After a sudden-onset and rapidly worsening severe depressive episode which began in the middle of January 2019, on 30th April I hanged myself in my bathroom.

I went unconscious after seeing a geometric pattern for a split second. I awoke on my bathroom floor. Believing that I was still alive, I continued to repeatedly strangle my Astral Body in order to kill myself. When this did not work, I called for an ambulance. The two female paramedics were of unearthly "perfect" appearance. The male paramedic in the ambulance was a "perfect" version of Rick, my Task Companion who I have a complicated relationship with and who I've been married to in several past lives (but not this one, although he has been separated from his wife for about 25 years). He even had a pink heart-shaped badge on his uniform. At this point I still believed that I was alive.

They took me to Peterborough Hospital. After some interaction with staff, I was admitted to a ward. The three other female patients on the ward and all the staff had this flawless perfect appearance, not of this world. When I looked in a mirror in the bathroom my face was this horrendous mess and I still believed that I was alive! I spent the night and the next day in this ward. I was sent home at 8 in the evening. During the day that I was sent home, I experienced a telepathic voice which kept repeating "suicide is selfish- where's Dolly (my neighbour) where's Tony (my uncle). where's Suzi, where's Bumpy, where's Lucky (my cats), where's Rick, where's your bedroom, where's your tv, where's your computer....look at the people out in the sunshine. You thought you were going to heaven but God sent you down to Hell." So I thought I was going home.

I reached what I thought was my home, in the ambulance, but it turned out to be a Suicide Hell. The voice communicated to me that there was no sun and that I could not leave. The "person" who greeted me at my home was (according to Dr Bruce Goldberg) a Lower Astral entity disguised as my uncle. I also encountered these entities disguised as Dolly and also as my cats. (One of my cats kept fading to an outline.) My first thought was to get out of there. I walked a long way and got a lift from a young man (again of perfect appearance) driving a van. He took me back to the hospital. I encountered astral entities again disguised as hospital staff (by this time I realised that I had died, or was in between life and death). They admitted me to the psychiatric ward where again I encountered patients and staff of perfect flawless appearance. My face was still a horrific mess. During the next 2 or 3 days I was "drawn to" or encouraged to watch the large tv set in the corner of the day room. First was an epic-length episode of Jeremy Kyle with a man and woman arguing (the woman represented me) and the theme was "Destiny needs a father AND a mother!" By the end of this program I'd been made to feel as though I had somehow wrecked God's entire plan for the Universe (Bruce Goldberg said to me on the phone, after I was discharged from hospital: "they will try to scare the shit out of you" and I think they succeeded).

There were other programs on the theme of losing so many points and going to Hell; other "game show" formats with repeated references to the word "target" (Rick's surname is Targett, which is rare); there was some very puerile stuff about the mess I'd made in my bathroom while killing myself. There were a few programs on the theme of my past life as Frederick The Great. After this (I'm now uncertain of which order these events happened in), the next morning about 7am I experienced dying, i.e. taking my last breaths; spiralling out of my astral body like a corkscrew but I was still on the bed. I then awoke in a normal human body with just a ligature mark round my neck and black eyes. I think I may have had a few more odd experiences before becoming "aware" of being a patient who had been admittted to a psychiatric hospital after trying to hang herself. This entire process was like: Death - Lower Astral - Bottom level of Lower Astral - gradual progress back up the sub-planes of the Lower Astral and back to the Earth Plane as a kind of "reincarnation" of myself.

After a few more days, I discharged myself, partly because, as you can imagine, this experience had scared me witless. A week after my discharge I received an NHS letter saying that the psychiatric staff had diagnosed me with "Mixed Anxiety & Depressive Disorder." I seemed to have gotten admitted to the psych hospital through a spiritual "back door."

Shamans and psychics have told me that it could have been a spiritual "awakening" and an important part of my growth. But it was a horrendously negative spiritual awakening. I feel the entire experience (including the mental ilness itself) is somehow connected to when I nearly died from Crohn's in June 1994. I had some odd experiences in King's Lynn hospital also at that time. I keep seeeking help from various people in the field of Metaphysics as this NDE (or whatever it was) has traumatised me so much (one Shaman said that it sounded like an Ayahuasca experience and he wasn't at all surprised it had traumatised me).

I have been obsessing over it the past few days as I've been feeling low and it isn't really something I can discuss with many people. Also, before being admitted to the psych hospital (by the "astral doctors") I went into 2 rooms and was interviewed by 2 more "astral doctors" who asked me the same set of questions, like a kind of pre-reincarnation interview. (These questions also included references to Rick.) To be honest I am scared because I don't know what happened to me. Did I die and get "recycled" back to a parallel Earth or did I just have an NDE and come back? (as one Shaman thought)