These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 11:02 pm:
In the spring of 1972 I was living in San Francisco. I was six months pregnant with my first child. I began to miscarry and in the confusion to get to the hospital, we were involved in a traffic accident. I was still conscious when I arrived at St. Luke's ER.
An ER physician told me I had lost the equivalent of 4 milk-cartons of blood. There was a delay in getting a specialist to attend me as she was working at another hospital across town. I lost consciousness and distinctly remember floating above myself. I remember seeing the busy ER staff working frantically on me and I remember seeing my husband and my best friend, Anne, crying and holding each other in the hallway outside the ER.
They were so sad and I wanted to tell them that I was fine. I felt so sorry for them. I felt no pain and was wonderfully at peace. I continued to float away and thought, "Hey, where's the ceiling?" I rolled over in the air and there was no ceiling, only softly roiling gray clouds. In the far distance on my right was a soft-white globe of light that I felt drawn toward.
When I got nearer the light it was all encompassing, but it wasn't white. It was molecular light made of fantastic colours. It was moving in ever-changing geometric patterns. I realized that this light is what everything is made of.
The light had a consciousness, which was both masculine and feminine. A masculine voice said, "She's not supposed to be here now." The feminine voice said something and they laughed. I didn't understand the joke. They told me something that I do not remember.
The next thing I knew was intense pain, as I awoke in the OR. I was being operated on without anesthetic because of my blood loss. I was told later that I had been defibrillated. The woman physician who operated on me was Chinese. My own physician was on holiday at the time.
The baby, a boy, had a large hole in his heart and had died a week before I miscarried him. They told me he could not have lived.
In the greater scheme of things, I tried to put this experience behind me, but I never felt the same about life. Within a year, I left my husband and my life in San Francisco. I moved to Canada. Within two years I became a Buddhist, a vegetarian, and remarried. I became a paramedic, and later a trainer of paramedics. I have returned to school three times and have a variety of academic credentials, including a degree in psychology. I have three children and ten years ago became a journalist.
I have spoken often among family and friends about my experience. My psychic abilities have dramatically increased, (among many experiences too numerous to mention, I've won 5 out of 6 in the lottery three times) and my children are often amused by my electrical incompatibilities, which I find incomprehensible.
My experience changed my world-view and I am often dismayed by the inconsideration and contempt with which we treat each other. War horrifies me. Exploitation of the poor is anathema to me. The vast majority of humans are so shortsighted that it's like being the only sighted person among legions of the blind.
No one gets out of life alive. In each lifetime we are only here for a short time and love and compassion are the most important gifts we give or lessons we can learn.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:51 pm:
I had gone on a weekend party to Big Sur in Cal. I swam all day it seemed. It got late and close to dinner time so I got dried and fresh clothes on and went down by the water to look for shells. I just got wet up to my ankles when out of no where [my back was turned] a big wave came up over me and washed me back so fast I only got a mouth full of water. So fast, it washed me back up on the shore and I was coughing so hard, the sand was so fine there was nothing to hold on to and, nothing to grab. I was choking and another wave came over me again and washed me back again, again I couldn't get any air. It threw me back on shore again and it took me back into the water a third time. I remember like it was yesterday.
It seemed that I was watching for a moment in my mind and said to myself I think this is it. I am going to die. I knew I was not getting out of this. I found myself relaxing almost involuntarily. As soon as I did, I was up out of the water and looking down at the water then, looked
around at the sun, it did not hurt my eyes, the air somehow looked sparkly, more real. I tried looking at me then, saw people on the shore. It didn't look like any one knew what had happened. I looked at my body in the water and it looked like clothes in a washing machine tumbling around. My body was not me. I asked where is this and felt everything was so alive and aware of me and safe, remarkably safe.
The next thing I knew my boyfriend had me up by my hair and, I felt a strong snap and I was back in my body with people standing around and my friend working on me and tiring to get all the sand and water out of me. I couldn't say anything to anyone. I figured if I said anything no one would understand. I went for years without talking to anyone, looking in books, the bible. I went to Ministers looking for answers. At that time I had never heard anything about near-death experiences. I got very Ill for a while, and soon started hearing about other people so I continued to study. I did find out about out-of-body travel and, got to go back at will. Very nice I must say.
I believe it was meant to happen for me to know that we do not die, I could go on and on but I'd better go for now.
Thank you for this opportunity, this means alot to me. Again thank you
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:28 pm:
My most recent “Near Death Experience” happened on April 30, 2001, about midmorning, while I was driving my car. They believe that my heart stopped, which caused me to slump over the wheel and crossover the centerline into the opposite lane and onto a side street where my car crashed into a banking on the right side of the road. The car was still in gear with the engine revving and tires spinning when an off duty Rescue/Fireman, who was traveling three cars behind me, stopped and shut the car off. As luck would have it, I had crossed the road in front of, but not anywhere near hitting, two police cruisers. They stopped to assist.
I had no pulse or respiration. The Rescue/Fireman was able to insert an airway and stabilize me, as much as possible, before the Ambulance arrived. They shocked me close to 20 times and were able to administer medications before I arrived at the hospital. At the hospital, they did their thing: unplugged my heart arteries and put in two stints. I was in a coma for nine days with a mild case pneumonia that developed around the third day.
Some related and interesting elements of the entire event were such things as the responding Ambulance was from my hometown on a mutual aid call, with one of the rescue personnel being a longtime friend of mine. The head of Cardiology for the hospital was actually on ER call that morning. Ultrasound tests have shown that I have suffered no heart muscle damage from the cardiac event.
In answer to what I “saw” on the “other side” during my “Near Death Experience” was simply a deep, dark, obsidian black, thought and blood freezing cold that was sensuously inviting and all encompassing.
While I was fading in and out of my coma, there seemed to be a heightened awareness of my senses, coupled with the sights, thoughts and sounds of a TV-stylized static screen. That was reeking with a nostril burning smell of hydrocarbon vapors, while every single nerve ending was tingling with a prickling sensation. Similar to the one when ‘your hair stands on end’. My life’s consciousness to its existence felt as though I had a choice to pick either Life or Death.
My (imagined) choice was to cocoon myself within myself to heal myself from within, and while I was aware of ‘things or happenings’ beyond the shell of my cocoon. I chose to ignore ‘it’ until I felt well enough to deal with ‘it’, which, at that time, I didn’t have the faintest idea of what ‘it’ was beyond my protective shell.
During the transition period of semi-consciousness, I (sometimes) chose to return to the coma. Although, for most of the time, it was just because I was so damned exhausted and it took so much effort just to stay awake.
There was an almost entire lack of pain (Thank God) and my presence seemed transparent, hollow, like a section of bamboo with (an imagined?) hypersensitivity to both physical and psychic stimuli. A host of questions plagued (and sometimes still plagues) me, such as, “Why did I survive, instead of someone else more worthy to live than I?” “Is there a reason why I was brought back?” “Did I really want to return to life?” ”Will I be able to continue to walk and teach on a sacred path, and better yet, will I be able to recognize it?” And I know that those questions and many others like them will probably continue to go on and on and on for myself, as well as, for almost everyone else who has ever questioned their reason for their existence.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:20 pm:
Awoke from a "dead" sleep having an acute M.I. and called 911. Transported to hospital and "flat lined" 15 minutes later. Defibrillated x6 during which time I experienced complete warm fuzzy feeling, tranquility, free from pain and then going into a tunnel and seeing a woman with a hat who was familiar but unknown (looked like Erma Bombeck or Bella Abzug) We communicated without words and then I felt a great deal of pain and awoke while shouting at the staff to "stop doing whatever they were doing" (using a defibrillator @ 360, which hurts) and then realized they were the code team that revived me... and thought, wow, that was weird...who was the lady in the hat?
Note: The survival rate for what I experienced is very low. My MI was as a result of what is known as a "spontaneous dissection" of a coronary artery (the myocardium of the coronary artery dissects/splits and in this case, flapped over itself closing my artery 100%, later a second artery dissected), a very rare medical event that in 80-90% of cases kills people within 5-15 minutes). I believe that some life force or will prevented me from dying---statistically, I should have died 4 times!
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 9, 2002 - 10:14 pm:
On January 18, 2001 I began to feel intense abdominal pain. I called for an ambulance to come to my apartment and by the time it arrived my right side had become very rigid. Upon my arrival at the hospital I was diagnosed with severe peritonitis due to the rupture of my appendix some time before. The emergency room doctor declared my condition very serious and ordered that I be prepared for operation as soon as possible.
Although I was semi-delirious from the pain, I could hear what the doctor was saying and because of my background as a medical and biochemical translator I understood that I had a life-threatening condition.
The preparations for the operations were completed and I was in the operating room awaiting the arrival of the surgeon who would perform the operation. I remembered that I hadn't said the prayers which I usually say every morning so I began to say them to myself silently as I was waiting. As I reached the end I seemed to slip into a somehow different state and began asking myself whether I was ready to die and to leave behind everything I had known in my life. Am I ready to leave my profession? Am I ready to leave my passion for music? I said yes to these questions one by one. The last was: Am I willing to leave my two children? I said yes and suddenly felt myself become lighter and free of pain although I still felt my body and could feel that my side was rigid. I was then told; not with words but in some way that I felt very deep inside me, that it was not my time to die but that when the time would come there was absolutely nothing to fear and nothing to be lost. I felt a!
Strong feeling of exhilaration despite my weak condition.
Shortly thereafter the anesthesiologist began to administer the general anesthetic and I lost consciousness.
I regained consciousness and was taken to a room at the hospital. The first nurse who came to see me seemed rather worried and said she heard that I had had a very difficult time in the recovery room. I didn't understand exactly what she meant, but based on her comments and those of the doctors, it seems that I went into shock or had some sort of crisis during or after the operation. As the general anesthetic wore off I felt tremendous pain. The medical personnel refused to give me any painkillers, saying that it might be dangerous for my heart.
The surgeon who performed the operation came to see me the following day. He said that he was shocked by what he saw during the operation and that my appendix must have ruptured almost five days before! He didn't believe me when I said that I had felt no pain at all until the attack, which led me to call the ambulance. He warned of possible complications during recovery and stressed the importance of my will to recover.
The days that followed were filled with pain and discomfort and accompanied by hallucinations induced by the morphine and massive doses of antibiotics, which I was given.
The first change I noticed in myself was that I no longer feared death. The possibility of life-threatening complications, which the surgeon had mentioned, did not disturb me although I was determined to follow his instructions for enhancing my recovery.
I seemed to be doing simple gestures in new ways but at first I thought this was due to my condition and to the medications.
I was released from the hospital one week later. When I entered my apartment I had a very strange sensation, as if I was entering for the first time, but also as if only part of me was entering.
The period of my convalescence was difficult because of my condition and the need to go to the hospital every two days to have my wounds checked, and also because my wife fell into a state of depression at exactly that time.
Nevertheless, as the weeks went by I felt more and more serene and began to see life with a sort of joy that went very far beyond what I had known before.
I have believed in God since my childhood although I was never really a member of any church and never attended services regularly. Starting about two months after my experience I found myself drawn to reading the Bible and even more so to the works of modern spirituality authors such as Deepak Chopra and Neal Walsch. I felt a compulsion to read these books although I had never heard of the authors and purchased the books almost at random. The Bible seemed clearer to me than ever before. The books spoke like reminders of a truth, which I had always known but somehow forgotten.
At the time I didn't associate my new interest in spiritual reading with my near death experience. I didn't even understand that I had had a NDE because I had never read anything on the subject other than some skeptical newspaper articles. It was only when I read about near death experiences in Conversations with God and other books that I realized that these seemed to correspond to my experience.
As I write this text, more or less on the one-year anniversary of my near death experience, I feel that I have become a very different person. My notions of spirituality and life purpose have changed greatly. I see the world and my fellow beings very differently. I do not fear death and live in acceptance of the revelation I was given: Death is not the end of anything and all our real needs will be taken care of. Where before I saw mostly contradictions in spirituality, in the world, in history, everything now seems very coherent.
I can see now that my NDE started a process of change which has gone on throughout the year since then and which seems to be continuing.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 7, 2002 - 10:49 pm:
I wasn't sure how to answer most of the questions since I was a baby when it happened. I was wondering if it is the reason why I know things.
Before it happens, and I don't want to sound like a nut, but a man's voice talks to me when something bad is about to happen, sometimes while I sleep he tells me, he is very kind and I know his voice, then he comforts me and explains why it happens. Other times when I'm awake he'll call my name then, tells me somethings wrong,go call ect..this isn't like you hear of people hearing voices telling them to do this and that, not at all. I'm completly sane. It has only happened a few times in my life. It started as a young child ,he told me that I was going to be real sick but not
to be afaid he would be with me,two days later I was in the hospital and almost died, I was four and I can still remember the preacher praying for me. I seen him that time he told me.
Then one night in my sleep he was a bright light and he told me that my brother's heart stopped and not to be scared because he showed him the way back. Then my mom woke me up and she was crying, I spoke first and told her Scott was ok that his heart was started again and that he had O.D. , She asked how I knew I told her I dreamed it. Then my grandfather died, the voice told me again, he said, that it was ok because people don't really die just their bodies do. I got out of bed and went and told my mom, she said it was a bad dream but just then the phone rang with news of his passing. This has happened through out my life, but the one that really stands out was the night my mother was dying and she was afaid to go to sleep. I prayed and prayed for her,then he spoke once again he told me to tell her to go to sleep and that she would wake up, then the next time she would see a beautiful light and there would be Polly, Mac and Grandmom and she should go to them it would be alright. It happened as he said,and right before she left she looked up at me and she smiled and said he was right I see them. She died of cancer. I have also seen ghosts at times, though they never talk. This man's voice is like I've known it all my life there is no fear of it. I don't talk about it because I don't want people to think I'm nuts,
I can't explain why it tells me things that will happen, but I know that it is kind. I thought that maybe when I was a baby and drowned in the pool, a lady came out of the hotel and got the water out of my lungs and started me breathing again, that maybe he was there with me and showed me the way back. I'm not afaid of dying because I know that he will be there to help me,though I hope that it will be many many many years from now. One time I dreamed of my deceased grandfather and he told me that "Karen I didn't come for you I just wanted Suger Plum" (HIS CAT). I got up out of bed scared to death and my brother was up so I told him. Trying to calm me down he took me outside to show me the cat was ok. there it laid it hadn't been long dead and not a mark on it. I know who is on the phone 9 times out 10,who is coming to visit, and alot of times what they are going to say. I can not tune into people's thoughts at will but I have picked up on some.
I have immediate dislike for some people upon meeting them and I know why, I pick up on the bad things they either have done or will do, been 100% right on this. I have had people steal from us ,three different times and each time knew exactly who did it and went right to them and got our things back. This last time a boy stole money from where my daughter worked, she was the manager so it would have come out of her pocket, I sat there for a few minutes and then knew where the money was and who stole it. I walked outside and sure enough there it was under the dumpster. I got a summons to go to court, but was excused from it, how could I get up there and say it dawned on me, I told her who to call as witnesses and he got 90 days. Any way I was hoping that you could help me understand these things and why it happens to me. Also I seem to know what an animal wants by
the sounds he makes,like if the dog outside barks,I know why he is barking most of the time, even the neigbor's dogs. They don't just bark to hear them selfs. I know the bark for water, strange animal, person, the I'm cold whine, I have noticed that they very rarely bark when hungry, but they will hop up and down instead. But that could come from being around them all my life. There was one time though that I was at a friends barn looking at the horses when one started making faces at me then made sounds like he was choking, I told my daughter he was telling us he wanted water and sure enough we went in and there was none and that was exactly what he wanted, so yea he did tell me, he drank a full bucket. I guess I listen to them.
Anyway any thing you can tell me would be a help, like I said I'm a sane person there is no history of mental illness at all. I am a normal everyday house wife. I'm just more aware of things around me than most people
Narratives may be edited to ensure anonymity, correct spelling, etc.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 7, 2002 - 10:46 pm:
In 1974 after experiencing a very powerful Marriage Encounter weekend I had a dream-vision which changed my whole perspective on living. The 44-hour weekend was very enlightening, very moving, draining and most of all a significant moment in my life and my relationship with my husband, children, parents and the whole universe.
On the Friday following the Marriage Encounter weekend, Memorial Day Weekend, I put our 2 year Lisa down for a nap and still being tired from the week following our experience, I took a nap around 1:30 in the afternoon before going to work at 5:30 PM. Before falling asleep I asked myself why my step-dad Marcel (who died in October 1973) was so disillusioned with life and gave up on himself and the ones who loved him.? At precisely 2:55 PM, 5 minutes before Donna and Joanne were scheduled to get home from school, I had the following experience. The answer came from deep deep inside of me? My dad was hurting because no one chose to understand and listen to his feelings, his believes, his thoughts, no one really gave to him the understanding that he needed. Also within me the awareness that hurt is a very self-centered emotion and if you let go of hurt, love can grow again. Seconds after this knowledge came to me, I experienced a great love from my step-dad Marcel (died in 1973), followed by the same great love from my father Alfred (died in 1944 Battle of the Bulge) and than a tremendous overwhelming love from God, my Father. Arms enveloping me all three together as one being.
Having been terribly afraid of death and not believing that I was good enough to receive eternal life, this experience gave me the answer to the question of life after life. At that same moment I was lifted above the couch, saw my nonmoving body on the couch, saw my funeral procession with my children, husband and tried to get up from the couch and could not until I truly believed that if I let go of my self-centeredness I would be free. I immediately remembered that Lisa was napping and told myself that I needed to come back to take care of her. I came to just enough to notice that it was 2:55p m. When Donna and Joanne came home I was overwhelmed, my uncle Fern, unexpectedly came to see me, and I explained what happened, he told me that he had had a similar experience. Hearing him tell his story helped a little but after he left I called Dick and told him I was dying and to come straight home.
It took many years and numerous other dream-vision experiences for me to settle in a routine again with my family. Crossing over to the other side is very overwhelming, I am not the same person, my values, beliefs were almost turned upside down. Much that was important to me before took a different place in my life, like keeping the house spic and span, I was a bit of a neat freak but that took a back seat. My relationships took more meaning, especially my husband, children, my mom. I didn't care as much about what would people say if my house wasn't up to par, or if I didn't have the latest fashions or car. Owning a house wasn't that important and keeping up with the neighbors etc.
I took more risks and took over a religious bookstore and turned it into a pretty nice bookstore that grew leaps and bounds. Even after we second mortgaged our home it was a chance that I wanted to take to keep the bookstore open. Unfortunately, we closed the bookstore after 14 years because we just didn't have the capital to keep on going.
After my near-death experience, I looked for answers and luckily I found some wonderful authors who had written on these experiences. One of the best from Carl Jung's own near-death experience. After the first experience, I had a few others but it was just too much, after awhile I was afraid to close my eyes and go to sleep, I asked God not to continue because I had to get back to life and start living again, people were counting on me, so the visions left. A few years later they would come back but not as frequent and I could better assimilate the dream-visions into my life.
In 1981 Dick had two heart attacks and in 1982 by-pass surgery. It was a very stressful time in the life of our family. Donna just graduating from high school didn't have her dad present and Joanne and especially Lisa were very afraid of their dad dying. Dick had a very determined mindset that he would beat this brush with death, and we were all given a second chance. In 1993 Dick had angina and had to have the by-pass again, recovery was a little more difficult but he was a trooper and has a good outlook on life. Fortunately, for us he never went into depression but rose above it all, we are grateful for his faith and positive state of mind, it made it easier to go through these difficult times.
In May of 1995 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. People around were astonished at my rising above it all. Let me say that I was not afraid to die but still wanted to live, I had much to gain and everything to lose. Donna was pregnant with our first grandchild, Rachel who was born on Sept. 25, 1995, the apple of my eye. I had tremendous support at home, my children and my coworkers. I had started my new job in Jan. of 1995 and was determined not to take too much time off. I went through a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. The chemo was the worst because of nausea and the breaking down of my immune system. I wasn't pleased with the chemo and opted for only 3 months instead of 6 months, overstepping all my doctors advice. This I did knowing the consequences but also believing that if you destroy the immune system and you need it to fight cancer, it was and still is a paradox. Since 1983 our family has taken nutritional supplements and I believe that made all the difference going through these years of stress and physical duress. After numerous biopsies and close calls I am cancer free but the tension is there every time I have a mammogram. Being at peace is something I have to work at every day. My daily mantra is: "Be still and know that I AM".
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 1, 2002 - 04:50 pm:
My grandmother was an inpatient at the local hospital where I am employed. During her stay, the hospital called me at home one morning and asked me to come right away, that my grandmother was hysterical and they were unable to do anything with her, and she kept screaming my name.
After we arrived, it took some time to calm her and get her to the point where she could talk about it, but eventually, we were able to get this story out of her.
Grandma said that she was laying in her hospital bed, when she suddenly felt like she was floating. She turned around, and looked down at her body laying on the bed, then looked ahead to see a bright light and a long grassy hill. She said that her first thought was "there is no way that I can climb that hill" before she was floating above it to whereever her destination lay. She said she could smell roses everywhere, and as she reached the crest of the hill, there were roses of every color and size. She told us that their scent was almost overwhelming, the smell was so sweet. She continued on, over the roses, and at the top of the hill there stood a crowd of people. She said that she recognized my grandfather, her mother and father, her brothers, and several other family members, but then an angel of unspeakable beauty stopped her as she headed toward them. She said that she recognized the angel as being my mother (her daughter) who told her "now is not your time, you can't stay here yet. Go back, and tell my children how much I loved them, and they are still loved." She said my mother said other things to her, but she could not remember them.
