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I went for an ablation for atrial fibrillation. The night prior to the procedure my doctor came in to talk. He asked me if I was up for the procedure and I told him I did not feel good about this, and he reassured me that I would do fine given I was young and in good health. The procedure began early the next morning. I was put under general anesthesia for what would be the next nine hours. Well into the procedure the doctor found a cluster of "hot spots" the bad areas that cause interruptions in the electrical pathways of the heart and the atrial fibrillation. He ablated the first area then went for the second one and it caused my heart to stop beating. Within some time it restarted on its own. He went on to the third area and my heart stopped again but this time it did not restart.
This was not the first or only related experience I've had; however, this was my first NDE.
When I was much younger, I passed out while getting blood drawn, and I basically thought I went to hell. I was afraid, alone, threatened, confused, lost, terrified, and wasn't sure what "I" meant. I wanted more than anything to just be able to understand what was happening. I was in darker than darkness and utterly terrified, though I didn't know of what, and it didn't matter. When I came to, I was so relieved to understand what I was seeing. I started balling. I told no one about that experience. That was over 10 years ago.
I firmly believe I experienced an NDE, yet the conditions leading up to it were quite different from the standard. I was a sophomore in college, enrolled in a very rigorous engineering program. My never-end drive to succeed academically drove me to exhaustion, and I really didn't have many friends. Additionally, I suffered from asthma that could make breathing difficult. I was pretty depressed! Friday night fun for me involved studying, and then lighting a candle to watch it burn out. (Although I'm smiling now as I type those pathetic lines, honestly that’s what I used to do!) Then, the most amazing event occurred in my life.
In 1999, I was rapidly spiraling out of control when all meaning and purpose had vanished. While riding a bike one evening, I was swept out to sea by a surging twenty-foot freak wave and had a close brush with death. My body began to shut down and the excruciating pain subsided. I suddenly became acutely aware of a loving presence close by.
My NDE occurred in February 2006. I was critically ill with a staph infection in my lungs and all sinus cavities. I also had another infection called C-dif. I had a high fever of 103, black sores in my mouth, poor breathing, and the worst headache pain in my life. I remember leaving my body before being admitted to the hospital looking down at the ambulance, health care workers, my husband and eight year old son at the time. Like a movie, my entire life scrolled by me all at once during this time. I remember saying "I am not ready to die yet" and returned to my body. Three days later while lying in a hospital bed, I felt and saw the presence of a beautiful angel in a dream with her arms raised and palms pressed together toward the heavens. I also felt myself dancing with her at that very moment, twirling, and leaping, even though my physical body had not left the bed. I felt totally at peace and filled with unconditional love. At that moment, I knew that I would be healed. I was also instructed to write at that very moment about the experience to share this message of love, light and peace to the world. This angel told me that I was free and that all would be well…that I, too, would help others heal.
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