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I had a near-death-experience (NDE) when I was about age 30. I have just had my 71st birthday on August 17th, 2010.
At the time of the incident I was a full-time journalist-photographer living in Melbourne, Australia. I was brought up and educated in a fairly strict Roman Catholic fashion but, at the time of my NDE, I was an avowed Atheist with no religious affiliations whatsoever. I am of Celtic origin with an Irish/Scottish ancestry.
Prior to the actual NDE, I had been suffering with an extremely painful appendix, one that was periodically recurring and gradually becoming more painful with each episode. The condition had me doubled over in agony for a day or two, then disappeared. Distrusting the medical profession, I deliberately stayed clear of doctors, probably hoping that the ailment would vanish in its own good time.
On this particular occasion, when I detected the symptoms recurring, and being alone, I hurried to a cousin’s house. There was nobody at home. I collapsed outside the rear door of the house, doubled over in agony and moaning; it felt as though something inside my guts was trying to rip its way out with a blunt knife, and I could distinctly feel that the internal terror was not going to abate, but was actually increasing in intensity.
I felt something exploding internally and I lapsed gratefully into unconsciousness.
Emerging suddenly from my unconsciousness, I was amazed to see myself looking down on my body that was lying crumpled and inert on the floor. It was not a dream. The clarity of vision and awareness was equal to my conscious state. I was fully alert and sensitive to my surroundings. Had a third person been present, I feel certain I could have heard any sound or speech emanating from below. I started to feel an uneasy puzzlement. I could not understand why I was somehow detached from my physical body and was unable to feel as though it was a part of me, as it always had been.
Then I started to feel some sort of force or energy or influence that overcame me and started to draw me away from that dead thing on the floor. It was a gradual rushing sensation, one that accelerated madly; it felt as though I was in some sort of a tunnel and my conscious self was being rushed somewhere to an unknown destination. The speed frightened me. I think I closed my eyes and waited for whatever the outcome might be. I felt the speed of the rush lessening after some seconds. Curiously, I opened my eyes. The dead person that had once been me was gone. I could see a powerful light somewhere up above me in the void. It wasn’t just a light as such. It emanated a great love that seemed to encompass my very spirit. The "travelling" sensation slowed and I was in some sort of vacuum or a hollow space, a featureless landscape, and over it was the brilliant loving light that somehow eased my fears and made me feel at ease with my unfamiliar surroundings. I then became vaguely aware of being surrounded by spiritual presences. I could see nothing in a physical sense. It was just an acute awareness that was somehow instilled in my being. I had the distinct feeling that the presences were of people who had known me in the physical world; there was my grandmother and my father, certainly, while the others were ambiguous but oddly familiar. They radiated a great love and sense of caring while we were connected. I heard a voice, not orally expressed, but inside my head, as though it was being communicated in a spiritual sense. It stated: "You haven’t finished everything. You must go back."
I started to protest but, without reaction, I found myself back in that tunnel and speeding crazily back down the tube, all the while vividly aware of what was happening. Quite frankly, by this stage I was convinced I was having a bout of insanity. I could think of no other explanation.
Back in my physical body, I awakened, perfectly aware of what had happened to me and I simply lay there on the floor wondering about the weird imaginings of my brain.
Soon my cousin returned, found me and summoned a doctor. The doctor quickly examined me and announced he would call an ambulance and have me taken immediately to a hospital for surgery.I found myself saying: "Don’t worry about it. I’ve been healed. I’m okay now." He became angry, saying: "Don’t be stupid. I think your appendix might have burst. That can kill you. If you don’t take my advice, I won’t feel any responsibility for you." I somehow assured the poor man that I was okay and he left looking rather troubled and uncertain. From that day forward I had no recurrence of appendicitis.
Almost in obedience from instinct, I quietly left my journalistic endeavours and started travelling. I made my way to the far north of Australia, to the wild country of Arnhem Land, in the Northern Territory, and accepted the invitation by the tribal Aboriginal people of the Roper River area to assist the elders in documenting their sacred ceremonial matters, their mythology, etc. I lived frugally in a tent on the banks of the crocodile-infested river and, at night, with a torch clenched between my teeth, used my portable typewriter to document for the first time their ancient beliefs. I ate sparingly, living pretty much as they did; that meant a lump of damper (crude bush bread) smeared with Golden Syrup every couple of days. Naturally, I often wondered why I was there, and what I was supposed to do with the experience--if anything. I simply felt it was intended for me to do this chore…come what may of it. My fundamental purpose at the outset was particularly vague.
