the day was hazy, especially just before I had the cardiac arrest.
When I was 22yrs old I was living with my sister. Every Monday night she played beach volleyball and on occasion I’d fill in for a missing player. A vivid image of what I do remember is one of my sister’s friends stretching her legs. I do remember playing volleyball, but do not recall much. One minute I was playing volleyball, the next thing I knew I woke up in hospital. The unusual thing about waking up in the hospital was that it felt RIGHT. It felt that this was were I was supposed to be (although I have no recollection of anything that happened that could have led me there. [Question 5]).
I was sedated for 2 days and in those 2 days I felt that I was living in a dreamland, coming in and out of consciousness.
2 yrs. Later, I did a first aid course, and in this course they taught us a specific way to roll a person over on their side. We practiced it on a partner, then they practiced on me. When I was practiced upon, I definitely remembered being rolled exactly that way before. I knew straight away that it was from when I had my cardiac arrest. Deju vu. I did not have this memory prior to this first aid course.
When I was in hospital, I remember my mother shaving my face but my mother was supposed to be in Brisbane (1600kms away). I do not recall asking what happened but my mother tells me I kept asking everyone what happened. So when I woke up, I didn't ask any questions because I knew the answers. I just couldn't remember ever asking anyone anything. This is probably because of all the drugs I was given.
While I was recovering in the hospital, the ambulance drivers came in to see me. They told me to buy a lottery ticket and said that the chance for an out of hospital cardiac arrest survival was 1 in a thousand. On top of that, if it happened 6 months earlier, I wouldn't have made it to the hospital. Back then ambulances did not have defibrillators. My thanks go to the millionaire, who suffered something similar and therefore donated the money for defibrillators to be installed in ambulances.
I do not know how to word this next part but I will do my best.
When I read a book, just before I flip the page, I generally know what the next two or three words are. Also I often say things at exactly the same time as other people (jinx). We watched a home video of my sister and her boyfriend of their holidays together. In a part of the video, her boyfriend made an obscure comment on what I can't remember. But I do recall saying the exact same comment at the exact same time as he said it on camera while we were watching. Maybe I think the same way he does, or maybe it's psychic phenomena.
Now I am a 27-yr. old man, who was born with a hole in my heart. I have always had chest pain, (which is why I thought chest pain was normal) and now I have had an Inserted Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD, type of pacemaker) for 5yrs. My doctor wants me to have spinal surgery to remove some discs. He also said, if I do not have them removed, I could be a paraplegic in a few years time.
They tell me that I'm a very lucky man to still be alive. Sometimes I think that I am just unlucky not to be dead. They say you are still here because you have some unfinished business. But they never talk about the pain that comes with living.
I got this website from watching the movie Final Destination 2.
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 01:11 pm:
At the time this happened to me I didn’t know what it was all about.
These were the circumstances. I had a severe drinking problem, which developed over a period of years. I would go on a binge every 6 or so wks. I had gotten used to the horror of drying out. Although it terrified me at the time of “that weird experience” as I call it.
I just remember for a while the severe pain in my head disappeared for about 3 or 4 days after I stopped drinking. I couldn’t keep food or water in my system so I think I had alcoholic poisoning. The pain in my head was getting worse and worse it was as if it was in a vice and was getting tightened slow but sure. I went upstairs to lie down and just lay there in agony wishing it would leave.
Then what happened next was very scary. I was under the ground like being in tunnel. There were some other people but it was dark so I couldn’t make out who they were. As my fear was reaching the screaming stage I saw a dot of light and made for it. The next thing I knew I was in out from the dark and there was like sunshine all around me and a group of people were there. Two people in particular spoke to me but not with their mouth. Because I knew who they were I cowered. But in a split second it turned to relief. The woman said; “ITS OKAY WE LOVE HIM TOO”. You see the two women were my boyfriend’s wives. His first wife had committed suicide and his second had died from cancer after a short marriage. There was such a lovely feeling coming from them. They treated me like a much loved sister. And then I was looking at my mother who had died 3 or 4 yrs. previously from emphysema. She said; “I can breath alright now” and she was about 30 yrs. of age, but 69 when she died. She was letting me know she was fine now I’m convinced of that. The feeling all around me was utter love, unconditional love from every one. I also knew these people were all dead, but I wasn’t afraid. It was like coming home.
Then I began to feel apprehensive cause I couldn’t stay .I knew I came down from somewhere which scared me. Then the pain was back in my head, but more bearable.
Now since that time my life has improved where I believed in the religious side of things I don’t now. I do believe in a greater power of spirituality. After about a year I stopped drinking and haven’t drunk for almost 12years. I have a home of my own. Am no longer involved with the man who was in my life at that time. Things have happened to me beyond my wildest dreams .I know longer fear being dead as such life does go on. I’ve been there. I know what’s ahead of me. I’d like the human race to experience what I did. It was wonderful.
I’ve also had some spiritual things happen to me from my family who have passed on.
Over the last few years I can only assume that it was a NDE that I had but didn’t know what it was at the time. I didn’t tell anyone about this because they would think I was a nutcase. But I’m more of a person now. But will only talk about this with people with an open mind. Thanks for letting me share this with you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 12:20 pm:
I was being treated in hospital for a "chemical imbalance" after the birth of my first child. After having serious marriage problems I stopped sleeping much and was way too "up". About 10 days after the birth I entered the hospital. After initial assessment they decided I needed to sleep. I was walking down the hall of the hospital with my mom when the nurse approached with the medication. I took the pills and immediately felt the wild symptoms. I knew that I had to find my bed and called out to my mom to take me there, my eyes were rolling up and my tongue felt like it was choking me. I groped to my bed and fell unconscious face down.
I immediately left my body, travelling so fast within this amazing comforting all encompassing light (words cannot describe this feeling) I arrived at a place where a being (guide) held my hand while different parts of my life played out before me like a movie. However everything was from inside of the person I was with at the time. How they felt when I looked at them, talked to them.... It was a huge shock. I became full of knowledge that was like a burden to me. I still have to stop myself from telling people about themselves and their behavior today.
Anyway, next came more like a tunnel, at the end was a group of my family waiting for me in a garden. Far in the distance I could see many things like a beautiful city or large palace. It was strange because it didn't look like it was on land. Maybe an island or something. In-between was a small river it was amazingly beautiful. Things smelled wonderful. (Words are not powerful enough to describe these sights) there was music softly playing but no musicians. Everything was in its natural form. No technology.
My great-grandmother was the strongest presence there (and in life as well, I knew her until I was 14) and she broke into my amazed reverence and said point blank" you cannot stay here". I argued. I pleaded. She forced me to look down and all of a sudden I was in the hospital watching the doctor from a height of about 15- 20 ft or so. The ceilings were only average height so I was looking through the floor! My mom was on the side of the bed near the door and the nurse was on the other side. The doctor was right on the bed on top of me giving me a needle (adrenaline) into my neck, he was shouting at me "don't forget to breath". My mother was crying hard and holding onto the wall for support. I heard a voice in my head "you have a choice, will you leave your mother and your baby behind?" The very next moment I took a breath and opened my eyes, smiled at the doctor and said; “what are you so worried about I am fine”, and then I sat up. He freaked out. He pushed me back down and shouted at me to lay still. I tried to reassure him. I told him I saw what he did and that I went someplace wonderful. All he said was "I'm so glad you came back".
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 28, 2003 - 12:02 pm:
Back in the spring of 1992 I was going through a custody battle with my ex-husband over the custody of my two young sons. The experience was very stressful for me and at times I considered suicide but never made any plan or attempt to take my own life.
One day I came home from work and feeling exhausted I laid down on my bed to rest. I have no idea how long I'd been lying there but the next thing I remember was a feeling of being lifted up very quickly. Above me I could see a bright blue sky and clouds that were as white as you can imagine. The sun was shining brightly and the sky looked just beautiful. My ascent was so quick I could feel the pressure on my body and the force of the wind against me. As I sped through the white clouds I remember saying, "Please don't drop me". I wasn't really afraid but knew that I had no control over where I was or what was happening to me. I didn't see or hear anyone or anything but the clouds and the beautiful blue sky but somehow I knew it was God lifting me up and I was in his hands. All at once when I said that I started to descend back to earth again at a very rapid pace. Its funny because I never felt that I stopped rising before I started to fall it just happened. It didn't hurt but I could feel the pressure and the wind on me somewhat like feeling the gravitational pull when you are on a roller coaster.
When I woke up I was stiff and it took a few seconds before I could move. I raised my head and looked down at my arms and legs and they were stretched out as straight as a board on the bed. I could still feel the pressure from the force at which I'd been moving and it took awhile before I could move my limbs. When I finally did I just laid there wondering what had happened to me. I looked over at my clock to see how long it had been since I laid down but to this day I remember seeing the clock but for some reason it never registered in my head what time it was or how long I'd been there.
It's been 11 years since I had that experience and I still remember it like it was yesterday and wish someone could explain what happened to me.
If any of your followers are familiar with this type of experience they can contact me. Thank you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 02:33 pm:
The first thing I remember happening, is that I am all of a sudden outside the kitchen window on our farm. I believe this occurred when I was in the Hospital for two weeks during and after my surgery.
There was a glow from the east horizon that leads me to believe dawn was breaking, but what I remember most is the feelings. I was me, but I wasn't. I was not afraid, and normally, I was terrified of the dark, and was not at all concerned about being outside our kitchen window. I remember I light glow from the window, probably our night light, and I had no interest in going back inside. I could hear everything, the sound of crickets I remember, and other sounds, as if they were magnified. I could look around me, and I did a slow peripheral once around, although I do not remember how. I was confused, because although I recognized home, I knew I was not where I needed to be. There was a feeling almost of disassociation that I can not explain. And I was a child totally bonded to family and my siblings. I gradually remember feeling an awareness that I needed to go " up the hill". I do not understand this, although we were situated on the side of a hill, and up the hill would have been north. I only knew I had to go up the hill. I saw no one that I can remember, I don't remember waking from this experience, but I remember so clearly that once the realization that I had to go up the hill was firmly established, I felt the top of my head suctioned (that's the only way I can describe it) and I felt myself pulled with incredible swiftness and force. I can't remember where.
I did not have a clue what happened until I read an excerpt many years later in the Reader's digest, about Raymond Moody's book, and it described some of the features.
I have had some very strange experiences since, but the one most notable is, under a moment of extreme duress, I had my wedding ring melt on my finger. I still have this ring, and my daughter was present with me when it happened.
I can't explain it, nor my other experiences, but I feel sometimes that I live apart from others because of how I feel about life. I have an extreme desire to help other people who are in need, feel differently about some of the things that are important in life, and no one to really talk to about the things that I consider so important. I take for granted a lot of what happens in an out of the ordinary way, but I still have curiosity about it.
By Anonymous on Monday, September 22, 2003 - 10:50 am:
I was in the reserve medical forces (Territorial Army Medical Corp) and had plenty of training and experience of hillwalking all over the United Kingdom. I'd been part of the team that won the UK TAMC hillwalking competitions twice in a row, were prior 2nd and was one of the strongest members of the team. The year prior I'd also walked from Exeter to London (180 miles) in 7 days - no backup. Walking was my strength.
In October 1988 set off early in morning from nearest Youth Hostel (where I'd spent the night) to hike up Eire's Highest Peek. I was prepared carrying in approximately 6 miles a full pack.
Started the ascent along track by side of stream - mid morning. Reached the path in front of the Lough up the stream to the saddle. It must have been early afternoon now. Ascended to the peek, came back down to the saddle and route up looked too steep to attempt with full pack and no rope - checked map and decided to walk along ridges and down at the end where descent not so steep. Into walk wind picked up mist came down and exhaustion started to set in - mid/late afternoon.
Decided to rest a little - used up last of water and few remaining food supplies. Temperature and visibility dropped radically rain picked up as too wind chill factor. I needed to abandon the ridge a.s.a.p. and had to rely purely on compass bearings over rocky steep terrain, with map showing I was in the area of shear cliff drops.
Now, exhausted, cold, wet, no food water, exposed and in a geographically risky situation. I had no choice but in later afternoon to try and sit it out! At first, plenty of shivering but this quickly reduced to nil, as I didn't have the energy left to shiver. My extremities initially felt freezing and this gradually extended from fingers, toes and face, to hands, feet, legs, arms, body, then nothing. By this time I was drifting in and out of 'sleep' seeing myself elsewhere then finding myself back on the mountain. I'd tried the international distress signal but the wind blew the sound back to me and each time I blew it meant exposing my face to the elements. The mist was so thick that the touch light - used to signal, was also bounced back. There was no way I was coming off this mountain alive. I knew it and I resigned myself to it.
I thought that now I was to die what did this hold? If I were to die and there was no afterlife then it held nothing for me - but, if there were an afterlife, whom would I want to see? That person was my Grandmother. She was a devout Christian and I realized that if she were right she'd be in Heaven and that I was far from a state of grace and as such would not be going to heaven if there were a heaven. So, I prayed for forgiveness and that I would be put out of my suffering and I prayed for those I'd leave behind. I don't know what time it was by now and I had made my piece with God and the world.
Then it happened, I don't know how long it actually lasted, it seemed like a split second but before it happened it was completely dark and after dawn was starting to break.
I found myself -who/whatever myself was without a body completely surrounded by a bright white light unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. There was no floor, walls, ceiling just the light. And the emotions - the closest word to it I can think of filled me with such overwhelming peace, joy - Love. Like nothing I'd explored before or since! In front of me stood a person in a white robe draping down to his feet. His arms were outstretched and behind him was a cross - but not of wood, of something I do not know. He looked at me and I was in a state of immense peace, as too he and I knew him to be Jesus. There were no remains of the crucifixion physically on him and I have since learned to recognize his state as being post the transfiguration. I was dead.
Suddenly, I was back on the mountain, dawn was about to break, and I was cold, exhausted, and thirsty beyond belief and famished. Yet, shortly after dawn the mist began to break and I found myself perched on a small ledge over what must have been a three hundred-foot sheer drop. To one side, very close, I could make out a sheep track that could safely lead me off the mountain.
I don't to this day know where I found the strength from to come the 4 miles down and back out to civilization and I still even now have lost sensation in all my fingertips being left only with a continual feeling of pins and needles. I was a pagan when I went up and came down a devout Christian and continue to remain so.
My family and friends couldn't believe what had happened and tended not to believe me or wrote it of as some sort of post traumatic stress disorder. So, for the past 15 years I've kept it to myself, my wife and my mother-in-law (devout Christian) as I don't want to risk being given some sort of a 'mental illness label', or loss of confidence from those whom I live and work with. Until these last few days, I thought I was the only one, or of very few.
By Anonymous on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 10:44 pm:
July 3, 1999 1:12 am. I borrowed a new motorcycle and was travelling at a high rate of speed in an area that I knew well.
I wrecked the motorcycle (high sided) and my body flew approx. 128 feet. At point of rest, I struck my head on a curb. (And no I wasn't wearing a helmet.) I had a serious head injury and I do not remember anything for the next 25 or so days.