She told us that she could feel herself falling as she "came back" to her body on earth, and she was so hysterical because she didn't want to come back. She said that she could see the city shining in the distance, that the whole place was so beautiful that it hurt your eyes to look at it for very long, and that there was a bright, white light that emanated from the center of the city in the distance.
Her story circulated through our family, and we had several phone calls from family members, and a long distance visitor. Our cousin kept asking repeatedly for grandma to describe the people she saw on the hilltop.
Grandma said that there was one boy with longer blond hair that she had never seen before. She said that he was standing off by himself, away from the others, with his head hanging down, as if he was sad. Our cousin cried when she heard this, because she had just lost a grandson to suicide. She showed grandma his school picture, and grandma said, "Yes, that was him, but he looked so sad there. I don't know why he seemed so sad." None of us knew about this boy's suicide until that day.
One month to the day of her "vision", my grandmother died. Her vision of heaven still affects every one in our family.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:30 pm:
I was depressed, and felt as if life was not worth living, I felt as if I failed to achieve "something" that I should have, but just could not
understand. I wanted to talk to God. one on one. to know who God really is, not who church and other say. I slashed my wrist, and as I bled I was of a mindset that all that mattered was I was going to encounter "God", be it good of bad, it was going to be a real experience. I felt myself giving up my mortal thoughts and then an overwhelming feeling of "HOME" filled me. For the first time in my life I felt I was HOME. All sorrow and pain melted away, and the Universe exploded with a sense of welcome. I in my total being accepted this experience and wanted to stay there. But all that filled me, told me (in radiance like thought) that I now have what I've needed, and my place is among the living , and must return. No, I wanted to stay, but I could feel myself slipping back into my body.
I awoke in my body, with a slightly healed slash, the tendons and artery where no longer cut, only the skin and the blood vessels. Since then I been part of and witness to many things that others would call make believe, fantasy. I am aware of the energy to creation, the one bond we all share. I don't fear "death" rather I look forward to it. I have found myself atoned to healing and feeling what is "wrong" with others. My life is not about what I have or can achy! eve, I seek to understand what I "am". Perhaps I am just nuts, I've only talked about with very few, and mostly I find that other do not understand where I come from.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:25 pm:
When I was 13yrs old I was in surgery for appendicitis when my appendix ruptured during the surgery. My first memory is that of seeing a silver dome below me, later realizing this was the top of the operating room light. I saw the medical team working on my physical body and sensed their "panic" and sincere concern for me. I knew my body was being taken care of and that left me free to go. Go where? As soon as I had the thought, a light appeared in the distance above me. I felt a motion pulling forward and just went in the direction of the light. There was a brief period of darkness but I had no sense of fear. I remember thinking that I should be afraid but I was pleased that I was not.
As I came to be in the light there was a presence of someone with me. I did not consciously know who this was but I trusted this presence completely. I remember seeing hundreds of people welcoming me back, like they were glad to see me. I don't remember knowing any of them and yet somehow I knew them all. I was told that I must go to meet someone who was waiting for me. As I was in the presence of this one I was to meet, the light was became so bright that I thought that this light should hurt my eyes and yet it did not. From my perspective at the time this being was the Father I had been taught about in heaven. He held out his arms and I went to him so naturally and was held by him.
I remember feeling small and completely in awe of the beauty of this pure love I was being surrounded by. We had much conversation without saying any words. One of my greatest memories is that of all knowledge being available. If I had a question in my thought, I immediately had the answer. If I thought "what's over there", I found myself "over there". This was great fun! I was home and I wanted to stay! The Father told me I did not have to go back but I would have to make a choice. There was no question in my mind that I wanted to stay. He said, he understood but! asked me to spend some time in the garden and really think about why I chose to enter into this life in the first place. Oh, the garden thankfully, a place I have not forgotten.
I found myself seemingly physically alone at the same time knowing I was not exactly alone in this most beautiful place. There was a large tree shading the most incredibly green grass surrounded by flowers of every color, size & shape that ever existed. I heard a humming sound like a tone of some kind. When I looked I became aware of the individual sound each flower made, like each flower was very much alive and had its own personality by the tone that it made. All flowers together made a sound of perfection & harmony. I asked the Father in thought, "what is in the soil that would create such beautiful flowers?" He answered, and I felt him smiling, " unconditional love". Every living thing will find its own perfection with unconditional love.
I told him that I did want to stay but felt I needed to somehow let my parents know not to be sad or angry if I did not come back. I felt if I could just explain to them where I was they wouldn't mind so much. The next thing I remember I was back at the hospital and saw my mom walking next to a bed I was lying on. I remember calling her name and being right in front of her face calling to her and she could not hear me. I then woke up in the recovery room pulling at the oxygen mask that made me feel like I was suffocating.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:23 pm:
I was 9yrs old and swimming in a lake with other children. I was at a
summer camp during my school vacation. I dove off a platform in the middle of the lake and when I tried to come up for air, another child dove in and struck me in the center of my chest. The remaining air was expelled from my lungs immediately and I was stunned. I drifted to the bottom of the lake and was swallowed up by tall weeds growing there. I was shocked and very afraid at the time and quickly the pain in my oxygen starved lungs began to increase to a point where I didn't think I couldn't stand it any longer. I couldn't move however, I was still stunned. The water was so cold and everything was very dark. What seemed like a long time passed and everything grew dark and light at the same time!
I know this doesn't make sense but I'll try to explain. I blacked out at the same time a light that illuminated a completely different field of vision. I no longer saw the dark bottom of the lake but instead a bright light that didn't hurt my eyes to look at. I don't think there was anything around me but that light! It was then that I noticed just how peaceful and wonderful everything was. There was nothing to do except bask in this wonderful feeling/place.
I don't think it was very long until I heard/felt a voice from somewhere, my head I think, saying that I didn't belong there. All of a sudden I became fearful. I have to stop at this point to kind of emphasize just what a shock fear was to me in that state of bliss that I had been in. That shock of fear seemed like it was the thing that put out the light and caused me go back into the void(word borrowed from your list BTW, good choice!) I woke up on the top of the platform coughing water out of my lungs. A lifeguard who knew CPR found me after I hadn't come up in some time. I had no breathing and no pulse. I guess the whole experience lasted about 15 min from the time I dove off the platform to the time I remember waking up on the raft. Well, that's it...there's a lot more to tell about the changes that occurred throughout my life but I'll save that for someone who has any interest in that part of it. Thank you for the opportunity to tell my story!
God Bless You All!
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:21 pm:
While undergoing knee replacement surgery in Aug 1997, I developed
complication from an overdose of anesthetic. I drifted in and out of
Consciousness for five days and my family was advised that I might not pull through. During the periods of unconsciousness I was accompanied by two hooded, robed, figures that stayed just out of my field of vision so I couldn't see there faces, but was very aware that they were with me. They meant me no harm and I understood that clearly.
When I recovered they went away. Their presence was comforting and my interpretation of what happened is that they were friendly spirits possibly from my past that would escort me to the other side if necessary. Following my release from the hospital my personality underwent an amazing transformation. I went from uptight, highly aggressive type A, to fairly relaxed, philosophical and highly appreciative of nature. I also went from agnostic with a Southern Baptist background to being a Wicca with Shamanistic tendencies. I had little previous knowledge of Pagan beliefs and practices but was actively seeking knowledge as soon as I got out of the hospital.
I no longer fear death and may appear aloft to friends and relatives. This is not intentional! I just don't feel the need to get irritated about every little thing and feel that every day we have a choice between pleasure and pain. I choose to enjoy and savor life and thank God/Goddess for my experience during surgery.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:19 pm:
I've been looking for a long time for a place to write my light experience. On 17MAR99, I experienced a heart event (atria fibrillation), which began around 2100 at the end of an extremely productive day on a USS at sea. My heart stopped twice on board and once later at the hospital ashore. During the first event, I felt as though I was in a tunnel traveling quickly as though on a roller coaster with flashes of light but could not discern anything really visible.
While at the hospital ashore, my heart stopped again and I went to a gray void area and was looking around into the darkness when a lighted doorway appeared or beckoned me from my distant right. Above and around the door was a moving ghostly white fog (Holy Ghost?) and as I moved toward it a woman appeared within the lighted door frame and she was either waving toward me or to someone in the light. I saw large light waves kaleidoscope into the darkness and smaller ones kaleidoscope off a large diamond ring on her finger. I was moving toward the light getting closer and closer (seeing clouds and blue sky? on the other side) when suddenly I was pushed and found myself awakening in the hospital with a frantic doctor over me. I remarked, " That was the best, most peaceful sleep I ever had...I needed that." And feeling as though I had slept for hours.
The doctor told me, "We thought you were gone and that they had lost me" while my heartbeat was still erratic and remained so throughout the night. But after the light visit, I could now sense when it was going to stop and fought through it until I was finally given some medication at 0600 the next day, which stabilized me immediately, and I finally slept awhile. They performed a heart ablation procedure on 26MAR01 and I've been good to go since; however, the experience caused me some anxiety and I was fearful of sleeping and not waking up. During the month MAR-APR I experienced dream visions of dead people visiting me or trying to tell! me where there body was or perhaps of someone's potential death in the future.
After my follow-up 26APR I felt less and less anxiety but then I started to get awake visions as though ghosts spoke to me telling me of good things for my family and others while also helping me avoid bad things for my family and others. I feel gifted but I'm not sure what for or what with.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 4, 2002 - 12:12 pm:
I was in my room, I had been diagnosed with double viral pneumonia, with only about 8% lung capacity. I had always been a hard worker, and was actually working on a ladder in the rain before I went to the doctor. I was in bad shape, when I finally laid back and "fell asleep", I had the strangest sensation. I felt as if I was out of my body, and was traveling at a high rate of speed to another place. I was frightened out of my mind, so frightened, in fact, that had I been in my body I would have had a heart attack.
I arrived in a very different place, in a very different state. There were people around me that I was aware of, but I couldn't "see" them in the conventional sense. I had a sort of 360 degree awareness. There was another there with me, a guide, who was answering my questions. I knew she was female, and had been in her twenties when she died, and she was blonde. I knew that she was my guide on this side. Communication was really different, as I didn't speak. I felt thoughts welling up inside of me and there were answered immediately. There were no words, it seemed that it was all feeling, all intuitive. Knowledge of anything I wanted to know was instantly transferred without language. I was informed that were I was there was no time or space restrictions and I could go anywhere and any-when I wanted by power of will. I had all this power suddenly open to me. I was still emotionally upset about this new condition that I found myself in and asked "I can do anything?
I can have everything? Am I God?" It was at this time I discovered that there is a sense of humor on the other side! My guide informed me that I was not God, and all I had to do was to think, to will a place and time and I would be there. I did I wanted to see New York in the 1940's. We were transported to a dark alley in Brooklyn. I could see living figures dressed in long overcoats and Fedora's, and an old car. I could even read the license plate. I was also aware of other beings there that were not alive in the physical senses of the word. They had a blueish tinge to them. My guide had a golden-greenish tinge, like masses of undefined energy. I believed that I was going to be there forever. I thought " I'm dead, this is where I will be now". But I felt myself pulled back. No one was more surprised at this than my guide. I believe that she didn't know that I was going back. I felt the heaviness and the disease in my body as I re-entered. I felt my lungs heavy and painful, as if my body was lead.
When I awoke, all I could do was smile and laugh softly. For about fifteen minutes, I felt outrageously happy, although I wanted to go back immediately. I wanted to tell someone about this experience, but I felt as if they would dismiss it as a dream. It was definitely not a dream, I was there! Or they would think I was a nutcase. Either way, I haven't told many people about this, and when I do trust someone enough to tell them my story, I preface it by saying " now, there is no proof, and this might be a dream..." just to retain my credibility. The experience is as fresh in my mind as if it happened yesterday. No mere dream has ever lasted that long. I went in for an operation since that experience, and I was actually looking forward to the anesthetic, thinking that it would bring me back to my near death experience again. I was disappointed, however, as it just resulted in a "lost time" experience, it merely seemed like I fell asleep then woke up immediately, when in fact it was three hours later. I have not had an experience like the "death dream" since.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 3, 2002 - 01:30 pm:
Je suis un peu gêné de vous écrire pour une sorte d'expérience non consciente et cela pour deux raisons.
Premièrement elle remonte à fort loin (1961) et deuxièmement je ne suis pas en mesure d'apporter un témoignage autre que le mien. De plus il ne s'agit pas d'une NDE, ma vie n'ayant jamais été en danger.
En 1961 j'étais militaire appelé en Algérie, avec un petit grade de sergent. Nous vivions dans un village qui avait été occupé par des colons français, c'est à dire qu'il ne s'agissait pas de "derb", ou de "village arabe", mais de construction en dur qui rappelaient, d'assez loin quand même, les constructions rurales de métropole. Sachant lire et écrire (oui, c'était rare) j'avais été affecté au poste de commandement du capitaine qui commandait à cette époque un escadron.
En tant que sous-off je disposais d'un chauffeur, alors que je préférais conduire moi-même. Le chauffeur qui m'avait été affecté était un gentil bidasse rustique, qui avait appris à conduire à l'armée et qui, s'il se doutait intuitivement de la fonction du volant, n'en avait pas une perception ni une maniabilité parfaites.
Le mercredi était jour de marché au village et les villageois des alentours apportaient qui une poule famélique, qui une viande, qui quelques légumes. Le tout se passait dans une certains bonne humeur, le barbier barbait, l'arracheur de dents arrachait, avec ce merveilleux davier jamais aseptisé hérité de la colonisation.
Traversant un village, et où le marché se tenait, mon chauffeur heurta un petit arabe de huit à dix ans de l'aile avant droite de sa jeep.
Ces véhicules étaient construits par des militaires, pour des militaires et à usage militaire. Personne n'avait pensé que l'aile des roues avant était susceptible d'entailler profondément un cou de gamin. On ne saurait penser à tout
Peut-être entaillé à la carotide, le gamin pissait le sang avec allégresse, sans pleurer (c'était un petit arabe et non un petit européen). L'avantage des jeeps, c'est que les portes ne se coincent pas, il n'y a pas de portes.
J'ai sauté hors du véhicule, pris le gamin dans les bras et me suis fait conduire à l'infirmerie. L'étudiant en médecine qui effectuait comme nous son service militaire avait déjà vu du sang et ne tourna pas de l'aeil. Quand à moi, une horreur maladive de l'hémoglobine m'interdit de tenir le gamin pendant que l'homme-médecine officiait.
De ce fait, libéré de mon devoir qui consistait à amener le blessé auprès d'une compétence relative, je regagnais mon trou à rats, pour me laver et me changer, le sang s'étant gaillardement répandu sur ma chemise et mon pantalon. Pour cela, il fallait traverser un espace vide de 200 mètres environ. Je passe les détails , mais le soleil, l'odeur du sang, une sorte de sensibilité, voire de sensiblerie, pour un enfant blessé et hop, dans les pâmes.
Quelques éléments de la soldatesque m'ayant vu choir de toute ma hauteur, couvert de sang, me crurent blessé dans une quelconque échauffourée dont ils n'auraient eu vent.
Je me suis réveillé quasiment nu sur mon châlit, entouré de l'admiration générale et de cette chaude odeur de militaire à laquelle un troufion de carrière venait mêler la sienne dans laquelle je reconnus quelques relents de bière pour sous-officiers (j'ai toujours eu beaucoup de respect pour la chose militaire..).
Mais quid entre ma chute et mon réveil? Il s'est écoulé peu de temps, une dizaine de minutes maximum, et vraisemblablement moins. Je suis tombé, des copains sont arrivés, m'ont emporté, déshabillé, déposé et je me suis réveillé. Pas de quoi fouetter un chat, si ce n'est deux choses que je n'explique pas :
1.la zone était surveillée de haut par un mirador métallique, et j'ai vu toute la scène du haut du mirador. Je me suis vu tomber, en fléchissant sur les jambes, j'ai vu les copains arriver, je les ai entendu s'étonner, (mais d'où qui vient? Mais quoi qui n'a? A du s'faire tirer d'ssus, on a ren entendu, ah le pov mec) j'ai même entendu un copain s'inquiéter pour
mon chien (ah putain et sultan où qu'il est?).
Je les ai vus me porter (heureusement il n'y avait rien de cassé), pénétrer dans le gourbi où nous couchions à quatorze, une ancienne étable où notre odeur avait chassé celle des brebis, et ce en les suivant du regard, volant presque à coté et au-dessus d'eux, sentant même qu'on m'ouvrait la main pour y déposer quelque chose, me poser précautionneusement sur mon lit, me déshabiller avec des précautions d'infirmières stagiaires et pucelles, et je me souviens avoir vu l'un d'entre eux, dont je me souviens encore du nom, un jeune musulman nommé Guébalou, partir en courant prévenir le jeune toubib. Je voyais toujours tout cela "de-dessus", sans crainte, sans ennui, et j'ai presque envie de dire "bien". Je voyais aussi cette main droite fermée, serrée pour maintenir quelque chose alors que es deux mains à moi, le "survolant" étaient vides. Au-dessus de mon lit, je savais que j'étais sas vêtements, et sans es lunettes. Puis j'ai ouvert les yeux.
2.J'ai senti tout de suite que ma main était fermée sur un objet, et surtout qu'il ne fallait pas que j'ouvre la main. Le toubib est arrivé, on m'a emmené à l'infirmerie, nettoyé à l'alcool, réconforté, questionné, jusqu'à ce qu'on s'aperçoive que j'avais la main droite fermée avec une certaine énergie. Comme j'étais conscient, on m'a demandé d'ouvrir la main, j'ai refusé, mais enfin c'est idiot, qu'est-ce que tu as, tu t'es blessé? etc. Alors, comme j'étais trop têtu pour une intelligence normale et trop affaibli pour insister, on m'a immobilisé l'avant-bras au niveau du poignet et on a appuyé sur le dessus de la main pour faire ouvrir les doigts. Une pierre bleue est tombée, une sorte d'olive de 3 cms environ, lisse, percée d'un trou à don dimaètre le plus large (et non d'une pointe à l'autre), plus foncée qu'une turquoise mais tachée. Il a fallu retrouver le propriétaire de cette pierre bleue.
Elle n'appartenait pas au gamin, ni à sa famille. Le village nègre comptait environ 400 personnes. Elles ont toutes(?) été interrogées sous la traduction d'un militaire français d'origine algérienne, l'adjudant. Un arabe influent qui je crois a été membre du parlement français, m'avait demandé de taper à la machine les noms de 14000 algériens pour les élections. Il m'a dit que la pierre me porterait bonheur. Elle n'appartenait à personne. J'ai gardé la pierre plusieurs années, puis elle a disparu dans un déménagement.
Au service militaire, j'ai été regardé bizarrement pendant plusieurs mois, et on racontait aux nouveaux arrivés l'histoire de la pierre bleue.
By Anonymous (dynamic111.indra.com - 204.144.142.181) on Tuesday, March 26, 2002 - 10:46 am:
It was the night after my grandmother's funeral. I was already feeling very distraught and depressed. I tried to find this guy I've been seeing, thinking that maybe some companionship would make me feel better. Being unsuccessful, I headed home to call my best friend. I told her how I was feeling, and we concluded that the best thing for me to do right then was to go to her house and get wasted. By the time I drove the twenty-something miles to her house, she had successfully accuired a six-pack of hard lemonades. We also decided to finish up the last of her pot stash. We took the drinks and the pot out to my car parked in front of her house. We had no intention of driving anywhere, but we didn't want to stink up her room and have her parents find us out.
I took the first sip of the drink and immediately felt that something wasn't right. My heart began to beat strangely, and a felt a little light-headed. I dismissed it as adrenaline or anxiety or something and we continued.! I only took a couple hits from the pipe, and was on my second drink when it began to happen. I felt like I never have before. I could barely move. I felt heavy. I was having trouble breathing, taking heavy breaths that made my friend think I was trying to fake an ••••••.
Then I heard a loud voice tell me to put down the drink, stop drinking. I was startled. The voice was very assertive and powerful. I listened and put the drink down. I then felt a window open up in the back of my head and air started rushing through it. I started to feel myself falling, though my friend later stated I was perfectly still. I could still hear the voice. She was telling me I was going to be alright, things were going to be okay, I was safe and didn't need to be scared. I felt very calm even though part of me was terrified of what was happening. I had no control anymore. I couldn't move. I was trying to focus on something to keep me here, but I continued to fall. I could feel my heart stop beating, my body became numb and cold. Everything became dark and suddenly I was falling through a tunnel. It looked very futuristic, like something out of Star Wars, with lights zooming by me at warp speed. I could see images at the end of the tunnel, but none of them were clear enough to distinguish. They seemed very far away, but no matter how much I kept falling, they never got close enough for me to see. The voice was still reassuring me that everything was going to be alright.
I suddenly felt jolted back into reality, literally like I had been thrown. My friend was shaking me, asking what had happened. I said I didn't know. The voice told me to tell my friend that if it started to happen again, to get help. She was scared, but I felt surprisingly calm. The voice told me to tell my friend to start writing what was happening down. I had a notebook in my backseat and told her to grab it.