Over a period of time I noticed that the old Aboriginal men and women still retained their traditional skills in art and craft. They lacked, however, marketing outlets. Furthermore, I began to visualise how the elders could set up training programmes for the youngsters. I applied to the Aboriginal Arts Board, down in Canberra, describing my idea, how, with the necessary funding pooled from various government departments, art-craft training centres could be established even in the most remote Aboriginal communities all over the country and the products marketed nationally and internationally. Ultimately, my concept was welcomed and generously funded. I helped set up training programmes in isolated bush camps, on cattle properties where Aborigines resided, teaching not only the traditional activities, but also ceramics, leather craft, fabric design, wood carving, etc. Later, the Aboriginal Arts Board moved me down into Perth, in Western Australia, to establish a Leather craft industry among alcoholics and inveterate criminal types. Following this, I was moved into the remote rural towns with large Aboriginal populations to initiate similar projects.
From the beginning, it was evident that I knew little or nothing about art and craft work. I started reading training manuals. One night, however, I remember going to sleep worrying how I was going to start teaching the rudiments of Leather craft. The next morning I remember waking with the thought indelibly implanted in my mind: "Just pick up the tools." When I did this, I discovered I could almost intuitively understand how the various tools were used. I even invented a tool by filing a metal bolt into an embossing tool, and a new style of leather carving that was unique and wonderfully suitable for executing Aboriginal motifs as a form of decorative adornment.
After several years work I could look back and see a succession of successful Aboriginal art and craft projects scattered all over Australia, some of which ultimately blossomed into lucrative international enterprises and remain so to the present day.
From the journal I maintained at that original camp on the river bank up in Arnhem Land, I have managed to write a full account of the strange adventure, a book called "Journey Into Dreamtime," which I am currently preparing for publication.
For years afterwards I did not mention my NDE to a living soul. I thought it was due to a bout of temporary insanity incurred by the agonies I was experiencing, some anonymous calamity caused by a vivid imagination and a need to escape the reality of my suffering. Much later in life, I accidentally came across a book titled "Life After Death" and it was then I started to relate my experience to certain people who I thought might not ridicule me.
I finally summoned the courage and confessed it to my mother as we paced the corridors of the Royal Perth Hospital, in West Australia, where my wife was dying in the intensive care ward. Mum stopped and looked at me incredulously, then said: "That was just your imagination, son. It wasn’t real."
Since going through the NDE all those years ago, I have been aware of a self-healing capacity. Some friends claim I can heal others at a distance, but I do not know if this is true or not. While working with machinery doing woodwork, for example, should I accidentally cut myself, I simply place a hand over the injury and the blood ceases to flow. By nightfall, the cut is generally healed. I believe I can do similar healings with animals, such as dogs and horses.
I left my body and flew to a place which was still, as if in the gravity of a first floor, before beginning an escalation into the gravity of life. It was a dark dimness.
I talked with some beings that told me I was in a total risk, vital, transition, but I could ascend further still and talk with someone who would decide if I would come back to my body or not. They said that the more I would ascend, there would be tremendous experiences and the possibility of coming back would decrease.
It was probable that the same beings who were talking to me now would bring me back. It was like a train station where many beings chattered and the colors of that dimension were brownish. Further away there were grayish entities that were helped by guides in order to definitely leave their terrestrial life. There was not any true color beside the tones from black and brown to
white. I saw people I knew on Earth who greeted me and continued their ascension. The guides told me I was in the threshold of death. I wondered if the persons who were dying and leaving their bodies in that moment, knew where they were. The guides that accompanied me were kind, tactful and VERY COMPLIANT, but impenetrable when certain questions were asked, and when they did, they answered with only a smile. The communication was by telepathy and they knew instantly what I was thinking, but their answers were essential, concise and certain.
My guides were very calmed, unadorned and with a tender sense of humor. It was then that the judgment began--only I was the one who judged “me.” Although they considered everything was evident, they allowed me to understand all the contradictions, actions, guilt and non-guilt that I was feeling from the events of my life. They comforted me with precise words and calmed me. When I felt a violent dialogue, justifying or blaming myself, they made me understand that it was all within the game of evolution and that in the depth, the events of my life were intranscendental.
