My name is Amie (which means Love in French). 

I have had an interesting life to say the least. I have a gentetic disease (ehlers danlos syndrome).

It makes me fall apart and I have had 26 surgeries in the past 15 years to put me back together. This has resulted in many near death experiences and new understandings on life.

At 5, I had cancer. I lost my kidney and I remember right after they put me to sleep for my surgery (apparently I had lost a ton of blood from it and was coding), I was in like a waiting room with long benches on either side. There were people lining the walls sitting down. In the middle of this large open room, there was a table with a woman sitting at it. On either side of her there were 2 portals...swirling colored portals...one red and stormy and one a deep blue and stormy. I walked up to the lady and asked her where I was going. She promptly grabbed my hand and put a blue stamp on it. She told me please go in the blue portal. I did. When I popped out the other end (which was immediate), I was in my neighborhood. I saw people (grandparents) that were already passed just strolling up and down the street. I saw my house and went into it via the front door, but it was like I just passed through it. I went inside and I could hear my dad and sister talking, but I could not see them. I could hear the dishes clinking and the fridge opening, but I couldnt see them...just the house. I then woke up in ICU. That memory has stuck with me and is so vivid. Turns out my dad and sister were at home and they were getting lunch together while my mother was with me at the hospital.

Another time, in 2013, was when I had my son. After 18 hours of labor I was bleeding out and my son way drying due to it. They rushed me into the OR and put me to sleep. I could see what they were doing. I saw them take my son from my stomach. I saw me just passed out looking horrible and very very pale. I woke up a time later and verified with my doctor that what I saw was correct. My doctor at the time said I was on my way out of this life. (Due to my disease I shouldnt have had kids. It kills people who have it because you fall apart.)

In 2016 I had to have brain surgery called Decompression Surgury. The surgery went well but it was the septic infection that set in after 2 weeks that literally killed me. I didnt know that I had it. One morning 2 weeks post op, I woke up and my bed was wet. My incision had reopened and my brain fluid was gushing out of my neck and head. My mother rushed me to Memorial Herman where a shroud of doctors piled around me. I was laying on my side as they pushed a tube into my back to lower the pressure. They could not give me drugs because my heart rate had plummited to 43/30. They started yelling and screaming shes coding! SHE'S CODING! At that moment I started to feel the most incredible peace. I saw everyone running around me but I didnt care. It would all be ok. I felt myself almost give way. All of the sudden I was staring at my mother who was outside the room and she was sobbing. I wanted to tell her, "Mom, it's wonderful. Everything is fine," but I could not. That is the last I remember. I woke up a week later in ICU when the nurse came in, she told me what happened and I was astounded. I looked at my mother who was reading a book and I said "Mom wow they are playing great music in here." She said, "What music?" I sang it to her. It was the most beautiful classical music in the universe!! I thought the light above me was a speaker. When the nurse came in, I asked her about the music as well. She too said there was no music. I sang it for the next 5 days! I heard it anytime I was away. It was like I had a Bose headset on and it was turned up all the way. I was still on the verge of death. A week later they told me that I was getting better and they would put me in the regular unit. So they did and 2 days later the music stopped. They had me on the same medications the entire time (I have the recoreds). The only thing that changed was that I had stepped back from that ledge between life and death. It was insane. I can still remember what it sounded like. So beautiful.

In June of 2018 I had gotten an infection from E. coli (juicing organic veggies). It was in my system for a month until one day at work I passed out because my kidney failed. They rushed me to the ER. Between that and being awake I had seen and played with my childhood dog many times. I would train him, play with him, and he would sit on my lap. I could smell him, feel him, and hear him better than I could in real life. It was amazing. Everything was so bright and positive. When I awoke I found out that I had again coded but after a week of being in the hospital they let me go.

Every time I had one of these experiences, my world became brighter. Everything went into technicolor. I had a deeper understanding for all things including myself. There was meaning in everything! "Live in the moment" is a true thing and I even started to wonder: is there truly even a past and a future? I live by this and teach it. I try to help people every day. Life can and will get better! It is so beautiful; you just have to notice it! 

When I was six years old and freshly back to the US from Germany, I was enrolled in public school. One day after class I was in a mostly empty cafeteria building and decided to race my friend to the other side of it where the exit was.

I was four or five when I was taken into the backyard of neighbors and sexually abused.

When I was 14, I had osteomyelitis that was mistreated by doctors resulting in a trip to ER in Anaheim, Ca.