I then began to have a vision of a street with cars driving down it. It was in a city, there were tall buildings all along the right side. All the vehicles were white, cars, trucks, vans. They were all moving very fast. I became aware that at every intersection there was a green light with a red left turn arrow. Then I saw an image of a dark car with a dark figure standing at the passenger window, as if talking to someone inside. The figure got in the car. For some reason, I felt afraid of this scene, the car and the figure. Then the voice told me to stay away from the dark cars and dark figures. The images stopped.
I decided to try to talk to this voice. I asked her who she was, if she was god. She told me she couldn't answer me, but that I would learn on my own. Then I looked to the sky and saw an image of a smiling woman with wavy golden hair. Underneath her were stalks of golden wheat. She was glowing, eminating beauty, peace and love. I had the feeling that she knew everything, from the past to what is yet to come.
I decided to ask her a stupid trivial question, that only a teenager could think to ask at a time like this, what was going to happen between me and the guy I'm seeing? She laughed softly and said that she couldn't tell me that either, but that I had a gift and if I learned to use it, then I would know. I became curious about this gift. I asked her what kind of a gift it was. She told me that I had a power, something that I was born with, and that it was time that I learn how to use it because I was sent to give a message. She told me I was special. I had a purpose, a reason to be here. I was beautiful and strong.
Life was beautiful, everything was beautiful. Everything had a reason and a purpose. Everything was happening for a reason, from the moment I was born. Everything down to the people I had met and places I had been. I have always believed myself to be a little psychic, but always been sceptical. Now I knew, it was all real. It was in me and greater than I had ever imagined, I just needed to learn how to use it.
The woman told me that it was starting now. She told me to tell my friend to begin to write down every word that came out of my mouth, and everything that she herself was seeing, feeling, and experienceing. The voice said my friend was going to write a book. That's why she was there. That's why we were together as friends on this earth. My friend was confused, but obeyed. I felt as if I was slipping into a trance-like state. I began speaking. I could hear my voice, but was not conciously aware of what I was saying. I slowly began to feel myself having control over my body. I could feel the presence of the woman dissapear. I began to cry hysterically, not from fear, but joy and confusion and helplessness. We had a purpose, I had a purpose. Somebody really did care about me, love me. These were incredible concepts for me, someone who was raised an atheist, but found her own way into certain aspects of paganism.
I have never believed in a god, but had the feeling that there was most likely some kind of greater force somewhere. Now I know there is something greater out there. I have never wanted to go to church, but suddenly it seems like something interesting. I feel changed, different, more accepting of myself and others. I don't yell at the people driving under the speed limit anymore. I am more tolerate of people, even my sister. I feel more comfortable with my body, something that is very welcomed after battling for five years with eating disorders. I am more calm and try not to hurry myself with things. I don't know if these changes will last, I hope they do. I don't know what it was exactly that happened to me that night. I don't know if any of it is real.
Later, after everything had calmed down, I read what I had said to my friend. It was beautiful. It was a message, almost like a scripture or something. It was about life, not just mine, but everybody's. I feel compelled to tell it to everyone I see. It feels important to me.
I don't know if it's worth mentioning, but for about three weeks or so before this happened, I noticed that my psychic awareness was increasing. I would have the feeling I was going to see somebody and turn around to find them there, or know complete conversations before anybody even finished a sentance. I also even knew that something was going to happen with this particular guy, and it did. I feel that this has been a very positive experience, one that I feel I have learned from, and still have more to learn.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:44 pm:
Since October of 2000, I had been experiencing non-life threatening sustained idiopathic ventricular arrythmias. In spite of the frequency and rapid heart beat (up to 300 bpm, sustained for an hour), it was considered non-life threatening because my heart muscle is considered exceptionally healthy. I underwent an electro physiology study in Dec. 2000 where a "trigger site" of the vtach was identified and ablated. However, on New Year's I experienced a v-tach and continued to do so, in spite of various medications, until Feb of this year, when I underwent a second ep study. At that time, I was pronounced "cured."
In March of this year, I began to experience v-tachs. The pattern was the same as before--sustained, frequent, high speed. Traditional meds (lopressor, toprol) and the ablations neither cured or helped to manage it. On a Friday evening in March after returning from work, I went into a combination of v-tach and ventricular fibrillation. My husband brought me to the hospital and ER attempted to stabilized me. An IV of verapilmil was administered and did not work, and finally an IV of lidocaine was administered and my heartbeat returned to normal. I was admitted to the cardiac intensive care unit. At approximately 1:30 that am, I went into cardiac arrest.
I recall experiencing a "blank screen," similar to dozing off or falling asleep. I suddenly found myself running very fast through the offices of the World Trade Center (where I work) in Manhattan. I did not see anyone else. I sensed that there was an emergency and it necessitated evacuating the building and that I was the last one out. I tried different doors that were locked until I came to the last one. I opened it and it went out to a window ledge. The door shut behind me through no effort on my part. I was suddenly on a window's ledge far above Manhattan and the Hudson River. I was frightened, terrified.
I experienced an overwhelmingly feeling of "aloneness." When I looked down again, the Manhattan skyline was gone and I was surrounded by this dark void that suddenly filled with stars. Simultaneously, a dragon with wings appeared. It seemed to rise from below me and we met eye to eye. The dragon appeared the moment that I thought the only way that I could get off of the ledge was to fly into the void and stars. I felt I had the power to fly and it was just a matter of stepping off of the ledge and off I would go into the stars. At the sight of the dragon I felt wonderful. I was no longer frightened. There was nothing menacing about the dragon. There was something playful, warm and intelligent in its gaze upon me.I don't know how to describe the look in its eye. It was very loving and gentle, almost child like. It moved very close to me, its body pressing up against me. Its wings were not scaly, as one would expect of a dragon. They were bright gold in color, and soft to the touch. I was very drawn to them and stroked them. The dragon turned towards me.
We came to some unspoken understanding that it would lay its body out in such a way that I could step off of the ledge and on to it. The dragon was my "footbridge".Its body enveloped me in such a way that I ran across the "footbridge" and was also protected by its body,preventing me from "falling" into the void.I ran towards a window (it was still the World Trade Center) from where I could see people's heads and what appeared to be an IV fluid bag. When I reached the window it was a door and I flung it open.
I "came to" in the cardiac care unit with several hospital personnel around me. I touched the sleeve of the nurse nearest me and asked her if I was okay now. She said yes, that I was doing just fine. I recall that when the last nurse left my room and readied to turn out the overhead light, I asked her not to. I felt uncomfortable in the dark. At that point I had no idea what had happened.
The next time that I "came to", was a little after 7am. My husband and his brother were sitting at my side and my cardiologist was stroking my hair. The cardiologist said, "You had a very rough night." He showed me the ECGs, documenting the cardiac arrest and the three attempts to revive me. Each time that they attempted to revive me my heart did not go into a normal sinus beat; but rather into v-tach and v-fib. Even when the cardiologist showed me the ECGs, I didn't make the "connection" between my near death experience and the tracings.
I spent a week in the hospital. I received an ICD and underwent a third ep study and ablation. I still did not fully comprehend what had happened to me in spite of the "physical" evidence of cardio pulmonary resuscitation (soreness and bruising on my chest) and the tell tale burn marks of external defibrillation application.
I was diagnosed with Arrythmogenic Right Ventricular Dysplasia, an electrical disease of the heart originating in the right ventricle area. About a month after this experience I was shocked twice within 24 hrs.I was hospitalized for a week.During that time anti-arrhythmic meds were administered to find one that worked best for me. I am now on 120 mgs of sotolol a day and have not experienced any shock therapies, and have returned to about as "normal" a life as one can.
[Webmaster's Note: This was submitted to IANDS a few weeks before the September 11, 2001 bombing of the World Trade Center. The experiencer survived the bombing physically uninjured.]
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:35 pm:
I "traveled" to 4 different time-lines. I was shown the world in flames, with destruction raging around me. Orange, flaming skies, and awful stenches permeated this experience. I was also seen in the hospital corridor, by 3 witnesses, at the time I was flat-line, approx. 4.5 minutes. During this event, I was visited twice by a being- a youthful looking, blond male, holding a swirling silver device above his head. He asked me if I knew where I was, and I said "yes".
He asked me what my choice was, and I said " I haven't loved enough, yet." I was immediately into my body, again, and awoke from my coma 17 days later, with an additional 48 days in I.C.U. It took me 1.5 years to recover, and I still am perplexed, and disturbed by this event...I now have three children, and all are exceptionally talented, in music, art, and attitudes. Maybe this was my destiny, as my health is failing rapidly now, and I have started to write my experience into a short book, to be finished later this year. I had been accidentally shot. The gunshot wound damaged my right lung, grazed my liver and came out my right arm. I had to be airvaced to the hospital. I reached the ER an hour after the accident. They rushed me to surgery. During
all this I was at peace but in a lot of pain. What I remember was being outside my body telling myself to get back down there. When I realized a strong presence. I heard a voice that asked me to choose to return to my body or to leave. My only thought was my kids and that they needed me. This presence let me know that either way they would be fine. If choose to return and then the next thing I remember is waking up with tube in every part of my body. I wanted so to tell someone what had happened but was unable to. When they finally took the breathing tubes out I told my husband what had happened. I have not told many people that we know because of their beliefs. The last three years have been very hard to understand I have felt like a part of me was missing.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:33 pm:
OK, here is my experience to the best of my ability to convey it...the circumstances that led up to it, and the thoughts and feelings in the weeks following it. I had a very serious car crash on May 25, 2000. I was driving on an unfamiliar rode and took a curve at a very high rate of speed. My car struck a "culvert" (I'm still not even sure what that is, but it was written on my crash report..after the culvert, I split a telephone pole in half, went 8 feet airborne, hit a steel billboard support post and I came to rest upside down against a tree. My husband was told, by the state trooper first on the scene, that when he saw the vehicle he was positive that they would be scraping me from the inside of the car. The car was beyond totaled and was number 5 on the 1-5 scale of severity. The damage was indescribable, and I have two pictures that remind me daily of how lucky I am that I survived. My husband said he almost threw up when he saw the car. I was told that I wasn't wearing my seat belt. When I started to regain consciousness, I was still trapped inside the vehicle. I could hear machinery and voices around me and all I could d see was trees and faces hanging over me. My seat had collapsed somehow and I ended up lying perfectly flat underneath the steering wheel, and that is most likely what saved my life. I have absolutely no memory of the crash itself. I remember driving before the crash occured and next I remember waking up to the jaws of life prying my car apart to get me out. I think that I must have seen impact coming and this is most likely when the NDE manifested itself. It's important that I say I was never pronounced clinically dead, but the threat of death was very real indeed and has to be what brought about the experience. I must have thought, without any doubt, that I was a goner....even though I don't remember consciously thinking this at any point. I guess when one sees themselves hurtling toward a telephone pole at an enormous rate of speed, one would think themselves definitely about to die....although I still can not remember consciously "seeing it coming". .. that is probably a blessing in disguise.Following the accident, while driving past telephone poles, I saw them all as crosses and sometimes still stare at them, mezmorised by how much they do resemble a cross at the very top. What I remember is feeling the most excruciating pain/pleasure feeling imaginable. It was intense all-consuming agony building and releasing into the most intense ecstasy...euphoria, absolutely indescribable but I "knew" that I had felt Christ...I felt the crucifiction and I knew without any doubt that I had experienced exactly what Jesus experienced on the cross...I felt completely one with Him, meaning I actually felt that I WAS Him. I became and felt everything that Jesus was. There was intense pain and suffering and then release. followed by pure ecstasy...I didnot see any light ever, at any time. I was in a "nothingness", a blackness or a void, and I was alone as in I didn't see anyone else, but I didn't feel alone because I felt unity with everyone and everything. I knew without even a hesitation that everyone and everything in the entire universe is connected into one; that we are each a part of everything...I knew that I was eternal l to discover that eternity is true and has never been a lie or myth) and I remember thinking, "Oh my God, I am dead!!!!!! and I remember thinking that it was the most beautiful thing that could have ever happened to me...the happiest day of my entire existence...there was nothing sad about it like I always thought there would be. The only emotions I felt were pure joy, ecstasy and bliss at receiving the knowledge of immortality. It wasn't a feeling or a thought...it was a knowing. And, I remember thinking how I couldnot wait to tell my husband that we really would be together for an absolute eternity! And I remember thanking God over and over again that eternity is real. When I came into consciousness, still trapped in the vehicle, the first thing I am told I said (i do not remember) to the state trooper was, "What does ecstasy feel like?" I remember grabbing a handful of pictures (of my kids) that were beside me in what was left of the console, and starting to push with my legs to get out of car. The paramedics told me to stay still, but I didn't. I was crying for my kids and my husband and I remember thinking, "yeh right; i'm not staying in here one second longer" And I pushed even harder. They put their hands under my arms then and pulled me out. The nurses tending to me in ER were commenting on how pretty my jewelry was; I was wearing bracelets that said, love and heaven and had cherubs and angels on them. I had just bought them the morning of the crash. In ER, I asked a doctor, "What is a stigmata?" He told me that it is someone who bears the wounds of Christ. I didn't know then that my injuries were similary (not exactly!) placed to the wounds of Christ; cuts across my hairline, cuts on the bottoms of both feet, both hands injured. What I did know, beyond any doubt, was that I had completely felt Christ.In the cat scan machine, it reminded me of the tomb. I kept rambling to my friends that I was going to probably have a baby (this baby was born on May 1st of this year). The first thing I did upon getting to my hospital room was to grab the bible. I started writing down every passage I came across about unconditional love and the second coming. I talked over and over about the second coming, and literally believed that it would be happening at any second. (when I was first in the hospital, I believed that I had been raptured and was in a sort-of waiting place...)In the first weeks after the experience, I felt completely in synch with nature and animals and children. The two days in the hospital, I felt a mind-connection with my nurses; when they brought my discharge papers and left the room, I became very upset about having to leave...I was literally terrified to go back into the "real world". Within five minutes of this overwhelming dread, the nurse came back in my room and told me that I could stay another night if I wanted to. I said nothing to anyone about not wanting to leave. One of my nurses said to me, "Do you remember being here yet?" I said, "I have never been here before" And she said, "You will remember more as time goes on." Well, I still have absolutely no idea what she meant. My husband and I had some of the worst fights of our lives in the weeks after this all happened, and that took something away from me...he would not allow me to stay where I wanted to be forever...wouldn't let me hang onto that indescribable feeling of unity and peace and ecstasy and love that I long for now...For the first weeks, I still felt as if I was "one" with Jesus...that I could do anything that He could do. A family member told me that he could "see the spirit in my eyes", that they were almost glowing.I felt what I perceived to be the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. I remember my step-daughter cut her finger, I kissed it and it stopped bleeding. She thought I literally made it stop bleeding with the kiss! I'm not going to try to say that my experience proves without a doubt that there is an afterlife, but it's all the proof I will ever need. Most importantly for me is that I also now have all the proof I will ever need that Jesus and the Holy Spirit exist inside of each one of us.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:23 pm:
I had been accidentally shot. The gun shot wound damaged my right lung,grazed my liver and came out my right arm. I had to be air evaced to the hospital. I reached the ER an hour after the accident. They rushed me to surgery. During all this I was at peace but in a lot of pain. What I remember was being outside my body telling myself to get back down there. When I realized a strong presence. I heard a voice that asked me to choose to return to my body or to leave. My only thought was my kids and that they needed me. This presence let me know that either way they would be fine. If choose to return and then the next thing I remember is waking up with tube in every part of my body. I wanted so to tell someone what had happened but was unable to. When they finally took the breathing tubes out I told my husband what had happened. I have not told many people that we know because of their beliefs. The last three years have been very hard to understand I have felt like a part of me was missing.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:21 pm:
In January,1980, I was admitted into Hospital for a D&C. I never completely healed from this simple surgery. There was always a lost of blood for several weeks/months afterwards. I was a single mom in love with a man (KEN) I will never forget, and the mother of 3 children. In early March, 1980 I went to my family doctor for the follow up-checkup, complaining that I was still passing blood. I had no fear at this time - I was very naive. Upon examining me, my doctor immediately told me to report to the hospital. He saw what appeared to be a sore that had been cut off perhaps during the surgery in January. Reluctantly I went to the hospital. After several days, my family doctor came to talk to me. I was ready to go home, but the news was not good at all. Instead of his cheery smiling face which glowed whenever he saw me, Dr. Glover entered my room with a lowered face and slowly removed his glasses. He would not even look at me.I was puzzled, but confide! not that he had all the answers for whatever ailed me.This had been my doctor since I was a little girl, (now 36 years of age). We always shared an open relationship; sometimes he was the only one I could turn to with my low self-esteem.I had never been in a hospital before except to have my 3 children. This doctor was my father image. Very slowly, Dr. told me that I had cancer in my uterus. My response was "well, when are they going to fix me up; I want to go home." The Dr.answered, that the cancer tests showed that the cancer was malignant. I told him, "so what are you going to do?" He again answered that I would need a hysterectomy; I have 3 children by my first husband, so that was sufficient; and "HOPEFULLY" with the hysterectomy and further treatments I would be able to live another 20 years. My heart stopped, I intended to have children Ken in a few years I love him so hard. As heart breaking as this news was, I was still unable to realize that cancer was a devastating life killer and death was at my doorstep. All I could think of was my present children and Ken. My doctor left me alone. Then my mother and a nurse entered the room and explained to me how serious this cancer is. When I finally realized what was happening, I "s c r e a m e d" to the top of my lungs!!! How could this happen to me? I had regular checkups, and did my yearly pap-smear only 4 months prior to this with no signs of cancer. I felt that I had done my part. The nurse, my mother and my doctor took off running away from me. I had to be given a sedative to settle me down. The man I love couldn't bear to see me. He was hurt beyond measure. My children were too young to realize what was happening. Within a very short period of time, I was wheeled to the operation room. After being told to count backwards starting with 100. I remember getting to 89 and telling the surgeon to wait until my doctor (Dr. Glover) got there. He arrived. Then I saw the instrument used to cut my lower stomach. I told the surgeon to wait because I was still awake. The next thing I remember was rising to the top of the room and seeing my body on the table. I was not afraid. I then remember rising into the clouds to a wonderful peace, love, and sweet light. I felt so much love, peace and a knowing that I was with God. I saw someone who I knew was Jesus. He was love in it's totality. I wanted to stay where I was, but I wondered who would take care of my 3 children since my mother was no spring chicken, and she had done her best to raise 4 of us alone. (my natural father died when I turned 18 years of age of alcoholism.) I remember ending up in the recovery room. I heard a nurse shaking me and trying to revive me. She said, "come on Honey,you can do better than this, I have seen dead people with better blood pressure readings than yours". I did not wake up totally until taken to a hospital room. For several nights after ward I had reoccurring dreams of Jesus. I could see His face. I could see the hole in His side.I saw and experienced true love.I went through months of radiation therapy. So sick sometimes that I had given up on life. One day my mother's minister was visiting someone in the hospital. I asked him to pray with/for me because I was slowly dieing. He left me with a book of the bible (St.John). Again I had the vision/dream of Jesus Christ. Within 24 hours I felt renewed and hopeful. The man I loved stayed with me until I completed the treatments, but left for fear of death and his own personal weaknesses. I waited for this loved one for 2 years. During this time, my self image diminished to an all time low. I felt ugly, lacking, empty, and that no one would ever love me again. Eventually, I met a man who seemed interested in me.We dated for 9 months and married. I left my family and Ken to move to Colorado. My heart/soul still longed for the previous love, but the hurt of his leaving me and what little pride I had left wouldn't allow me to keep looking back on that hurt, (even though Ken has been the only man to ask me to marry him)-including my first husband and the current husband. On July 26, 1984, I had a dream that shook my entire being off it's cradle. I dreamed that the man I love (Kenneth) was walking out of a baseball dugout, but the sun was falling from the sky. People were running around like crazy. Ken appeared to be like a brother to me though. I couldn't understand this at the time. I remember looking into his eyes and begging him to get down on his knees because it was not too late to pray. He did not answer me and seemed to be going on as if I was not there. I was very fearful at this point. It was so real. The sun was slowly falling from the sky. My present husband woke me from this dream/vision. I went back to sleep because of the sincerity of my love to Ken. This time in the dream I saw total darkness.The blackest darkness. Then all of a sudden there were numerous wolves or wild dogs with teeth like fangs and monstrous eyes surrounding me in this thick blackness. I was surely afraid of this. Then all of a sudden, that beautiful light that I saw years before showed up with the blink of an eye. Three days later my sister phoned me and told me that Kenneth had died while playing softball at the local park in Cleveland. Once again it took about 30 minutes for the realization to sink in of what I had just heard. When I accepted this, I "s c r e a m e d" out of loss. W H Y ??? I wanted to die. I could not attend the funeral-I could not bear the loss. I was invited to a holiness church by a coworker. After attending the church for 2 weeks, I still could not shake off the devastating hurt. One day while all alone at home, all windows shut, no television, no radio, and totally alone. I cried from the bottom of my heart and with all I had. All of a sudden I heard an audible voice speak to me. I wasn't afraid. But, I knew no one else was home but me. After 1 hour passed, I realized that I had received a revelation from the Almighty God. He told me that He would never leave me, He said that He loves me forever-even until the end of the world. He spoke several things to me as to what my purpose is in life, reassurance of being loved, and what I must stop doing. As He spoke to me, His voice seemed to echo down the chambers of time. But, the peace and the knowing that I am loved by God has given me the life I have today. I fear no death. I do miss the physical body of my loved one, but the essence of our love still lives ever so true and deep within me.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:12 pm:
One sunny afternoon, in Florida, me and my three friends tried something that we had heard about. We were all about 12-13 years old, and always in to trouble of some kind. We had heard about this way of getting someone to pass out. It was my turn to try it and I got on my knees, breathed in and exhaled as hard as I could 20 times. My friends counted the breaths aloud, on the 20th breath, my friend lifted me to a standing position and squeezed my chest of the remaining air. Well, I thought this isn't gonna work: and just as I said "This doesn't work"; I fell face down in the soft, black dirt. The next thing I knew I was slowly rising above my friends heads and looking down on them. I remember feeling a breeze blow my face and hair and seeing my friends standing around a body (my body) I was now floating about 10-15 feet up and could clearly see what they were doing, but I couldn't hear them. Peta-Sue picked up her purse from one side of me and set it down against the wall of her house nearby. Billy, stepped over me and grabbed my shoulder. I could see the tops of their heads. I looked around me and could see inside the rain gutter on the edge of Peta-Sue's house. I could see the leaves in the rain gutter! I had never been on that roof and never would have imagined something like that in such detail. I also remember the small cumquat tree nearby. It had tiny oranges(cumquats) on it and can't forget seeing the top of the tree. (about 7 feet tall) It seemed like 10 minutes ,but, they said I was there for 30 seconds. I awoke with dirt in my mouth crying hysterically. They never believed me. I guess something like this has to happen to you- for you to really believe it. I beieve it now! I wish I could find these lost friends to tell them, as an adult, that it really happened. Was I close to death? I was out of my body for sure.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 12:11 pm:
My experience related to the birth of my third child in 1991. The Pregnancy had been complicated; I had contractions for most of the pregnancy and basically on house arrest for the last 3 months. I had a threatened miscarriage at 11 weeks I had a pulmonary embolism at 12 weeks, had to inject myself with heparin for 10 weeks or until I felt I had to stop against dr.'s orders. I then had an old blood bleed at 24 weeks (thankfully I had stopped the heparin prior to this) and I had a sense of dread during the later stages of the pregnancy. I knew something was wrong with either the baby or myself.