Then I had the sensation that I was still in a foggy place near Earth. They told me I could take the decision to continue, but it was with a maximum risk for my physical body or life. Then, identifying myself with my ego in the earthly realm, I accepted to continue since the guides were willing to accompany me. I worried because of the risk. Nevertheless I accepted discretely and humbly,
although with the haughtiness of my Earth identity that wanted to have the experience. At the same time my cosmic conscience allowed me to take the decision without panic.
We then began to ascend at great speed without friction or effort, as when one is falling but instead ascending. I was in a state of reverberation--hearing a zooming sound and feeling a little dizzy as though in a car at great speed. The guides then seemed to have disappeared. In that moment, I understood my panic. I asked myself if I could resist the situation.
Suddenly, with a great scandal of voices, I began to judge myself, to blame myself, to make decisions that belonged to their own code of existence. In that moment, everything was valid and excusable because it was understood that my own position was a small humble position in an open game of evolution. If other proposals seemed more valid, they were humbly accepted because in
the depth, there was no real guilt. After simultaneous cultural, legislative and theological ideas exploded within me, the answer of the guides was "intranscendence" and they pronounced that word with a smile. All the actions I considered so important were not so.
Suddenly, my mind was allowed to rest in a quiet place in order to further ascend through a translucent tunnel with a light that seemed rather a yellowish opacity. Then I saw many beings, some ascending and some descending. Two of them were known to me on the Earth realm and I had not seen them for more than 20 years. I also met people unknown to me then, whom I met many years later in their bodies on the Earth realm. I asked one of two people that I knew what he was doing there. He told me about almost having died from a very serious health problem, but it had been solved by the doctors. This is the reason he was going back to his body. Another friend of my family for many years was leaving the Earth realm in a definite way, so I was told. Then came some guides to take the friend who had been ill, back to Earth through a tubular shape in descent. I also observed other tubular shapes through which other souls were ascending. Among them, the lady known to me and my family whose body had died. I inquired if the lady could go back, but they said her time was over and she had definitely left her body. I felt the energy of the lady (perturbed). She was confused because she didn’t know she was dead yet. I avoided meeting her. In that moment my guides smiled.
A different lap started in which the path was transparent, silent and compliant. I felt the pleasure of having my conscience in total calm, together with the tender but distant company of the guides and other entities which I could not see. Suddenly I saw another path where all the dead members of my family appeared, among them my father. I then entered another stage with a moment of unconsciousness, but I recovered quickly. It was as though I would have crossed a purifying sauna,
plunging into unconsciousness, but I soon noticed my consciousness was intact.
I understood I had undertaken a risk of no return and with repentance asked to come back because I knew I had already crossed the threshold of death. In that place, everything was brighter, although still not so much. I felt that only the identity of the affections I had for my family on Earth, motivated me to come back to my body. I had then a slight, but vital sensation of unrest and anguish, because I again understood I had traversed the threshold, so I asked my guides for an answer. They told me that the decision did not depend on them anymore because we found ourselves in realms that were not of their reach. The answer made me feel dazzled. I asked them if they could keep on accompanying me because I wanted to have a dialogue with someone, and they kindly accepted. I felt a nostalgic abandonment. I later had the sensation that they took my hand.
We then shot ourselves out at a great cold, mentholated speed with acute cosmic sounds, pure and deep echoes and the brilliance of a light--so white, almost metallic--in which I felt us flying within an agreeable and refreshing wind. There were warm and exquisite odors and suddenly a fog. And a flat floor on which I saw the guides standing. From the white fog appeared a tremendously golden luminous figure--an androgynous being radiating a light as bright as the sun, but not hurting my sight. The figure was well delimitated and began approaching me and becoming bigger in size as it came nearer until I saw it a little bigger than myself. I was invaded by such a free satisfaction and wonder from such a beautiful being that my mind was incapable to understand. I almost lost conscience of myself--becoming one with him in that immense sensation. I was consoled by this compassionate being.
In that runaway happiness, and with only a thread of conscience left, I turned towards my guides and whispered that I deeply thank them for this immense experience, but I had to go back to the Earth realm to undertake unsatisfied small tasks. They answered that my life would go on, nevertheless as tortuous as it had been, with only a few attainments, and that my life would only last for the time that was planned by destiny. Almost nothing of what was planned could be changed.
In my great pride and haughtiness, I remained before this wonderful being that transcended me, of whom I felt a small part within me, and whose kind and definite answer I waited for. I turned again and looked at the Being of Light, directly, at a distance of about half a meter. He was a being of powerful, beautiful and extraordinary energy, but I could not see his face. I had the
feeling that if I did, it would be the equivalent of staying.