I was in a coma for the majority of that time. My Neurosurgeon advised me, when I met him unmediated, that I died twice on the O/R table.
One of my first conscious thoughts after I came out of the coma was to look for my mother, who died in '84. And to look for a best friend, who was killed in '94. I had conscious thought and knowledge at the time that they were both deceased. I still looked for them, and I could feel them with me. I had the feeling of both my mother and friend being with me for several days, then the feeling dissipated.
I often wondered if the feeling of my friend and mother because of the head injury, or an actual life event. Currently, I have strong feelings that they were with me and helped me survive my injuries.
In addition, I wonder if I had an out of body experience and fail to remember that event.
By Anonymous on Saturday, September 20, 2003 - 11:49 am:
I had hemorrhoid banding and ended up with a blood infection, gained 150pounds of fluid, died on the operating table, life-flighted to Pittsburgh and unconscious for three weeks. When I became conscious I recognized my family but I had lost memory. I still have memory loss of experiences related to a time before the event.
During the unconscious state, I remember darkness and peace. Following the experience and during recovery I never felt fear...I wanted to get on with my life and I felt an intense desire to do so. I was frustrated by my memory loss...such familiar things as not recognizing familiar people, not recognizing familiar places. Much of this is returning in bits and pieces.
At the same time of my recovery my life was changing. I lost my job...the hospital closed...I was in the process of taking over an outpatient drug and alcohol program and maintained some clinical responsibilities and volunteer roles. I was pulled back into these roles with great acceptance which helped my recovery. In spite of the unfamiliarity I was anxious to get back into my life. My family tells me this was always my style but I have a greater sense of purpose and a willingness to challenge the status quo and to focus on relationships and a central core of values. I am also more willing to resist the desire to focus on money or power and to resist the desire to condemn or criticize. I also feel myself going into depression at times but have through my struggles (life purposes) and engagement into these struggles I can always pull myself out of them.
My engagements are more fulfilling and they tend to focus on helping others. Or being engaged in a struggle that is bigger than me, my family core and extended. I am Director of an failing Outpatient Drug and Alcohol Rehab, Private practice with a range of individuals including a new direction thrown to me...assessing overweight individuals seeking gastric bypass. I am president of the Local Mental Health Association struggling to raise $300 for new center and I am president of a Partnership on Aging, an organization focused on Culture Change in how we deal with older adults. And finally I am helping to lead a task force to cope with substance abuse in our children. These are overwhelming at times, but I have found that my experiences over the last several years has given me a way of coping...mostly through connectedness with the good caring people attached to each.
I have begun to connect with several individuals of faith who are also providing treatment...attempting to blend their faith and goal of helping others cope with mental health concerns. I have also made a connection with an old friend and mentor, a psychoanalyst who is spreading his understanding of the role of rejection in the formation of mental health and substance abuse problems and the need for acceptance in healing the wounds. This simple concept I believe has such powerful implications in bridging the formal mental health field and the core of faith/spirituality. I am just now beginning, through this process to get a sense of a higher power.
Thank you for the opportunity to express myself even though unorganized. I found your sight because I was looking for some material for a radio show I have been asked to be part of in this County...On Death.
Thank You!!!
By Anonymous on Friday, September 19, 2003 - 10:42 am:
I was hit head-on by a large auto. I was in a small compact car. I was not drinking. The last thing I remember was leaving a town, about 8 miles from home. The next thing I remember, it was almost 2 months later and I was in a hospital.
The first thing I did when awaking that particular morning was ask the nurse where I was. I knew it was a hospital. I asked her if I had died, twice. To please check my records, I knew I had, but didn't know how. She explained to me, how long I had been there, a car accident and my injuries. I had a Traumatic Brain injury, internal bleeding, broken jaw (2 places) sprained neck and back, left leg (6 broken bones), right leg (3 broken bones) & and had three operations to repair the total loss of the heel on the right foot. It was first said that I would not live. Swelling on the brain was extensive. Then I would be either a vegetable or permanent amnesia, (I did suffer short term memory loss for almost three years before it was okay). Family and friends say I still do, however, I do not realize it.
The accident happened at night and it was dark.
My first episode: I felt very cold, (it was Sept. 4th), I felt horrible pain, suddenly a very bright light came to me from above. I left my body, I had no pain, I was warm, the further I went the brighter and more at peace I felt. Suddenly I was in a large room. There is no way to accurately describe it, except BEAUTIFUL!! The walls were not solid. They looked like a soft mist. And the color!! It was soft pastel rainbow colors, is the best I can tell you. I could see shadows of what looked like people behind the wall. I stopped in the center completely at peace. I felt a tug, I cried out NO! I knew I was going back, and I did not want to. The further I returned, I could begin to feel cold and I could feel pain again. Suddenly I knew I was back and I knew I was going to die if I stayed. I couldn't handle the pain. Again the tunnel appeared. It was glorious. It was even more beautiful and remarkable the second time. As I entered the room I kept going completely to the wall and I stopped. I could put my hand through it, and there is no way I can describe the wonder and emotion I felt. I just knew I wanted to go in. In front of me, just behind the mist, was the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld. It was a large vibrant glowing peaceful figure, and I KNEW it was HOLY. I put my hand in, I could feel His, I asked if I could please enter. The most wonderful sound came to me; "Your work isn't finished yet". I said, "but I can't handle the pain". Again He spoke, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you". I felt a tug, I wasn't scared, as I left, it did get darker, but I felt no pain.
He kept his promise; I went through the worst of my healing and don't remember any of it. This is and always will be the most wonderful experience of my life. I am convinced then and now, it was My Higher Power talking to me.
I only wish I knew, is there a special project or mission I am supposed to be doing? Am I missing what I am to finish, or was it just to live day to day life and LIVE? I DON'T KNOW???????????? That bothers me.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 09:09 pm:
I was taken to a dark room and placed on a slab. Then, a man came in and spoke to me about my condition. He was dressed in a black hooded shroud very satanic. He said he could help me...help me with what? I don’t know to this day what I needed his help with. He left my sight & I started to look around the area I was in. It was what looked like a mid-evil dungeon. The next thing I know the man returns with a woman and tells me that they can help. And then cuts off both my legs. Puts my body and legs in a box and seals the box. I then watch the box with me in side of it put in the back of a wagon and taken to a furnace and put into it. Once the box is put in I found my-self in the box with flames licking at me.
I then awoke in a hospital bed. 2 weeks had passed.
My last memories were of riding my motorcycle on the evening of May 11, 1997 and then it was the afternoon of May 27. I was in the hospital bed with a broken foot, both legs, back, hand and skull.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 08:55 pm:
After having a routine colonoscopy, I experienced moderate left shoulder pain. I was told to go home and rest.
My husband became alarmed later as I was having trouble breathing and took me to the ER.
After a work up it was discovered I had a ruptured spleen and significant blood lost and was rushed to the operating room. I knew people were talking right in front of me but they sounded far away.
The next thing I knew the pain was gone and I was standing on a very narrow ledge. I had the feeling that there was darkness and a void behind me. I had on a long robe and my arms were out stretched as if I was going to fly. I had the most peaceful feeling and I was overjoyed that the pain was gone. Wind blew my hair and I felt so cool and relaxed. In front of me was a beautiful lake, the color of green/blue was overwhelming. On the surface at the horizon was a bright silver sphere with triangles projecting. It reminded me of the sunrise. From the sphere a bright silver ribbon flowed to the water's edge. I looked down and the water was just gently lapping toward my toes, my feet were bare. I tried very hard to move forward but I was glued to the spot, I just knew if I could get to the water I would be lifted up on the water and float to the sphere. But try I as I may I could not move my feet.
The next thing I know is I wake up and I am in the ICU unit, having lost close to 6 pints of blood.
By Anonymous on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 05:38 pm:
About four-five years ago I developed a very bad blood infection that went undiagnosed until the point I became deathly ill. The illness had progressed to the point where I was in critical condition. I was terminally ill and at one point actually felt impending death and that I could indeed be dying. There was nothing comforting, or peaceable about the experience, as I was not prepared, nor willing, to accept this end game.
I believe that I may have experienced this near death experience, but it certainly wasn't as described by more glamorous and transcendental depictions. I remember lying in my hospital bed feeling morbid and frankly borderline deathly. I became defensive and determined against these feelings and would not allow myself to give in emotionally, or psychologically, to them. I resisted and it was a labored process, a literal mental struggle, to resist these foreboding feelings from taking over my processes.
It was late nighttime and I was very concerned about falling asleep and the sensations that then started seemed very real and very much out of my control. I started drifting, in full awareness, into this non-sleep/non-dream like state that was totally unlike fully awake cognizance/reality. I distinctly remember a feeling of heightened awareness that what was happening to me I wasn't prepared for and wasn't ready to give in to and that I needed to resist with as great of effort as possible to overcome if I could. I was determined as the saying goes to not go down without a fight. These feelings, this altered consciousness, became more powerful -- actually more aptly described as more enveloping -- and I had a very real and remembered feeling of separating from my body just as reported by other people.
I seemed to be floating above my body, able to visually see the environs of my hospital room and slowly drifting towards the lighted doorway and the ward hallway. In this state I knew what was taking place and what was going to happen to me. And I resisted and it took an immensely powerful psychological and emotional struggle against what was taking place. I was not prepared to die. I would not accept it. I was a single father with a then 8-year-old son that my death would have been catastrophic. I had a feeling that it was imperative to get back into my body and to get 'awake' to overcome and offset and survive this ordeal. I kept struggling to resist against the pull that was drawing me to the lighted doorway. The lighted doorway was just that, a lighted doorway because the room was dark as others were asleep, it was late at night and the hall lights were on. They could not be confused with past reports of bright lights and tunneling. At no point was there any of those sensations, or feelings of euphoria. I kept telling myself in very strong feelings that I needed to resist without any trepidation, or halting hesitation to survive. I began verbally asserting my outrageous opposition to what was pulling me and that I was determined to prevail. It was an undeniable recognition that I must get back into my body and to return to a 'normal' cognitive reality in order to not die. I can't say 'asleep', or 'awaken' because these states and terminology didn't describe the state, the reality, that I was in and experiencing and it was very real.
I remember that everything seemed in slow yet perceptible motion and during my struggles this forward progress seemed to have been stopped by some unknown influence. I can't say whether it was my struggles, or my reluctance to give in to the processes I was experiencing that aborted this 'journey', or some other unworldly and never made aware to me at any time unknown whatever that stopped the process for whatever reason, but the next thing I know, the exact moment my forward motion progress had stopped, I was back in my body and wide awake. Sort of.
It was a completely alien state of awareness that I was in for a moment. I knew that I had returned to my body, but yet my spirit, my being, and my non-physical composition (my whatever) was seemingly out of sync with my physical body. It just seemed like my body, mind and spirit were out of sync and all needed to become re-engaged to become 'whole' again. As soon as everything seemed 'tuned' I was fully back and in control and quite beside myself. I knew what I had just experienced and I wasn't prepared to accept it. And I knew that what I had experienced was indeed very real and had actually taken place.
What I'm not certain of is whether my struggles caused the return to my physical body, or some unknown entity allowed me to return. A feeling I have is that my struggles made it become apparent I wasn't prepared, nor a willing participant to what was taking place and the process was therefore allowed to be stopped.
I can tell you unequivocally the process is for real. And I can also tell you that I haven't been the same since. It had a profound effect on how I perceive the experience of life and the transient nature of it and that I don't feel that I've fully recovered in a clinical definition from the experience, that it had a definite medical effect on my capacities.
This was a very powerful and evocative experience. There was nothing surreal, or subjective about what happened -- it is there waiting as a part of and a fact of existence.
For whatever it is worth...
By Anonymous on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 10:27 pm:
I'm a 52 year old senior in Western Washington University's Human Services baccalaureate program out of Bellingham, Washington. I just finished reading Dr. Barbara Rommer's Blessings in Disguise; I was introduced to the book by a study group presentation in a Loss, Grief, & Bereavement class. Your book answered so many questions for me. Although I knew that I had experienced an NDE, I didn't fully realize what had happened to me or how profoundly it had affected my life. Now I understand why I'm not so troubled by death, why I'm not materialistic, and why I'm so accepting and nonjudgmental of people and situations. I haven't been angry in so long and I couldn't fathom why; I thought there had to be something wrong with me. There is so much I'd like to add, but this letter is already too long and I'm sure you've got your hands full. I wrote the following piece about two years after NDE/LTP happened. For a long time afterwards, even a passing thought about the experience would trigger a severe panic repose. I wrote this for a college English 101 class; the assignment was to write about a significant personal event. Luckily the instructor wasn't too freaked out! I haven't changed what I wrote for this class, but I have added a few notes.
Ian Flemming (James Bond) wrote "You only live twice, once when you're born and once when you stare death in the face". Among humankind, the rarest encounter with death is to transcend it through an afterlife experience. Most who return to tell the tale, describe a long tunnel ending in a bright and majestic Light: illuminating, expanding, and enlightening. There is a dark side to this experience that few survive, spoken of only in whispers. I journeyed down this dark path and stood at the crossroads of life and horrible death. It was a significant event, clouded in the mists of the spiritual. More than life changing, it signaled the beginning of life returned - a last chance to dwell among the living instead of languishing among the undead. [It was such a blessing to read Rommer's book and discover that my experience wasn't unique. Finally understanding what happened to me has enabled me to be grateful for who I am instead of apprehensive about being different.]
My journey began as a child of the 50's, born to parents radical for their time. I was raised in a world of beatniks, folk songs, art galleries, and social protest. Such a liberal and progressive upbringing should have prepared me to accept the 60's Hippie Movement as a logical extension of my avant-garde beginnings. My twin brothers (a year younger than me) grew into adulthood unscathed and well balanced. I would have too, but for one fatal flaw, one genetic trait, one lethal predisposition; I was born with a profoundly addictive personality. In the free flowing drug scene of the 60's, I found the destruction of my life.
Years followed years that followed years. Marriages that began with bright promise, ended in pain and confusion. Career goals waned with time, abandoned amidst failure and panic. Children loved, but lost in forgetfulness. Geographical moves from state to state and country to country. Ever seeking and never finding, but always hounded by the specter of addiction. The lifestyle of the confirmed addict takes its toll. It's sad to look back and realize that I've outlived most of my youthful contemporaries. Alas, all nightmares come to an inevitable end. After 30-something years of use and abuse, I was an emaciated mental degenerate, spiritually demoralized and lost in addiction. I was no longer employable, no longer able to fend for myself, and no longer in touch with the here and now. Reality and I had long since come to a parting of the ways.