I pressed my dr. into performing a caesarian section on the basis that I was scared and filled with impending dread. My Dr. was sympathetic but thought I was a bit neurotic. However he agreed to a surgical birth and arrangements were made. On the day of the procedure the anesthetist came to assess me, however I assessed him and asked him what he would do in the case of emergency and if my blood pressure fell or if I bleed. he humored me as well, the privelegdes of private health.
In the pre-op room with my poor scared husband we waited for the surgeon. As he sailed past putting on his scrubs he asked how I was and I screamed at him that I was terrified (I am talking as an experienced mother not a first timer). He didn't stop to discuss my fears but laughed it off. I had an epidural anesthetic which meant I was awake for the incision and there was a drap over my chest so that even though I could painlessly feel the operation I would not have to watch the bloodly bits. Everything went well the baby was born and he was beautiful and perfect at 1834 hours. One hurdle over.
Then they were removing the placenta and I had Dr with his knees up on the operating table trying to remove the placenta as it was stuck and he was having to apply a lot of force. Then I complained of nausea and that I was going to be sick. At that stage they sent my husband! out and I remember the look that was exchanged between my dr and the anethetist. As a nurse I recognized trouble in that look. This was when I passed out for the first time.
I awoke in recovery with my husband next to me pale and scared. A nurse was next to me rubbing my fundus (womb) external to my body trying to stop the bleeding. She was worried and keep checking my observations and talking to the anesthetist about Bp, amount of blood loss. My husband explained that the placenta had grown abnormally and had migrated external to my uterus and had attached itself to my bowel and bladder and vaginal wall so when they went to remove it from the uterine wall I was effectively bleeding from all of these organs.
I blacked out again and sorted drifted in and out a few times. Then Dr came in and said he was sorry but he was going to have to perform a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. he said there was no other way and he was sorry. We both agreed, we already had 3 healthy children.
It was then that I felt the nausea again and I faded again. I was aware of the nurse calling out' bp 40 over' nothing, then 'I can't get a bp'. the anesthetist ordered more fluids and he cursed that he was going to be late home again tonight for drinks at 8pm. and then I realized that I wasn't in the bed I was up on the roof watching this happen.
I sort of was aware that it was I there but felt no emotional attachment. I was immediately aware of floating on clouds of absolute unconditional love. I describe it to my children as being wrap in cotton wool by god. It was pure sheer joy. Words devalue it. During that time I felt like I understood everything about the universe and the way it works. I understood, I knew, I was at one with this mighty energy, after a period of time I was drawn to the light through a tunnel. I was travelling through the tunnel, it was right, it was wonderful and I was approaching the light when little alarm bell went off in my head, my two children at home. I couldn't go on I had to go back, I didn't want to go but I had unfinished business.
The next thing I know I am awake in recovery and I say to the anethetist sorry you will be late home for drinks.I look at the clock and it is 8pm a half hour after I clocked out He just looks at me. My husband is there and I tell him its ok. I am then wheeled off for surgery that will save my life.
The next morning I awake in intensive care with tubes coming out of every part of my body. The Dr came in and says that my gaurdian angel worked overtime last night and that I am the 1st case he has had of Placenta acreta in 17 years. I was very lucky to have had a ceasarian birth as with a vaginal birth I would not have survived because by the time they worked out what the cause was I would have been dead. I was also lucky as there was a specialist urology dr in the next theatre who came and assisted with the complicated surgery. If I had had to wait for him to arrive I would not have survived.
The birth was on a thursday. My dr had the weekend off. The relieving dr just came and stared at me and said I should not be here. I am walking with assistence and feeding my own baby and floating on this drug like fix of absolute calm and peace and wondering if I dreamt it or if it was real. I could only tell my husband that I had touched god and that he didn't remind me that I was a sinner or that I had wronged x,y,z. That I had been totally loved. Totally drunk with love.
I asked my dr the next week if I could read my notes. He was at first hesitant but because I was a nurse he consented. The times corresponded with my memory and the secquence of events. I had 8 blood transfusions which represents total circulatory collapse. I had lost all the blood in my body!!!!! And the next day I am back in the ward after 2 major operations feeding my baby and feeling like someone has been supplying me with happy juice.
I was born intuitive and often knew things by osmosis. I have feelings that people close to me respect and fear. My poor husband understood that my fear was not neurotic but real based on a lifetime of experience. This experience didn't only affect me. It affected my husband, we became so much closer. It affected my doctor, he took a week off acording to his mother /receptionist and went to mass every morning for a week. However the most profound changes are in me.
I have this totally insatiable desire for knowledge, any knowledge. I studied a psychology degree to try and scientifically validate my experience and they don't even come close to understanding the experience. I was always religious now I am spiritual.
I was psychic before as a child I stopped watches and have a circle of hair on my crown that would lose hair. I have a lot of static electricity in my body and have known things as a chuild. I often was scared of my own shadow. The one big difference after the experience is the lack of fear. no fear of death and no fear to try anything I deem worthwhile, not silly things but like start studying, break norms and study taboo subjects. The old rules don't apply anymore. The sense that I am here for a reason and I am doing chakra work and dream analysis and meditation and these things are becoming more clear to me.
I have developed severe migraines in the last year and a CAT scan showed that I had a hole (space) in my third ventricle and I joke that that is where I was touched by an angel, apart from these I enjoy good health. And know that something special is coming soon at the age of 44
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 11:37 am:
In 1980, I was put on a beta-blocker for tachycardia. I had never had Asthma in my life, but this drug caused an allergic reaction, and status asthmaticus. I tried for a few days to breathe, but finally had to go to the Emergency Room. My family physician continued the beta-blockers, and overdosed me on theophylline. The doctor for whom I was working, Dr.came to the hospital room to see me.He immediately called in a paleontologist, Dr.whom I had worked for in the past. I was terribly sick, vomiting, felt like my head was splitting open, and could not get enough oxygen.I was frightened, I knew I was dying. In the next moment, I was floating at the ceiling of the room, looking down on the three doctors surrounding my bed.I saw myself vomiting, crying and Dr. Israel holding my hand.I saw my family doctor's hair turn white as I watched.I saw an older lady in the bed next to mine.I felt a warmth, and a great sense of peace.In the distance, I saw a brilliant white light, and a very loving presence coming toward me. I looked back at the bed - I was getting worse. My face and hands were blue. The doctors called a Code Blue (respiratory arrest). I watched the respiratory team rush in, preparing to do a tracheotomy and intubate me. I felt no pain, only sadness for the body I had had, lying on the bed, so terribly sick.The presence called to me: "Are you ready?" I WANTED to go. I felt I knew all the answers that I had wanted to know during "life." I felt a tremendous peace and loving presences all around me.I didn't want to go back into that sick, dying body. I remembered, thought, that I had three children to rise. I was a single mother.I cried tears that I needed to go back into that body, but I remember stating adamantly, "No, I have children I need to care for." At that moment, I saw a white form lift from the elder lady's body that occupied the bed next to mine. She smiled the sweetest smile. She was going on through, quietly and happily. No one in the room had noticed she had died. She told me "Honey, your time will come. Don't worry. You are loved." In an instant, I was back in the bed, vomiting and trying to get enough oxygen. Just before the tracheotomy was performed, I took a dramatic turn for the better. I remember lying in the hospital bed, tears in my eyes for the love I had felt, and remembering the comfort and peace, some dread for the future, a lot of confusion and a tremendous sense of purpose. I have only told this story once, to a spiritual healer I see now. She has encouraged me to tell others, and I happened on your site tonight. Since the NDE I have had many intuitions, ESP experiences with close loved ones, particularly my children, and visits from ancestors and presences from another plane.I never told anyone, as I felt they would believe I was crazy! What a nice evening, to find your site and read about others who have shared my experiences. I no longer believe in heaven or hell. I was terrified as a child of hell, as taught in church. Now I know better. I know that a part of us lives on forever.I believe I have lots of work to finish up here, before I am invited back to that light, loving place. Knowing it's there makes life very different for me. I have given up working for the money and prestige, but work toward helping others, staying close to nature, and loving all life. My place in life is clearer to me. To love and nourish all living things, to meditate and stay in touch with that other plane of existence,and to welcome visits when I am allowed!I have a heightened sense of intuition, some psychic abilities (though I have had some since childhood), and a desire to make a difference in my part of the world, helping anyone I can, however I can. My family has a hard time adjusting to my "new" self, but they are beginning to see me in a different light, finally, after 21 years.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 11:31 am:
I've had several experiences with this "other place" since the initial one as a child. I'm almost forty now, in the last few years I've thought about those events everyday. I constantly feel like someone who has partial amnesia, that part of me that I know exists, keeps nagging at me, but as hard as I try I can't remember everything. It's time for me to come to a better understanding of what happened to me, why it happened, and what do I do with it.
I was twelve years old when I attempted suicide. Life at home was anything but happy. It was Nov. 17th 1975. My father had shown me his high blood pressure medication just two days before. He kept the bottle on the top shelf of the medicine cabinet and had said to me he needed to get it refilled the next day, but by far that it was the most dangerous in the house if one of us were to take it accidentally, it could kill us. Sure enough the bottle was full. I remember it took me such a long time to swallow all of them. I was never afraid though, only sad that I believed at that time there was no other alternative. I went to my room and climbed in bed thinking I would just go to sleep and never wake up, my family would finally be happy.
It didn't end up being that simple. I woke to feeling that my chest and throat were being crushed. I couldn't breathe or yell out for help. In a desperate attempt to get relief from what was happening to me I ran to my mother's bedside. She was a nurse and I thought she would be able to stop it. I couldn't tell her what I had done or tell her what I needed, but I remember vividly fighting for her to breathe air in to my mouth. It took her a moment to realize that I was in real trouble. I fought as long as I could and by now everyone in the house was awake and I could hear them screaming. My mother and aunt on top of me holding me down, my head started feeling dizzy and the pain started to ease. My body felt as though it was getting lighter, lifting off the floor, I remember thinking this must be how it feels when you are dying.
It seems like only a moment or two passed before I opened my eyes. It was pitch black, my first thought was of the absence of pain and how relieved I was that it was gone. I couldn't figure out where I was. I wondered if it were so dark in this place because no light existed or if I was unable to see? So I brought my hand up in front of my face, I could see it there, completely intact but absent flesh. I quickly scanned my whole being and realized I was different but very much whole and I knew everything I had always known. Looking around me I realized I was not standing on anything, there was no ground beneath my feet, no sides or corners to walk towards in this place, it was just space that went on forever.
I than noticed a tiny white light far away, like a star. I had just begun to think about how I could get to it and I started moving towards it. The closer I got, the faster I was moving, the larger and brighter it became. I remember thinking that the light was so bright it may hurt my eyes, so I closed them real tight and braced myself for what I thought would be an impact when I ran into it. Instead there was none. It was like floating through a thin vale, and bathed in white light. Before I could even open my eyes, I felt this place. I've searched my whole life for words to describe the amount of love and serenity there, and none exist. I had never known what real love felt like, and I sincerely do not believe that we are even capable in this state of being. I opened my eyes a little at first, just to make sure it was ok. They did not hurt as I thought they would. So wide-eyed I began to look around me for someone, something, wondering what this place was? Wherever I was, it was the most wonderful place I had ever known, or could have ever imagined, and I never wanted to leave!
Then I heard a man gently, softly, "You can not stay here with me". I remember feeling desperate to locate him, but I couldn't. I soon realized that the white light was coming from him, and he knew me. As though I had left him and he was there to greet me and explain what was going to happen and why. I immediately responded in my mind with "I do not want to leave here"! He chuckled at the determination in my response, like a parent of a child that has innocently requested something; he knows they are not ready for. I knew him right at that very moment. He loved me, no matter what I had ever done, no matter what I would ever do; that this love he felt for me would never change or diminish. It would stay forever constant, and not just for me, but for everyone, and every living thing, from all time. He would never harm me; he was incapable of doing all the horrible things I was told in Sunday school.
Please don't misunderstand; he was not ambivalent about my wrongdoing. He was simply like a parent who loves his child unconditionally. He knew the reasoning behind my acts, right or wrong and he still love me. He is also quite capable of being disappointed and firm when need be. As I would experience much later in my life. He followed with a promise to me, "It is not time for you to be here with me, but someday you will come back and can stay than." I remember beginning to feel very afraid that he was going to send me away, and I never wanted to go back to my family if it meant leaving him, this place.
I remember I began to plead with him to let me stay, like any child does in a desperate attempt to convince its parent to give in to it's wishes. His final words to me came firm but loving; "It's time"!
I was turned and sent from this place on the breath of the last word he spoke. The way was lit and beneath me black lines that were separate at first; like those on a road, but as I began to move faster over them they soon blended together. I remember seeing holes in the ground that we fill at death with our loved ones, and I thought of my family, but all the graves were empty. Than I just knew that life goes on. None of us really die. I felt so much comfort, knowing that all my loved ones would not just cease to exist; they too would go to where I had been. I know that it was at this time that I saw so much more and it was explained to me, but I can't remember the moment it was taught. I can feel it; it's there in that part of me, but I can't in this state wrap my mind around it. I just know it to be more real and truthful than any thing else in my entire life, and it gives me so much peace now.
When I came back, the first thing I felt was the ease it took to drag this deep breath of air into my chest. I opened my eyes to a bright light above my head and a cold surface pressing against my back. There were people everywhere around me but they seemed surprised, they all started to work franticly on tubes and machines, yelling at one another to do this or get that. A man leaned over me asking me to tell him my name, if I knew where I was. He was blocking my view of the light above my head. I was wondering if that were the light I saw. After noticing the metal rim around the light, I finally said my first name and told him " the hospital", He smiled and told me what a good girl I was, and everything was going to be all right. He'd look away and tell some one to go tell the family I was awake, and he would be out to talk to them soon. He just kept telling me it was all right now and I could rest.
I wanted so much to go back to sleep and wake up where I had just came from. When I did wake again I was in another room, this time I was covered in warm blankets, my mother at my side. She stood and looked at me and I could see the anger in her face. She asked me what in the hell was I thinking? I told her what I saw when I was a sleep. She gritted her teeth at me and said that I almost didn't wake up, at one point they told her they couldn't do anymore for me. Did I understand what I had done? She followed it with "when I get you home you have an ••• wiping coming".
That was the defining moment for my life for many years to come. There were no hugs; no I love you, just anger, and disappointment.
I spent the next four and a half years filled with doctors, countless hospitals and mental institutions for repeated suicide attempts. None producing the result I wanted. I felt hurt, angry, rejected. I had no fear of death; I looked at a day as an opportunity to possibly succeed in what I had failed in doing the day before. I got involved with drugs and alcohol, and if they didn't kill me inevitably, I would have enough courage to play games that may cause it. People gave up on me, and accepted that some day I would succeed.
Days turned into years and the only thing I succeeding in doing was hurting or destroying relationships with those that truly loved and cared. Although not directly responsible, my actions created reactions, and my best friend ended up dead. I walked away from many opportunities that could have meant a better life for my children and myself even now. There were times over the years I would dream, and this same Angel, descends down towards me from the light and smiles at me as though to let me know I was still loved and it was going to be o.k.
I finally stopped trying to go back when I came to the conclusion after so many failures, that God was simply not going to let me die. And believe me, by all rights I shouldn't be here.
Then an experience occurred in my early thirties, which came out of nowhere. I was in the third year of extensive counseling for the abuse I had suffered as a child. The sessions had been emotionally brutal for me and I was feeling like I could not go on having to relive that pain over and over Indefinitely. I was setting there one day, thinking that no matter how much I wanted to be the parent my two small sons deserved. I was simply too screwed up and they would be better off if I'd die and they could be spared having to deal with their mother for the rest of their lives. I was setting there across from the counselor listening to her tell me about how I had come so far and survived so much. I was a great mother to my sons. I had spared them the pain I knew.
I felt my head getting heavy and fall backwards. This roaring sound as I was lifted out of my chair and pulled very quickly towards this place in the dark where I had been as a child. Finally coming to a stop and trying to get bearings as to where I was and what had just happened.
I quickly realized I was not alone, millions of others were there, and all moving together like one single force. I could not see them, but I knew they were there. The movement was steady and consistent. Like a line of people just walking around in circles. I was separate from them though.
Then I saw the light I had seen as a child, behind and slightly higher from them. I knew he was there, watching and waiting. Like before, I curious and would begin a thought, and suddenly know the answer. They could not enter; their existence was one between these two separate plains. They knew all there was to know of each. How they wanted so much to change what they had done, and couldn't. Fully aware of all truths and purpose of life. Of the pain their choices had created while here, against themselves and others. Caused them so much suffering.
My heart ached for them, but why was I here? I suddenly saw my sons before me and instantly I felt this indescribable pain. My mind became acutely aware of the pain and suffering born out of my choice of self- destruction. For my sons, those who knew me and those I never meet. I knew then this would be my existence, this place of knowing my real worth, how my actions were like stones tossed into a pond. They rippled out crossing over the entire surface of the earth, forever affecting and changing the face of it. I will see and feel everything I had ever done could have been. In this place I will know the truth of all things, and be unable to change or be a part of any of it.
I don't know if the biblical hell exists, but I can tell you the suffering here was worse then any description I was ever given. To me this was hell enough. Created out of our own selfish choices. God had no need to create a place to torture us for the waste and destruction we had committed. We had enough to torture ourselves with. The pace of those there began to move more quickly. Like they knew I was there. I felt like I had stayed too long and now was becoming apart of this Place. I wanted to leave, and half expected just the thought would free me from it.
In panic I looked back towards the light and I knew I was being given a choice. I could stay, but I would have to exist knowing what I had created. If I choose to return, I was not to ever attempt my own destruction, that in doing so, I am committing the ultimate crime against self, against the purpose of this life, against the wisdom of God. God was teaching me a lesson about my carelessness, about the impact I have on all of life, that he was the creator, but I above all else had the power of choice to govern my life my final destiny. As soon as I believed through my entire self, my own worth, my responsibility to life, to all those I exist here with, and finally that I would never attempt such a selfish act as my own death. I was released from this place.
I returned to find my counselor in a panic, she had already run to get help and had just returned. She told me later she thought I had set there and died. Both times I explained in detail what I had experienced to the first people I saw after returning. As a little girl the whole event was to never be spoke of.
The counselor told me of others who have given accounts of some of the same things I have described, but could not explain why it happened to me, under the circumstances.
I can tell you this last experience changed the course of my life. How I see myself, how I perceive life, mine and that which exist around me. I find myself honoring the totality of my life to this date, good and bad. It took every moment for me to know what I know and be able to do well with it. That life is a gift. I am here in as much as I have been given the opportunity to experience, and grow. And with that, to always make my best effort to give the best of myself to all those I can in the span of my lifetime. To understand and except I can not escape fallibility, nor can anyone else because in it I learn the difference between good and evil, right and wrong, and finally love and hatred. That when I know the difference, my choice will define life. I don't know what those souls in the dark place had done to be there, or what will happen to them if anything, inevitably. In my own judgment, I know that I have and will commit enough pain in this lifetime that I too should be convicted to this place. But I also know, that God knows me, as well as all of my life choices and the consequences they created, and still he has promised me I would return to him someday, in the light!