Suddenly, the being made me feel an infinitely tender and noble embrace which is not possible to describe. I understood and thanked him, because everything now was possible, even refusing to stay, for I had reasons to go back to Earth. In wonderment, I saw how he extended his right arm. Between us there was a dark abyss which I could pass by jumping if I took his hand, except that no return would be possible. He told me I was free to take my own decision, an offer for which I looked at him thankfully and satisfied. Inclining my head, I breathed exquisite and refreshing air. The Being of Light, who looked at me with identification and condescendence, slowly descended his hand and went away and became every time smaller. He was a being of pure love, wisdom, light and energy. The guides appeared then again, curious and kind, and were ready to take me back.
I jumped and fell down at horrendous speed with the sensation of a fire ball. I could not stand the friction and the unbearable noise. At the moment of maximum friction and sound, I accepted that I would die, rather than to stand the sensation. But to my surprise, the guides told me telepathically with luminous words, to relax because I would soon arrive.
I then felt an explosion of white and red marmalade and traveled through it contrary to its flux. I finally fell with a dry and heavy fall, weighing tons, to see myself sitting on my bed with my eyes open and burning. I felt a deep pain near my heart, a pain almost unbearable, and a great difficulty to breathe.
My body was rigid. My arms could not move. My feet were frozen and I could not move them either. I could only allow threads of air to enter my lungs, or else they would hurt. I felt a little dizzy and the pain in the chest was still intense. I was unconscious for a moment, but when I managed to move my waist, I closed my eyes to lie down. I was still hearing internal and external noises and zooming. The pain in my heart lasted with intensity for one hour and a half. I managed to go to the bathroom, feeling as tired as ever in my life. I then went back to bed and slept for 12 hours. When I woke up, I remembered the guides told me how my wife, daughter and I would die. I saw my complete future and that of my daughter. I was told I would only remember fragments of it in certain moments. The guides told me my life would continue as tortuous as it had been, but with small satisfactions. It had to be like that because it was programmed that way, and the purpose, although painful, was very constructive and evolving. I could not change it.
Death is a transition from one form into another. Death is not the end but rather the beginning of real life. Life as we call it today really feels like hell when you have experienced true life...true transitioning. My "life" will never be the same again. I have never been more "found" and totally lost at the same time. This is my story.
Since the age of 16 I have had a heart condition called supraventricular tachycardia (SVT). I have had probably 100 episodes which prompt me to go to the hospital. Basically, an SVT is a rapid irregular arrhythmia where the heart doesn't pump but quivers until it is medically stopped only to start up normally again. Most times I know in advance that I am about to have an SVT and with every episode I have been conscious, talking, joking, very light hearted. That’s until this time.
In the early morning of Sunday September 19, 2010 at 12:40 a.m. my husband and I had just turned the lights out to go to sleep. I was lying on my back and had just put my head on my pillow when I felt suffocated. I gasped for air and found myself in an SVT without warning. From the moment this attack started it was very different and I was unusually fearful almost immediately. I felt impending doom and a silent knowing that I wasn't going to make it.
My husband rushed me to the hospital (like he has done countless other times before) thinking it was just another episode. With previous episodes when we are on our way to the hospital I am talkative, bossy with his driving, just down-right in control. However, this was the only time I couldn't seem to speak, I felt withdrawn, not in control, fearful, and in amazement all at the same time.
Once we got to the hospital I tried to warn the nurses to "get something happening, this is not going to go well for me." I have had so many of these episodes, many of the nurses knew of me, and worked on me previously. They seemed to have a comfortable recognition factor to which they took the situation like it was just another episode. I kept telling them "This is going to go real bad real fast, do something." I started to throw up. I felt like I was losing control of my bowels, my blood pressure dropped to 56/27, I heard them calling a "pre-code." Once I realized the pre-code was me, I felt such relief that they got the message that I wasn't going to make it.
Things started happening real fast at this point. I told my husband, "I think I am going to die. It’s going to be okay." I just wanted him to be prepared and not shocked. At this point, I am still in my conscious mind still in my body with my brain working and humanly knowing. I was not scared anymore. I felt resigned and I gave complete control to the nurses and doctors who so many times before have converted me with no trouble. Although I was fully surrendered to the doctors, I had complete blind faith that I was about to die and was totally okay with it.