Alone and despondent in a room at a nameless motel, I prepared once again to escape reality into a separate and secret world of magic and light, with a massive injection of chemicals. [For several years I'd been using lethal doses of cocaine as a trigger to move my spirit onto the astral plane] Suddenly, it was as if I stood beside myself, watching as some part of me seized control - injecting many times the amount intended. This was no accident, and I was powerless to prevent it. I watched in shock and amazement as I took my own life with a lethal overdose. Can the subconscious mind commit suicide? I hadn't made a conscious plan to take my life. I hadn't followed the ritual giving away of treasured belongings. I hadn't said those veiled good-byes. I hadn't surrendered to the euphoria that is part of the last and final decision to suicide out. I believed I was merely attempting one more temporary reprieve from painful reality. But in truth, some part of me was determined to die.
Glaring and fierce colors whirling with insanity...
A violent rending away...
Falling deeper and deeper into the abyss...
No anchor in reality...
No tether to the real world...
No lifeline, no escape, no return...
Doom and terror...
A vast and cavernous realm
Awash with twisted and morbid images...
Madness, malevolent madness...
In the midst, I beheld the Entity...
We humans are endowed with an amazing system of checks and balances that protect us from memories too intense and threatening to recall. Until recently, if my thoughts drifted into this chapter of my life, I would curl up in the fetal position, eyes wide in stark terror... Further details of this incident are still thankfully closed to me - except for this message delivered in a voice seething with malice:
"Fool! Years ago I offered you power, prestige, and position. You could have enslaved, manipulated, and controlled in my name. In your pitiful arrogance, you thought to turn me down, but I've stalked you all these years. You thought yourself on a quest for a 'Separate Reality'. This was my second and secret offer. You bought the pain without the pleasure. Fool! You bought the deception! I had you without having to play out false promises. In accepting the Quest - you sold your soul! You are mine! Your life is forfeit!" [Note: I stood looking up at an entity that looked similar to the Balrog in the Lord of the Rings movie (I briefly panicked when I saw that on the movie screen!) I don't remember fear as much as a desolate resignation and utter hopelessness.]
Was it live or was it Memorex? Was it a legitimate spiritual experience, or the drug drenched ravings of a madman? The Entity's vicious reminder of an offer of power refused so long ago pulled this incident into active memory.
I remember turning that offer down on the eve of my first marriage. I also understood its reference to the Quest. Early in my addiction, I'd surrendered myself to the whole "tune in, turn on, and drop out" 60's drug mentality. Timothy Leary and Carlos Castaneda showed me the way and the "Berkley Barb", the "Haight-Ashbury Oracle", and the "San Francisco Free Press" gave me how-to instructions in vivid detail. Now the Quest to transcend time and space, to cross over into a "Separate Reality", was revealed to be a lie. My thirty-six year chemical trek towards enlightenment was destined to fail from the very beginning... by design! I was left holding an empty bag.
I don't know how long I was absent from my body, nor do I know with any certainty how I was able to return. [Note: A bargain was struck that allowed me to return to my body - by whom and what the details were have not been revealed to me. I know that if I ever return, there will be no second escape.] I remember coming to consciousness a day or two later, still alone in that motel room.
I felt totally despondent over the years of seemingly irreparable harm that I'd done to my mind and body, chasing after something that was never there to begin with. What a waste! I'd like to be able to say that I never used drugs again, but I'm an addict. That's what I do. However, the realization that my days were numbered and the end was very close at hand began to assume clarity. I had to find a way to stop using drugs, or I would die. If I died in my addiction, I'd be returning to that abyss.
I knew that the Entity wasn't thrilled with my escape. I also knew that no power in me could have returned me to life. It had to have been a Power greater than me and more powerful than It. I prayed that this Power would help me find a way to live without the use of drugs.
My body had been saturated with chemicals for so long, I could no longer function without something in my system. Even simple tasks like bathing and brushing my teeth were a struggle. In desperation, I stopped bombarding my system with massive doses of chemicals. I stopped using needles and figured this would solve the problem. But I'd sit for long periods of time, rocking back and forth, mouth hanging open, drooling, and lost in hallucinations. I'd do just enough dope to be able to sit with my mouth closed and maybe take a shower. The illusionary sights and sounds never really stopped. I wasn't getting any better.
I finally toddled down to Mental Health, leaning heavily on my cane. I told them I was really crazy, and ask if they could please give me some pills to make my brain work right again. After a lengthy evaluation, they gave it to me straight. I was in the last and final stage of acute chemical dependency. My brain had been so damaged from drugs, that it was impossible to separate mental illness from my addiction. I needed treatment as soon as possible. I did not have long to live. Mental Health "pinned a note to my shirt" and sent me shuffling down the street to an agency that could help me get into residential treatment. I know that if a Power greater than I hadn't interceded, I would never have been able to wade through all of the confusion and red tape involved in finding help. Treatment would be a three month wait (an eternity for an addict like me!) I prayed that the Power that rescued me from death would please help me live long enough to get to a place where I could learn how to stop using drugs. Through that simple prayer, my obsession and compulsion to use drugs was gradually lifted over that three month period. I had been clean for three days by the time I got my bed at the treatment center. I vowed to myself, and to this Power that seemed willing to help me, that I would do whatever it took to find a way to live life free of addiction. I know now that a Power greater than I did for me what I was unable to do for myself.
I know now that I had what Dr. Rommer would call a type III Less Than Perfect Near Death Experience - in spades! Even though this happened over seven years ago, I still find it unsettling to delve too far into the incident. I've been clean now for almost six years. Early recovery was a struggle with brain damage from the massive infusions of chemicals. I read and reread books on American Indian spirituality - it made sense to me and rang true in my Spirit. I still follow this Way; organized religion seems too linier and controlling. I live life a day at a time, and I'm grateful for every day spent on the green side of the lawn! And I won't mind dying; death is simply a change of worlds. I've taken enough of your time. These first steps in understanding my NDE has helped me to be more at peace and accepting of myself.
By Anonymous on Monday, September 8, 2003 - 09:53 pm:
I was in a car accident, unbeknownst to me at the time of experience.
I just kind of popped into darkness. But I felt forward motion. Until I felt pulled into what felt like a book with turning pages. I seemed to move within the book as it felt as if I was moving with the pages. I felt an abrupt stop almost as if someone put their finger on the page and I abruptly stopped and popped out onto a grassy field in front of what looked like a glass structure.
A woman dressed in white appeared. She talked to me very briefly, without moving her lips. She basically told me that everything would be alright but that it was not my time. I felt as if I wanted to stay and hear more, but before I could blink in normal time, I seemed to do the entire travel in reverse.
I popped out above the scene of the accident moving in snapshot like movements to my car. Closer and closer I came until I seemed to crash into myself at the top of the car and into my head. It was soft though.
That was when I could hear my ex talking to me. Then I could see and hear everyone, but could not answer.
When I got to the hospital, I told my ex that I had to call her and tell her that she was right, everything was ok. When I felt this wave of confusion come over me wondering how I was going to reach her. I was disappointed.
The biggest change that came over me was that I was stronger and more emotionally equipped to deal with the things that had previously sent me into crying fits and depression. The most wonderful feeling that I felt was for the first time in most of my existence was a lack of fear and the freedom I felt when I was free of my body.
I had always believed in God as a child, but had become distant toward the heavens because life had dealt me quite a few blows. But from that time on, I felt as if someone were listening to me. I talked to God more. In time, I felt his guidance through some troubling times.
Subsequently, when I cleared up alot of old baggage, my sense of knowing kicked in. I once even did what would be the equivalent of a spontaneous psychic reading on a coworker, and his girlfriend at the time. I told him alot about himself and his relationship and how the two of them interacted and some very personal things including the fact that he was once more spiritual, that I could see it in him. But that he needed to get in touch again and get married because he felt he was doing wrong by living with his girlfriend. I stressed several times that they had the capability to be the best of friends and the worst of enemies. They were both amazed and I was more than amazed, as I felt as strange about it as he did.
There were several occasions that my intuition would kick in and I would have dreams. When my current fiancée couldn't remember what cigarettes his Dad had smoked in life, I looked at his Dads picture and said, "Pall Malls?". Warnings of car impending car accidents and deer warnings. Not an everyday occurrence, if anything it felt more on an as needed basis.
By Anonymous on Sunday, September 7, 2003 - 07:08 pm:
My family and I were going to drive to my dance studio on Labor Day to prepare for the new dance year beginning the following day.
My husband and I decided to take our 3-year-old, out of the car seat and onto the regular car seat since the law says they don't need to use a car seat when they turn 4. He was to be 4 in 10 days. We buckled him in the back seat center. My other son age 12 and daughter, age 9 were fighting as per usual over who would sit in the seat behind daddy. My daughter made it there first.
It was a dark and rainy day and as we drove. I yelled at my husband for speeding. He pointed out the window at the speed limit sign and said, "I'm going the speed limit. 55." and then pointed to the speedometer. It seemed like he was speeding since the roads were wet and there was excess traffic on the road.
Without notice a white van/truck from the opposite lane came at us and then in front of us to take a left turn. She drove even faster when she realized that she was about to hit us. She probably figured she'd try to out run the accident by hurrying.
I saw her at the last second and went into some kind of shock. My husband said I screamed "NO!"
(I don't remember) and literally one millimeter of a second before impact my eyes were filled with a light white yet lime greenish light. It was virtually a second. It was confusing but didn't seem "unfamiliar". It wasn't brilliant or blinding or completely white. The color had lime in it. At impact I felt my husband's arm come across my chest to protect me. (Later at the hospital, I was so grateful that I was alive and so was he so that I could tell him that I felt that arm. It was comforting and will forever remain in my memory) I bounced around like a rag doll and forgot where I was and why I was flopping all over. I felt no pain and at the end I bounced up to the top of the car and when I did, I knew with every ounce of my being without a question that this was my death. I smiled. Not out of happiness but I think it was out of shock, as I knew that this is how it feels to die. It was pure helplessness and shock but somehow I smiled slightly. I'm not sure I thought of it then but I THINK I thought that dying wasn't painful. It was so easy how one can die so quickly without notice that it was..."acceptable".
Our car was totaled. It was a severe impact. The smell of smoke smelled like death. The sound of the crash was almost demonic. To see the car now one would say, "It's a miracle you're alive."
When we arrived at the hospital my husband who suffered only a fractured hand said "just before the impact I saw a light". My jaw dropped and I began to cry. We compared lights and he saw the exact color light I saw. Claimed it was somewhat comforting. BUT what blew me away was then he told me that our daughter, who was unconscious at the scene, had a concussion and a fractured leg, told him when she got to the hospital
"Daddy right before we crashed I saw a light."
That light saved us all. Our 3-year-old son, who was taken out of his car seat, had a tiny bruise on each hip. Had he been in the car seat, he would have surely fell forward as it was a cheap car seat and been killed on impact on the middle dash. Our eldest son who did not see the light had bruises from his seat belt. I suffered major knee injuries but nothing severe.
We all made it home that very night to have pasta and say grace together as a family as we always have. It was a miracle.
That light stays with me. It overwhelms me and we all believe it was God's light.
By Anonymous on Friday, September 5, 2003 - 09:30 am:
After several months of on-going medical testing and conservative treatment for a spine disorder, I underwent major reconstructive surgery to my lower spine in July of 1998.
At this time I was convinced that I had become a complete burden to my family and my surgeon had explained to me that my recovery would be quite lengthy and I was very distressed by this. I had experienced several other surgeries in my past but I remember feeling very apprehensive about this one.
As I was kissing my husband before entering the operating room, I recall a feeling of deep fear. My surgery proceeded without incident but the nursing staff reported to my husband that they had a great deal of difficulty awakening me from the anesthesia.
Later on that evening my husband said that my respiration’s stopped and the alarm was going off. I was at the end of the hallway and the nurses did not hear it. He had to run down the hallway to the nurse’s station and got a nurse.
I recall walking at a normal pace down a tunnel with a bright light ahead and beautiful orchestrated music. I could also see a field of water-colored flowers that were swaying along to the music. There were to my left in the tunnel three distinct mountains that were only black. To my right I could see the outline only of what seemed to be a little boy motioning with his hand for me to come toward him. I tried to walk faster to reach him and my feet seemed to become heavier and heavier with each step. At that moment I knew that the little boy was my child that I had miscarried several years earlier and was never told by the Dr. what the sex of the fetus was. The harder I tried to reach him the heavier my steps became. Suddenly I awoke and it was over.
My husband said that the nurse had given me an injection in my juggler vein to initiate my respirations. She said that the narcotic dosage given to me after surgery for pain was administered to high and had stopped my breathing. For several days after that my husband was afraid to leave my side for fear that I might stop breathing again.
There is no one that can understand this unless they have had a similar experience. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to share this with you
By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 2, 2003 - 06:33 pm:
1. Driving across long causeway (over an area of Open Ocean), fell asleep at the wheel (had worked an overnight shift in a bank). The car veered to the right and hit a guardrail. As the car flipped over (repeatedly), I noticed that I was 'hovering' around the ceiling of the car, watching my body as it crashed around with each time the car rolled over. I watched in an extremely calm, serene state of mind. I also had a review of hundreds of life events, and each one offered a sense of profound insight.
2. The next six months, I was obsessed with a need to explore spiritual areas, and read many books on religion, Christian, Hinduism, all kinds of spiritual type books. Also read many books on quantum mechanics and physics. Learned how to meditate, and did so twice daily.
3. In one meditation experience, I had a profound experience, very much like the experience described by those who have 'crossed over'. I left my body, (actually looked down and saw what the top of my head looked like). Soon the experience of being engulfed by an indescribable light that consisted of pure love and acceptance happened and I was in that place for what seemed like 30 to 40 minutes. During this time answers to questions about the meaning of life etc were given to me but in a kind of incomplete manner. I was told that I could not be given all the knowledge yet since I still was 'living the human life'... I also felt that for the entire 40 minutes my need to breath ceased ... anyway the experience was so profound and earth shattering that I lived in its presence for weeks after. I described it to my mother, and I think she thought I was crazy (although she didn't say so).I know I had the 'near death' experience during this intense meditation session, even though I was not 'near death'. Is this possible? I was under a lot of emotional stress at the time, I realize that. Somewhere I was given this experience when I most needed it. And as others have said, the experience is NOT like anything we normally experience as humans. I saw colors so incredibly ‘alive’; they were not within the range of normal human senses. The whole experience made me see that our human senses are 1/1000 of what the spiritual world offers.
Anyway I do not want to ramble, but it is 24 years later, and I know it was the most profound thing that has ever occurred to me.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, September 2, 2003 - 06:24 pm:
First of all, I had more the one NDE, but this is the strongest experience. This is the only one that happened during influence of mushrooms, but in my opinion it was a lot more then just that influence. In my life I used mushrooms 3 times, and I smoked weed for about 2 years. My parents didn’t have religious believes, almost atheist, although that’s different now due to other things that happened. Maybe that’s relevant information to you.
It all happened in a period of my life that I quit school, moved to an other town, only felt negative energies around me, because at that time my 'spirit' (or whatever it is) lived in bad vibes. I was very aware of this 'higher dimensional environment' I was living in. I kinda decided that I didn’t want to flow between these realities, and in my inside I was screaming all the time; why am I here? Show me something! Tell me why I feel there’s more?