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 11:12 am:
Experience Narrative:
I had recently gotten separated from my ex-husband. He had tried to run me over with my own car. He was stalking me and wanted to kill me. My brother had tried killing me three months before, I tried to kill myself. I never went to the light. I was miserable wanted to die, I have four children and my health began to deteriate. I felt that I was going to be a horrible mother because of the craziness I had gone through that year. I called my cousin and told her that my children needed someone to come and care for them. I believed I had lost my self. I felt week and insecure living one horror after another. I was sick of life. I went into the bathroom and locked the door. There I drank a 1/5 of whiskey and swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. I really don't remember how I got from there to the hospital. I was begging them to let me die. I was in the emergency room and I could see the nurses and the doctors cutting off my clothes. I saw an oriental nurse and a young white doctor with round rim glasses looking at me. I was feeling no pain. I was watching from the upper corner of the room above everyone. When, I saw a dark cloud and the cloud began to separate. As the cloud separated a light began to shine through. As it began to shine I reached for the light and was embraced in the warm of it. I saw the future I saw In the past. I felt and knew that I was part of all things. I wanted to stay but I was sent back. I was told it was not my time to die. So I am back. I am a single mother of four children. Now I am a grandmother of three beautiful grandchildren all born within two months of each other. I have two bachelor degrees and working on my masters in sociology. I still get very ill from allergies. I have had more out of body experiences from allergy reactions. But have not seen the light again**
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 26, 2002 - 11:07 am:
Had pneumonia as a child with a temp of 107 for a time. At night while alone I was suddenly floating near the ceiling. Looking down I saw a kid that looked pretty sick. In fact, he looked dead and did not appear to be breathing. (I lived on a farm and knew what dead looked like.)
After a bit the ceiling dissolved into darkness and opened up. I was drawn upward into a sort of tunnel although I could not see the walls. There was a rushing sound, as I seemed to gather speed.I realized there was someone or something beside me that calmed my fears somewhat. A spot of light appeared in the distance, my speed lessened, and I stepped out into a kind of clearing. Two people I never saw before were beaming at me and said they were aunt and uncle. I did not know them and at that time did not know that my mother had been adopted as a child. There was some sort of fence and a guy at a kind of lectern. Everything was brilliantly illuminated with a white light. There was a pastoral scene with hills and trees and meadows. We waited for someone to come.The three others went into ecstasies as a brilliant figure approached. He/it asked me if I wanted to stay there. I thought that my mother would miss me something dreadful if I did not go back. Assent was given, I was escorted back to the dark cave and I returned down the tunnel, with air rushing by, as on the way up.
Then I was at the top of the room, looking at my inert body. Next thing I knew I was back in my sweaty, miserable body again. The experience had little effect on my life, so far as I can tell.I am not "religious" but have a strict code of behavior based on religious tenets.What did interest me was the effect I had on the clairvoyance of other people.
1.My grandfather hated the movies. Yet he announced that he and I were going to see a movie on a certain date about two weeks away.I hoped but I really didn't believe he would keep his word. But he reminded me a day ahead and, sure enough, picked me up,drove to town, and prepared to go into the movie.There were two "shows" in town and I would have preferred the Rialto offering but he insisted on going to the Isis. The cartoon came on followed by the serial and then an Our Gang comedy appeared. There was a perfectly horrible little girl who gave Darla and the boys a great deal of trouble. Grandfather elbowed me and said, "That's the girl you are going to marry." "Darla?" I asked. "Nope. The other one." You can imagine my goose bumps when I discovered that my new wife had acted in Our Game comedies and remembered that role.
2.About the same time in my life,we were studying American historyand discussing the founding of San Francisco by DeAnza when the teacher, suddenly pointed to the back of the room and said excitedly, "You are going to go there to Tubac -- and you will run a museum." after sorting ourselves out -- "Yes, you I was not particularly astonished but curious. "Will I be a good museum director?" I asked."Not wonderful, but good," she replied -- and that was a fair assessment of my five hears running Museum. I saw my opportunity and tried to get other information (since chances like this didn't appear every day)to ask questions. She answered my questions and volunteered some information my daughter will be famous but I won't like what she does (hasn't happened yet) and my son will do OK but won't be notorious. I wish my memory were much better.
I asked how long I would live and I believe I have about two more years to go. I haven't been in prison yet for shooting someone in a political argument but I have participated in a very involved and confusing battle between government agencies over operation of a shooting range, which she predicted. She was nearly fired because of her "fit". I did not recall these experiences until about age 35.This kind of thing couldn't happen.But it did.You go figure.I give up.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:51 pm:
Of the experience itself: I remember standing (or whatever) in a bright white sort of fog and there was a being (or energy force) on my left. I felt very close to this being (wanting to be with it as one would a spouse, etc.). I also remember wandering around in a charcoal-colored fog. I must add that this accident took out a big hole in my memory of my life. I've lost the whole day that it happened, the weeks I was in the hospital (of that all I remember is a flash of my coming-to in ICU and a little bit of when I must have been in therapy because I remember working with blocks and wondering why I had to do this and why I was placed with all the other people in there who were obviously so 'out of it'), and several more weeks after that. I did not remember any of the experience until a few months ago my mother happened to be talking about my stay at the hospital and what I had said to her. As soon as she reported that I had said, "I was in a place where it was all bright white...", this came rushing back to me and I remembered it. There are so many things I can't remember from the past, UNLESS someone mentions something that 'cues' my mind to remember it. I've been told that I said some strange things when I was in the hospital, but from what I've been told nothing makes any sense and it has not 'cued' any memories. What I was wanting to know is if there is any way my mind can be 'cued' so that I can remember even more of my experience (because what I do remember is only just that little flash). I WANT TO REMEMBER MORE OF THIS. Since my experience I have become more sensitive to others feelings and thoughts and have had several 'deja vu' experiences- knowing that someone was going to say something. These experiences are quite transient though and I haven't had one for quite some time (they often concerned me knowing what my daughter was going to say).I didn't realize the significance of my sense of life purpose until some time after that in 1994, when I totaled my car. As I stood there beside my demolished car I KNEW that it wasn't my time to go and that I had some purpose yet for my life. Yes I had an airbag that had allegedly saved my life, BUT it had leaked out some of the chemicals onto my chin (that chemical burn was the only thing I received from my wreck). Since the airbag leaked, it couldn't have been what actually saved my life. Since then I have been working on improving my life: I found Wicca (or maybe Wicca finally found me, I hope!), I quit smoking, I quit my menial factory job of 22 years and went back to college, and have become a better person. I must add that I would never have been able to quit smoking or my job to go back to school (which is such a RADICAL change in my life!), if I hadn't found Wicca. Wicca has given me so much strength and support in my life. I don't yet practice the physical/magical side yet because my studies require so much of me (this is hard when you're in your 40's), but I will someday. For right now, the magic I am working is in my grades (3.1 G.P.A.).
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:49 pm:
I ruptured a disc in the lower lumbar, and suffered horribly for four months before deciding on surgery. I was overmedicating just to keep from screaming, the pain was so severe. The surgery was supposed to only take an hour and a half, mine took six hours. Dr's discovered that I have an extremely rare condition, conjoined nerves in the L5/S1 slot. They weren't sure if all of my nerves do this or if the nerve from the slot above had improperly grown into the lower slot. This is what was causing me such severe pain. I had two nerves being pinched by the ruptured disc. Of course the Dr. apologized all over himself for doubting my description of this intense pain, and not doing better MRI scans. Ok, I woke up from surgery in a room covered in stains from the previous "guests" No kidding, there was pigeon shit on the inside of the curtains, blood stains, urine stains, there was nowhere I could look to gain peace, except the stained picture on the wall. The second night of my stay, I experienced severe muscle spasm, I screamed while my muscles locked in spasm. This lasted about a half an hour. I was given excessive amounts of Morphine. This type of spasm happened three times that night. I woke the next morning dazed, my vision was blurry, a side effect of morphine, and I was unable to process what the Dr's told me about anything. The third night, I had the near death experience. I had been having so many side effects from the morphine that I was given Diladid instead, don't ask why another opiate was given, I have no idea. I remember feeling sleepy, a minute or so after the injection, then I thought to myself, I can feel my heart stopping, then I told myself "this is a peaceful way to go, I'm not in pain. A second later I was dreaming. This happens four or five times that night, so bear with me. The first dream was just a static image, an industrial sized white cloth laundry basket, like in the movie Annie, filled with dead baby monkeys, they were gray and lifeless. I awoke scared, terrified, but too groggy to fight the sleep again. The next time I drifted off, I suddenly saw myself in the air of the room, I saw myself, and I saw my mom, she was asleep in a chair. I could see my body, my mom, the room, all in perfect detail. My spirit person was screaming and trying to wake up my mom, but she couldn't hear me, I was terrified, I (the spirit) screamed for what seemed like a full minute before I awoke in the room, still seeing the room the same way. I told my mom what happened, I was crying, but the drugs were still overwhelming, I drifted off again. This time I awoke to a very surreal scene. My blond haired little brother (15 at the time and seemingly the same age in the dream) was flying, he had angel wings, with me in his grasp. he had me under the arms, and was flying me over this door, the whole time he was tickling me and assuring me he wouldn't drop me. the whole thing was very peaceful. I woke up in the hospital room feeling much calmer than the first time. The next dream was again, out of body, the same as the second; I screamed bloody murder when I realized I was looking down at the room, my body, and my poor tired mom. There was one more dream that night, I fell asleep and woke to loud barking, what looked like my sister's dog, a puppy I had given her, was above me on the bed. one paw on each side of my head, one back paw on each side of my waist, like he was standing over me, he was barking, as if an intruder was breaking in. Finally I looked into his eyes, and thought, ok I'm getting up, and it's ok. I awoke, the drugs had waned a bit, I woke up my mom, and told her not to let me sleep, as uncomfortable as it was I got off the bed and sat in a chair until the sun came up. I was in the hospital for six days, but when I got home finally, I had one last dream, again out of body, this time it was daylight, I could see myself on the bed in my apartment, and when I realized I was a spirit again I floated to the door and tried to open it, I was screaming for my mom who was down the hall, the spirit felt like it fell from trying to walk and I woke up. I threw away all the drugs they gave me, and went through severe withdrawal. For the next four months I talked to animals, saw parts of my life, fell through pie. Let me explain pie, rent the movie pie (the math symbol, not dessert) it was like what the main character goes though. I can't explain it better than that, but I got insight from somewhere. I felt connected to everything I could carry on for hours this way, the strangest things kept happening. I am more psychic, I knew something was wrong with my mom two months ago, She had a heart attack, just recently my sister broke her nose, I knew something happened then too.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:45 pm:
After having severe chest pains, I was rushed to the Hospital. I was catherized and it was discovered that I had two blockages in my heart arteries. I was treated with nitro-glycerin drip and was prepared for surgery. I was pushed into the operating room and placed on what seemed to be a metal bed. I was fully awake and alert. I saw several people dressed in uniforms preparing for the surgery. The all had on caps and gowns and face masks. There was one man who was near me and I asked him who that he was. He replied that he would be putting me to sleep for the surgery. I asked him if he would tell me a few minutes before I went under, so that I would know when to expect it. Then I noticed a man standing beside one of the walls. No one was talking in the room and no one seemed to notice that man. But I noticed that he was doing nothing while the others was busy working. He just stood there and stared at me and had a smile on his face. He was dressed differently from the others as he had on a white shirt that was a pull over shirt with a purple stand up collar. I could not see below his waist as there was a metal table in front of him. He reminded me of a "Hippy" of the 60s. His hair was long and black. His eyes were brown and he had a black beard which was of medium length. He had a strange nose which came out of his forehead higher than usual. His dress was different from the others and he wasn't doing anything . I remember thinking .Who is that guy? Then the doctor told me to count backwards from 100 and that I would be out in a little bit. So I did count and stared at that man until I became unconscious. After the surgery, this man who I was watching before I went under, was on my mind and I questioned everyone to find out who that he was. Well. No one saw him. The Doctor laughed at me and told me that there are a lot of people who see other people before they go under, but never did anyone tell him about seeing an "Angel" When he said that to me..I realized that the person that I saw was not a man ..but an Angel,and I was too stupid to realize it at the time. I guess that's all and it is the truth. As my Doctor said."no one is allowed in the room without a cap and gown and a mask on before a surgery,.and no one saw such a man except for me.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:42 pm:
I'd been sick with flu like symptoms for a day or so, and I was lying in bed with my husband, who was sleeping. I'd fallen asleep, woke up and felt feverish. I used the digital thermometer next to the bed to take my temp, it was 102. The fever made me feel very weak, but a relaxed kind of week, almost pleasurable. Then I took some more Tylenol and tried to go back to sleep. Whether I had fallen asleep or not, I'm still not sure. But I must have noticed suddenly instead of gradually what seemed to be the fever getting higher. I felt even more weak and relaxed, but I felt extremely heavy. even my fingers felt like they weighed a hundred pounds. I REALLY liked feeling that relaxed. I felt more of a void of everything, emotionally and physically. I remember thinking it was nice to have no worries, no pain fear, etc. But I also noticed no joy, pleasure or any of the good counterparts. I was VERY surprised to learn that I liked it(the void). Then my husband came to mind and I felt an urgency not to enjoy this void too much, that I needed to be with him and not leave him.
Then I became frightened and tried to call out to him, but I thought he couldn't hear me. In my mind I was screaming a little louder and louder each time. When I thought I screamed the loudest out of panic, I finally heard me whispering to him and I realized I hadn't been heard at all. Then I guess I gave up trying to make him hear me.
The next thing I remember is being in a void. I couldn't tell whether I was in light or darkness. I just remember NOTHING being all around me, except He was about six feet in front of me, standing there. He was silent for a while as if He was giving me time to revel and let everything sink in. When I looked at Him, He seemed to be about the size of a regular man, being he was only about six feet away. Height and everything seemed normal, but in another sense, He seemed huge. Not in size but in glory. Glory was the first thing that came to my mind because of the fact that even though He seemed my size, I kept wanting to look way up, straight up at Him instead of straight ahead-- But I don't remember actually "seeing" anything larger than a man. Then I wondered why I didn't feel His everlasting love like everyone else does when they see Him,then
the answer came to me as soon as I thought the question."That's not what I was there for." with no other explanation. Even though I understood the "answer", I still felt disappointed that I didn't feel His love, understanding, and mercy. I felt disappointed, on top of cheated, and undeserving to feel these things from Him, but not angry- just very confused. I received no explanation as to why I hadn't felt these things, just the one "answer".
Then He told me that he was going to show me something, as in to prepare me so I wouldn't have a heart attack or something. I immediately felt paralyzed but not frightened, and he showed me several thousand visions at once. The only way I have if figured out how to describe this experience is taking a hand full of beebees and dropping them onto the floor. The visions came to me as fast as the beebees would hit at the same time on the floor. I don't remember any of them except the first. He was standing beside me on a mountain top, and we were looking down on a valley. Several hundred people were scattering around as if they were preparing for some big event that was about to happen soon. On the other side of the valley was another mountain, with trees greener than I've ever seen with my own eyes. The same applies to the color of the trees and the valleys grass was not a color I've seen here on earth.
The first thing I noticed was my vision- the ability of my physical vision. From the mountain top I was standing on, the valley seemed to be MANY miles away, at least ten or so, maybe more. But I could see clearly every detail of both sides of the valley as I could the other. If one of the people were to have had a note in their hand, or two people had a note for instance, I would have been able to read them.- on both sides of the valley at one time. I don't remember seeing anything specifically, but I do remember how well I was able to see.
I have a faint memory of an object in the middle of the valley and of the people going to and from this object, like they were preparing it,or something with it or something. The object seemed to be about the size of a standard sized car with a similar shape. (I later learned the measurements of the Ark of the Covenant are of similar shape and size, yet the fact does not jog my memory any.) I also faintly remember the people wearing a different style of clothing than we do today. Though I don't remember what the difference is, I do recall they didn't seem to be manufactured. Sandals and robes and the like SEEM familiar, but I don't specifically recall any of those things. They just seemed to be from The biblical times or something.
That was the last of the vision I remember before waking up. I was still in the bed next to my husband. My fever felt much higher then before again. I had to use the restroom but I felt too weak. I had tried to get up but I couldn't move. I looked at the alarm clock and acknowledged the time. I don't remember now what time it was but I had fell asleep and when I woke up again it was less than five minutes later. This time my fever felt lower. I hasn't as weak and I STILL had to urinate with severe urgency. I sat up in the bed and took my temp again, it was 104.3 even though I could tell it had lowered by my regained strength and my ability to think clearly (along with my ability to feel pain). I thought the thermometer was wrong so I took my temp again, and it read the same, 104.3. I turned the thermometer off, smoked a cigarette then went to the bathroom. Then I got myself back into the bed, and took my temp again, it was 102. I had only been gone to the bathroom less than a minute and I had smoked most of my cigarette on the way to and in the bathroom. Trying to judge from how quickly my temperature had gone down, I'm still not sure if my experience was only fever induced or if I had actually died momentarily, but I do know that it was an NDE. I was over the "flu" or whatever it was the next morning.
God Bless You.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:32 pm:
This is the experience of Robby, his mother Christine is describing this. My son doesn't remember the experience itself now that it's 7 years later, but he remembers his description to me.
He had been ambulanced after flat lining at another hospital. His organs were shutting down one by one, causing the next organ to stop working. The organism that had caused the damage had been tested for had not been found, but other tests ruled out every kind of disease from meningitis from lyme disease. The CDC specialists ruled out everything except for the one disease they could not verify which was toxic shock syndrome. This disease was known as only appearing in women who used tampons but had recently at the time been proven to be contracted in other ways, as in open sores and untreated strep throat, as toxic shock is caused by a strep bacteria.
The doctors and I had decided over much consideration to put Robby on an EKMO. I can't remember what the initials stand for but basically it's a machine that pumps the blood from your body into the machine, oxygenates it, nitrifies the blood of whatever else it needs then pumps the blood back into the body. It takes the place of the lungs in the sense that your lungs oxygenate your blood as you breathe, and the heart in the sense that your heart pumps the blood into all the vessels and other organs and places the blood needs to be. From what I understood, the machine takes the place of all organs by doing all their jobs, while on this machine, the heart does not beat, and your lungs do not breathe. The only thing of your body that is alive is the blood, with kind of keeps everything else in a dormant state.
I had had a vision the night before the conference discussing this option so when we actually had the conference, I didn't want specific details about the machine. All I cared about was my some being okay, and God told me that my son would be okay in that vision the night before, so I told the doctors to use their judgment on the details, because it wasn't going to affect what I knew the outcome would be.
They told me none of his organs would be working during his time on the machine, and that he would be brain dead as he had been for a while.(he had been in a coma state for two months by this time.) They said his chances of coming back with organs that would actually work by themselves would be less than 20 percent.-that once the organs don't work on their own for an extended period of time it's extremely difficult to make them do so. They also had told me that if he did come back from this machine that his chances aren't good at ever being normal--that he may have permanent physical or mental damage. There were very few cases of people coming out off this machine alive, much less normal. The machine was relatively new at the time and there was not enough use of it yet to give any kind of statistics. They said that from what little it has been used that children seem to have had better outcomes than adults. I remember they had told me either that it hadn't been used on many adults yet or either the outcome of adults was not good. Adults or children, they said not many people in general have come off the machine normal if at all. All this information was too much for me to comprehend and was bothering me because it seemed futile and a waste of my time since I had my vision, so I would not let them explain anything else about it to me. (even though I'm very interested in it after the fact, after all, it is several of the many miracles my son was blessed with.-these were the obstacles God bought him out of.) I told the doctors I would sign whatever they wanted me to, asked them to use their own judgment, that he was going to be okay either way. I gave permission and he was put on the machine for 7 or 9 days.
The surgery of putting the machine on is risky itself, it's hooked on the body through the! artery at your neck and the groin.-one where the blood is pumped out, the one where it's pumped back in after it has been treated. ALL went 200 percent better than expected after that, he was awake from his coma about a week after the machine was removed (which I understand is equally as risky as hooking up the machine). A week later, he was alert enough to tell me what he saw.
He really didn't know how to describe his experience, so I tried to understand it in his kid language. He didn't tell the order that he had the experience, but he said he saw a bright light, and that he saw a pearly gate made out of a single pearl, and that he saw an angel named Elizabeth with dark, long stringy hair, but he could not remember her face. He said she told him that his nanny's needed him and loved him very much. (he's the only grandchild between both his grandmothers and 99% probably always will be). He said Elizabeth gave him a gift wrapped in bright lighted paper with a gold bow on it, and that when he opened it, it was a crystal cross that glowed with a bright light. Then Elizabeth picked him up and held him over her head, and he held the cross over his head to show it to Jesus. I asked him what Jesus looked like, he said he didn't see Him, that he just held the cross of for Him to see. He said that was all he remembered of the experience.