The last thing I remember is throwing up and begging the doctors to let me go to the bathroom. I don't remember who was in the trauma room; I didn't see my husband anymore, just some doctor saying "You're in good hands." My last conscious brain thought was, "Yes I am going to good hands." And that is the last thing my mind remembers.
I have so much trouble explaining in words what happened because the experience is not of words but rather a "knowing."
My dad (who died in 2008) and I were standing by an orange cap in the trauma room. But it’s not like our brains were thinking. I did not see his face but it was more like a "knowing." I didn't have the identity but I was the essence/spirit/energy of who I am. We stood..."stood" is the wrong word as it makes you think that we had feet, or we were a solid matter, but we didn't hover either. My dad and I "just were" beside some orange cap which felt like it was up high and we could see (again not with our eyes) just "know" that there were a lot of people in the trauma room and you could feel the tension, pressure, excitement, fear, animosity, frustration among all those people. It was not pleasant to feel so my dad and I left the trauma room.
My dad and I were somewhere dark. It felt like downstairs in my house without the lights on. I could smell my dad’s cigarette and his body odor. It was wonderful and peaceful knowing to communicative you didn't need a mouth. It was loving, gentle, fun, happy, soft…These words are so lame compared to what it was. It was right. It was perfect. It was the way it should be. It just was.
His essence was proud of me, happy that I had my husband, but I had to go because I couldn't stay any longer in this essence. You just know when you are in this essence; there is nothing physical about it. So when I knew he was sending me back, I refused to go. I just wanted to stay so badly. I didn't care I had a husband who was probably sick with worry or my son who would be devastated. I just wanted to stay. I just knew that being in this essence there is nothing physical so he couldn't make me, but he bumped me hard and I went through a white, white tunnel very fast. The white is indescribable.
When I awoke, the next thing I saw was my dad's face on top of my husband's face. It was like a camera not knowing what to focus on, coming in and out of focus on my husband's face and then on my dad’s face. Once my dad’s face faded, my husband's became clear. So I thought I was still with my dad only my husband was also here with us. I was so happy, but soon realized that my husband wasn't hearing me like my Dad did. Realizing I had to speak, I said to my husband, "See dad? Where did dad go?” My husband didn't say anything so I said, "I saw dad" to which my husband responded with tears in his eyes, "How is he?" I got very upset because if my husband was with me he should know how he is. If my husband wasn't with us, where is dad? I didn't know where I was, which level am I on? How long was I there? Why is my husband so upset? Why am I back here? There must be something wrong, and I wanted so badly to go back to where I was. I was so disappointed to see my body, but I could still feel the essence like someone talking very loudly. My human eyes could see brighter and my sense of smell is very acute almost to that of a dog.
I thought if I found that orange cap I could find dad. The orange cap turned out to be the bottom lid of disposable container hanging on the wall but it wasn't as high up as I knew. It was definitely the cap but the view I saw was not relative to where it was hanging on the wall. I ponder this often and still can see the orange cap and the view.
My husband watched the whole thing from a different view point. According to my husband and nurses, I went unconscious, and my blood pressure dipped dangerously low. The doctors electronically defibrillated me as I quit breathing. They tried to revive me, and after a minute I slowly began to stabilize. After I stabilized a bit more I began to tell the nurses where I went. It was as if we were comparing notes to an accident that we had witnessed from different vantage points. One nurse shared with me that she was reading a book on near-death experiences. But, I thought that was stupid because there is no such thing as death it is only transition. Your body may die but your essence sure doesn't.
One week after my experience I was still recovering at home. Where the doctors did the sternum rub, my chest was very sore. I had burn marks where the electronic shock happened. It felt like they broke my nose. The base of my spine is very painful from pushing the mask so hard on my face to make me breath. I could not the smell or look at red meat for it made me nauseated. I sensed everything like the volume was cranked right up. I felt very much alone in my own little world. I could smell things that were not even there. When I did go out in public, I could feel other people's essences/energy; however, it would leave me so exhausted that I could only be out for short periods of time. My relationships had suffered as I felt so depressed to be back to this empty, shallow existence we call "life." While everyone was so happy that I was still here, they had hurt feelings that all I wanted to do was to go back. It was expected of me to "get back to normal" but my normal was gone.