This all sounds very depressing and it kinda was; but I always had some kinda peace inside me saying that it was alright to suffer now, I could learn from it, and in the end everything will be alright. That feeling made me think I was crazy or schizophrenic, but it turned out to be very guiding :-)
When I had the experience:
I was sitting on the bank observing and experiencing all kinda vibes that were in the room and I felt they were the entrance to other realities and DEFINITELY no projection of my imagination. Suddenly I was thinking: what does it all matter? I want to go there now, experience something else...
In a flash I felt/see my whole being and what it has experienced till then. Maybe some kinda of a slideshow, but actually it was more like a feeling. The next thing that happened, was that I felt powerful ethereal tornado's, which in a flash made me feel like I was making a free fall, that took me with them.
Then I had to look twice to believe what I saw: I was standing beside the tornado like energies and....I was looking at my self sitting on the bank! My skin was death-like white, I seemed dead. This scared me a lot. In the mean time a GIANT wormhole or tunnel appeared to me where I could go into.
All the time there was a being with me, I realized that it always had been with me! But it was disappointed in me. I had the choice to go into that tunnel, but I felt my life would be a failure if I had chosen to do that. Then in a flash I got REALLY scared of the situation and felt the tragedy in this all. I cried inside my self really hard and had a lot of regret and shouted I wanted to do the right thing and go back.
Suddenly I was looking straight ahead to the wall...I was in my body again. My eyes must have been as wide open as they could, so it felt.
(((I lived in an apartment at the first floor (1 level up that is, not sure if first floor means; 1 level up) and the people that lived on the other side of the road could look into my apartment.)))
The last thing I remembered in my body, it was afternoon or so and there was light. When I got back into my body it was getting dark so a lot of time must have past. Thereby, the people across the street were standing in front of the their window, looking at me, as if they were looking at me for quite some time.
For some strange reason, when I looked at them when I got back, I could hear what they were saying (!) : (woman): Should we call an ambulance? or the police? (man): no, relax, he looks fine now, you see?
This experience was a turning point in searching for realities without any reference of limits or borders. It made me aware that not anything can be done, things can go wrong if you just do things without respect for life. I have to follow the positive signs in helping not only myself but also others in being aware of life. And not only that, also just to BE there for others.
I could go much more into detail, but I want to keep this story a bit compact. Also I had more NDE's that are quite interesting too.
Now I go to school, I’m in the final class VWO (that means in English: preparing scientific education) high school. At the same time I study at SAE, which is an audio engineering technology school.
Although my English isn’t very good, I hope I was clear with my story. Anybody is free to contact me about this.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 05:19 pm:
At 10 years of age, became very ill with "unknown" blood disorder. Was at home, and in and out of awareness. Doctor came to home to check on me. Heard him tell mother I was gravely ill and he didn't know what else to do for me.
Remember my mother calling to me to come back and then going through a dark place toward a lighted place. When I reached the lighted place my grandmother, who had died about 1 1/2 years previously, and with whom I was very close, was there. She hugged me and I remember what a beautiful meadow, with trees and water behind them it was. Also, what a feeling of love and peace from those who were there...some I knew and others I didn't "know", but knew loved me. I was not frightened at all. To one side in this meadow there was like a white light, so bright that I remember thinking that it should hurt to look at it, but it didn't hurt me when I did look at it. I felt such peace, happiness and love from this light. Then I remember my grandmother telling me that "it isn't time yet, you have to go back now"...I didn't want to come back and told my grandmother this but she said again "you have to go back...you're not through yet".
I then heard my mother crying from far away...and I remember coming back through the dark and my mother was over me yelling, "don't go...please come back"...and I opened my eyes. Since this time I have no fear of "death" because I know there's another place to go to that is beautiful, peaceful and surrounded by love.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 29, 2003 - 05:13 pm:
I was on a motorcycle at about 90mph in a two-lane road when out came a car from my right side and in front of me. I went from the right lane to the left lane as fast as I could and then realized that so did the car. As I applied the brakes there was a sprinkler on which was spraying half the road and I was on that half. The bike didn't slow down at all and somehow did not even fall over. It just stayed its course. At this point I was sure I was going to die.
That’s when I felt myself float away at about 15 feet to the right and close to the ground looking at myself on the motorcycle about 5 feet from the rear bumper of the car I was about to hit. As I see myself I notice that behind my head was my life flashing in fast motion backwards. I was able to focus on that and can remember some but most of all I remember seeing myself as a baby being held by a woman, I'm assuming is my mother. Then actually seeing through that baby’s eyes what seemed to be what it first saw when those eyes opened up after birth. At that point I was then back on my bike and saw the car in front of me with my headlights shining on the rear of the chrome bumper.
As I was just about to hit I felt myself being lifted to where I was almost standing up. Then from the impact I was going forward, which all seemed like slow motion. I saw and felt my head going through the rear windshield. That's when everything turned black and I felt myself floating. I was able to open my eyes to see but couldn’t make out what was in front of me. Then I looked down at myself to see if I was in one piece and noticed I couldn’t see myself but what I did see was a shadow of myself with my arms to my sides but up. As I was looking at myself I noticed I was not alone. All around me were other shapes very similar to mine and others different all moving forward. So I looked to see where we were moving to and that’s when I saw this very bright light far away. I seemed to be in some sort of ray of light going in its direction. When I saw this light the most peaceful feeling came over me that can never be described in human words. All I wanted to do was go to the light. What seemed so far away I reached in less than a second without the feeling of movement. As I was about to go into the light with even a more wonderful feeling, I noticed something below me and to the right. As I glanced over I noticed it was my mothers father who died years earlier looking at me waving his arms in a do not enter movement so I stopped in my tracks, like superman can do in his movies, and stared at my grandfather. I can't remember if he was trying to say something or not but I did not hear anything. I just knew he was telling me to stop.
That’s when my vision became very bright and white but my eyes stayed open. Then my body felt different, like my weight was back. It seemed like I was trying to close my eyes from the brightness but I was actually opening them. I remember feeling very confused about that but then my eyes opened and I saw that I was sitting on top of a car which was moving with my legs straight out and my upper body was in an upward position (sitting) with my back completely erect and my arms to my sides holding my self up. When I saw this I tried to move but could not for a couple of seconds then slowly I could. Without questioning my self, I jumped off the car and slid into oncoming traffic watching cars swerve around me. Then I stood up and saw the bike I crashed about 80 yards away.
I don't have any questions but any comments about my experience would be great. I just saw the DVD movie "Final Destination 2" and learned of "IANDS". I've told a few people about this but to be able to share this with some people that might have had similar experience feels pretty good.
By Anonymous on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 12:51 pm:
During surgery on my knee I had a bad reaction to the meds they gave me that caused my heart to stop and for them to inject me with some other meds.
During this time, I remember seeing my knee in the brace with the tubes and medal things sticking out of it. And I heard a voice that told me to calm down or I was going to choke on the vent tube. My eyes were taped. I saw my eyes taped. How did I see my knee? The ladies voice was that of my great grandma.
There are so many different things I’d like to talk to someone about. So many things that I am unable to describe. Things that have troubled my mind and made me wonder about things. I have alot of questions and I’d like to have some answers.
By Anonymous on Sunday, August 24, 2003 - 05:29 pm:
My family owned a farm in NW Louisiana. They were burning off the fields getting ready for the spring planting season, March 19,1958. I was 5 years old and joined my older brother in the field. The grass was burned black and no fire was there so I sat down on the ground. I did not see the cinders that were still there. It hit my petticoat and ignited. I ran through the horse pasture and my brother tried to save me. One of my most vivid memories was seeing him cover his face against a huge oak tree, crying, unable to put me out and giving up on me. My mother was in the house with an infant son and looked out because of the screaming. She ran to me, jumping a 6-foot fence, rolled me and put me out burning her hands. I was conscious and very calm.
I was taken by ambulance and remember being in the ER with people scrambling and hovering over me frantically administering care. I remember not feeling any pain. I blinked my eyes and when I opened them (just that quick) the light was burning my eyes because it was so bright. I still could see the people in silhouette because the light was behind them. It was then permeating everything. I describe like living in a fluorescent light bulb and everything is brilliant and giving off like that light bulb. It is like being on the inside of the bulb and the light going right through you, coming out of you, etc. I could not see for the brightness. I complained to the people around me (I thought were doctors and nurses) that the light was bright and to turn it off. I kept asking them "how can you see?" I was looking through my eyelashes and one of them said "it would be alright in a minute, I would adjust to it." The light was replaced by a soft glow. This glow was more indirect light. It was pink and gold in nature. It was warm and loving. It is similar to the light you get at sunset and at dawn. Since early childhood my parents would find me at dawn outside and sometimes I would make my bed outside on the ground in order not to miss the sunrise.
I have the urge to be outside at sunset as well. I think it is because I am trying to find that light again.
The first thing I felt was unconditional love and acceptance. No judgement existed there. I felt so nurtured and loved as if I was being held up close to someone. It was the most wonderful feeling. Every thought was known to "them" before I even was aware of it. It was that fast! I was known by them as well as I know myself. They were beautiful beings. No wings. Just beautiful faces. Looking back they appeared to be male but I thought of them as asexual beings. Words were not needed. Every thought was instant. We did not need to speak. I did speak however later. I would use my voice. I acted like the child that I was at that time after I was into the experience. I knew that if I wanted to stay I would and could. I did not speak this out loud though. I knew I was there and enjoying it but that I could return. I discovered "they" were protecting me during the healing process my body was in. I was taken out of the pain and was told "to think of this as hibernation, and like the animals that sleep during the winter I would wake up to play in the spring again". I was the one who told them it was time for me to go "play in the sunshine" again. They entertained me. I played with other children that I feel more connected to than my own siblings. They are not in this earthly lifetime with me. I knew them intimately however and they are connected to me in some way more so than the people on this side.
I knew that there was a thin curtain between my family and the life I have here, and the one there. The people here can not see through it but we could see through it from the other side. Much like a 2-way mirror works. In the ER I had lapsed into a coma. I awoke one month later on April 19 (my 6th birthday). It was one of many such experiences. I tended to go into cardiac arrest due to my blood volumes and infection. Tolerances to large amounts pain medications required them to up dosages that put me at high risk for procedures.
I knew that I was destined to return. I knew I had a purpose to fulfil. I knew that I was not ordinary and a little out of step from other people. I did not know that this was not a common experience and that this did not happen to everyone. I grew up just assuming everyone knew about this. I never doubted the experience or question it. I know I survived for a reason.
There are other experiences too. I underwent cardiac arrest for 2 1/2 minutes during skin grafting. During this time my mother was visited by a being that others explained away to her because she was on medication for the burns to her hands. She held a conversation with this being about me. I do not come from a religious family. They tend to be a little skittish about such things. Members of my family, perfect strangers on the street, have often told me of a being they see around me. It is not unusual for me to hear this. I have also had friend’s co-workers, strangers in cities all across the country tell me strange things at times. They have also told me of a light that is coming from me. I have even gone unrecognized by family and friends for some unknown reason. My former husband of 25 years also did not recognize me one day when I came into his office. I talked to him for several minutes and then he sort of snapped out of it and was astonished it was me. I don't quite understand this phenomenon but my own mother did it as well later that same day when I stopped by her home.
There is so much to tell and words can not explain the beauty, rapture, and essence of the experiences. I get frustrated trying because I feel so inadequate to do so. I can not do it justice or convey the splendor of it all. I would not give anything for these experiences. The worst thing to happen to you can turn out to be the very best thing to happen to you!
By Anonymous on Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 06:41 pm:
I had had a surgery on my kidneys.
I went home and felt very sick. I slept a lot.
On this day it was different, it was a deeper sleep. I walked up a hill into what looked like a courtyard. I was met by a man with a jacket like on. He led me on a tour of this place. There were lots of other people and it looked similar to a roman type courtyard. I remember the grass being so soft and the colors so bright and the people looked at you with love. And they didn’t have to say a word but you knew that they were welcoming you. There were hills and the colors were so bright. And there were long tables with lots of place settings. I could here people talking and laughing and having a good time. But I couldn’t see them. The guide told me it was time to go back and as we walked the TV like screens flashed pictures of faces and I watched them. Then he led me by my hand and he said when you see the brightest blue the whitest white and the greenest green you will be home. I felt at ease.
I went back down the path down a mountain type path.
And woke feeling better then I have in a long time
By Anonymous on Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 06:30 pm:
On May 29, 2002 My Husband was completely ill from GROUP A Strep in other words Flesh eating Bacteria or Necrotizing Facitis. He had emergency surgery to remove the rotting flesh. Doctors did not think he would survive.
After the first surgery he started breathing problems and they wanted him on a Ventilator. So I complied. He then went totally septic. He then started seizing. When he had never seized before. They didn't think he would survive. The night he did they asked how strong he was I couldn't tell them, Larry had never been ill. But he had two kids they needed him.
Second day He had emergency debriding the dead tissue again. He wasn't supposed to make it. So, on June 13, 2002 he awoke and they exabated his tube June 14, 2002. Hours went by. I finally could talk to him. Alot of things happened while he was gone.
I waited a couple days and asked Larry what did you see did you hear me talking to you he said; “no”. “But I saw things I don't know how to explain it but I'll find a way”.
August rolled 2002.He learned to walk again with therapy. I was so euphoric and thankful and piece filled my world. Then I got a call. My second Cousin Gina Died she was 42. And my husband wasn't close to her but he started crying. He said; “I have to talk to you about something. Now might not be the time but I saw Gina die when I was in the hospital. I heard voices. I saw people with no faces but I could see their bodies. Their feet never touched ground. Their mouths didn't move. They communicated to me in my mind. The room was white top bottom sides floor. There was a door white with gold handles”.
He said he wanted to go through the door but they kept pulling him back. They showed his past life like a giant huge engulfing TV screen then it told his future. He told me they said when Gina died she will lose her cousin and her immediate family would lose a sister.
Then I have an Autistic Nephew Age 7. It told that he would go to a better place. In Jan 2003, my nephew started seizure from epilepsy. In that following May 03, 2003, my dear Nephew died from epilepsy. They said I myself would die of bone cancer and I will be in my forties. One of our boys is supposed to end up in the hospital ill or from an accident. And that’s why he had to return. His life wasn't completed yet and he had to be there for the boy's. He has repeated dreams that the world would go dark and is in the dark for a little while and it happened the whole East Coast of the U.S.A. went black in a power outage he also has reoccurring dreams of the future. Some are good some are of illness. But I think for our family that peace is in our hearts and gratefulness.
But my husband and I are trying to find people like him so he doesn't feel like he's all alone.
The only Question is do we try to change things or let it be?
By Anonymous on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:25 pm:
On August 15,1962 my dad, brother and I went salmon fishing off the Olympic Peninsula at LaPush. At the time I was 14, my brother 12yr/9mo, and dad was 38. Mom stayed at camp to get things set up for our return, which was supposed to be in 3-4 hours.