I had related this to the nurses who had become attached to Robby. One nurse said that her and her coworker's experience, including several doctors found that there were several children who had seen the same angel named Elizabeth. I've read one other article about a child's NDE who also saw her. One of the doctors also said he's noticed that most people and children included who have seen angels usually do not die from the experience that caused them to see the angels, and the opposite for those who see Jesus. I was very concerned about this due to the fact that my son said he could not remember this angel's face, and! I had heard of NDE's where it was Jesus' face people could not remember. I asked my son how he knew this was an angel, and he said that he just knew. I guess I didn't believe him so I asked him again on several different occasions during the next few weeks until it was obvious that I was getting on his nerves about it. He told me a few times "because I know mommy, okay? I just know." I didn't want to harass him with it anymore so I just left it alone. Then I asked him about it one more time but instead of asking him how he knew it was an angel, I asked him how he knew it wasn't Jesus. He said to me very sarcastically, "because mommy, she had boobies under her gown, Jesus wouldn't have boobies, now would he?".
He also told me that she had a pretty voice. I'm sure he experienced more than he was able to tell me at the time, and now that he's able to describe situations better, he says he doesn't remember any of it. I do bring it up ever so often but I let him choose whether he wants to discuss it or not. I hope my prodding back then didn't cause him to clam up about it, he doesn't seem uncomfortable when it's bought up so maybe he honestly doesn't remember. If that's the case, I hope he does eventually.
If anyone has any information on this angel named Elizabeth, or any kind of research on the different outcomes of Jesus NDE's and angel NDE's, or the EKMO, please let me know. Thank you very much and God bless you.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:28 pm:
I had in a lucid sober state swallowed 48 paracetamol/asprin tablets with a glass of milk, I took as many as I could until I felt I would vomit if I took any more, I locked the door, shut the cats out of my bedroom, and lay on my bed to die. I fell asleep almost immediately and sometime later became aware of standing with my dead fiancée, I was aware of a brightly lit clearing surrounded by trees which we were walking out of, towards my bed, I was aware I was in the bed and could see myself, I looked back towards my fiancée asking yet not speaking why I had to go, without speaking he conveyed to me it was not yet my time, he put his hand on the bedroom door and opened it, suddenly I was laying on the bed, the forest had faded, I looked towards the door he was still there, I reached out my hand to him begging him not to go, he shook his head, looking at me with sympathy and love held out his hand and slipped out of the door, I then became aware of my cat entering the room through the open door and realized he must have been here, because the cat could not open the door. A strange sense of calm was with me and a strong urge to go to my mothers, I walked 11/2 miles to my mothers house at 2 am, and calmly told her what I had done, but not to worry, I was not dead and had no intention of trying again. My parents called an ambulance, I had to be carried as I could not walk by this time, on arrival at the hospital I was given a drink to make me vomit but we were told it was only a precaution since I had taken the tablets at least 5 hours previously. After a day in hospital I was allowed home, there was no organ damage but I was quite unwell for 2 weeks. After this experience I was still depressed and missing my fiancée who had died suddenly at 21 3 months previously, however I felt an inner calm, a sense that I had to go on whether I wanted to or not because it would be fine in the end. I still love him and miss him but after that night I know there is more to life. I have changed in that I am more interested in spiritual topics and search for knowledge on the internet and through books.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:25 pm:
After an emergency surgery from which I was bleeding to death (the doctor had cut an artery) I was put to bed, fastened down and too weak to move, I somehow knew I had to draw attention to myself as something told me I was dying. My body floated out of the bed to the ceiling and I held their looking down on my body on the floor. No fear, just waiting for someone to find me and get me help. The nurses found me there on the floor, took me back to surgery and operated on me again to find the cut artery. The rails were up on the bed and was too weak to get myself out of bed. It was a very calming feeling and not the least frightening as knew it would be all right.*
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 02:23 pm:
I have been dead twice. Both times were related to what is called a Vagel response to anesthesia. Concerning my spiritual background I am a christian, meaning that I am Born Again. I received my salvation (I was Born Again) in 1980 when I was fifteen years old. I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit in 1991 when I was 27 years old. If you aren't familiar with this, the baptism with the Holy Spirit is available to anyone who accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior and is Born Again. Examples of this are in the Book of Acts. When one is filled with the Holy Spirit it is evidenced by speaking in other tongues. I currently serve in a Full Gospel church as a deacon, Sunday school teacher, and head usher. The first time I died was June 4, 1982.I was eighteen. This was following the sixth surgery I had in my life,and the second surgery within a six day period.I had been through the surgery and was in the recovery room. I remember becoming alert and awake to the fact that I was floating up out of my body. All I could see was a darkness, but not like one would normally see. I don't have a way to explain it in words, but it is unique.I was moving up when I felt someone hit my chest twice. The unusual thing was that when they hit my chest it was behind me. It was if their hands went through me to hit my chest, which was behind me. I stopped moving upward, slid horizontally in the direction of my head, then dropped back down into the area of my mouth and nose. Then I slid horizontally towards my feet and went back to sleep. I am not aware of any side effects from this occurrence. My sternum was extremely sore where they had hit
my chest to start my heart. Unfortunately, being eighteen I didn't think about getting the records from the hospital to see what they recorded as to what had happened. For a long time after that I thought that I had not been correct in my recollections about what had happened. I thought that it was strange that when I came back that I dropped down basically through my mouth and nostril area and then slid back into my body. However, several years after this happened, I was listening to Pastor Fredrick K. C. Price, and he was talking about how God created man. He pointed out in Genesis 2:7 that God breathed life into Adam's nostrils, meaning that the spirit of man entered Adam through his nostrils. He also showed that the way to receive the Holy Spirit following the New Birth is by drinking,meaning that you need to have your mouth open for the Holy Spirit to enter. This completely answered my questions as to what had happened,and after this point I no longer questioned the way I came back into my body. The second time was October 15, 1998. I had an attempted vasectomy in August 1998 in a doctor's office, but due to complications the doctor was unable to perform the procedure in the office under local anesthesia. It was determined that an urologist would have to perform the procedure. I consulted an urologist, and he decided that it would be best to perform the surgery in the hospital where he could open me up and actually see the structures for the procedure. The surgery was to be performed on an outpatient basis. When I spoke with the anesthesiologist about the procedure I informed him about the problem that occurred in 1982. He did not seem concerned. He felt that it was what is called a Vagel response, and that it was a one-time occurrence. We discussed my options - either using general anesthesia or a spinal. I did not want to have a spinal and be awake during the procedure,so I decided to have general anesthesia. This was fine with the anesthesiologist, so that is how we proceeded. I went to the operating room and was anesthetized. I woke up in the recovery room. I was relieved when I woke up and realized that I hadn't had any problems this time. I felt that I was out of danger. When it was felt that I was alert enough, the nurse had me get up and move to the other gurney/chair that they use for outpatients prior to discharge. They moved me to the outpatient center to wake up more prior to discharge. I kept going in and out of sleep as one does following general anesthesia. The nurse began going over the discharge instructions with my wife at the desk, which was right by my location.I was very tired, so I rolled onto my side and went back to sleep. The next thing I remember is being very alert. I heard my wife and the nurse yelling at me to breath. I couldn't figure out why they were telling me to breath. My wife was very frantic, and I thought something was wrong with her. I felt someone pick up my left arm and take my pulse,then drop my arm back to the gurney. After this I started moving upward into a dark place. I noticed that the darkness was unusual, and I did remember seeing it once before. However, I could not remember where I had seen it. You could describe it as moving in a dark tunnel. Probably a better comparison would be to a cave. I was once in Jewel Cave when they turned out the lights, but still the darkness is different. I continued moving upward for a period of time, but I don't know how long. I remember thinking about hearing my wife's voice and I was concerned. She seemed like she was in trouble due to the distress in her voice, and I wanted to help her. I will try to describe what I can of what happened next. Unfortunately I don't remember everything as I would like to, and that is one thing that currently bothers me. I wish I could remember more.I remember I was standing in a pasture area. There was grass and hills. I remember that things looked different than they do here on Earth. I saw people there, and they were walking in the pasture and the surrounding area. I believe that they were wearing white robes. However, the white robes where shiny, much brighter than what one would see here on Earth. God's Word describes such robes in Revelation 3:4-5, 7:9, and 7:14. The unusual thing is that I know that these people were Christians who had died. I don't know how I knew it. I don't know if I recognized some of them or if it was by the Spirit that I knew they were deceased.I turned to my right to see what was in that direction. As I looked, a man who was smiliar to me walked by. He stopped and said something to me. I wish I could remember what it was he said, but I can't. However, I believe I did recognize him. His name was Terrance. He had come
to our church a while earlier. When he first came to the church, it was during a service and I met him by the door. He was having difficulty breathing and had trouble walking. He smelled of alcohol.Through the next few weeks he started coming to church. He was a former law enforcement officer who was disabled. He was a Roman Catholic, but he started going to other churches because he wanted to find out about the New Birth and how to receive it. Within a few short weeks of being ministered to at the church he received Jesus as his Lord and Savior and was Born Again. However, about a month after that he died. Now here he was speaking to me. I remember thinking that this can't be real because he was dead, so maybe that is why I disregarded what he said to me. He walked on, then another man came by and said something to me, but I can't remember what. I then turned to my left and started walking forward to explore these surroundings. All this time I kept thinking about my wife and wondering why she was so distressed. I couldn't figure out what had happened to her. After a short time of exploring I suddenly found myself back in the "tunnel", but this time I was going backwards. I thought to myself, "Here I am in this darkness again." It bothered me that I had seen this before, but couldn't remember where. It was only later that I realized that I had seen it when I died in 1982. I continued backwards in this darkness for a while, and then I started to hear voices behind me. They were about 15 feet or so behind me. Later I realized that I was horizontal when I came back, so they would have been about 15 feet below me. The voices came closer and closer to me. Then the voices were parallel with my ears, then they were in front of me speaking down to me. I had actually been coming back down into my body from above, so I was hearing the voices change position as I was going back into my body. I was back into my body, and it seemed as though everyone was yelling at me. I remember a male voice telling me, "Breath, Craig, breath. Keep breathing." I couldn't move. I tried very hard to move, but couldn't. I decided to try to move my right hand, so I concentrated on that. I finally got that to move a little. Then I tried to open my eyes. I finally got them to flicker open for a brief moment, but they felt like lead. People kept talking to me, and I could hear other voices in the area, but not my wife's voice. I finally got my eyes open more. I could see a lot of people standing around me. I was having a terrible time breathing. I couldn't breath automatically. I had to think to take each breath, and it was an absolutely terrible feeling. I tried to get up off of the bed, but the doctor's pushed me back down. I then asked where my wife was, and they said she was safe. (They had pulled her out of the area so that she wouldn't have to watch what was going on as they tried to revive me.) The anesthesiologist was there, and he told the emergency room doctor who responded to the code blue that I had experienced another Vagel response. They quickly moved me out of the outpatient area and moved me to a room by a nurses station where they could keep a closer eye on me. For the next 45 minutes I had to think to breath. I remember trying to go to sleep once, but was awakened by alarms. They would monitor my blood oxygen level. I would fall asleep and stop breathing. My blood oxygen level would fall to 70%, and the alarms would go off. They kept me over night for observation and to see if I had suffered any brain damage. I ordered a copy of the medical records from the hospital.I did this because I wanted to see what had happened and if I could determine how long I was dead. I also wanted to have the information for any doctors in the future who may want to look at it to determine what is causing the problem and if I would be able to have general anesthesia again if I had any further surgery. The records for the incident show the first entry documenting my pulse as 0 and my respirations as 2. The next entry is four minutes later, and basically says that the doctors had arrived. The next entry is two minutes following and shows my pulse and respiration. The total time of death was between five and six minutes. I have had several problems following this incident. The first was that I pain for a long period of time in my sternum area from the long period of CPR that was performed on me. The other wasn't obvious at first. I have been experiencing depression since this occurred. Sometimes it gets more intense, but it seems to always be there to some extent. It got worse after the shootings at Columbine, and subsided after a couple of months. I have also had some of the other symptoms discussed on the IANDS Web site. The depression I believe is related to having to come back. Twice I have been dead, and twice the doctors have brought me back. I sometimes joke to people that I feel like a tennis ball.I know, being a Christian, that I will go to heaven to be with the Lord whether it is through death or at His second coming. I have often wondered about what is going on in heaven right now, and what we will be doing for eternity. I believe what really bothers me is that I finally made it the second time, and I didn't even realize what had happened so that I could take advantage of my time there. I wish I had more time to explore. It also bothers me that I can't remember what the people said to me. I know that coming back to Earth is depressing. First I had to deal with my body when I returned. I couldn't breath normally for 45 minutes or so, and I had to deliberately take each breath. It was the most miserable experience of my life. I'm also not happy here. A lot of things don't hold any enjoyment for me anymore. I get bored very easily. I do have a wife and kids who need me, and I do love them dearly. My wife says she would have been devastated if I had left permanently. I also have a lot of work I do at the church. I know that I have been able to teach a lot of people from the Word of God about salvation through Jesus Christ and how to live a life of faith. I have seen wonderful things, such as people receiving their salvation, repenting from sin, receiving healing for their bodies and being filled with the Holy Spirit. Yet I get really frustrated because people do not listen to the gospel. They do not realize what danger they are in if they do not accept Jesus as Savior and receive the New Birth. There is a hell, too. God's Word says so. I also met a Christian man several years ago who went there while backslidden and was warned that he was going there if he didn't repent and come back to the Lord. People do not understand that they will go into hell regardless of their works, and that they need a Savior to be able to have eternal life. I see the futility of seeking after money, power, sex, fame and the other idols that people set up in this life. I see the darkness of religions around the world. Religion will not save people - it is only a personal relationship with God through Jesus that will bring the New Birth and save them. The recent events of September 11, 2001 shows that religion won't save people. The people who perpetrated that act were religious, but they weren't saved. They remain in their sin and hatred and perpetrate terrible acts against others. I believe that this is why I get so frustrated and depressed. I know what being a New Creation in Christ Jesus is like, what it is like to be a child of God. I know what heaven is like. I wish people would listen to the gospel and respond. One good thing that has come out of these experiences is that I am able to use it when witnessing to people. A lot of people want to hear about what I have been through, and I have been able to tell them about Jesus as Savior. Christians also like to hear about it because they have a curiosity about what happens when a person dies.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 01:58 pm:
My first year of college and my first cross-country race-it was hot, very hot about 106 at 2:45 in the afternoon. The race starts and I take the lead and I start racing the top runner from the other school. It was a four mile race, and about 3 miles I feel I'm losing touch with reality. I really can't hear the people cheering me I lose touch with everyone. I'm in my own little world. My coach later says I won the race but I don't remember. I do remember that when I stopped running I passed out. This is where weird experiences starts. When I passed out my life passed before me. At 18 years old I didn't have a long life but It was strange, people from that day and back started flashing before the eyes of my mind, it went all the way back to when I was born. Next thing I knew I was in pain, horrible pain. I was falling in a dark, dark tunnel. I was trying to slow my decent by trying to touch the sides of the tunnel but I couldn't touch the sides. Never in my conscious state or subconscious state did I ever feel the fear that I felt in that tunnel. It felt like eternity, I felt that I was going
to spend eternity in that tunnel with this pain that its so hard to put into words. I thought I was in hell or going there. In this state I felt no sense of time. Time did not exist. According to my coach I was out for about 20 minutes. I felt that in that 20 minutes that It was 1000 years. As I was falling deeper and deeper in this Hole Of Pain, the pain was getting more intense. The further I fell the pain was intensifying. It was horrific. I thought I was dead and I thought what did I do in my life to deserve such a fate. Was my life to that point so bad? No I never hurt anyone to my knowledge? Why me I screamed at the top of my lungs and crying because of the pain? At the moment I couldn't take any more pain I call and prayed to Jesus to save me from this torment. At that moment I called for his help, the decent started to slow and in moments I stopped. Next thing I knew I started to ascend. As I started to ascend the pain started to decreased and then I started to see A light that I have never seen to all my light so bright and healing and yet It did not blind me. As I started to go towards the light, it started to heal me. It was taking the hurt out of my body. I wanted to go straight into the light. I wasn't afraid of it. The bright light felt so good it was healing me and making me unafraid. AT the same moment I was above my body and my coach had his hands in his face. I saw myself down there. I didn't want to go back to my body I wanted to go to this beautiful healing light. But I couldn't. I was told that I couldn't go to that light yet. I had to go back to my body. I pleaded no, but I was told again to go back to my body and I went back knowing that I would be seeing that light again.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Monday, February 25, 2002 - 01:55 pm:
I had surgery a week before giving birth to a son. I was told I had 50-50 chance to survive. I was always a positive thinking person[you know,"an ant can move a rubber tree plant]. As someone placed a mask over my face and told me to breath slowly, I felt myself go under[this was my 4th baby]. Then I realized I was listening to the nurses and doctors speaking about taking there lunch. The Doctor was talking to someone about where he was going to play golf. The next thing was the nurse mentioning the monitor, and saying "we're loosing this one", and hearing nneeeeeeeeeeee! and realizing that it was machine and I was above myself and the person working the mask. I said, I'm here..I'M HERE! and then it became black, and then, as if I was on one end of funnel/tunnel. It seemed to be narrower on my end...that opened out to a light...and in that light I could see figures, a main figure, with other figures on either side. It wasn't as if their arms were out-stretched ...but the feeling...of beckoning me. It was a comfortable and not fearful feeling. And then something came over me, and I stopped myself...and said. I can't come now[but I wanted to], I can't come yet[as I heard a baby cry...off in the distance]. The next thing I knew...it was the next day. No one would speak to me about it and finally the head nurse came, and said there would be someone to come and speak to me tomorrow, if I insisted, and I did. I was a bit of a mouse back then, but the feeling was so over whelming, that I DEMANDED to speak to someone. The next day a woman came and explained that it was my imagination. This was September 22, 1971, The feeling has never left me, and twice after that I experienced out-of- body...it frightened me, as I was responsible for 4 children and was afraid I might wake up and find myself dead...so to speak...as I might not be able to return to my body. I had no experience with these matters. it just happened, and I had no one to speak to about it. My family always repressed their ESP gifts...and I never pursued it...just took it for granted. Some times I would think of my mother for 3 days and then call her...she would say" what took you so long, I have been waiting for you to call for 2 days now". I lived 600 miles away. It was kind of a game as to who was going to pay for the phone call. My husband at the time was from a background of Welsh/Irish, and Pennsylvania Dutch...and also had this gift. He was in the military, and we were separated. I was under a lot of stress then and for most of a week I kept thinking how much I needed him. By the week-end he showed up unannounced....said he felt he should come. These things have happened all the time in my life. My second marriage was not the same. My husband was uncomfortable with what I call my gift. My oldest daughter has it, but suppressed it, my 5th child also a daughter has it. The worst time...for about 6 weeks I had the strangest feeling that some thing was going to happen to my children [my 5th child was 6,twins-2 yrs., and a 6 mo. old. After 4 weeks, I was so upset, I was checking them all the time, and cross with my husband for not being more careful with them. He came home one day, and said he had news from Belgium and it wasn't good. That it was about his cousin's 9 month old...I said, "she's dead"...and he just stopped on the stairs, and sat down on the step, and said, "will you stop that, I can't stand it". I asked him what the news was, and he said I was right...she had a blocked bowel, and they didn't operate in time.
At that moment I felt relief, because I knew that my feelings were correct, just not in the right place. Their baby had been sick for over a month. All my life I have had these feelings, but I always miss the mark. I will have a feeling about something...and it will be a man, instead of a woman. Or it will be someone close to me...instead of me.
