I always had experiences, all throughout life, as far back as I can remember, but the NDE was a turning point for me. To my understanding the NDE was triggered based on a rapid procession of life situations that kept presenting themselves to me. I had started to feel a sense of separation and what I call emptiness, which left me questioning what the purpose of all this is. If all of this is empty and if any of this even matters.

With every new feeling of emptiness, the feeling inside grew deeper. Everything that I was working towards was crumbling: house, family, car, career, etc., as things crumbled. I felt trapped. I couldn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t find a job. I was in the middle of a divorce. I couldn’t get an internship. Yet I was doing everything that we are supposed to do in life, but regardless of my efforts, nothing worked as planned. I could not figure out what was going wrong.

In the midst of it all, my past, which included past lives, started to show up. It was one event after another. It was like a loss of identity and attachment to everything that I knew and it led me into a deep inner soul-wrenching agony which was like the epitome of darkness within myself, but at the same time I was not outwardly depressed or having any health issues. It was all internal, stemming from my core where the solar plexus chakra area is. I was fine and functioning on the outside to the point no one even noticed or questioned as I went through my day.

I can remember when I started feeling the soul-wrenching feeling at the pit of my stomach. I even mentioned to a college friend that I wasn’t feeling good, like I never felt before. I chalked it up to being maybe a bug or something I ate, but that was the beginning of it and it took off from there.

There was so much going on that I finally just stopped one night and stood by my bed. I had had enough. I was tired of it and I didn’t want it anymore, whatever it was that was going on. I tried my hardest and nothing was right. I couldn’t kill myself and I didn’t want my child to see me dead in the morning. I knew he would be taken care of by his father. I didn’t want to wake anyone but I was in such inner agony that I couldn’t take it anymore.

By now, it was late. Tears started flowing, emotions erupting and then, internally, it was like I yelled at the top of my lungs with great depth, not in anger or despair but I was just over it. So, I addressed the Creator. "I don’t know who you are, what you are of, or if you even exist, but if this is life, then I don’t want it. You can have it back!!”

That was the last thing I remember from that night, until I woke up next to an angel the next morning. I don’t even know how I got into bed. From standing by the bed, I was suddenly in a pitch-black place with nothing there as far as I could see, which wasn’t far as I had no eyes. It was so dark I could not see out in front of me. Then a memory came to me of when I was a child in a dark room and trying to shuffle my feet across the floor so I didn’t fall. So I tried it, thinking it was just a dark room. Maybe the lights went out or something, but nothing was there, no lights, no furniture, no body!! I had no legs to shuffle across the floor. I looked down at my body after that and I had no arms, hands or anything. So, I was just there. "What do I do?” Then this very bright white light started beaming into the darkness and it looked like it was those huge white screen lights they use in a movie, to the point it was almost blinding, but I didn’t have any eyes. At this point, I started to feel like I was just a consciousness.

Then, afterwards, not sure of the time frame (time didn’t exist, only what came after what), I sensed within the light three forms. And I say forms, as there was no body on them either. It was more like a feeling, an energy body, the frame but no physical aspect to it. You could probably put your hand through it, translucent in nature. I didn’t know them, but felt no fear or concern. The name given is “the light bringers”: they ride the light. I tried to talk to them, but again, not having a body, I couldn’t physically. They reminded me to use telepathy and I didn’t remember how to do that. So, they helped me and eventually, I got it.

Next thing I know, I am in the light from the darkness, what I term the void. In the light now, we are in a place that is vast and open and no rooms, ceilings, floors, windows, doors etc. But there was stuff there at the same time, which seemed like layers and layers of floors and halls, with hovercrafts, etc. I feel like it was the hall of records. Though I couldn’t see it physically like we can see; I could sense it.

At this point, I’m starting to remember and become excited to be back and I was running around and wanting to go looking for someone. I didn’t know who or what I was looking for, but the beings kept drawing me back to that area so I didn’t go running off. They told me to wait here, have a seat and they would be right with me, but when I looked, there wasn’t anywhere to sit. I looked at them and I thought, "Sit where?" Then a couch, two chairs, and a coffee table appeared. Excitedly, I sat while observing everything going on, which seemed to be a while, until a being came.

Then they sat with me on the couch, telepathically communicating, explaining everything, and I started viewing what was going on from different angles. I had a side view of myself and them on the couch talking, and yet I didn’t see me as I am but just knowing. It was like me viewing me, but me still talking to them.

After some time, we went into a room that appeared. It had no walls but was again just the formation of it. It was like, you knew it was there, but nothing was there. I couldn’t see anything. It was all white light, and whether that was intentional or not, I don’t know, but that is how it was presented to me: everything was just light. From there we go into the room with something like a recliner, but higher off the ground, more like a massage table height, and I sat down.

I started to feel the integration of love overcoming me and I started coming back into full awareness of everything and remembering. From there we did the life review while I was in that perspective of love, what I call “from the perspective of Source,” as Source is love. After some time, I am lying down and I remember feeling their touch (I can’t say hand, since no body) on my left shoulder, urging me to lay back, relax, and I found myself saying good bye and closing my eyes.

They started wiping the memory of the in-depth conversations, etc. The goal of that was so that I can finish my journey. My journey was not over yet and I still had work to do. Before being fully out, they reconfirmed and promised that I wouldn’t be able to bring it all back with me anyway and it would all be lost and forgotten, that this is the best option, but at the same time the information would still be accessible when I needed it. If I was coming back, I was only agreeing to certain things.

Next thing I know, I am back in bed, in the room at the house, in the body, eyes closed, feeling refreshed from the best sleep I had had in years. I had briefly forgotten what it’s like being back on this side of the veil, until I opened my eyes and looked at the ceiling and said, "No! I’m back here!”

Then I felt someone next to me, and I knew I had been alone the night before (if it was the next morning; at the time I didn’t even know what day it was). At first, I felt fear. I was lying on my side up against them, but if someone was there, who was it? I didn’t recognize it and there would be nothing I could do if it was a total stranger, so I was screwed. I had no choice but to get up the courage to look. Meanwhile, I could feel something under me like an arm would feel under your head and a covering over me like a blanket. I mustered up the bravery to turn and look and I saw nothing. So, I turned my head back and thought, “Okay, maybe I’m not here and I’m still sleeping, having a bad dream.” I closed my eyes and opened them again, but same thing. Still nothing there. Then, I got the message to use telepathy so I did and then I saw it.

An angel lying next to me. The one arm (aka wing, if you will) started to open and lifted above me, and love started emanating from it. I sat up and got out of bed and stood by the side while they got up and stood on the other side, and we just stood there and love kept flowing. Another confirmation and promise of the other side to remember in case I woke up and forgot or thought it was a dream.

I looked down at my body and tuned into how I felt in the body, and I felt no more soul-wrenching agony and was in bliss and love. I looked at the angel, smiled, and the angel energy started to dissipate, leaving me with the feeling of love for about three days. I started to feel it dwindle and was hoping it would not leave, but over time it did. That type of love is not sustainable here for long.

At this point, I figured I’d better get moving. I had a lot to do. Then the real journey started. I had a guide with me the whole way that was guiding me and many spiritual teachers that helped me with learning certain things, like meditation, yoga, etc. From there, I went through a 10-year stretch having many spiritual experiences: OBEs, astral travel, healings, kundalini, honing my intuitive abilities, and channeling the I AM books.