The water was smooth when we pulled out of port and we had no problems, even managed to catch three nice salmon. On our way back to port the wind began to pick up and huge swells began to form. Suddenly the water seemed to drop from under us and the boat slammed down hard causing the motor to die and splitting the transom. Water filled the flotation compartment.
We drifted for several hours while dad worked on the motor. All during this time the wind continued to increase and the water got rougher and rougher as the rain poured down. We drifted closer to shore and could hear the waves crashing into the rocks and knew we were in trouble.
We talked over what we knew was about to happen as we got closer to shore. We knew our chances of survival were slim but the plan was to head south down the beach and get back to mom as soon as possible.
To make a long story shorter, things didn't go well for us at all. My dad and brother both died that night. As we were making our way through the surf, we were getting slammed into the rocks. The effort to swim was nearly a waste of time. We spent what seemed like most of our time under the water. It was during this time that suddenly I was floating above what appeared to be my lifeless body being tossed around by the waves. I no longer was experiencing the burning in my throat and lungs. I wasn't feeling the choking. I wasn't feeling the pain. I was at total peace as I watched my body die. I could see all around me but couldn't hear the roar of the wind or waves. I didn't feel hot, cold, wet or pain, just the most peaceful feeling I have difficulty putting into words.
Suddenly I was back into my body and the pain and all came rushing back.
A short time later it happened again and I was back above my body. I started looking around wondering where I would go from there. I just knew my body was dead and I didn't want to go back. My spirit started flying along above the water heading south to my mom. I was determined to let her know what had happened. Suddenly I was back in my body feeling all the pain again. This happened to me three times all together. On the 3rd time I knew it was over for my body as my spirit floated farther from my body. I was thinking that this had to be it . . . the 3rd time is the charm I had always heard. I became aware of other spirits around me. I couldn't see them but felt their presence. I was wondering what was to happen now. I didn't want to return to my body...it was dead! The spirits let me know I had to go back, that everything would be all right, that my time wasn't up yet. I was back into my body again. Even though I felt all the pain again I knew I would make it.
My dad's and brother's bodies were recovered the next day. Took me three days to walk out. I was beat up, cut up and bruised but in good condition for what I had been through.
One thing that has come out of this is that I have lost my fear of death and know nothing will kill me until my time is up.
By Anonymous on Sunday, August 17, 2003 - 08:10 pm:
I was camping in Big Sur with my husband, my two daughters (ages 11 and 9), and my father-in-law.
We were preparing dinner -- I was making carrot and celery sticks, and my husband called me over to look at something. As I walked towards the campfire I was eating a carrot stick and accidentally aspirated a chunk of carrot into my windpipe.
I was immediately struggling to cough and breath but the slightest cough would dislodge just a bit but then my frantic intake of air pulled the carrot piece deeper until I was getting no air at all and felt myself choking to death. My husband was repeatedly trying to do the Heimlik maneuver, but he was too gentle and it wasn't working.
Suddenly, in the midst of all this, I "swooped" out of my body and was floating above the scene. My feelings of fear, pain, and struggle disappeared, and I felt calm, peaceful, and somewhat detached, though still "myself." From my floating position, I could see my husband repeatedly struggling to do the Heimlick maneuver, with my children both looking on with expression of shock and fear on their faces. I was surprised to notice that my husband had developed a bald spot on the back of his head that I had never seen before, as I had not observed him from this position. That seemed equally interesting as the scene of his continued rescue attempts and the sight of my father-in-law contentedly eating potato chips off to the side, totally oblivious of the struggle that was taking place just feet from him. I felt emotions in a very mild and peaceful way -- slightly amused that I had never noticed the bald spot, compassionate toward the struggles of my husband and the fear of my children, and amused that my father-in-law had no idea what was going on. I felt extremely loving toward all of them but less as a lover, mother, and daughter and more as a benevolent force for them.
Just as suddenly as I had left my body, my husband finally managed to do the Heimlick maneuver with the force necessary -- and as the carrot chunk flew out of my mouth I flew back into my body.
I immediately experienced my usual strong emotions, pain in my throat, need to nurture and protect the children, love and thankfulness to my husband, and general unsettled feelings about the experience. I didn't sleep much that night, and the feelings from the experience became more and more profound. I shared my experience with my husband and children who didn't know what to make of it.
Ever since this experience, I have had renewed joy, a heightened ability to live in the moment, stronger spirituality, stronger drive to serve others and the community, and I have lost any fear of death. I hold this experience as a gift that was given to me and that continues to enrich and sustain me.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 12:46 pm:
I crashed during a motorcross race. I came off of the motorcycle and landed on my head.
I awoke 15 days later and remembered nothing of the incident other than being in a field, standing, I looked and saw my father who had died a month earlier. I called to him as I walked towards him and he did not answer me. When I got close enough that I was sure that he had heard my calls, I faded out and that is all I recall.
Upon waking up I had to think to remember that my dad had died. It was then that I surmised that the reason he did not acknowledge me was that it was not my time to die.
I am presently trying to get the lifeline flight report because I think I may have either died or came very close. My family doctor (who I gave all of the medical reports that I had access to at the time) told me that when I arrived at Methodist (the first hospital I went to) I had no brain activity. I also found out that when the ground ambulance arrived at the helicopter (lifeline) they shut down the helicopter for 30 minutes and no one knows why. (I am trying to get the lifeline reports)
That is all I have on this incident.
By Anonymous on Friday, August 15, 2003 - 12:40 pm:
When I was 9 I had a ruptured appendix. My doctor said I had a kidney infection and he was treating me for that. Apparently things got serious because I remember my grandfather said: "this boy is dying. Get him to the hospital."
After that I am not certain I was conscious. Yet I have a strong image of my standing and watching while I was taken out of the house on a stretcher. (Although this may be a memory of some other situation.)
The next thing I remember clearly is being in a large room, lying on a bed or table. Next to me was an attractive woman dressed in white (it may have been a uniform). She said that soon I would be asleep and I would not hurt any more. She said: "that's a good boy." I think she gave me ether on a pad. I heard over and over again in my head: "that's a good boy; that's a good boy...." It seemed like I heard it for hours.
Shortly thereafter I was aware of being surrounded by a bright, warm, yellow-white light. At first it seemed strongest directly above me. Then I seemed to have no sense of myself and all there was, was the light.
The next I remember was awakening in the hospital with a drain tube in my stomach.
By Anonymous on Monday, August 11, 2003 - 09:08 pm:
I passed out while diving long distance in a community pool.
Last memory "before" was how extremely difficult it was to dive 50m this time.
Next, I was suspended on pinkish clouds, everything was very bright. I felt better than ever before or after it. No idea of time. Next I felt I was being pulled somewhere, I resisted, did not want to go "back". I also heard female voices chant "come back" (in Finnish I think). Despite my resistance I felt/heard a metallic zzzooom type of noise/sense. After this I felt hard cold tiles beneath me and heard normal voices.
When I opened my eyes I saw a bunch of hairy legs all around me. I had been pulled out of the pool unconscious and come too fairly quickly. Everything mundane felt harsh, unpleasant and cold. In the shower I realized I had soiled my swim pants.
I have discussed the experience relatively openly with family and friends.
After analyzing it I found out later on that it was pretty similar to other peoples NDE's. I am quite sure that I had not been exposed to recounts of these phenomena before the event, I was pretty young after all.
By Anonymous on Monday, August 11, 2003 - 09:01 pm:
At the age of 8, I went in diabetic coma. Doctors said I would die if I didn't make it by 5pm. I woke up at 4:45pm. I was alive. :-)
I spent the next 2 weeks in hospital as I was diagnosed with "juvenile diabetes" - First in Fiji.
Anyway, I was getting better when one night while I was waiting for my parents to come and visit me, I dosed off.
When I woke up, I saw a guy sitting at the end of my bed; I couldn't see the face. I thought it was my dad so I said "Dad"...and he looked around...He was faceless! The guy had NO FACE! I screamed. He got up and said to me "come with me" and put his hand forward. I was screaming and refused to go but to my amazement...I was moving. We both started flying and up we went. I realized I was up near the hospital roof and could see myself lying on the bed down below. Next thing...we were in a dark eerie place. I was standing in a pew with a few people. Then someone pushed the two ladies in the front in a ball of fire. The guy who pushed them was so tall, dark and very scary. We moved to another pew and 2 people were pushed to a BIG SHARK who started eating them. I saw big glasses breaking etc. Then next I know is, I was back on the hospital roof. I could see lots of nurses and doctors around my body doing something. I started falling down, and in I went in my body!
I still remember every single detail of it...20 years have gone but nothing can delete that experience.
By Anonymous on Saturday, July 26, 2003 - 06:44 pm:
I was having my tonsils removed and the doctor’s knife slipped and I started bleeding.
I felt myself raising up out of my body and then looked down and saw me laying on the operating table. I heard the doctor tell the nurse that my heart had stopped beating and saw nurses hurrying around me. I then seemed to fly in the air and go into a tunnel of bright lights and beams of various other colors were bouncing off the side of each wall but I was heading really fast towards an even more bright light. I had this wonderful feeling of being free, loved and very happy. Suddenly I could see a tall man dressed all in white at the end of the tunnel and as I neared him, he raised up his right hand and I just stopped flying but I seemed to be floating now. I wanted so badly to go pass him into an opening of beautiful colors but he told me “no, it is not time now. You must go back because you have a lot to do first.” the man turned his right hand just slightly and I was flying very fast through the tunnel and I felt myself fall back into my body.
I awoke and saw my parents at my side and I tried to tell them my experience because I was so excited about it but I couldn’t talk. I was bleeding heavily and my vocal cords had been severed.
It took me more than a year before I could talk and then I could not say “s’s” or “a’s” for a long time. I still have trouble pronouncing some words.
When I finally was able to tell my experience to my parents I was told that I was a witch anyway because I was born with a “veil on my face” at birth. I also was born dead and it took 2 doctors to bring me to life and my color was bad when my mother first saw me. She rejected me at birth and most of my life.
By Anonymous on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 06:48 pm:
In the recovery room, after a colonectomy, I remember awaking to a feeling of pain in my shoulder. I was confused why my shoulder would be hurting since I was well aware of the type of surgery that was planned. I remember a man talking to me about the pain but I could not see him. He told me that he could make the pain go away.
The next thing I remember is my wife talking to me in recovery and telling me that the doctor had told her about my episode. That I was "dead" for eight minutes and CPR had to be performed.
The doctor had told her that he was up on top of me. She mentioned that the doctor had told her that he had talked to me about it. I do not remember that.
I do however remember a man in a hat. He was standing in the doorway, almost leaning a bit with his arms crossed. He was just looking at me but I could not really make out a face. He was pleasant and I felt comfortable with him. We talked, but at this point I can’t remember much of the conversation. He came and went over the next few days. I was not sleeping much because I was waiting for him. My mother happened to be there and she told me that a pastor had come and spoke with me and I do remember him but they were getting confused when I spoke of the man in the hat. I would tell them about meeting with him and they would assume that I was talking about the pastor.
I spent over 40 days in the hospital. When I went home I had other visions of him but kept them to myself. I don’t know why.
My relationship with my wife is different. My relationship with my son is much different. We are on the same wavelength most of the time. I can feel things now that I did not before. I could tell that my wife was having problems that she did not want to discuss and was trying to keep secret. I knew what they were before she gave any clues. I feel things about my son especially. I know when he is doing something he feels guilty about like drinking at a party in college. I can feel a lot of his feelings.
My daughter and I are on a wave as well but it is different. She and I are close but she is like her mother in that she wants to shield herself. It is like they know I can see but they are not sure if they should let me.
I also have a clearer image of my life and where it will go. I feel things. I know that sounds strange. I wish I could talk to someone else about this but I was afraid. I was afraid that they would think I was crazy.
By Anonymous on Monday, July 21, 2003 - 12:53 pm:
The experience I had, I believe was a genuine enlightenment experience over many years constituting 5 near-death experiences and culminating in a fundamental mental change in self-awareness and spatial awareness; an irreversible insight. The most fundamental moment of change came in early 2001. I had been through 7 years of accumulated anxiety and depressive states, constantly questioning everything. A 7 year relationship (with my partner becoming pregnant at the very end) had ended badly in 1998 after which I became deeply depressed and unable to find work, agonizing over why everything seemed to be happening to me at once, seemingly out of my control. I had to sell my flat which took a long time and move back in with my parents. Panic attacks, constant anxiety, isolation, loss of self-control in terms of anger/ frustration & tiredness were common.
After numerous failed attempts to find work in the industry I was used to (cutting edge virtual reality art & design), I finally sought medical help for clinical depression after exhaustion and isolation led to mental breakdown (several times). I became aware of phenomena such as synchronicity, in terms of things that were happening in my life were echoed in popular culture (new films, music, TV etc) a feeling of being on a point of cultural 'zeitgeist' and often feeling I'd caused it. I became extremely paranoid as I listened and interpreted every over-heard 'street' comment as something about me and my situation.
After a while, I became convinced that people were talking about me and not often to me, about their impression of my mental state. I also had become so alone and removed that whenever I went out into 'public life' as it were, I was extremely self-conscious and neurotic, often breaking down and confiding in/ or being very suspicious of, complete strangers.
These feelings came to a head when at one point I just sat in my chair crying, rain beating against the window and then suddenly, a total shift in perspective; a lifting of a veil from reality if you will. I have since described it as my 'focus-pull moment'. In film, when a camera pulls out and zooms in at the same time, usually focused on the reaction shot of a character, the background and foreground change in terms of depth of field, while keeping the face large in frame. E.g. Steven Speilberg used this alot in the 80's (Poltergeist, ET, Close Encounters etc). I felt my whole self as a complete entity, floating in space in my mind and became very aware of simple things like one's being at the top of the body, instead of elsewhere, and that being the 'centre' of self. Subsequent to this I felt very unstable and 'spaced-out', the spatial awareness feeling that I was standing on a big ball in infinite space, often making me lose balance, literally. I became aware of a clear feeling of the universal interconnectedness of all things. Friends and others also began to notice and comment, indirectly most of the time, on my persona being 'lit-up', illuminated, halloed. These side effects I had made me very frightened, as I was new to them and uncomfortable with what seemed an added responsibility, although for what I did not know.
I tried to deny and bury my feelings and not acknowledge any after-effects, trying to carry on as 'normal' with my 'act', but it seemed other people's reactions to me were making me more and more paranoid and self-conscious. My 'final' near death experience came at a point when I got so isolated, could not think of any other way to re-enter the world of 'regular' work (all my offers and approaches had been turned down) and was attending a mental health unit.