Now almost 5 months after my experience, I am physically healthy. I have come to learn that there seems to be two sides to consciousness. The physical one we call the brain, which lets you mentally read, tell time and know how to communicate with others. Then there seems to be another one that is not physical but the "knowing" part of your essence or consciousness. I spend the majority of my time on this side of consciousness. You can't seem to explain it mentally, but it just seems to exist. I believe it exists for everyone. Some don't believe in it. Others who do believe don't know how to tap into it. I am still learning how to turn the volume down on the knowing part. I have such a huge passion to learn more about my experience and get answers to my many questions. Although, I have a huge desire to help people that have lost someone close, I am still unable to go out into crowds of people.
My relationship with my family is more precious to me and the smaller things in life that most people take for granted, I seem to marvel over. I still can't eat, smell or even walk in the meat department of a grocery store. I hardly eat any kind of meat anymore and am quite happy about it. I am no longer religious but would call myself spiritual. I don't believe in death at all. My perception about death has totally changed. How could it not? I find everything beautiful. I don't worry as much as did, and I am more peaceful and happier today than I ever was.
The old world as I once knew it is now gone. I have a new "normal." Material possessions mean nothing to me anymore. Professionally I am lost. My goal-oriented drive was fueled by financial gain, which now is hollow. I don't have a clue what my purpose is. What once was so important to me is now insignificant and not worth pursuing. I may know who I am, but I have no idea why I am here and where am I going!
My life will never be the same again. I have never been more found and totally lost at the same time.
I had a spinal anesthetic during a long and difficult labor. I was lying on the stretcher after delivery, when I began to feel a tight band around my chest. A nurse checked my b/p, and said it was 70/30. She opened up the IV line. I felt so good that I wanted to reach up and close the line, but couldn't move. I wasn't worried at all, and before I knew it I was out of my body floating face down. I saw my body on the stretcher, but was completely unconcerned. A doctor ran up and yelled, “What the hell happened? She was fine a few minutes ago! Get the cart (crash cart)!” Other doctors and nurses came running. I just didn't really care what was happening down there. I had participated in many codes, and it was pretty boring to watch my own.
I felt wonderful with no pain and no worries. I noted that the tops of the walls faded into blackness and I could see the stars above. I noticed a large window below me, and somehow received the thought that I could go home for a minute if I wished. My marriage was not very good at the time, and I decided not to visit my home before leaving.
Suddenly, I was lying with my head and shoulders slightly elevated, in some kind of ethereal tunnel, moving slowly toward a light. There were two beings in front of the light. I knew that soon I would begin to move very fast toward the light. I was ready to go. The beings seemed rather flustered, and they had thoughts like, "It isn't time for her. "How did this happen?" Finally, one of them settled down and began to communicate with me. They gently told me that it wasn't time, that I had many more years to live. I knew that the ultimate choice was up to me. I decided to go on. Then, they said, "But, you will have to do this all over again. You will live a long life and you have lots of work to do." That gave me pause, and as I was trying to decide, they said, "Who will take care of the baby?" I looked to my left and saw my son lying in a crib in the nursery. He was battered and bruised from the long labor. He was sleeping, and I noticed that his head was misshapen. My resolve to go forward began to waver. I found myself fighting, sort of like swimming backwards, to get back in my body.
All of a sudden I was back in my body. It felt cold, damp and painful. For a moment, I was sorry that I had returned. I was angry at the nurses and doctors for bringing me back. However, I knew that I had done the right thing.
On December 1, 1986 I was in a head on collision with a drunk driver. I think my coma was induced because of severe bleeding of my face. I had a closed head injury and was told my brain tripled in size. Due to swelling, they couldn't perform a CAT scan until three days after the accident. I don't remember anything. The first year after the accident is like a blur. I am now divorced. My communication skills are not as good. I'm much more irresponsible. I've had trouble working. I hear voices when I’m stressed. The voices make me crazy, like it’s me physically but someone else acts out. I hear voices of faith. I listen real hard. It’s beautiful at times but the average person thinks I'm crazy. I've been with mental health since the year 2000. They say I'm schizophrenic. I take Zoloft. They had me on Haldol and then switched me to Abilify. When I was in a coma I was in a place of peace detached from anything earthly and it was the most beautiful peace that cannot be described here on earth. Since my accident my life is very difficult. I've changed personality wise. I had a frontal lobe injury. I'm trying to get disability benefits. I can't hold a job. I've been denied once but I've just submitted another application. It’s not normal in the eyes of most people. I consider it a blessing because our creator showed me a piece of heaven so I came back with that peace!
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