I was in ICU on a ventilator and I was critically ill.

My family were informed that I may not make it. I had Crohn's Disease which went rapidly downhill and my large bowel perforated. I was in ICU for 4 weeks when I had a most wonderful experience. It was either very late at night or the early hours, I suffered a cardiac arrest, but I was unaware of this . All I know is that I was standing upright and I felt perfect. I was standing on the edge and I knew behind me was gray, but in front of me was a meadow spreading upwards full of beautiful poppy type flowers but fleshy in appearance like tulips. They were colours I had never seen before and they radiated warmth and energy.

I felt so joyous watching the scene in front of me; it was warm, welcoming and perfect. I knew if I stepped into this meadow I would be truly happy. I felt as if goodness awaited me and I looked forward to stepping into the golden light. I put my right leg forward and just as I was about to step off, I heard a female voice shout out my name. I opened my eyes to find a team of doctors working on me. I quickly closed my eyes to go back, but it did not happen. I felt so dissappointed.

Soon afterward I left ICU, and I slowly came back to health. Today my only reminder is my scarred body and J-Pouch. Otherwise I am in perfect health. One thing that has always remained with me is that love is the most important thing in this life and to avoid the rat race. I still see in my mind's eye that scene from 1989 and its clarity is just as perfect now as it was then. I do not fear death, but I do fear the pain that will take me there. Since then I know things that I could not possibly know. It's hard to describe but things are out of my mouth before I am aware of what I said.