This is the first time I have reached out to anyone about this matter. I am new to the computer.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 01:18 pm:
The Near-Death Experience [NDE] -- of which I've had a few -- mainly occurred at a time when NDE's were rarely documented, much less talked about. It was something I could only talk about with certain individuals, who were already spiritually aware...or, at least, receptive. Yet, it still happened that, on occasion, one would accuse me of having had a hallucination, because ignorance was still so prevalent at that time. In recent years, however, the NDE has been not only talked about, but has also been documented and has received widespread media interest. Scientists, physicians, psychologists, ministers and mystics, etc., have all congregated together to obtain a deeper understanding of the phenomenon of the NDE. It is something that many people -- such as myself -- have been through; and we have been called back to teach and share our experiences with others. By all rights, one might wonder why so many of us have been brought back...while others remain on the Other side. This is mainly due to the fact that we were needed to fulfill and complete something significant in our own ives...as well as to honor a special mission to help humanity finally come to the realization that there is indeed no death. We simply 'move on' and continue to evolve in our journey back toward the Light. Since people are always inquiring, "What happened?" and "What's it like?" I will try to convey what happened to me that led to one of my NDE's...as well as what I experienced from the Other Side. Please excuse me if this doesn't fit into a tidy chronological order, as there is no such thing as linear time on the Other Side. Everything is always experienced in the now,including past and future. Herein, I will attempt to explain and recapture my experiences on the Other Side and how it affected me. I will humbly attempt to grasp the proper words for describing this most lofty experience that had a profound impact on me. THE EXPERIENCE In the mid-70's, I was dealing with a terminal disease, colon cancer, where my life was ebbing way until I finally lapsed into a coma in late December. As others observed that I was in a coma for five weeks, then thought dead, I was having a completely different experience! One would look at my body and think that I was unconscious...asleep...with no awareness of what was going on...or anything. Yet, I was very conscious and profoundly aware, because, in truth, we never really sleep; only our bodies do. We are always aware...and active...on one level of consciousness or another. Just the fact that we dream while asleep is an indication of our consciousness always being active. And, indeed, our bodies need to rest, so that we can tap into...and experience other aspects of our consciousness and being! The best way I can describe the transition from being 'alive' on the physical plane and the passage to the Other Side is like passing from one 'room' to another. You do not cease to be or lose consciousness; your consciousness simply shifts from one vantage point to another. The experience changes; your outlook changes; your feelings change. And the feelings were profound; for me, it most certainly became that peace that surpasses all understanding. My transition was gradual as a result of having a terminal disease, to a sudden one incurred from accidents, heart attacks, etc.What I experienced, then, was that, as the disease progressed, I got to a point where my consciousness was already making the transition from one realm to the other -- being more aware of other realities on other dimensions, etc. Therefore, I could no longer comprehend anything written on a page, for example, because it no longer meant anything to me in my changed state of consciousness. I had already departed from the third-dimensional realm for the most part...and my awareness enveloped other things. On the other hand, color and sound became more vivid...but, again, much of this was not involving the physical plane.As I progressed more and more in my 'crossing over', I was aware of being in a whole new realm; however, I never thought myself as being 'dead'! In fact,I felt more alive than ever! Now I was acutely aware of the divine Presence, the Creator...and spirit guides all round me. There was a profound realization of never being alone...and always being in communion with Spirit and other beings in this awesome and magnificent realm. The most profound aspect of the NDE, for me, was that of being completely enveloped in divine Love and also being totally free of fear! There was no question that Love was everywhere, that I was completely protected, safe and that everything would work out just as it should. There was never a feeling of being 'isolated' or alone. This was a special opportunity to experience being at one with the ALL -- never separate...and never at a loss. I knew -- with total certainty -- that everything was evolving exactly the way it should...and that the ultimate destiny for every living being is to return to the Source, The Light...Pure Love. At the age of twenty, I underwent what should have been a routine operation. But there were complications and I died on the operating table. My experience was that I felt myself drawn out of my body at tremendous speed. It was like being sucked up a tunnel. I found myself in the universe. This is the only way that I can describe what happened. I was a part of the universe. I could see the earth towards my right but there were many versions of it. They were all following one after the other, forming a circle, and they were in various stages of evolution. There was no beginning or end to time and they, (the earth), just seemed to be separate stages of one whole process. I was a part of the stars and although I did not have a physical body, I felt more real than ever before. This feeling has persisted in as much as I can recall it but not as intensely as the actual experience. It is as if I learnt how it feels to truly be alive as opposed to just existing. I also experienced a profound sense of love. The only way that I can describe this is that It was everything. This seems really inadequate but It was so intense that putting the experience into words just doesn't work. It is something that I felt so thoroughly that I just cant express the feeling in words. The whole thing was truly beautiful. I then heard a voice which came from a huge bright white light towards the left of me saying that it was not my time yet, that I had things to do and I felt myself pulled back. When I came round from the operation, I was told that I had died. I did not talk about my experience until I was studying for my first degree. A tutor began to talk about NDE's and I realized that I was not alone. This experience has changed my life and
most definitely for the better.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 01:07 pm:
I was in the intensive care unit with an acute case of blood poisoning. I had a large boil on my leg lanced to let the poison out, and instead all the staphylococcus bacteria entered my blood stream. I was delirious with a fever of 107 degrees Fahrenheit. I heard the nurse say "no blood pressure." I went unconscious. Suddenly I found myself in a boat, floating down a river in a jungle. In the background I could hear the most magnificent music I had ever heard. It was a jungle drum beat of incredible dimensions. I became very elated with its incessant melodic sounding rhythm. There were two paddlers steering the canoe and eight passengers. I was brimming over with delight. There was no feeling of pain or movement through the water. Then I came upon the distant shore. I was alone now. I do not remember stepping onto the shore. A radiant being in long white robes was there to greet me. I could not discern the sex of the being, or the face of the being. However the most incredible feeling of love surrounded me. It emanated from the being. We were communicating through mental telepathy. I have never experienced such joy. All of a sudden I was back in bed with incredible pain. Since that event which I hold to be absolutely true, I have had many revelations and visions. I also have ESP. My life is brimming with special meaning and I now have epilepsy asa result of that infection.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 01:04 pm:
On 04/29/01 I was slated to receive a Defibulator/Pacemaker for reasons of health. To do this procedure it is necessary to stop the patients heart and see if the individual really needs the device. My heart was stopped and I had no response to the Doctors attempts to restart my heart. CPR was immediately started, I was shocked with (2) sets of Defibulator Paddles a total of 720 jewels per attempt. The total attempts to restart were 15. I was pronounced dead and the room was cleared. I had been dead for over 30 minutes by this time. During this time I recall arriving in a beautiful completely strange world. Not through a tunnel or to a light I just was there. I remember thinking to myself "What did I do Now? - Where am I at - Am I dreaming" I recall blinking my eyes several times and all appeared real. The colors were vibrant and indescribable as I stood there I was standing in a field of knee high grass and standing on a knoll was my father and mother (Both Deceased).At this time I remember being delighted at the sight of them. I proceeded to climb the knoll. My father turned to me at this time and spoke to me (without moving his lips) and told me to go back!! I stopped and looked a he and my mother I asked him what did he say and he repeated in a stearn voice to "Go Back" I then asked him why and he said "You have to go back because it's not your time yet". I asked him how do I do that and he told me to just go down the hill. So I did.The next thing I recall is hearing a voice say "HEY HE'S GOT A EYE OPEN" at that point I had been dead between 30 and 45 minutes. I tried to get up and was forced down and I passed out. I woke up in intensive care and after I was aware of just what had happened to me. I realized my Mother and Father were dead and I had talked with them.I also had a strange ringing in my ears during my trip to the other side it wasn't until watching a medical show with the heart monitor emitting a constant ring that I realized just what that was.Long story short everyone was amazed that I wasn't brain dead which to this day I truely don't understand.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 01:01 pm:
I was in boot camp at the time, we had been given a series of shots that day. In the evening I began to hyperventilate, the ambulance was called. In the ambulance I quit breathing, I was aware of this and tried to talk myself into "not holding my breath". I felt like I should have been able to start breathing when it dawned on me "WOW! I don't HAVE to breath anymore." I was surrounded by a darkness I could see, but I was not really in this darkness. I felt a great sense of Serenity, a feeling which mere words have no way of expressing.
The next thing I remember is sitting in a wheelchair in the emergency waiting room and I had this dull ache in my chest. There was no documentation of this situation in the ambulance. I can only deduce that I quit breathing long enough for my heart to stop and the ambulance crew gave me a thump, which probably was enough to start me back up. I can only speculate as to this being a "Clinical death" due to the extensive reading I have done on the subject.
I know what happened was an NDE, I do not fear death, I know that when my time comes I shall "Cross over" I believe that all things happen for a reason, I do not believe anything is random in this Universe, Miracles occur often and yet, many people sadly do not recognize them. I rely upon my inner voice more often than I do of reason & logic, I have an unwavering faith in GOD, and he takes care of me, I am truly blessed. I have experienced many, many things which have a Divine explanation as the only plausible explanation. I have an increased Physic awareness, telepathic & clairvoyant. I do not go to church, yet feel a very deep spiritual connection to the Universe & God. I have been in situations where my experiences in life enable me to help others. I know "You reap what you sow" is true. No purpose in Life is too small or insignificant in God's eyes.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 12:52 pm:
I was with my partner at the time and we had been going through difficulties I had felt this strong sense of loss and that I felt that something was calling me. I then ended up taking chloroform. I could feel the effects straight away this creeping relaxing feeling and the sensation of me slipping out of something that felt like prison. I could remember being in the hospital on the ceiling watching all these doctors and nurses attending to me. I could also hear my mum and brother talking to me asking me why this had happened. it felt warm and radiant like some one was with me at this time and the were conveying a feeling of peace and love that was something I had never ever felt before. in no time I was traveling down this tunnel with beings on either side it felt like I knew them all and they were talking to me asking me how I am and what had been going on in my life. they also showed me something that I could not recall but it felt familiar. after a while with them I was called towards the light and I felt so overwhelmingly loving, peaceful and knowing. I was asked a series of questions and given information about things by an angel with a staff and dressed in warrior outfit, resembling an African chief and then a decision was made that it was not my time and that I had a mission to fulfill and that I will return. I cannot remember anything after that. I woke up in the same bed in intensive care and was told that I had died and was kept alive via a ventilator and I had been unconscious for 1 week. Since that time I have had flash backs and been aware that there are spirit guides around protecting me and guiding me. I also have this string sense that there was a vision of some sort given to me because it like I've been on this sacred mission regarding utilizing this experience to empower people and tell the world about the realms of the spirit and their advice and guidance for the human population, especially with the young people
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 12:44 pm:
I was hit buy a train while driving, pulled 510 feet down the tracks,pronounced dead by the Medics from the ambulance(15 min after the wreck). I was gone for at least 25 min. I heard a clunk, looked over and saw the train hit the car on my side. I flew though a tunnel of bluish white light and came up to an edge where I stood(?) and looked out over all the souls that ever were or will be. The figure closest to me let me know that I had a choice as to whether I stayed or not, but that is was not my time. There was a sense of being there forever and only a moment. Time had no beginning or end, it was all just now.I chose to return and when I did it was as if I were a drinking glass that was almost full when I came and as I got there the glass grew and grew until it was as big as the universe with all the knowledge in it to fill it to the brim. When I returned the glass got smaller and some of what was in it leaked out until it was normal size again but with a mix of all that knowledge in it. I felt like I got lots of help coming back, like souls riding along steering me and aiding me. I cam back and hovered over the car and train. I could see all the people on the road and in their cars. Then I was pulled back into my self and pulled the sheet off my head, turned and ask them what they were doing and how was my Mom(she was in the car, multiple broken bones, comma for two weeks) they got very excited, a couple of them fainted, and told me they could not get the train off me. The coupler was on the door and the door was on me. I told them to get the tie down chains off the Rose Logging Truck and tie the car to the tracks and back the train off.
They did after some discussion about my legs. I Said, "What are you going to do, hurt me?" and so off came the train. The door popped up and they were able to get me out. All I got was bad cuts on my left arm from the door, a large piece of glass through my right hand between the thumb and finger, and my legs bent backwards at the knees. They said I wouldn't walk for a few months, I walked that night. This was a Saturday, I was back in school on Tues. I have had two more NDE's since then. On the operating table( very similar to the first one) and after the surgery,. They had nicked the bowel and ripped the plura and I got an ecoli infection in my lung cavity. I suffocated and died, got up and walked out and watch. They cut me open and put in tubes as I woke up screaming.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 12:40 pm:
As soon as our son was born I felt myself drifting into a deep blackness. A black void. I found myself fighting with everything I had to come back. This fight inside me was incredibly powerful. Somewhere amongst this experience I saw Matthew John telexed across my forehead vividly clear. The next thing I remember was the nurse's placing ice all over my body and my head swaying uncontrollably backwards and forwards. When I came too all I could say was can we call him Matthew John. Hence that is what we called our son. We had four sets of names picked out for him prior to the birth.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Tuesday, February 5, 2002 - 12:39 pm:
I was very ill, due to a medication reaction. I did not have a religious belief system at the time, but was so sick I prayed that if there was a God, I wanted him to take me if he wasn't going to make me better. My mother and sister were taking care of me round the clock, the major systems in my body were failing me, and I couldn't stand to see my mother worrying about me anymore. Two days later at 4:00 a.m. I was in bed with my boyfriend at the time, he was lying behind me and I had a small light on in the bedroom. I was awakened by a man's voice, it was loud but soft gentle but strong, nurturing kind and loving, and it got my attention. I noticed that I no longer felt the illness, I felt completely well, and there were all good emotions. The voice said, "It's time to go, Lynne". I felt love, overwhelming love as when my mother hugs me, I felt peace and goodness, and all things Over whelming positive. I felt like I was no longer myself, I felt like I was everything, and felt drawn to others that were with the voice, I felt a floating and being drawn and an overwhelming desire to be with all things positive, I felt safe and it felt like time stood still, there was no concept of time. I needed the voice and whatever was with it calling to me to be whole, I then in an instant drew my attention to unfinished things, I had just met my boyfriend less than a year before and I felt he needed me, and just like that I came back to this world, the illness was back as strong as before, and I jumped out of bed and said "It's not time to go, it's not time to go". My boyfriend was awakened by this, and I told him what happened, and he said it was a
dream, but I knew it wasn't. He later told me that he believed me but just wanted me to calm, because I was so upset by the event. He told me about a vision he had of his mother who had died and came to visit his son after he was born, he knows that what he saw was his mother as an angel, and believes that if this at happened, then it definitely happened to me. Two years ago, two days before my father passed away, at 4:00 a.m. I awakened to see a man beside my bed sitting in a chair watching me. I thought it was a shadow or a light playing tricks on me, but as soon as I thought that he shifted in his chair so I knew it was real. I layed there on my side looking at him and he at me. I do not know who he was, I finally got kind of spooked about it and rolled over in bed and held onto my husband, who is the same man that was my boyfriend who was with me during my experience 4 years ago. Since my experiences, I have had great difficulty with dealing with everyday life. I am sensitive to the smallest things, I have been more aware of my senses, and they are overwhelming to me. I feel like I am so small, like I don't belong here in this shell. During my experience I felt like I became everything, like I was a part of every object around including the light, I was everywhere, and when I came back, I was thrown back into this small shell, and I'm missing something. I am more aware of the bad and evil around and they bother me tremendously, I have difficulty sleeping, noises bother me, light bothers me, darkness bothers me, injustices trouble me, smells are sometimes overwhelming to me. I get dizzy and disoriented for no reason. I feel that I have a purpose here and want so much to be at peace but I can't find my way. I am thankful that I can say there is no end that there is life afterwards, but I want so very much to be able to be alive here. I just feel like I am existing, not living. My injuries heal slower if not at all. I finally got over the medication reaction and my body finally got near normal, but I was injured at work in February of 2000 and still have not recovered from it. I have myofascial pain disorder, and pain is intensified, and doesn't go away
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 11:35 am:
Experience Narrative:
I had an abortion. During the procedure I heard my 2-month-old fetus scream as it died. I was left by myself after the procedure, where I bled profusely. I found myself watching from the ceiling. Then I was sucked over the city into this black hole where I fell for a long time. As I went down the hole, I passed horrible goulish looking creatures that were chained to the walls. They were laughing evilly at me and it felt as if I were being torn apart in the very depths of my soul with each laugh. Finally I reached the bottom of the hole. There were snakes on the ground, and caves you could go into. Each cave entrance had a blast of heat and an orange glow like there was fire in the caves. Suddenly a snake the size around of a house passed me. I screamed "God Help Me!" A large white hand came down the hole and picked me up. It put my soul back together with the most unimaginable feeling of love and forgiveness. Next thing I know, I am back on the ceiling watching the nurse push on my chest to bring me back. After this ordeal, I have had 3 other afterlife experiences. Each of these have been tunnels of light, love, and family members. Through the years I have had visions of the future, knowledge and understanding of events in my life, and a growing attenuation or tuning into a spiritual world that is all around us. I have changed immensely, and as I tune further in, I continue to change to please my Lord.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 11:31 am:
Experience Narrative:
I was on a table when my first awareness was of opening my eyes. The light was the most brilliant white light I had ever seen. I assumed it was a surgery light but it was so bright I could see nothing else, however, there was no pain in my eyes because of the brightness. I kept my eyes open even though I could see nothing but the light. I then heard voices, a female voice. Clearly she was in a hurried state, calling to a physician at my left side of head. She kept saying he should hurry as "we are losing him" I could clearly hear the doctor saying he was hurrying as fast as he could. He kept saying "he was not there yet" This went on for a minute or so and the nurse started stating I was going. The doctor said "the veins are too flat, I cannot open it." His voice seemed panicked and I remember saying aloud "don't worry, take your time, I do not hurt". He seemed unaware of me talking. He kept repeating "it's too flat, it won't open" I did not sense any pain, not even pressure, just the light, the stress in their voices, but I felt extremely tranquil. When I did awake, two days later, my wife was able to tell me what happened. The night before the event I had vomited blood, huge amounts of old reddish black blood. In the morning my wife could see I was very ill, although I did not admit. I protested going to the doctors office and only when my elder son promised to physically take me did I relent. We drove to the doctor's office and entered the front. All events prior this are only vaguely remembered by me. According to my wife I collapsed just inside the door and was taken to an exam room. I had virtually no pulse or blood pressure and they started IV fluids and called 911. At the hospital she was not allowed to follow me. She said the doctors would come out about every hour or so and told her I was extremely critical and with a massive amount of blood loss, internally, and I was going into irreversible shock, but as long as I was alive they would keep trying various treatments. This is where I found out that the doctor I heard was a vascular surgeon trying to open my carotid vein to put a "pic" line in. It was so they could start large amounts of fluids and the best spot was the neck carotid vein. They started four bags of fluids of which she was not sure of the types. The room was a highly sophisticated critical room where I could be operated on along with other various treatments. For two days she was only allowed in for short periods and it was hard for me to realize I had been there four days. I told her of what I saw, heard and felt. She said it was not possible as my eyes were taped shut and I could not have spoken as I was intubated. Also there was no such light in the room. I asked if I had surgery on my neck and this is how I learned what they had to do. By losing so much blood my extremity veins were closing to keep blood in my brain. It was worse than they thought as my neck veins were closed so flat the surgeon took about thirty minutes to open my neck and carotid to enable fluids to start. On the third day the breathing tube was removed and I was weaned from the respirator. It would be impossible for me to talk as I remembered because the tube blocked the vocal chords. During the first two days they ran many tests. On about my seventh day I was told I must have fallen and struck an object that bruised the lower tip of my heart and the lower lobe of my liver which began bleeding. The blood pooled and was passed into my stomach, which caused the vomiting. The day I was discharged the "pic" line was removed from my neck. Then I saw it and it was a little over a foot long and was put directly in my heart. While my health has not really Improved I am currently being tested for Meloyma. I have chosen, if diagnosed, that I will not have chemotherapy. I am in great pain from multiple serious steno tic areas on my spine that is slowly shutting down my bladder, legs, and am semi-incontinent from loss of sensation. strangely I am not afraid, the light, while not a euphoric light, was still one of calmness and peace. It is now approaching the one year mark and I only revealed to my wife that while my memory of the first day was weak, the day before, the day of the "fall", I vividly remember that I had NOT fallen as they said. The hemorrhaging was very real but I do not know how. Perhaps it might be a precursor of my possible condition now. I think this was a NDE, I would need more experienced opinions to see if it qualifies. An after thought, there were three events as an adolescent that I was told I was about as close to death as possible but I have no memory of anything like this. A fall from a three story building at age ten, as a pedestrian I was hit and thrown thirty feet by a car at age eight, and Spinal Meningitis at five. I do not feel invulnerable; none of these events was my "time"
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 11:18 am:
Experience Narrative:
I experienced a series of seven heart attacks over a period of 5 weeks in 1998, some more severe than others. During the sixth and whist I was hospitalized, I had an experience that left a lasting impression and about which I have spoken to very few people and then not in detail.I am convinced that there IS a white light, extremely bright but not painful. The feeling of peace is overwhelming. Overall. If that is dying then it is nothing to be worried about. I had no experience of leaving the body but having read about some accounts that cannot be explained I would not doubt the claims. Immediately after the experience I was extremely emotional. Watching a television debate on this subject and in which people ridiculed the idea of such experiences reduced me to tears. I have now had surgery for my condition and am perfectly healthy. The xperiences are still vivid in my mind and are something that I will never forget.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 11:15 am:
ALMOST ALL of those futures I saw have been taken out of my memory. I know I saw them, but what I saw is hidden somewhere. Not all, though, and some of the things I remember showed what would happen if I made certain choices. I was married at the time, and her and I were not doing so well, and I saw how many different futures would be depending on the choices I made with my wife. I saw how it would be better for me, and better for what I needed to do, if I were to stay with her, and not separate. I don't want to talk about the other things I saw, in my life- and past it- right now, but maybe later. But then I was back with the three light beings. They wanted to know if I understood what I saw. Yes, I did. I felt AT HOME in that place of light, and felt FREE and STRONG, like I had never felt here. So, I asked the light beings if I could see more. They said that there was something special that I was supposed to do, that I would need to be shown certain things to be able to accomplish this certain thing. But also they said that its not "me", its just my path. Everyone is special, and I am not any better or any worse. They said that the light loves us all, but we all have different paths. WE ARE ALL SPECIAL. And yes, they had more to show me.