One day, I was doing some gardening and feeling at the lowest point I had ever felt, like a lead weight with no energy left, and then a small black bird hopped up beside me. I looked directly at it and it looked directly at me. To be frank it frightened the life out of me, as at the time it felt like looking in the mirror. "That black bird's very tame", said one of the attendants. I thought she was talking about me (even though I am male, my intuition and general outward persona gives me some female traits). I felt very black inside at that point, unable to resolve inner conflict about my purpose and what my experiences and what other people's comments about them, all meant. I spoke to my psychiatric nurse about the black bird in the garden; I told him that in fact I thought the bird was telling me to live, else I thought it was going to peck out my eyes or something! Since that time, I have noticed many Robins where I walk, sometimes up to 5. I equate the Robin with Batman and Robin and it's always a good sign and a good day when I see one. It reminds me of who I am and that I have things to live for and a service to provide to others. These things may sound extremely irrational but I believe now that the closer you move toward your essential nature the more in tune you become with natural events. After all everything comes from and goes to, nature.
Or Tao, as I've come to call it. The infinite, empty, nameless state.
My life focus has now completely changed and I am becoming a mentor and life-coach, helping others to help themselves. My interests now are much more people related than computer/ design related. I have visions of global unity through spiritual experience and I am working on becoming, or rather continuing to be a catalyst for global spiritual change; human understanding.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 16, 2003 - 05:41 pm:
Three days after my operation I was still unable to stand up and walk because I felt very dizzy. The nurses were insisting that I had to get up. After taking a few steps I fainted, they put me on a chair to recover. BUT I had to get up again in order to go back to my bed. So after the first steps I fainted for a second time and for a long period (I don't know the exact duration).
I don't remember how I got there but I found myself in a beautiful green peaceful landscape, with many flowers and running waters, everything had very intense colouring. I was surrounded by many transparent creatures (spirits?). I felt that they were very loving creatures and also that they were closely related to me like my family. I felt that something was pulling me away from that place but I didn't want to leave because I felt so good, like I was bathed in love and like I was belonging there.
When I recovered I found myself in bed with one nurse holding my legs up and the other one slapping me on the face with water. It took me some time to understand where and who I was. Also, I had a very difficult time to recover from the operation.
By Anonymous on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 06:40 pm:
I was in the final stage of childbirth for my first child.
I began to hear a humming sound that got louder and louder. The nurse was saying something but I couldn't hear her anymore.
The things in the room and the pain faded away, turning into a dark spinning tunnel. It seemed to be spinning. There seemed to be grooves like that of the lines on a screw nail going around the inside edges of this tunnel. It seemed like it was a large black steel cylinder. It seemed to be revolving slowly on the outside but I was spinning faster and faster as I descended up toward the top of this cylinder. The humming sound lessened once I realized I was in this tunnel. I did not know where I was going. I remember thinking, Where was I going. I began to look around to see how I could get back out of it, yet at the same time don't remember looking around. I then saw a light at the opening of the top of this tunnel. This light was a small opening to begin with and then became immensely beautiful. I cannot describe this brilliant white, yellow light. It was like it was more of a feeling that of peace that something to describe. I wanted to go toward it and let myself continue to travel toward it. As I got closer to the opening the light got larger and larger like a spreading out of something spilling. There appeared the upper torsos of approximately 6 people looking into the tunnel. They reached their hands out toward me to help me get there. They were dressed in black, seemed very kindly. Just as I was almost in grasping reach of a few of their hands they pushed me back. I don't know how because they never touched me. They just kept their hands withdrawn enough so that I couldn't reach them. I remember feeling very sad because I couldn't reach them. I seemed to be asking them to help me get to them but not with words from my mouth. They said "No you have to go back, you have something to do, you can't come right now, it's not time yet for you to come. Words something to that effect. I remember them looking at me but they had no faces. Yet I think they were old relatives and I know for sure one of them was an old uncle that died when I was a child. As they withdrew their hands back into the light, I momentarily felt bad as my hands began to drift back backward down the tunnel. I didn't want to go back. I remember going up toward the light but it seemed like I only remember my hands retreating backward down the tunnel.
The next thing I remember was, in reality in the delivery room a nurse was slapping the tops of my hands quite hard and saying hey wake up there, you have a beautiful baby girl. I forgot this incident for many years or rather just never talked about it. I don't know which.
By Anonymous on Monday, July 14, 2003 - 06:31 pm:
I went to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Novocaine always took a long time to numb my gums, so the dentist decided to use nitros-oxide along with the novocaine.
The next thing I knew, I was floating above my body and I could see exactly what the nurse and dentist were doing. I could see the nurse walk into the supply room and grab some supplies. I remember thinking "what's going on" and after that thought something or someone said, "you're dead." I remember turning away from my body and as soon as I did, I was traveling through a dark tunnel with an extremely bright light at the end. Again, I remember thinking or asking "what happened?" and then I saw some beings or entities, no one that I recognized, but I felt safe with them, and they said "you're dead." But they didn't talk. It was more like mental telepathy. I could hear their thoughts and they could hear mine. We didn't need to speak. I told them I couldn't be dead, because my mother was waiting for me in the waiting room and she would be really mad if I were dead. Then they asked me if I wanted to go with them or go back to my body. I remember thinking about it because it was so peaceful and beautiful and I felt so safe and calm. I told them that I had better go back because I didn't want my mom to get mad and then the next thing I knew I was in the dentist's chair.
The dentist and nurse seemed very panicky and he said that he would never use nitros-oxide on me again. When I went out to the waiting room, my mom could tell something had happened and she asked me what, but I really couldn't explain. This was such a weird experience and I'm sure she wouldn't believe me.
About a few days later, we were watching the Mike Douglas show on TV. He had someone on who was talking about NDE. I immediately said to my mom that that's what happened to me at the dentist's office, and explained the whole thing to her. Neither of us had ever heard of NDE before this, so I know I couldn't have dreamed it or had this thought in my subconscious.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 9, 2003 - 03:07 pm:
I do not remember much of the detail.
I was in a hospital and lived there for a 'time'. Neither parents are alive now. I am curious to how long, why and what happened when I was there.
I do know that I had rheumatic fever. I collapsed when I was around 7 when I was playing. I could not move. (maybe my joints locked?) I woke up in the hospital.
Before I woke, I remember floating over some doctors and I was in the bed. I thought this was funny at the time. I heard, like a ringing noise and a bright light that shone in my face, not like a lamp. I did not feel myself squint. I do not remember an exact speech. But like a low voice. I have various languages in my family, so it could have been a language I did not understand.
Afterwards, in my years in school, I have seen a dark figure in my dreams that seemed to always calm and protect me. This person was like a shadow. With a hat and pants. Slim.
After I was married (17) I had vivid visions of the immediate future. Usually harming someone. So I would warn people. At first no one listened, but after these things happened to them, they began to listen.
I have had people do some very mean things to me and have had a deep calm come over me as if something telling me that it was done for a purpose. I have been unemployed for almost 2 years. I was laid off after working for 10 years. I have had all my needs met without any Federal Aid.
I am eligible for financial aid to go to college. I did not know this until I was researching on the Internet and discovered the Trade Act information. After many months of tracking the information down I found out that the information for me to receive the benefits were sent to Texas. I live elsewhere.
The other day, I was in bed. I did not feel good. (sometimes when I have visions I get ill to my stomach) A friend came by and asked if I wanted to go to the store. I did NOT want to go. He just made me. (I am kind of a recluse) He proceeded to go to different locations to take care of bills. Each location he asked if I wanted to get out. I said no.
Upon going to a mart, he asked again. I had to go to the bathroom and I went directly there. I did not enter the first stall, which was open or my favorite stall, which is the handicapped. But went directly to another opened stall. Inside, there was a purse, I opened it and saw a lot of bills. Over $700. Before thinking anything else, not even asking others in the bathroom if it was their purse, I went to the customer service. After and only after did I think about what I did. Upon exiting the store, I was approached and thanked for turning the purse in.
I am basically writing because I have been recently wondering why I am so focused on helping the youth? I have even written a proposal and sent it out to many churches in the area. I was working with a church on their youth program. I do this to the detriment of personal relationships.
I have been told that I can have a 'relationship' and also do my work. I am also the one in the family who is responsible for the genealogy and Hebrew/Native American traditions.
I heard about the near death experience through a reading about a Dr. Richey. I peaked when I heard him say that he has a passion to educate the youth. Next day, I went to the library and came up with your organization.
I am really excited now to find out what happened to me when I was in the hospital those many months. I would like to read more about children who had the experience and now realize this connection.
I don't think my daughter has had an out of body experience. I am going to ask her. But I do know she is strongly clairvoyant. So is my grand daughter. I wonder, is this carried through genes? Or hereditary or, can be passed on somehow? She also sees the dark stranger.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 9, 2003 - 02:52 pm:
I was in my mother’s home, just about two months after my father passed away. I was very sick and my immune system was low. I felt myself feeling dehydrated and I could not get up without my head spinning. If I tried to get up to stand, the spinning was so severe, that I would land upside down.
I was lying in bed and I felt myself take my last breath. At that time, I said a prayer to God that, I have down all I could do and this was it. About two seconds later, two of the Brightest of lights about the size of a bowling ball came through the wall and came down in a curve towards me. I jumped back scared as a sheet. The two bright lights disappeared. First thing that came to mind was, I had to take care of my mother, I can’t go now. Staring at where the bright lights disappeared, about three seconds later, a jolt went through my body, it was total peace and love in one. It was electrifying total peace.
Then I felt able to breathe.
It took four days before I could walk around. The fourth day a minister came from Las Vegas to buy a motor home that my dad had. I had tried for weeks to sell it and never got a bite. Then, a Mormon elder traded the next day with a real nice minivan for my Chevy Van that needed a paint job.
It took me several weeks to finally get better. Later in the year I had a MRI done and, the doctor told me approx. when I was sick that, I had a stroke. I had a stroke at home and did not know that, I had the stroke.
My mother had similar experiences when she was young.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 9, 2003 - 02:34 pm:
Had an argument with a man I was living with. Felt hopeless, helpless, unloved, unsecure, frightened, alone, confused, mistreated. Drank beer and took a whole bottle of Valium. Laid down on the bed to die.
The man I was living with came back. The emergency squad was called and they tried to revive me. I died going to the hospital and that's when my journey began.
I was drifting. Was revived. Got to the hospital and died again.
This time I drifted above my body and saw everyone, including my body and everyone that was working on me. I smelled flowers. I saw a tunnel and drifted through. While drifting through I saw some people I knew, others I didn't, they were shadows. I saw a light ahead. It was so bright, I had to close my eyes. I saw a huge city, all in gold. I felt no pain. I felt so wonderful, more than words can describe. I wanted to stay, a voice said, "No, you have to go back." I traveled in reverse, it was dark and suddenly I was back in my body and I hurt so badly.
I stayed in the hospital for 3 days and was told I should seek counseling. A nurse asked me why I had said; “there wasn't anything to live for”. She asked; "Do you have children?" I replied, "Yes." And, I've never wanted to commit suicide since.
I lead a quiet, ordinary life with a strong belief in God and Heaven.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 9, 2003 - 02:26 pm:
BOWREN LAKE AND BEYOND
In 1987, my husband and I took a wonderful canoe trip into the wilds of British Columbia, Canada with another couple. Bowren Lake is part of a chain of lakes surrounding a mountain, and a very popular canoe destination. Many come from Alaska, Continental U.S., Germany and other European countries. The lake is in a Provincial Park located about 600 miles north of Seattle, Washington. This area makes you feel you have stepped back in time. The completely restored gold mining town, Barkerville has docents dressed in costume, operating the blacksmith shop, a newspaper print shop, restaurants, primitive homes, a church and a "Hanging Judge" in a courthouse where they hold mock trials.
The second day out in the canoes we found an unoccupied cabin built before
this area became a Provincial Park. Cabins were available on first come basis and were very primitive, but luxurious compared to camping and stashing your food and gear in bear-proof ladder storage areas. There were fresh tracks of many different animals - bears, moose, deer, many wild birds and a beaver dam nearby.
The second day, our friends opted to continue down to the falls. Since this involved portaging, we decided to remain at the cabin until they returned.
We spent the day enjoying the almost unearthly quiet. At dark, we stretched out on the floor in our sleeping bags. Sometime during the night, I was swept up by celestial "beings". I glanced back and saw my body still in the sleeping bag as we went through the roof into the dark. As strange as it was I felt no fright - only that I was being taken somewhere to be shown something. I really feel now it was my two brothers - one had died of a heart attack; the other in World War II.
Then we arrived in a brilliant blue/white area - there are no words to describe this light - so bright but no effect on the eyes. Then, I was surrounded in a large area with many spiritual beings and a feeling of love. - I was "told" without words that they wanted to show me something.
Then I saw my father. He was pacing back and forth in front of a brilliant, bright-lighted area, sort of like a cloud. I understood without words I would not be allowed to go into that area. He was young, and thin, dressed in a suit, complete with tie and hat; not in the aged body I had last seen him. He did not see me. I understood, without words, he was waiting for my mother, and couldn't understand why she was being kept from him and coming to this beautiful place. My father was the only person I actually saw.
Then, I was alone with an indescribable feeling of peace, and a sense of being a part of all knowledge - I have no words to describe that sensation. I do not remember being returned to my body, but was rather surprised when I woke up in my body in the sleeping bag the next morning.
What happened that night was just the beginning of many changes that took place in my life. I lived and was concerned with this event for over a year before I found a copy of "Life after Life" by Dr. Raymond Moody. Before that I had never heard of anyone having such an experience.
When we returned to civilization, a phone call to my brother in California, revealed the fact that when I had my out of body experience, my mother had suffered a major stroke and was in a coma for days. I immediately flew down to help take care of her. She recovered partially from the stroke and lived two more years.
What has happened to me since that experience is another story, or as Paul Harvey would say "the rest of the story".
Thanks for listening. I feel I need some help in addressing the rest of my life. I have had four books published, and have more I'm working on that could change the future health of our nation.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, July 9, 2003 - 02:16 pm:
My NDE happened around the second week in October 1999. For a year straight, I lived in constant, never-ending pain. I could not function.
My husband worked construction. Before he left for work, he would cook breakfast, get me and the kids up, and go work his butt off all day, to come home to cook, clean, do laundry etc. I had two small children, two boys, 3 yrs. and 7 yrs.. My husband & I had only been married for 11 months.
I could not take care of my house, husband, kids, like I wanted to. I couldn't play with my kids. I was told I would never have kids, so to finally be blessed after 10 years of trying and two miscarriages, and not be able to do all the things I dreamed of doing with my kids, well it broke my heart. I was deeply depressed and felt TOTALLY worthless. I prayed, “God, let my die!” “Heal me or take me home! I do not want to live like this!”
About two days before my NDE I went to my Dr. and got my usual muscle relaxers and a stronger pain pill. I weighed maybe 108lbs at the time. I took the pills as prescribed, but I feel that the dosage at that time was too high.
