I was hospitalized in Vietnam with burns from the above combat action. The doctors were trying to stabilize me so I could make the flight to a hospital in Japan. I have no recollection of boarding the aircraft and came to full consciousness the next day in Japan in a hospital bed in the burn ward.

My roommate in Japan had lost an arm and a leg and was severely burned too. When he saw I was aware and awake, he rushed to tell me a story about his fire team coming to him, perhaps in a dream, but they had all been killed in the same action where he got wounded. They spoke to him and told him to relax and not worry about them or feel guilty about surviving and not saving them. Just get on with your life now, “We’re OK."

He asked me if that was a real experience or a dream. I told him that I did not know, but I would pay close attention to what his team had to say. As he told me this, my out-of-body experience came back to me in a rush out of nowhere. Until that moment, I had no conscious recollection of it. As he spoke, I remembered being in a C-130 hospital ship, stacked floor to ceiling with stretchers all holding other wounded GIs. I can see the interior of that plane and all the rest of it as clearly today as I did then.

I was watching myself on this stretcher and this did not seem in the least unusual. Two air force nurse captains were working on me. One had my nose pinched-off and was giving me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. The other had her left hand on the center of my breastbone and with her right hand was pounding my chest rhythmically.

I watched this dispassionately as I sensed that I was going up and away, further and further back from the scene, to a wonderful, cool, white-light place that was so beautiful, unlike anything I ever knew, before or since. It held for me a tremendous sense of peace and serenity, but then I realized what was happening and wordlessly said, "No, wait. Not now” (like I had too much left to do). I came to about a day later in Japan, knowing I was safe. That's when I heard my fellow-patient's story.   

The aftereffects of something like four heart attacks on distant shores were enough persuasion for me to consider my existence. When I was young, dying was not a reality. It was something that other people did that I was not even considering.

In 2006, during a painful 48 hours in Nanning, China, I became aware of a higher realm of consciousness than I normally live in. I find it almost sad that these times seem are so far and few between. I remain hopeful that they will again visit me while I remain in this form.

It has been said that if one were to lose their fear of dying, all other fears would dissipate into a great cosmic pool of discarded experiences. This “no-fear” was a window that I was afforded that summer—and I will never be the same again. In any case, it seems that my prospect of dying brought me nearer to where I started…one with God.

The heart attack pain, which was the same as the acid reflux I’d had been diagnosed with for three years, was wracking my body and mind. The pain and discomfort was enough to make me want to die for relief. It lasted from Friday until Monday, and as I witnessed the reactions of body and mind under the onslaught of dominating physical forces I simply forgot to consider a fear of dying. This forgetfulness went on for seven days from attack to surgery and hospital recovery. I was so busy observing and living in the experience the usual ramifications of losing this earthly body were not within my mental grasp.

A great discovery was realized when my body went into surgery at the hands of Chinese doctors. I found myself hovering 10 feet over the scene. My body was there, the doctors and nurses were there and I had become a mere viewpoint observing from the outside. It was at that point I knew for the first time in my earthly life that I would never die and that I was a part of the Great I Am.

Since that time, I am different. A window briefly opened and I saw an existence that I would die to live in. So I go on now with a renewed interest in observing this world; perhaps I will be blessed again to see more clearly through such a smoky glass…and the true journey we are all on.

My summation is simple. Eternity lies within the hearts of all of us. God is not up there, out there, or sitting on a throne in the clouds meting out judgment and punishment on what he has created. I once thought this silly way. I know now that God is in the heaven that exists within every one of his creations; as is stated in the Christian Bible “Heaven is within you.” God is the drive and the force in all life that seeks to lovingly survive…no matter the hardships. He is the instinct for a mother sparrow to build a nest, lay her eggs, and feed her young. He is what makes us stop and correct our wrongs because he created us with checks and balances within the heart. God manifests himself when I show kindness to you…God in me touches God in you at that very moment.

I was 10 years old in 1981. My parents had just gotten a divorce and now mom was trying to pick up the pieces. Being the adventurous type, she liked to take my six year old brother and I on hikes in the mountains and day trips to the beach, when she could get the time off work.

On this day, it was one of those in early autumn. We drove up the scenic coastal Highway 101 from Los Angeles to Malibu in her “Vega Beast,” although the car didn’t seem to embarrass her in the least. She even brought along a first time date to join the fun. I remember he had wavy blonde hair and a strong chin, although he wasn’t very tall. It is strange to remember a perfect stranger on a day like this.

It was nearing sunset when we arrived at Zuma Beach. A slight breeze blew off the ocean as wispy clouds idled by in the milky blue sky. The beach didn’t have any other visitors for miles around, it seemed. We played some games in the sand. Before long I decided to put my feet in the water. The Pacific felt surprisingly like bathwater in contrast to the slight chill from the breeze against my skin. But the surf didn’t crash and roll onto the sand as usual. Oddly enough, there wasn’t any real white water to speak of. I recall it being soupier, like tipping a soup bowl back and forth and swishing it around.

Our little group stayed reasonably close as we frolicked in the shallows, up to our knees in water. It really felt good and I wanted to go in deeper, even if I didn’t have any extra clothes to change into. I was about six or seven feet farther out than the others, now up to my thighs, when I felt an undertow of current pull on me. I didn’t resist and stepped forward, only to find that there wasn’t any ocean floor to steady me! Suddenly, I was swallowed up and sucked down into a vacuum of swirling water where I couldn’t touch the bottom anymore. I rolled upside down, round and round as if I were trapped in a washing machine, before being slammed against the sea bottom face-first. To my utter shock and surprise, Zuma Beach had zoom zoomed, IE crash-landed me into an unseen sandbar! Before I could react, the unimaginable happened.