I was then taken to a place that had a feeling a lot like the "life review" session. I remember being taken to a "boundary" and with these light beings we went through it. It was almost like a wall of light that had texture and substance, and felt thick. We passed through it and then were moving through the universe. I was taken to a place high above the earth, and with these light beings, we watched. They showed me things about our history as a people, things about different
cultures and civilizations, things about different people AND ALWAYS it was from their perspective- feeling their feelings as if they were my own. I got to see how WE ALL ARE REALLY CONNECTED!!! They showed me lots of things from the Bible, and what these things mean. They showed me hell, and its not the hell that most people think. In fact, there is NOT a real hell, there is no-one with a pitch-fork, or someplace where bad people burn for eternity. What there is, though, and what hell there is.... IS A LACK OF GOD. It was really important to these light beings that I see this. I don't quite know why. But I saw how when someone dies, they might be too attached to this place to accept the beauty of God, so they never go towards the light. They get stuck "in-between", not accepting God, and the light. God would NOT reject any of us NO MATTER WHAT WE DID. He couldn't reject us just like we couldn't cut off! our own toe, or arm, or poke out our own eye. I saw how we are all part of God and the light, and how "he" is a part of everyone of us. The only hell that we have to fear is a hell of our own creation, by not living with light in our hearts. I also saw how everyone on this planet is accepted by God. Its not based on your specific religious preference. And, how ANY of us can have an NDE. In
fact, we all will at some point, at least when we die. We will all see. We all get our own day of Atonement (at-one-ment) when we die and meet the light. I also saw how each person is shown what he can understand when he has a near death experience. An oriental man might see oriental- looking people, a heavily religious Christian might see all the Biblical imagery, and beings that address themselves as familiar Biblical persons. I only saw light, though, as I didn't have a specific orientation that I needed to be addressed by. After that I found myself back in the pure light, still with the three light beings. I could tell that something was about to happen. I felt then that I had to go back. I felt the "pull" of this world on me, and the light beings said it was time. They told me that I had to go back, that it wasn't my time to stay, that I had things I needed to do. I didn't want to go! I told them that this was my home, that I wanted to stay and learn more, that I cant go back. I was feeling the other place again, and felt fear upon my heart. I told them that I was afraid, that I didn't have anyone for me, and I felt alone, and I wanted to stay in the light. They soothed me with their love, and it seemed almost as if they conferred, and they the one said let me show you something. This is why you have to go back. He turned me around and I saw specific excerpts from my future, things that had already been removed from my memory. He showed me exactly why I needed to go back to the physical world, and exactly what I would do and who I would touch. Then I found myself facing the three light beings again,KNOWING why I had to go back. BUT AGAIN THEY HAD TAKEN IT FROM MY MEMORY! I wasn't supposed to remember that yet. But I knew now I had something to do and was ready to go back and do it. Still, though, I felt afraid. I told them that I wasn't sure that I could do it. I didn't know if I could do what they needed me to go back for. They understood, and then the most beautiful thing of my experience happened. The powerful light being said, "we understand how you feel" and I was flooded with his compassion. Then he said "look" and gestured behind me. As I turned to look I saw many many light beings, countless light beings, what felt like all the light beings of heaven, stretched in row upon beautiful row, all the way to an endless light horizon. I became filled with their love, and support, and something inside my being changed. I felt it. And I watched them as darkness engulfed me. The next thing I knew I was lying back in the recovery room, still in great pain, still very cold, but starting to with a gasp of breath. I remember barely opening my eyes to see frantic nurses above me. I came too, but my vision was so present! The pain wasn't half as bad, and I felt stronger by far, and something else was different- I felt something in my heart. I wouldn't realize it until later, but the group of beings at the end had put something there that has changed me for good. I almost feel like I have a piece of Heaven in my heart now, and that opened it like a flower. Even now, more than seven years after my experience, I still feel the light in my
heart, and it just keeps growing. First thing I said when I came to and could speak was some mumbling about what I had seen. My (ex)wife was there, and she asked if I was OK. I said, "Yes, as long as I stay with you- they showed me!" and I mentioned a few more things about it. I probably sounded crazy to the nurses!!! So, now my life has changed- a lot. I feel that I have been given a wonderful gift, but I don't know what to do with it, or how to properly care for it. I am literally a different person, too, as I still have that "light piece" in my heart, and I often find that I can feel others feelings as though they were my own- just like in my life-review. I have tried, but have not succeeded, in living a "normal" life. I find myself drawn to helping all living things- people, animals, etc- and arguing with people about the meaning of things in the Bible. Its funny, too, because I didn't even own a Bible until two weeks ago, nor had I ever read any of it! Other things are different for me too, but they are harder to explain, many of then are profound. I feel that I need to reach out to people to share what I have seen, but don't know how, and most of the people I have talked to about my experience have either not taken it seriously, or could not understand it!
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 11:00 am:
Experience Narrative:
I was in the recovery room after arthroscopy sinus surgery, and just starting to awaken from the anesthesia. Apparently, the nurses were not
informed that I have asthma, and they were not watching closely. I started to have an asthma attack, and no one noticed. I felt it as I was waking up, that I couldn't breathe. I was in GREAT GREAT physical pain, and couldn't draw a full breath, and it just got worse and worse until I finally couldn't draw a breath at all. My lungs were burning, my whole body was VERY cold (and later they said I had turned cold and blue by the time the nurses noticed me), and I felt pain throughout my whole being. Emotionally I was panicking inside, my mind was racing- trying to snap out of it- but I could not move, could not breathe.Then suddenly I felt myself "slip" away. There was no tunnel, no out of body experience. I was just GONE- gone from my body, I realized. The part that is TRULY me had left, and was somewhere else entirely, away from that recovery room. I was in a place of pure light, as if a warm, gentle, loving fog had enveloped me and was me, and contained all the beauty, strength, and security in the world (and out of it!). I felt ALL my pain, ALL my trauma disappear. As I tried to think about where I had just been, I found that I couldn't even remember what pain, suffering, anger, jealousy, ANYTHING negative felt like here. There was just a faint whisper of what bad things felt like that I could just barely remember. Then the light "fog" started to clear, and I realized I was in the presence of three "light" beings. They looked just like humanoid shapes that were comprised entirely of glowing light. The background was made of light too, it all was. There was kind of a "horizon" of sorts, and a "ground", but they were really just differing shades of light. And I was made of light too. The three light beings stood before me and welcomed me to this place. There was one that was greater, more powerful(?) than the other two. He did not name himself at that moment, but later I knew him to be Jesus. They did not welcome me so much with conscious communication, but with LOVE, Love as I had never known it. THE MOST INCREDIBLE LOVE. In it was complete acceptance, complete compassion, complete love. Love WITHOUT any fear, or negativity, or lies to taint it. In fact this WHOLE PLACE, I realized was made out of love, A love that is the most powerful force in the universe. I actually didn't feel myself to be a completely separate entity anymore, like I am now typing at this computer. I felt my consciousness separate from these other beings, yes, but I also felt myself to be a part of them and a part of this light place. The three beings moved close, and surrounded me, still in unbelievable love.
But I was about to learn, they told me, I was to see things I couldn't see in the "real" world. I must have asked to learn, or showed interest somehow, I don't know, but they said they were going to show me- and it would be hard, but they would be there. They told me I would review my life and that I would see, but that it would be special, I would see. And I was in complete acceptance. SURE I said, feeling SO strong in the light, so uplifted and perfect and pure. Next I knew I was by myself again. I was my grown self as I am now, but I was watching, LIVING, my life from a very young age. I was there, and could feel EVERYTHING, but I was still ME. It almost was as if I was watching a very complex hologram that showed the story of my life, where I was the hologram, but also watching from a third person perspective. I was not prepared for what happened next.... I felt everything. I felt my pain all over again. All the loneliness, fear, suffering that had been a part of my life, but all of the love too. Everything I had ever done, ever felt, ever had done to me, I relived there in that place. I felt it all, and I was OK, still feeling the light that I had just discovered; until I started feeling the feelings of others. I was now not just feeling my own feelings, but others feelings as if they were my own! Everytime I hurt someone I felt their pain as my own. Everytime I caused someone happiness I felt that as if it were my own. I got to see then how those people in turn, turned around and either spread the good feeling to someone else, or hurt someone with that pain I had given them. And then, I also felt their pain. I was overwhelmed. I started to falter, even the light I had in me wasn't able to hold up against this barrage of pain. I remembered crying out. Please help me I asked. God, please give me your strength. And that was all it took. The most powerful light being that had welcomed me to that place was there by my side, filling me with his love and strength, making me whole again. Then I could continue. With that light being by my side I watched the rest of my life, and how everything I did affected everyone. Up until the moment I had arrived in this beautiful place. Still I had the most powerful light being by my side, "he" had walked me through the rest of it. Then he told me something that I didn't remember until later. He said they were going to show me more of my life. That I would need to see certain things now. I, feeling strong in the light again, agreed wholeheartedly! So as I watched again, my life was progressed into the future. Not just once, but a multitude of times. And, all at the same time. Its hard to imagine now, but somehow I was shown MANY MANY different futures all at the same time. I was shown YEARS ahead, to the end of my life and beyond. **I am sorry if this sounds crazy. No one I have talked with about this so far has understood, so I am hoping that you will!!! Again, I am really sorry for any confusion. Please bear with me!!!**
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:45 am:
My near death experience happened during the birth of my third child Alex. During my sixth month of pregnancy I experienced an event called placenta abruptia. When this happens, the placenta rapidly rips from the uterus and it is very easy for the mother to hemorrhage to death. After the event, I found myself in the ICU of the hospital. Since then, I have fully recovered my health. However, my son Alex (who is now 11) is a quadriplegic and has an IQ of 60. Here is my experience. During the ambulance ride to the hospital, I felt the drivers desperately trying to put IV fluids into me because of the blood loss (I lost over half the blood in my body). I do have memories of arriving at the hospital and being wheeled into the O.R. The noises around me sounded like a bunch of chipmunks, b/c there was so much rapid and excited conversations. It was during that time that the NDE happened. Even before it happened, I felt my body growing weaker, but I realized that another part of me was as strong as ever. When the NDE happened, it felt like I was pulled from my body with a strong vacuuming or suctioning device. Yes, I passed through a tunnel of sorts (no lights). Upon emerging from the tunnel, I did not see one bright light, but a multitude of small lights. I saw no dead relatives or had no life reviews. I tried to make rational sense of where I was. I live fairly close to a major city, and I was thinking that maybe somehow I had been put on a life flight and! was seeing the lights of the city. I remember looking for a lit CLARK bar sign that is so part of the skyline of the city I live close to. During that experience I felt like I was everywhere that my being was like a small wisp of smoke that spread out in all directions. I felt a total peace and love and contentment that I could never mirror back here on earth. As quickly as it happened, that quickly I felt myself back in my body and in the noisy panic hustle of the OR. Since then, much more spiritual. Completed a pre-med program and was accepted into medical school. (Painfully declined acceptance b/c of difficulty in finding someone to take care of my son Alex). Great desire to help and heal others. Powerful dreams (which are different than regular dreams) where I have discussions with wise beings. (Only 3 or 4 of these have occurred in the last 11 years) but I remember them so well. Feeling that I am not male or female, but a soul assigned to a female body. Mess up electrical things a lot (especially when upset). Wish I felt a great love for all humanity, but sometimes I don't. However, I am a more powerful advocate for injustices that are done to others.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:40 am:
I was in normal labor with my fourth baby. I usually dilated slowly at first so the Dr. elected to stay at his office till I was further along. Nurse called when I was at "6" centimeters & Dr. said call him when I was at "7". She was calling because I was at "7" and I had two contractions back to back & I felt the baby "crowning". She told the Dr. and they wheeled me into the delivery room as I was screaming in agony (never had any medication by an anesthetist). Because there was only the two nurses I felt that if they could do anything for the pain it might be what we called back then "gas". I screamed for them to give that to me and when they did I took two veeerrry
big breaths as they started to move to me to the delivery table. The next thing I knew I was up by the "ceiling" watching them move me as I
"thought-When are they going to realize that I am dead". I had no feelings of this being a bad thing or upsetting situation. It just was!I have no memory of what happened "in the middle". The next thing I knew as I was becoming conscious was my hearing "well here is your baby" and I saw the nurse, my baby and (surprise) my Dr. had hurried over from his office a short distance away. The nurse offered for me to speak via intercom or telephone to my husband and I told him we had another girl and then I started commenting about how interesting that heaven was so similar as heaven... They grabbed the phone and they never said anything to me about what I said or that anything had happened. I felt very peaceful and was quiet about everything just noticing how interesting it all was. This lasted for about 24 hours when my Aunt/godmother who I was very close to (more than ANYONE ELSE)came to visit and when I talked to her about this I was very shocked to find out from her that I was alive and had not "died". I did not hear about "near death" until a few years later and realized then "that's what happened to me"! I have never heard about people not remembering the middle part. Maybe because since the middle part is the most interesting part they never went to print. My feeling is that I wasn't supposed to remember and that if and when it is appropriate I will remember.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:35 am:
I had just had blood drawn for a routine test, a procedure that sometimes makes me feel faint (but usually right away, not after some minutes as happened this time.) About 5-10 minutes after the blood was drawn, while I was standing outside the clinic, I felt myself becoming faint and asked my husband to hold me because I could tell I was going to lose consciousness. According to my husband, after this I did in fact faint and became very white and rigid. Either I stopped breathing or my breathing was too shallow to detect.
He says he held me upright at all times for the few minutes I was unconscious, and called my name repeatedly until I woke up. He estimates I was "out" for perhaps 3 minutes. What I experienced was a sensation of floating and drifting slowly in a direction above my head (I felt I was lying orizontally, but not on anything solid) in a sort of misty white light. I sensed something like music, or a faint musical sound, but I can't describe it any better than that. I was not aware of myself as "myself," I had no sense of past or future, and I had no curiosity about what was happening, just a wonderfully peaceful feeling. I also had the impression that I was passing by a long line of "beings," who were observing me silently. I could not see them distinctly. All I sensed about them is that they were very old, maybe timeless beings. Ancestors, maybe, though not necessarily MY ancestors except in a very global human sense. I then had the uncomfortable feeling of being called away--an incessant calling that was very annoying, like being forcibly woken from the most wonderful dream and feeling it slipping irretrievably away. I suddenly had a very clear view of the sidewalk pavement and the bottom of a wall--a view I could only have had if I had been lying flat on the ground with my face turned to the clinic wall, which was never the case. Then I "came to" being held upright by my husband, as I had been all along. I felt a bit weak but otherwise okay, physically. Emotionally, I felt a mixture of loss at having to come back to the "real world", and a sense that something awesome and omentous had just happened to me. I am not a religious person at all, I have no belief in god or the afterlife, but this experience shook me profoundly and it was hours, if not days, before the feeling of momentousness subsided. I had little interest in or knowledge of near death experiences before this, so I was amazed when I began reading more about them and realized how many common elements there are between my experience and other NDEs (though of course, I was never "near death"). I don't know if this is just a common form of brain short-circuiting under medical stress, or an actual foretaste of what might happen after death. I have never been able to decide what it meant, for me, and I have always felt foolish describing this to other people. I know it was a special and profound experience, however, and not something I'll ever forget.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:29 am:
I was in hospital due to getting shocky from loss of blood thru internal bleeding. Doctors checked me out and then felt I was in less critical shape than other patient's with knife wounds etc. Suddenly I felt that I was swooshing up through my head towards a blinding light. From above their heads, I could see doctors and nurses yelling code blue and surrounding me and I could see them working on me. In the light I felt very peaceful. I seemed to be in a field or on a hillside and I felt wonderful in the bright light. I did not hear a voice, but suddenly I felt as though I was being offered a choice, to stay or return and watch my son grow up. I thought "Oh yes, I want to see my son grow up" and then I was sliding back quickly into darkness. I did not know what to think about it all, and did not tell my wife for about a year, when I saw an article describing NDE and I recognized some of it as what I had been through
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:23 am:
Surgery related experience. Air tube was removed to soon and vocal cords closed. Body was still paralyzed due to the curare. Oxygen supply was absent for 5 to 6 min. before resuscitation. Heart had stopped beating also. First waking thought was the amount of pain I was in and the fact that I could not move. Next thought was the anger I felt because I was back in my body and I didn't want to be. I wanted to go back home, that is the way I felt about being on the other side. There are no words in our language to describe the emotions and feelings that come from the other side. The closest I can get to describe it to someone is to say, "It is like going home and I have been away a long time. Now multiply these emotions of returning home by 10 and you
Might come close to the description of what I felt on the other side." I don't remember lights or tunnels just the presence of what is on the other side. There were not visuals just the knowledge that I had somewhat of a choice to make. I could stay on the other side or return and finish what I had agreed to do in this lifetime. I felt like I was reminded strongly of what I had to do. I was angry about coming back. But made the choice to do so. Something like sending an angry child to its room with the reminder of the promise they made to clean it up! The child goes to clean the room but not real happy about doing It. This feeling stayed with me for about 2 years after my near death experience. Then as the years started to go by the knowledge of why I agreed to stay started unfolding and it is still unfolding.20 years after the near death experience the memories of that time are the same and have never changed. Because of what I experienced 20 years ago, I have been able to help other people before they passed over and it has helped me to deal with the loss of close family members leaving this world.
By Anonymous (prime.kapa.net - 206.135.162.167) on Wednesday, January 23, 2002 - 10:18 am:
I was in a deep sleep. I'd guess about 2am when I heard my dog bark softly as he rested, just outside my bedroom window. I'd not been dreaming. The noise i.e. the bark of my dog did not startle me or frighten me, but it did awaken me. I remained perfectly still and listened to see if the dog would bark again or go after something. Nothing else was heard. I then became aware that although my body was totally relaxed, even numb. I was completely alert. I could have raised up and gotten out of bed at that moment if I had chosen to do so but as I listened quietly for possible other sounds from my dog I noticed a "light feeling" in the mid sternum region. It felt really good so I allowed this "feeling" to continue. Within a few seconds I (?) was lifting i.e. coming up out of my chest. It was the most incredible feeling of well being that I'd ever experienced. I kept saying over and over to myself "I can't believe this feels so •••• good!" A few seconds later I lifted out of my body (chest!), turned and drifted up into the corner of my bedroom. As I looked back I could see both my wife and myself lying in bed. I tried to make scientific types of observations because I appreciated the event taking place was something out of the ordinary. I didn't see, smell, or hear anything else unusual but I ask myself a couple of times in succession "how can I be doing this?" The answer was too obvious. "I must be dead!" I told myself. My eyes looked intensely at my chest to see if I could see it move with respirations. The room was not completely dark and in fact there was a lot of light because of the bed being next to the window and the moon must have been full. I could not see my chest move so I panicked and seemed to dive back towards my chest. I felt myself turn and start to fall back inside my body (chest). This is when I heard a noise, which surprised me but a noise I can describe. The sound was that of two tuning forks of the same frequency being brought together. It was a high-pitched resonating sound. I immediately sat up and got out of bed. I had not been dreaming. I had not taken any medication and I had not been drinking. I awakened my wife and scared her with the story of what had just happened and I told everyone at work the next day until I started to get some funny looks. I've since clamed up. I know how to do this again and have done so a couple of times voluntarily but have decided not to unless I can look back at Monitors e.g.ECG,and pulse oximeter to allow me to know that "I'm alright".
**
By Anonymous (dynamic031.indra.com - 204.144.142.101) on Saturday, October 6, 2001 - 10:25 am:
Of the experience itself: I remember standing (or whatever) in a bright white sort of fog and there was a being (or energy force) on my left. I felt very close to this being (wanting to be with it as one would a spouse,etc.). I also remember wandering around in a charcoal-colored fog.
I must add that this accident took out a big hole in my memory of my life. I've lost the whole day that it happened, the weeks I was in the hospital (of that all I remember is a flash of my coming-to in ICU and a little bit of when I must have been in therapy because I remember working with blocks and wondering why I had to do this and why I was placed with all the other people in there who were obviously so 'out of it'), and several more weeks after that. I did not remember any of the experience until a few months ago my mother happened to be talking about my stay at the hospital and what I had said to her. As soon as she reported that I had said, "I was in a place where it was all bright white...", this came rushing back to me and I remembered it. There are so many things I can't remember from the past, UNLESS someone mentions something that 'cues' my mind to remember it. I've been told that I said some strange things when I was in the hospital, but from what I've been told nothing makes any sense and it has not 'cued' any memories. What I was wanting to know is if there is any way my mind can be 'cued' so that I can remember even more of my experience (because what I do remember is only just that little flash). I WANT TO REMEMBER MORE OF THIS!
Since my experience I have become more sensitive to others feelings and thoughts and have had several 'deja vu' experiences- knowing that someone was going to say something. These experiences are quite transient though and I haven't had one for quite some time (they often concerned me knowing what my daughter was going to say).
I didn't realize the significance of my sense of life purpose until some time after that in 1994, when I totalled my car. As I stood there beside my demolished car I KNEW that it wasn't my time to go and that I had some purpose yet for my life. Yes I had an airbag that had allegedly saved my life, BUT it had leaked out some of the chemicals onto my chin (that chemical burn was the only thing I received from my wreck). Since the airbag leaked, it couldn't have been what actually saved my life. Since then I have been working on improving my life: I found Wicca (or maybe Wicca finally found me, I hope!), I quit smoking, I quit my menial factory job of 22 years and went back to college, and have become a better person. I must add that I would never have been able to quit smoking or my job to go back to school (which is such a RADICAL change in my life!), if I hadn't found Wicca. Wicca has given me so much strength and support in my life. I don't yet practice the physical/magical side yet because my studies require so much of me (this is hard when you're in your 40's), but I will someday. For right now, the magic I am working is in my grades (3.1 G.P.A.).
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