On the second night, I went to bed. I was on my stomach, I had my 3 yr. old on my left side and my husband on my right. I was instantly aware when I stopped breathing, I was like, “Wow, I just stopped breathing!” Then I rose out of my body and became instantly aware of how heavy my body was and how freeing it was to be out of it! No more pain! I began to float toward my bedroom door to the left of me and I looked back at my baby, my body and my husband and a feeling of panic came over me. And I thought, If go through that door, I will never get back to my body! Yet, it felt as if I was being pulled and couldn't stop it. The next thing I remember is being in this dark gray area, I was scared, there were these dark forms all around me, I could not see features but they had arms, because they all came at me, tarring, clawing, etc. I was in tears, I just looked up and cried, 'Jesus, help me!' Then, I was in this tunnel, while in this tunnel, I felt like I was sliding down the tunnel, this freaked me out, because I thought, 'Oh, my God! I'm falling downward, I must be going to hell! I was terrified!
The next thing I remember was trying to get myself to wake up, trying to kick my husband to get him to wake me from this nightmare! I woke up in tears! Shaking, scared to death! My first words through the tears to my husband was, 'Oh, my God, they were trying to kill me!' I was talking about the gray forms. I got up, too shaken to try to sleep. I turned on the Christian TV network, and they had a show on about NDEs. They explained in that program about people sliding down the tunnel to heaven, so I was relieved that I did not go to hell.
I had another experience, but I can't put the time frame together, if it was before this experience or after. In that experience, I left my body and went into my children’s room and floated over there beds, just checking on them. I assume this took place prior to this experience because, I just thought of it as a dream. Knowing what I know now, I know it was an out of body experience.
Since my NDE my physical condition has GREATLY improved! I enjoy nature! I love gardening now, planting and watching it grow thrills me, painting, walking nature trails etc. I appreciate this life so much more now. I know that we are here to learn and to love. I feel at one with the universe; I guess would be a way to describe it. Life is so much more exciting when you have the knowledge you take from an NDE. It’s just a simple knowledge yet it is the key to everything in existence.
There are alot of questions I would love to ask someone. I would like to go under hypnosis to recall the things I don't remember about the experience, but don't know where to go to do that. If I can assist you all with any studies, I am more than willing to do that and get my questions answered in the process. I am so glad you guys are there for us. Thank you for believing in us and not blowing us off as looney tunes! Keep up the good work!
By Anonymous on Monday, July 7, 2003 - 07:46 pm:
My husband and I were in an auto accident a week before Christmas, 1964. We were passengers, sitting in the back seat, when another vehicle coming towards us side-swiped the car in front of us at a high rate of speed and then hit us, head-on.
My injuries involved a shattered left knee and broken upper leg, as well as extensive facial injuries. I was 6 months pregnant at the time, and went into labor as a result of the injuries.
I can remember paramedics looking at me in the vehicle, and saying, "Oh my God, this one is pregnant." Is it possible that I was alert enough at that time, considering the pain I had to be in, to hear that statement?
In my ADE experience I can remember "floating" down a tunnel toward a beautiful light. The light did not hurt my eyes, although it appeared to be very bright. There were beings hovering around, giving out peaceful "vibrations" and assuring me that I had nothing to fear. The beings all seemed to know me, and kept reassuring me that everything was ok. At some point I had to make a decision - to continue on toward the light, or to return to life. I discussed it with the beings - my decision to return to life was that I had two tiny children who needed me. I decided to come back.
I remember being in the intensive care unit, with my family around the bed. My mother was crying, my dad was next to her, an aunt & uncle around them. I looked up at them and my thought was - "I feel so sorry for them, they do not know what I know. It is so beautiful." That thought was very vivid.
For many years I did not mention this experience with anyone for fear of being deemed "crazy". I had not even heard about NDE until many years later. What a shock to learn that others had also had that beautiful experience that I had felt.
While I do not feel that this experience has made me a "better" person, I do know that it has changed my outlook on life. We are only here for a limited time and we must make the best of each moment. Death, in itself, should not be feared. There is definitely more to life than that which we presently see. I had been brought up being taught of God, Jesus and Heaven, and in 1969 came to a saving knowledge of Jesus. John 3:16
By Anonymous on Monday, July 7, 2003 - 07:41 pm:
Suffered a stroke in the evening about 9 pm, after finishing up some shop work at home. Came upstairs to my bedroom, undressed to take a shower and collapsed.
During the 13hrs I was on the bedroom floor, part of my conscious mind began to function. At that time, knowing I was in trouble, I asked God for protection. The lord saw fit to send three angels to look over me. My guardian angel asked:"what would you have me do?" I recall the smell of clove.
I sent my guardian angel to put the thought that I was in trouble in the mind of a friend, Tom. Tom came with my next door neighbor, found me and called 911.
Was in ICU for 3 weeks.
Today, my left side does not function well, and I’m slowly working to be able to walk again. Neurologically only a small section is gone, with no impacts on math or writing skills.
Basic lTM is fine and the STM is improving steadily. Prognosis: arm: 95% and for the leg: 100%.
It all takes time.
By Anonymous on Monday, July 7, 2003 - 07:33 pm:
I had to have my gall bladder out. I had been sick for a year and pregnant for most of that due to the gall bladder problem. Two months after my daughter was born, I went in for surgery. I was admitted the night before and I was very nervous about it. I was heavily sedated before they brought me down for the operation and remember very little. The surgery went well, but in the recovery room, a nurse noticed I had stopped breathing.
Then I had a cardiac arrest. I had no regular heartbeat. I was zapped at least three times with the paddles before they were able to get a regular heartbeat, but I still required a tube to breath because I couldn't do so on my own. I was in a coma and placed in intensive care. My husband was told I would have brain damage, but they did not know how much. I remained in a coma for a few hours and then started breathing spontaneously on my own. After they removed the tube from my throat, I started screaming and trying to get out of the bed. My husband related this to me. It took about four orderlies/nurses to hold me down. I was sitting up with my eyes wide open and screaming while trying to bolt out of the bed. I have no recollection of this, whatsoever. My husband was very disturbed by it. Finally, I guess I settled down.
The first thing I do remember after falling asleep for the last time before the surgery, was darkness lifting suddenly in front of my eyes--like a black curtain going up. And there was my husband standing beside my bed looking at me with a very strained look on his face. He said, "You almost died." The next thing I remember is my surgeon standing beside my bed, looking very relieved. He asked me my name and I think my social security number. He said he cried when they called him back into the recovery room to try to help resuscitate me.
I had a long and frightening recovery. I lost the use of my hands for a couple of weeks, my peripheral vision, and my eyesight in general was very screwed up. I literally couldn't see straight. Neurological tests afterward revealed that my brain was as scrambled as if I'd been hit by a "mac truck," as the nurse put it. My head felt strange. I told my surgeon that what was in my head, wasn't getting to my hands. After that the numbness came on. The neurologists said my ulner nerve had been damaged and the lack of oxygen was probably responsible for the loss of my peripheral vision.
When I was in the hospital this game show was on my TV. The contestants were given a math calculation to do. I was never good with math, but it was like a pinball shot off in my head--I did the calculation in an instant and came up with the correct answer before any of the contestants! That was the clearest my mind had ever been! I don't attempt math problems on a daily basis, so that has not happened since.
The experience, or lack of, was very disturbing for me. Where was the light? No bells, no dead relatives. That lack of experience was very disturbing to me. One of the first things I told my surgeon was that I didn't see a white light. He told me I wasn't "dead" enough. I had burn marks all over my chest and ribs from those paddles--that was "dead enough" in my book. What followed over the next few months was even more disturbing to me. One night I had a dream of being lined up in front of a firing squad with other people. I wasn't in the front row, I was maybe 2 or three rows back. The soldiers were dressed in some foreign uniform. They took aim and shot, people around me fell. They took aim and shot a second time, more people around me fell. The third time they took aim, I ran away and the dream ended. I woke up extremely upset to the point of crying. I had this exact same dream two more times over the next few months. The only difference was the uniform of the soldiers. I had a feeling of unexplained anger over the whole incident in the hospital.
Finally, I remembered I had a copy of my in-house hospital records (which I requested on the advice of an attorney after the incident). I opened the envelope and read them for the first time about six months after the incident. In it I found comments from the nurses about my condition before during and after the incident. Along with my physical condition, they wrote things that I said, along with the time and date of any conversations. The first words I said, late that night, after coming out of the coma were to a nurse. I asked her "did my heart stop?" I had no recollection of that conversation. The first conversation I remember was with my husband, and I mentioned nothing to him about my heart. I had no idea what had happened, but I knew when I looked at him that something was wrong. Yet I talked to a nurse before that and asked her if my heart had stopped.
A description of the operation was also in there. Part of this contained a description of how the drug (marcaine) they suspected as the cause of the respiratory arrest was "injected around the wound." The drug was administered as a "shot." This immediately rung a bell as the "shot" from the firing squad in my dream. After reading this, the firing squad dreams stopped. But it wasn't until years later when I happened to be reading up on marcaine in a pharmaceutical book, that I discovered that it was administered as a series of "shots" or injections around the wound after it was closed up. In my dream, I witnessed two shots; before the third one, I ran. I still cry about those dreams to this day.
Since then, I have made a full recovery. Although we like to joke about the jury still being out on the "brain damage." Most people don't know about my experience. I'm reluctant to share it because of my lack of a "typical" or positive near death experience. I don't want to tell people that I don't know what's out there. I believe on some level I knew what was happening to me. I was as knocked out as a person can be, so I don't know how I can know anything. But, somehow I do know. I lead a full, responsible life. I am successful at my job and have no physical handicaps from the incident. Everyday I wonder what I'm doing here. As a result of this experience, I raised my children with love and patience, respect and understanding and I think they are very decent people. I find myself waiting for my next purpose to be revealed. I'm not religious. I question conventional beliefs, but I'm comfortable with my outward religion for now. Whenever I hear "What’s This Life For" by Creed, I cry.
By Anonymous on Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 07:00 pm:
I overdosed on 76 1mg Xanax. I woke up in the hospital 10 to 12 hours later. During the time I was out I had an out of body experience that I equate to a near death experience.
At once I was a Dark Body Planet. I had no recollection of my life before; I just was the planet. I knew every inch of my surface and the exact measure of my depth. My consciousness encompassed my whole self. It is hard to describe but it is different then the consciousness that I have now which mainly in my face and eyes. The most striking thing about this experience and the thing I miss the most are Eternal patience with a singleness of purpose.
I knew exactly how far it was to the next body, I mean I knew exactly how far the next body was and I knew perfectly how far I was going and how long it would take to get there. I knew that I was moving toward a Black Hole. I had singleness of purpose and eternal patience. The journey would take billions of years and billions of miles and it didn’t matter at all. There is nothing like it in my life now, that kind of purpose and patience. Then I heard and saw my name called from a long way away, it was like light and struck me in my consciousness. Immediately I became a point of light and sped through an incredible expanse of space into my body.
I was in a hospital bed with an angel standing at my head. I could only see his hands, they were huge. I looked down toward my body and could see metal cylinders protruding out from my arms, hips, knees and ankles and I could feel cylinders out of the sides of my head at my temple area. When I noticed I became deeply concerned and distressed. I felt extremely guilty. Mentally I asked the angel why I was like this. I could feel and hear the cylinders in my head being pushed closed, when this happened I could hear a sound like the doors closing on the movie Star Trek. The metal was strange and left an impression on me that I am unable to describe very well but it was very high tech and light and hard. When he moved down my body with his hands he pushed all of the cylinders in and they locked with a strange sound. Then the angel told me not to worry, that I was born that way. ("It" was not my fault)
Then, I woke up again to the same room with my extended family looking at me and smiling and saying, "we love you."
Then, I woke up again and I was in the same room with just a couple of people there, this was "reality" and I was O.K. I was filled with the pure power of fearlessness and I knew I could never be harmed. I was absolutely not afraid at all. I knew the importance of the scripture about Jesus walking through the multitudes without anyone being able to touch him. This strength, although of no earthly use to me or my family, continued for 27 days without waning or decreasing in any measure. Until, I had a worry about the power bill come into my mind. It devastated me. It was like leaving heaven and entering hell. My small worry had the same effect as a major worry. The difference of night and day. One second heaven and the next hell. I crashed to the floor and cried. I just said no, no, take me back.
I had memory loss and had psychic abilities. I still may, but I have tried to keep most of it just in the back of my mind so I could reconstruct my personality, which was all but lost due to this experience. I lost connections with loved ones, like a relational memory loss. I became very intelligent. My mind was very quick and I could feel it. Like my mind could see the front and the backs of things. It is very hard to describe.
This should give you a general idea of the events and the results. I wanted to tell this story to see if anyone else has had an experience that is comparable. I am not a writer but, I have tried to be honest in my recollection. I know without a doubt anyone who has had an experience of this sort will have an understanding of how impossible it is to convey the depth and weight of such a thing.
Thank you for reading.
By Anonymous on Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 06:40 pm:
While having an operation for a rare pregnancy problem, I remember looking down from a place up above and seeing myself on the operating table. There were two people working on me. I couldn't see their faces, just the backs of their heads.
When I woke up I was very sick and I was trying to throw-up but, the only thing that came out was air. I asked the nurse in the recovery room why I was so sick and she said that sometimes when people are under anesthesia they quit breathing and a tube is inserted into their mouth to help them breath and air leaks into their stomachs causing them to be sick.
I knew then, that I had died long enough to leave my body and see or perceive or what ever it was that I did in that room.
I am not afraid to die now. Death is not painful at all. Sometimes I wonder if I would rather be in the spirit world where there is no pain. I am not suicidal because I have responsibilities but, I can't wait to go back there again as soon as I can.
By Anonymous on Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 06:31 pm:
When I knew she was gone; when it sunk in she was dead; I started to scream. She’s all I ever had in this world. I have no family but our kids. Just me. To be all alone with out her, as my tears hit her face, as I tried to close her eyes. No you can’t leave me like this.
Then came the light. Under the light was my wife and to upper right was my dad standing there with his hands in his pockets looking at me. To the left of the light was my grandmother, she put her hankie against her month and was crying at me. It was just like when some one walks at you at night with car lights [behind them]. I knew they were there for me (a nobody).
I still remember what my family did for me that morning. I’m still raising our children, they're 18 and 17 now.
I want to go there where they went and, I will some day? I don’t make the rules.
p.s. Me and my wife’s favorite movie was “Ghost” with Patrick Swayze. She always saved my dumb butt, even in the after life. I love her forever.
By Anonymous on Saturday, July 5, 2003 - 06:12 pm:
26th October I had a motor vehicle accident which, was not my fault. Head on collision, spent 156 days in coma. I do remember some kind of tunnel, light on end, rapid acceleration toward to light. I saw myself on the road, saw cars, ambulances, police, like from the top, you can count leaves on trees...
Mentally so strong, this accident made me so strong. Able to push myself to more than limits. No fear at all, not even from death. Completely a loss of fear of anything ...
By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 1, 2003 - 11:00 pm:
I was experiencing much anxiety about sleeping and feeling physically vulnerable following a hysterectomy. I had moved to a spare room to avoid being jostled by my 22-month old daughter who always got into bed with my husband and me in the middle of the night. The twin bed was directly against a window, which let onto our front porch, and I kept dreaming repeatedly that somebody was trying to break in, and I was too weak to defend myself.