In a blink of an eye, my whole point of view distinctly changed. As abruptly as I became a dizzy, unfocussed mess of chaos underwater, now I found myself floating calmly above my body, invisible and in a state of hyper-awareness. I was positioned about one story high above my body with remarkable and instantaneous ability to see panoramic, 360 views of the surrounding areas and the horizon. I could see everything all at once, like an all-seeing eye with only the desire needed to focus on any one specific thing. It was as though I could see through dozens of eyes wrapped around my head like a crown. But I had no form, no shape, and no color. I saw through myself like I was just air.

I focused on the body below as it continued to be pummeled by the water rather turbulently, and I realized it was mine. I felt like I owned it as a child owns a novelty toy; to be played with and easily discarded. However, I didn’t remember who the people were standing around the perimeter of the body. And it didn’t matter to me at all. I could care less who they were. In fact, there was no emotional connection to my body, or to my mom and brother. I doubt I would have cared about them even if I had remembered who they were at that moment. I remember feeling such acute amusement towards my body, watching it flap around like a piece of meat being ripped apart by some hungry animal.

I had total and complete amnesia about my 10 years of mortal life lived on earth. I couldn’t even recall the language I spoke, nor did I need it to form intelligent thoughts and opinions about what I perceived. I could reason and think using concepts and abstract ideas.

To explain the emotional state I was experiencing outside of my body is most difficult. There was such a “disconnect” from the memories of my life; but truth be known, I felt more alive and energized than ever before. Not only did I exist outside of earth’s gravitational pull, but the freedom from gravity and the emotional buoyancy, the carefree weightlessness of soul was almost indescribable.

It was weightless in more than one way. I was acutely aware of being weightless from all the cares and concerns that living within a linear dimension produces. I was literally “off the grid.” There were no ties to other people, no promises to be kept, no guilt from “sin” or failing to live up to some standard, no pressure to perform or learn how to conform to a society, no need to go to school or work, no need for acceptance, food or basic human needs for survival. I cannot adequately describe how being separated from those burdens made me feel. Without being yoked to those unspoken worldly weights, my reality was profoundly affected. It brought me such…ELATION!!! I was inflated with elation and wanted to fly away like a balloon up to the clouds. That was my last thought before being slammed back into the body 25 seconds later (time according to mom).

All the colors of the sky--the sunlight as it bathed the Malibu hillside, the clouds reflecting twilight oranges, reds, pinks and purples, gold and dusty browns, the color of the sea in all its wondrous hues of blues and greens, the sand on the beach, the cars on the highway, even the colors of the bushes, palms and trees---were all magnified, more crisply acute to me during those timeless moments, more than ever before and even ever since. The audio sensation was a part of the experience, but in a much less dramatic way. It seemed much less important to hear what was going on around me rather than to see it all.

With a child-like playfulness of spirit, I made the decision to depart the scene and go upwards. I didn’t see any “tunnel,” nor were there angels beckoning my soul to heaven. In fact there were no other spirits to witness, but then again I hadn’t left this dimension yet either. In the split millisecond before I zoomed away, I heard a terrible shrill scream erupt from my mom. She screamed my name out. And in an instant, I found myself back inside my drowning body.

My lungs were on fire. My head pounded against the sandbar’s shelf and my body felt like dead weight, anchored to the ocean floor. Instinctively, I dug my fingers into the sand and crawled blindly in the swirling, wet chaos. Then the water seemed to recede enough for my head to surface. My mom screamed again as she saw my head come up and she waded over to help me up. Five minutes later, as I laid on the sand trying to compose myself, I began to weep uncontrollably.

At 10 years old, I experienced an epiphany. Now I knew it as a fact that there is life after death. I had already learned and heard about the human spirit through my parents’ religion, Scientology. What a wonder! There is part of humanity that can live independently of, dare I say thrive outside of the flesh, outside of time, and never die. I made an oath to myself there on that twilit beach. I would never come back and live inside a body again, “IF” I had any choice in the matter.

Now I am 40 and my life has never been the same. That experience confirmed my eternity. However, it also opened up a “Pandora’s Box” to so many other unanswered questions that I now look to my faith for. I cannot be satisfied with the religious status quo. A belief system, a world-view acquired solely through people, society and literature does not satisfy me. There is too much at stake. My eternity and where I will spend it is just as important to me as my present life here on earth. Or perhaps even more so now that I intimately KNOW my consciousness does not just fade away or black out after physical death.

I experienced total 100% blockage of a main artery, resulting in cardiac arrest while in the ER and while actually talking to the doctor and describing the symptoms to him. While unconscious and dead, I had the sensation of being in a car hurling down the road, out of control, unable to stop and unable to move.  It felt like my arms were pinned at my sides and I could not move or otherwise stop or slow down the car.  All around me was white. There were no trees, houses or people, just nothingness.  I wasn't passing anything and there wasn't anything to pass. It was just white all around me. It was like I was hurling forward out of control on a vast road that had no boundaries on either side. There was no other traffic; there was nothing else but me and the only sensation was the hurling forward.  And then suddenly I was awake and I was looking up at my wife and I said that I thought I had passed out. (I thought I had had some sort of weird dream.)  She told me that I had died in the ER, my heart had stopped, and that the doctor had brought me back.

I was not a religious person, but this experience opened my eyes to a world of possibilities.  Later, when I returned to the emergency room to thank those who had saved my life, I felt like a ghost returning to the scene of his death.  They did a write-up of the event in the local hospital newsletter and I felt sort of like one who was reading his own obituary.  Now I know there is much about this world that I do not understand; there are answers far beyond my ability to even fathom the questions.