I was in a traffic accident, rear ended while sitting at a red light. The damage was minimal but just to be on the safe side my husband insisted I go to the emergency room to get checked out. My back was aching a bit. So we went. They took me back to a room, I was the only patient there.

The nurse took my vitals and said they would come back to take me to x-ray. While I was lying there, I heard on the radio sitting at the Nurses Station just accross from my room that they were bringing in a 17 year old black male with multiple gun shot wounds to the chest. There was a flurry of activity and then the nurse came back and said they would not be taking me to x-ray that they were bringing in a critical patient. I said of course and when she left she was in such a rush she neglected to shut the door to my room. 

Within 10 minutes they were wheeling him in. I lifted my head and could see him lying on the gurney that the EMTs were pushing. He was hooked up to lots of machines and IVs, there were doctors and nurses surrounding him, so much blood. There were horrible noises like hissing sounds and the heart monitor. The EMTs and doctors were calling out vitals and orders back and forth. It was like a scene out of a movie only it was real. 

I laid my head back down and squeezed my eyes shut, but I could still hear everything. Within moments, I heard that heart monitor go from a beeping up and down sound to one long continous beep. The doctor said something about he was coding. I heard them charging up the defribrillator and then they shocked him. With each shock I could hear his body jump. They did this several times. My eyes flew open, I looked over and the doctor had climbed on top of the boy, he took out a long needle and shot something directly into the boy's chest. He did compressions. They worked hard to save him, but it was futile after what seemed like a very long time, the doctor said softly I'm calling it and then he said the time. 

I was laying alone in my room, eyes now wide with disbelief. The doctor turned around and his eyes caught mine--suddenly he yelled, somebody close her door! They did. I laid back and tears streamed down my cheeks, I have never felt so alone. So sad. And then there was a voice, a presence--Why are you crying it said, you don't even know me.

Because you died, I responded, not sure who or what I was anwering to. 

That's when I looked up and noticed that there was a large ball of light, actually it was more like a ball of energy, the brightest light I had ever seen floating just behind the door of my room. 

He/it responded, "I'm going to show you where I am and then you will understand why you shouldn't be sad for me, OK?" The tone was very conversational but yet empathic like he didn't want me to feel bad, I felt so cared for, LOVED. 

The ball of light then turned into a rectangular shape and one side of it opened like a doorway. Beams of light shot out of it with vaporous rays of the brightest light I had ever encountered but it did not hurt my eyes. As the door opened wider, I was filled with all this knowledge it was as if the answer to every question I ever had or ever even thought of having was right there at my fingertips and then suddenly the door shut and it was gone just like that. 

SEE, he said, that's where I am you shouldn't feel sad for me. I felt like all the air had been knocked from me. I couldn't breathe for a moment. He continued, Do me a favor, tell my mom that my brother didn't mean to do it. That I love her and it was my time to go. And then the ball of light got smaller and smaller until it was just a dot and then it disappeared. 

Afterward I lay there sobbing trying to process what had just happened. I tried to explain it to my husband and his grandmother but they did not want to hear about it. They thought I was experiencing post--traumatic stress or my head had been injured in the wreck. NOT TRUE!

Since that day, each year on the anniversary of it, the memory has surfaced suddenly and then I have checked the date and realized it is the anniversary of the experience. Light bulbs blow out around me constantly, even the five year ones! Watch batteries don't last on me either. I have premonitions, visions and premonitory dreams. God has used me to heal. Lights used to flash behind my eyes for 10 years after the experience, that has finally stopped. Though I am still very sensitive to bright lights and sound. This cost me a second marriage. 

I recently read that the more you help others, the more you heal yourself. I am at the point. I want to help others through my experience, but I don't know how...