About 7-10 days after the surgery, I had a lucid dream in which my body rose off the bed to float about the house. It was as if there were a current of water about 4 feet off the ground and I was floating on it, on my back. After I was carried out of my room and around part of the house, feet first, I decided to go back to bed. I did this by grabbing the walls and doorways to pull myself against the stream back to the bed, head first. When I reached the doorway, there was no more current; instead it became more like free-floating in space. I had to do a combination of swimming motions and bouncing off of walls and furniture to get back to my bed. I had to also attempt several times to get the velocity right so I wouldn't rebound away again. Finally I managed to come to a dead stop just above my bed, but I couldn't go back down to the bed. I remained hovering a foot or two above the bed. It was just like floating on water.
Then I began to go up. A wall of mist gathered around me, so I couldn't see anything, certainly not that I was going up, yet I was certain that I was. It felt rather like being on an elevator. I thought to myself, "Oh, great. I'm dreaming about a NDE, and it's so hokey! A tunnel of light, how corny! Can't I be more original?" I had a moment of unease as I wondered WHY I was dreaming a NDE; I became positive that I was in fact dying, and I wondered why, for my surgery had been uncomplicated and I was physically fine. I had a flash of thinking that I had asked for it: I had been feeling suicidal and imagining it a few days before the surgery, partly because of job-stress-related depression and partly because of taking steroids to get rid of poison ivy before the surgery. As I continued to rise, a defiant feeling came over me: "God, you will NOT hold that against me!" Then I told myself firmly, "God is not like that; God is love."
Then the rising ceased. The tunnel opened onto a cloudy plain. It was bright and featureless, except for a floor and ceiling of fluffy clouds. The floor and ceiling appeared to curve together in the middle distance; I was enclosed in a large, empty space. But it was not a void; it felt friendly and safe. I felt good there. I had no physical pain. In fact, I was unaware of my body. I ventured a mental inquiry: Am I alone here? A mellifluous, deep voice, that echoed with feminine overtones, spoke: "Welcome, little one." I felt bathed with love and understanding and comfort. I wanted to cry. I wanted to run to embrace whoever was speaking, but there was nobody visible. I had the sense that there was an invisible door off in the mist, and that the Voice spoke from outside (inside?) there. I had the sense of being in a vestibule or narthex outside of a sanctuary or temple--maybe just outside heaven itself. I did not feel barred from entering, but I wondered if I had permission. Then the Voice said, "You may stay...if you choose to." I thought, "This is nuts! Now that I finally got away from the pain and struggles of earth--and without having to do myself in--why would I choose to leave?"
Suddenly I got an image of my daughter. She was precious and adorable, and I felt a fierce love for her. I wanted to see how she turns out. I wanted to be there to protect her and teach her. I did not want to leave her behind. Then I saw my 5-year old son, and although I did not feel as fiercely about him, I felt I owed him better than leaving him behind. I felt guilty for wanting to die. I felt even more guilty when I saw my husband and thought of leaving him with two small children to tend to while he finished his Ph.D. I thought of how he'd have to move out of the parsonage, and I couldn't imagine how he'd cope. I was feeling guilty, a little afraid of being roped in by my guilt, and then a bit resentful about it, when my view switched back to my daughter. I was convinced that I had been born for her, to bring her into the world and to raise her up. I felt that we had a covenant between us and God. I felt that God was accepting and forgiving if I chose to break the covenant, but I didn't want to do that to my daughter. It seemed to me that we had a mission, almost.
And my husband and son and I had tasks to fulfill together: learning and preparing for something, not necessarily something that we'd all do together. I knew I needed to learn from them, and I knew that I would be some kind of catalyst for them. I still felt guilty for not loving any of them enough, more so for my son, most of all for my husband, but I knew simultaneously that I was doing the best I could (I had an indulgent feeling from God) and that in God's eyes there was nothing to forgive. And I realized clearly that I could choose to remain where I was or go back and strive to do better. I found I WANTED to go back, and at that instant I began dropping rapidly, breathtakingly. I dropped upright, but as I came to the end of the tunnel I saw myself lying on the bed. I executed a floating-leaf maneuver to get onto my back and settled gently into my body on the bed. I thought," OK, now hurry up! Wake up and remember this dream!"
That's when I realized I already WAS awake, and looking around the room. I wasn't afraid of the window anymore; I knew I would be staying on earth until I fulfilled my purpose. I felt that I had been literally and actually faced with a life or death choice, and that I had chosen life. I knew I would have the strength and resources to face it. I knew I was a volunteer for this life: I DID ask to get born! I became intensely curious about why, what for. Oddly, though I chose to come back for my family, I didn't particularly appreciate them any better, not after a day or two. But I did appreciate Life more, and I was no longer so angry that Life sucks, nor so mad and impatient with God about it as I had been (always--that's what drove me to seminary). I did get more urgent in demanding parishioner’s step up to the bar to work for a better world; I wasn't willing to just love and coddle them. I felt it was up to US to make the world better.
This led to an eventual rupture with that congregation, though for 5 more years I labored to bring them a vision and a way of bringing that vision to fruition. When I resigned, I was ready to quit being a pastor and find an alternative spiritual path, but that was not practical at the moment, and a vacancy appeared that was just perfect for us as a family, so I have continued in the ministry, feeling that God engineered the vacancy to keep me in the ministry AND in the healing group I had meanwhile discovered in a sort of spiritual underground right in the midst of a conservative rural community. Now that my husband has (finally) completed his dissertation, I am pondering what to do next. I am about sick of the Church as an institution; God is too limited by the Church, and misrepresented. I'd like to be free to speak of God as I experience God: as healing energy and a loving Mind. I long for a more liberal and enlightened community to belong to.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 1, 2003 - 10:49 pm:
My family raised me with an advanced spiritual consciousness and tons of unconditional love. But after age 13, my life was filled with death. First I watched my father die, then my Grandmother, then a beloved uncle died, all before I was 17.
At age 18 came the draft. I witnessed the very end of the Vietnam War, and the tragic aftermath. When Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia fell to the communists, there was death, destruction, and the mass murder of millions. As an intelligence analyst at a recon squadron in Southeast Asia, my job required me to study it, write reports on it, never to talk about it, and, worst of all, do absolutely nothing to stop the bloodbath.
After a love affair ends, people say they have a broken heart. They have no idea what that actually means; but I know. Seeing so much destruction and death--it truly did break my heart. Life was empty and meaningless.
For several years afterward, I lived in darkness. Then came a 15-year journey of recovery. Group therapy, psychiatrists, anti-depressants, support groups, men's groups, spiritual work...you name it, I did it!
It seemed like I got better, but that war blew a hole in my soul that nothing on this earth could heal. I had a huge, huge case of survivor guilt. All those people died, and we didn't do a •••• thing about it. And I could NOT get over it. I was angry at God, for showing me so much death, for no good reason. Finally, I just wanted to die and stop my pain.
On the surface, my life looked O.K. A decent job, a lovely girlfriend, even a cute little house with a garage. But I drove my car into my garage, closed the garage door, put on a Beethoven tape, laid back in my car seat, closed my eyes, and left the big motor running. I was all done.
That Beethoven tape played for 45 minutes. In that time span, a high-performance V-8, with no catalytic converters, should have pumped out more than enough carbon monoxide to make me unconscious. And then kill me.
But I did not die. I guess I left for a while. I'm not sure where I went; I did "download" a program that actually "ran" later. All I can remember from the garage is, after my ego-self was gone, someone was inside me, taking care of me, running my body for me. But it wasn't me.
This guy had such incredible love, patience, forgiveness, understanding, and even good humor. It was HIM who, after the music ended, raised my arm, stopped the tape, and switched off the engine. He guided my body up, out of the car, and into the house. He even put me gently to bed.
Next morning, my ego, the little voice inside my head that wants to run my life...it was gone. In its place was an incredible sense of peace. Peace like I had never known. A Peace SO big, it can soak up all the pain from every bad thing that's ever happened in all of eternity. God's Peace.
Apparently, I wouldn't be allowed to die. Since I didn't know what else to do, I began to meditate...and pray. Real, talking-to-God prayer.
I imagined I was out in space, looking down on the earth, like God would see us. I imagined Southeast Asia, on fire, with bright orange flames, and thick black smoke, pouring out into space. All the murdered bodies being put into the ground, their souls slipping up to heaven like wisps of gray smoke. I tried to fill my heart with all the grief and pain it could hold as I gazed mournfully at my imaginary vision of that war.
Then God answered my prayer...by taking over my vision, by changing it right in front of me. The black smoke vanished, the orange flames went to a brilliant blazing white light, a light too bright for human eyes, like the light at Christ's tomb. The light of resurrection. God's Light.
Then it happened. Words cannot describe it. But I will try.
The "program" I downloaded earlier began to run. I guess I left my body, and I know--I mean I absolutely, positively KNOW that I went into the presence of the Living God. Every perception I ever had, every sense I ever felt before, in all my life, was a vague, half-remembered dream compared to the overwhelming power and clarity of what I felt then.
I was swimming in an ocean of pure Love. An ocean so vast, and so deep, and so beautiful, a mortal mind can't fathom it. And I knew I was born to swim in that ocean. It was the reason God created me...to swim in that beautiful ocean of Love, forever and ever.
Knowledge and understanding appeared instantly, fully formed in my mind. Feelings blew across me like wind. And God helped me look back again.
The souls who died in that war, they ran up a huge rainbow, straight toward me and they were SO happy! It felt like graduation day, a perfect June morning on a beautiful campus at one of our finest universities. Here come the elite students, graduating with highest honors from the toughest course in all human experience. They VOLUNTEERED for this demanding curriculum. They were proud to be picked, and now they've passed with flying colors. Joy is what they're feeling today. A chorus of a million angels sings that joy out loud. In perfect harmony, heaven sings along.
Those beautiful souls crowded around me, like little kids in an Asian marketplace, eager, happy, and thrilled. Only this time, I was the kid with a tear-stained face, and they consoled ME. (God really tricked me, turning my dearest memory of Asia inside-out, to open up my heart.)
And here is what they told me: Don't worry about us. Don't grieve for us. We asked for our "life assignments" before we were born. We agreed to die in that war because our sacrifice will help the consciousness of the whole planet advance much faster than it otherwise would. Our souls get "extra credit" from God for doing it, and we can grow by leaps and bounds.
We're honor students now. Our future's so bright, we gotta wear shades!
When things get very dark here on earth, it's then, just on the other side of the veil, that heaven's light is shining its brightest. No matter how bad things look, never forget that everything..every single thing that ever happens here on earth is designed to help souls grow. Everything, and especially shadow lessons, are a perfect unfoldment of Divine Love.
God said, I will be with you always, even unto the end of the world. Everywhere, every moment, in darkness and light, in good times and bad.
ALWAYS. Forever and ever. Amen.
**********************************
When I woke up, my pain and grief were gone. I was healed. And my life would never be the same again. My life used to work from the outside in. Now it works from the inside out. Instead of working and pushing to make things happen, I stay in peace and love and trust, and God moves things.
Not long afterward, a small miracle brought me my inheritance: over 100 letters to and from my Great-grandfather. He was a combat medic in the Civil War (1862-1865.) His path is my path. His truth is my truth.
I soon broke up with my girlfriend, because I knew, I just KNEW that my soul-mate was not far away. All I had to do was find her. While searching, I had some fine adventures, and I eventually found her. She had a NDE of her own, many years ago. Now she works in hospice nursing, to help dying patients have a loving, peaceful transition. She has the most amazing heart I ever found in all my life. Her love reminds me of God's love.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, July 1, 2003 - 10:38 pm:
I had undergone open-heart surgery 2 days prior to replace the Aortic Root. The surgery had gone well and I was out of the ICU in 16 hours. I had started to feel real crappy by the end of the 2nd day and was not able to sleep at all that night despite the drugs given. I had a feeling of dread and panicked every time I caught myself about to dose of. Like falling asleep at the wheel of a car. I developed A-fib as a result of the surgery and I already had SVT prior to the surgery. The panic attacks triggered serious arrhythmia of various types. I had never felt so sick and weak in my life. Around noon on day 3 a nurse came into my room and told me she needed to show me some exercises that I would need to do at home when I got out in 2 days. I have 2 sisters that are nurses and they were there with me to see that everyone did their job. The three of them faced me on one side of my bed and I was asked to sit up on the edge of the bed. Immediately my heart stared racing, going faster and faster but not in coordinated beats. In the process of telling them that I was not feeling good I had a cardiac arrest. The official time before resuscitation was 4 min. 27 sec.
The Event
I was in an endless corridor. The walls sloped away as they rose on both sides. The walls were covered with moving images that I could not clearly make out as I could only see them in my peripheral vision. I was moving faster and faster. I clearly remember the feeling of acceleration like taking off in a plane only much more intense and none ending. Absolutely no fear, in fact I was feeling better and better. I heard my 6-year-olds voice call for her daddy. I barley heard it but I turned to try and look back when suddenly I was looking up at the faces of the code team. I tried to strike the doctor and nurse that were closest. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with dread. I can only describe it, as the feeling one gets when they have to leave someone they love after a visit is over only much more intense. I knew that I had died without anyone telling me. I tried to explain the experience all the way back to the ICU. It kept replaying it over and over in my mind like a loop tape. I could not get rid of the feeling of dread. Like I knew that I just missed out on the best event ever to come my way.
As it turned out. It was luck that I arrested when I did because it kept me in the hospital as I battled for my life several more times. I was given last rites 3 times in the following days. I spent 20 days in the ICU. I would have died at home. The desire to live and to die kept changing places in my mind for some to come. I don't tell as many people about the NDE as I used to because I will never be able to describe the incredible emotional feeling. Also it has become sort of a gift that bears guarding.
I was able to give some peace in the last days of 2 friends and their families after.
Now it is harder to remember it as I use to and would like to.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 4, 2003 - 09:46 pm:
It was so much during the time. At the time, I could hear voices. And, just see white.
I had taken an overdose of over 150 antidepressants and sleeping tablets.
And, I have always assumed the voices I have heard were my family around my hospital bed. However since then, I have on occasion experienced severe de’ja vu. And on numerous occasions realize that a moment I am experiencing I have dreamt before.
I have also had severe feelings that things are going to happen and they have. I have never had dreams that show me the future or anything like that it is more suggestion and feelings.
I have experienced dreams, which have seemed meaning less to me but, has had international consequences.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, June 4, 2003 - 09:07 am:
Remember as a small child trying to think back as far as possible to my earliest recollections. It was the sensation of speeding (through space?) and hearing or thinking the words "At last." Felt as though I was emerging from an eternity of black nothingness.
Recently I went to the home page of a website with computer graphics showing what it is like moving through the tunnel. I was fascinated for quite a while because it resembled so closely what I first experienced. A kind of re-experience!
Now realize that although I have not had a NDE I've probably had a near birth experience and the tunnel properties of both are similar.
Less skeptical now about some of the NDE accounts.
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